Enough

We tell very few people in our real lives about our early retirement dreams. I love talking about it, but most people don’t enjoy talking about money or anything related.

IMG_3624However, we stumbled on the topic a while ago with a neighbor. When we first told him that we were planning to retire soon, he looked at us incredulously. Since then, the topic has come up a couple more times. Each time, he questions us with disbelief. He seems to think we’re a little insane for considering it.

I thought about the conversations with him and finally came up with a way to frame our dreams so that he understands. Next time the topic comes up, I’m going to ask him the following question:

If you won $50,000,000 today, would you continue to work at your job?

I think most people would quit their job. After he tells me that he’d also quit, I’ll explain that my situation isn’t so different from having $50,000,000. I’ll say that while I have nowhere near that much money, my current lifestyle would be the same if I did. I’d drive the same car*, ride the same bicycle and live in the same home. I have Enough to perpetuate the lifestyle that I enjoy and anything more would be diminishing returns.

Buffett Again

IMG_6508At this year’s Berkshire meeting, someone asked Buffett why he doesn’t have more stuff. Buffett’s answer was that ‘More stuff would not make me happier. It would actually decrease my happiness.’ Buffett hit the nail on the head with this wise lesson.

Most people don’t know what their Enough is. Or, they adjust their level of Enough with their income. A promotion leads to a fancier car or exotic vacations. Their Enough level is ever increasing.

Figuring out and accepting a reasonable Enough level is a powerful and liberating concept. It’s one of the keys to a happy life. Once you can quash your wants and be happy with where you are, you may not be free yet, but you will be a happier person. I have old cars and an old, fixer upper home, but I’m content with all of it. Some call it a compromise. However, my small footprint will set me free much earlier than most. I don’t have much fancy stuff, but I have more time. You can’t buy any more of that. Ever.

What is your Enough?

 

*Except for an Acura NSX. I’d have one of those. It would be an old used one though.

Mrs. 1500 here. I would pay someone to finish off the house quickly so I can stop living in a construction zone. But that is my enough level. To just not live in this chaos anymore**.

**Almost there, almost…

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*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.

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78 Responses to Enough

  1. Everything in life is a little more fun when you no longer have to worry financially.

    It’s easy to have enough in the greatest country. We have too much.
    Financial Samurai recently posted…How To Convince Your Spouse To Work Longer So You Can Retire EarlierMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      “Everything in life is a little more fun when you no longer have to worry financially.”

      Truer words have never been said.

      Yes, if you’re born in the US, you have a massive head start. If you’re born to wise parents, you have no excuses.

    • Alasdair Shepherd says:

      >[…]the greatest country[…]

      What, Denmark?

    • 2l2r says:

      “in the greatest country” – why is it grater than any other developed country?

      • Marla says:

        I have to agree that this “greatest country” thing just leads us to Donald Trump…with all the more than enough he’s got, he’s still looking to make the country “great again”. Let’s worry about being “grateful” instead.

  2. If I somehow won the lottery or found out I had some long lost relative that left me a bunch of money I know I would splurge more. I’d get a boat and probably 2 4-wheelers and travel a lot more but that would be about it. But those are completely different circumstances in my eyes than having to save and invest to reach the goal. Don’t get me wrong I would be perfectly happy with living in our current house with my wife and driving my 08 Civic and that’s the realistic plan. But I would buy a few more toys if I somehow came into that kind of money.
    JC @ Passive-Income-Pursuit.com recently posted…Alternative BrokeragesMy Profile

  3. I’m glad your neighbor said she would quit her job if she won the money! It seems like people I hear about are always saying they’d still work, or they’d continue to extreme coupon, or whatever. For some reason a lot of people find that admirable, but I think it’s nuts!

    I’ve been reading the Little House series with my oldest son, and I find myself envying the simple lifestyle described in the books. I envy how everything they owned had a purpose…the chores they did to keep everything in order and to survive…and just not having the distractions that we have in our daily lives. I totally get what Buffett is saying.

    I think my “enough” is pretty close to where we are now. If someone told me that my husband could quit his job tomorrow, but we’d have to maintain our current lifestyle forever, I’d go for it in a heartbeat.
    Jen @ Jen Spends recently posted…Greetings from Base CampMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      If your husband quit, he could brew full time. Now that would be awesome.

    • C7569 says:

      Do you think that the desire to continue working is misplaced? If I won $50 M (or inherited it), I would still work…at least for a few more years. My situation is probably different, but I spent way too long in school to only work a few years. And I LOVE what I do.

      • 1500 says:

        Interesting thought. I like my job too (software developer), so I would keep working. However, I wouldn’t work at a normal 9-5. Instead of writing code for insurance companies or health care, I’d stay home and work on things that really interest me. Lately, I’ve been thinking that I’ll write mobile apps.

  4. Jon says:

    Great article and such a timely topic. Enough should be easy to obtain but at times seems impossible for so many. The older I get, the less stuff I seem to want…with the exception being financial freedom. By wanting less and saving more…enough is right around the corner-if not behind me and I just don’t know it yet.

    • 1500 says:

      As I get older, the thing I think about is my kids having to deal with all of my junk after I croak. I don’t want to be a burden on them. They’ll have enough crap already to haul down to the thrift store.

  5. I don’t think I would change my lifestyle. Pretty much we do what we like outside of work. Maybe I would upgrade to a slightly bigger and nicer house. But I would not get a huge house….too much work…hate cleaning. I would not continue to work at my job. I would quit and start working on building a non-profit or my own business. Work takes up too much time and energy! hah
    Savvy Financial Latina recently posted…6 Steps to Establish A Post College BudgetMy Profile

  6. Big Guy Money says:

    I have a beautiful wife that thinks I’m funny. We have two kids that are healthy and show kindness to others. I have a roof over my head and a job I don’t hate going to every morning. That in and of itself is Enough. Anything more is gravy!
    Big Guy Money recently posted…Paying Off Debt: A Position of Immediate StrengthMy Profile

  7. I don’t think of enough in terms of a dollar amount. I’m a simple guy and I don’t think our lives would change much from how they are now. In place of work we’d volunteer more at our local homeless ministry. The one exception is that we’d travel a good deal more. Travel is my vice, but otherwise we’re pretty basic.

    Thanks again for the interview last week. I really enjoyed it.
    -Bryan
    Income Surfer recently posted…The HOW and WHY of our Desired PortfolioMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      Oh man, right on about travel. I admit I suffer from the same vice. I’d be like that Chris G. dude who has been to every single country.

  8. debt debs says:

    “I don’t have much fancy stuff, but I have more time. You can’t buy any more of that. Ever.” That, for me, is the key.
    debt debs recently posted…Debt DeliberationsMy Profile

  9. Our version of Enough is almost exactly the same as the 1500’s. Getting through our list of planned remodels on the house over the next couple of years, and I don’t think Mr PoP will ever stop wanting an NSX… though he was looking at Ferraris on ebay last night!
    Mrs. Pop @ Planting Our Pennies recently posted…He Said, She Said: A Big OopsMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      Forget the Ferrari! The NSX is much more reliable (ever see a Ferrari with 100K miles on it?) and cheaper to maintain. Just don’t crash it. That is where it gets expensive.

  10. I am at my ENOUGH, and could probably do with a little less. Less of a commute. Less car maintenance because of said commute. More “stuff” would just be a distraction. I would gladly trade “stuff” for time.
    Chris@ChattanoogaCheapster recently posted…Cheapster Nirvana: The Moto G and Republic WirelessMy Profile

  11. The Stoic says:

    Well said.

    I think if our society had a little more conversation about what it means to live well then the concept of “enough” would be seriously considered. As things stand now, rarely do such conversations occur.

    We’ve come to an amazing moment in our civilizations history in which for many our material needs are met as well as being able to enjoy a bit of luxury to go with it, but many are not satisfied with that and continue to seek happiness in “things”. Such behavior is bound to end in disappointment.

    Kudos for knowing what “enough” is in your heart. Many will spend a lifetime and never learn that lesson.
    The Stoic recently posted…The Value Of Sweat EquityMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      “We’ve come to an amazing moment in our civilizations history in which for many our material needs are met as well as being able to enjoy a bit of luxury to go with it, but many are not satisfied with that and continue to seek happiness in “things”. Such behavior is bound to end in disappointment.”

      YES! We live in fantastic times! We don’t die of cholera or scratches anymore. Food is easily accessible. Life is good. Very good.

  12. I think a lot of people have forgotten what ‘enough’ means and just get fixated on ‘wanting more’. I think once you realise you have ‘enough’ house, ‘enough’ car and ‘enough’ money, life because that bit happier.
    MrsFinancialFreedom recently posted…What We Have Earned, Saved, Invested and Spent in the Month of May 2014My Profile

  13. I hear you on the fixer-upper home. I bought mine 17 years ago when I was 25 for $84,000 and paid it off in 2010. It was supposed to be a starter home and it is turning out to be a permanent home. Miscellaneous repairs are becoming regular in occurence and generally amount to about $2500 per year. While these can be a nuisance, I would much rather spend $2500 a year than $2500 a month.
    My Dividend Pipeline recently posted…Weekly Run LogMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      RIght on! Our current home wasn’t supposed to be permanent either. It would be a fix and flip or rental. Turns out though, our little home is perfect for us.

  14. For some people, they will never have “enough.” I’m such a big fan of Buffet, not just because of his investing prowess but because he doesn’t inflate his lifestyle buying fancy houses, cars, etc. He understands that those material things don’t necessarily lead to a happier life.
    Andrew@LivingRichCheaply recently posted…Should Everyone Make Out a Will?My Profile

  15. Wonderful post! If I could get out my student loan debt I’d definitely feel like I’d have enough!

  16. Wade says:

    I am chipping away on my spouse before the neighbor. She has always planned on working to 65 or beyond.

    Things you might have heard her say:

    I will always have a car payment. (mind changed)
    I will always have a mortgage payment (mind changed)
    I will always use my credit card for all purchases (mind changed)
    I will always work at my high stress/high pay job (coming around on this one)
    We need a big house (coming around on this one)

    I am targeting 50 to “retire”. I have some work to do, but it is worth the effort.

    Then on to the neighbors…..
    Wade recently posted…I always wanted a …..My Profile

    • 1500 says:

      Nice work!

      For me, the high stress job was a primary motivation for early retirement. While my motivations have evolved a bit, I don’t know why someone would enjoy this. Now, work can be very rewarding. There are days where I love my job, but the good parts also come with all of the bad.

  17. KB says:

    Man – for $50 Million I would have some lifestyle inflation, but even then I think my inflation would be way more reasonable than a lot of my friends choices.

    A couple friends and I recently discussed $400k lottery winnings. One guy claimed he’d spend it all on a boat, car, toys, etc, etc. The other guy said he’d probably get a new car and save the rest. I claimed nobody would even know I won because not a damn thing would change. It would just push me closer to FI and that’s my goal.

    Now if I brought home $5 million – I could see myself purchasing a slightly larger home and getting a couple cars that I personally enjoy (not status symbol cars at all). Maybe a crazy splurge on a trip… but after that relax and enjoy. I wouldn’t care to go all out on everything.

    Enough is a very simple goal for me. I’m not a complex guy. Roof, fun car, good food, happy family is all I need really. Check, Check, Check, Check. I guess I don’t even need the $5 million. 😛

  18. For 50 million, I’d definitely bump up my definition of “enough” – as in there’s not enough traveling going on in the family 🙂 Otherwise, I’d probably use it to pay other people to fix my house (and basement), sell the house and build a smaller place out in the boonies. We’d keep the same cars, and hopefully less “stuff”, but we’d probably be spending all the extra on showing Daughter Person the world.
    Mom @ Three is Plenty recently posted…$200 Grocery BudgetMy Profile

    • J says:

      Through responsible “credit card hacking”, it’s definitely possible to see (and show wonderful daughters and hubbies) the world for very, very little out-of-pocket costs. In the first 6 months of this year, I/we’ve already experienced SE Asia (including the amazing Angkor Wat and magical Laos), the wonderful Argentina, Peru (including the awe-inspiring Machu Picchu). At this moment, I continue living wonderfully in my amazing little place in the Colorado mountains. For all of which, I remain eternally grateful. :))

      Far too often, we are our biggest limiting factors…

  19. I absolutely have enough right now and feel zero desire to spend additional money. I would, however, work less hours at my day job if I suddenly acquired a large sum of money. Time is incredibly value to me and I’d like to have more of it to focus on other projects.
    Addison @ Cashville Skyline recently posted…Who Wants to Be a Better Digital Marketer?My Profile

  20. Mr. Grump says:

    I am not sure what enough is for us. But I know it’s different for us than anyone else. I think knowing I can have anything I want is Enough. I don’t actually have to buy it to prove anything.
    Mr. Grump recently posted…What is it you want?My Profile

  21. Even Steven says:

    I’m not sure I know my Enough level, I however know where I want to be in 6 years and know that certain things need to be sacrificed to get to that level. I guess my Enough level is created through that.
    Even Steven recently posted…Frankly My Dear I Don’t Give a DamnMy Profile

  22. Daniel says:

    I think enough for me is having freedom so money is not a concern. I think my job situation is a bit unique. I’m in seminary right now working towards being a pastor, which is more of a calling than just a job. If I were to win the lottery (which obviously won’t happen since I won’t ever waste money on a ticket!), I’d keep my job, but I’d be able to do some very different forms of ministry than are possible when I need a paycheck.
    Daniel recently posted…Hello World!My Profile

    • 1500 says:

      Yeah, everyone’s Enough is different and yours is just as worthy. As long as we’re off the consumer carousel (shout out to Mrs. Frugalwoods), you’ve already come a long way.

  23. This post is a great encapsulation of how we live and operate–thank you for articulating it! There’s this carousel of consumerism that we don’t want to be part of and once you disembark (as you have), life is so much simpler and happier. Not buying things is amazingly freeing! We definitely get the incredulous look anytime we talk about our plans to retire early, so we don’t tell many folks–I think most people we know think we’re just the biggest cheapskates they’ve ever met, which is fine by me 🙂
    Mrs. Frugalwoods recently posted…7 Ways to Become A DIY HeroMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      So many good points here in just your little comment. This is one I can relate too: “I think most people we know think we’re just the biggest cheapskates they’ve ever met.”

      My sisters used to call me Mr. Cheapo. You know what though, I never called either of them Ms. Debto.

  24. Jeff says:

    Wife that loves me – Check
    Good friends- Check
    Soon-to-be yellow lab in the front seat of my old 4Runner – Check
    Soon-to-be Baby. . .Boy 😉 – Check
    Country music blaring on said 4Runner on an old country highway 😉 – Soon-to-be Check
    Get rid of the corporate gig – Soon-to-be check
    Get all of the above checked and be able to say Enough! = Priceless.

    • 1500 says:

      Jeff, you paint a very beautiful picture. In my mind’s eye, the setting isn’t an old country highway, but an off the beaten path road in the Rocky Mountains…

    • J says:

      Magical. Well put, sir.

  25. Refinerr says:

    I wouldn’t buy more stuff. I would buy more experiences. My mom’s old boss and his wife lived 137 days in Mexico on his small yacht/big boat and rented out their house. They are preparing for a 2 year long sailing trip around the world where they will live in Thailand and various other countries. I’d give 3 months notice (hoping they’d hire me back in 2 years…they would) and get the hell out of dodge with my husband and sea-faring Pekingese!
    Refinerr recently posted…Find Your Groove – Establishing New, Awesome Habits to Get S* Done!My Profile

    • 1500 says:

      Right on, I love travel too. So much of the world to see. Living on a boat for a while always seems pretty awesome to me too.

  26. Ree Klein says:

    Wow, this is a powerful post and a really great way of positioning it so people can grasp the idea. I have Enough. In fact, I didn’t really realize to what extent that was true until I needed to spend a lot of time helping my mother who was diagnosed with a recurrence of lung cancer earlier this year.

    While I’m not really able to “retire” now, I have enough in reserves to be able to spend time with her. I know I’ll never regret a minute of it. I never realized the gift I was giving myself in terms of freedom to choose when I dug in and did the hard work to save and get rid of debt.

    To freedom ~
    Ree
    Ree Klein recently posted…Income Lab 1.0: Selling Through Amazon FBA (Intro)My Profile

    • 1500 says:

      Thanks Ree for the kind comments and I’m glad you have your Enough.

      “I have enough in reserves to be able to spend time with her…”

      Can you imagine if you had to work and weren’t able to devote the time? Saving money isn’t just about planning for the good stuff, but smoothing out the rough patches too.

      • Ree Klein says:

        When I was a 9-5’er I always had a nagging worry that I would have regrets when it came to my mom. I worried that I would question whether I had done the right thing after she passed.

        I’m so grateful that I don’t have to worry about that now. It is the kind of relief that will enable me to live a peaceful life after she’s gone. I hope every person gives themselves the gift of choice, because without choice regret is sure to follow…

        • I can empathize Ree. I was also scared/worried that I would not be able to be there for my mom when I was working a demanding corporate job. Now, I can put aside the keyboard when she needs me and that’s the best feeling in the world. My daily morning coffee with her (when she’s up to it) is priceless.

  27. Tammy R says:

    What a beautiful post. Love the picture of the girls and love the title and message of this one.

    I am 42 (for less than two weeks!) and have Enough. We paid off all our loans, sold our house and one of our cars, and are living in a one-bedroom apartment. We run our own part-time business which allows us to have the time we want to exercise, have coffee, compose/play guitar (him), write (me). I have never been happier or healthier. Like you and Mrs. 1500, I don’t need much and that gives me so much more.
    Tammy R recently posted…Not a Beginning or an End, Just LivingMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      Thanks Tammy.

      Sounds like you guys have found your groove. Awesome. This says it all: “I have never been happier or healthier.”

      PS: I still miss the writings of the Hoombah.
      PSS: Still need to try that Stone Session IPA.

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  30. Jackie says:

    I suspect your neighbor will come away from a conversation like that with the idea that you’re loading instead of getting your point, but we can hope 🙂

    Finding “enough” really resonates with me. We’ve spent the past few years getting there. My goal was to be able to live on $12,000 a year or less and we’ve met that, so I’m happy about that.

    • 1500 says:

      “My goal was to be able to live on $12,000 a year or less and we’ve met that, so I’m happy about that.”

      Very cool and I wish we could do that!

  31. Very cool post and I love all the followup comments.

    The post reminds me of the book “The Ultimate Cheapskate’s Road Map To True Riches” by Jeff Yeager.

    Here’s a quote from page 199: “For the most part I feel ambivalent about having more money versus having less, just so long as I have ‘enough’… Beyond enough, what’s the point?”

    I officially have enough…actually, I have too much, really. We have been downsizing/purging/reducing our lifestyle over the last three years…and our happiness keeps increasing. Knowing you have “enough” is liberating, comforting, and offers peace of mind like nothing else can. Pure and utter contentment.

  32. Love it. “Enough” is a saying of mine too. It’s a concept that defines the individual nature of striving for FI. Rich and poor are all relative, but enough is an absolute for an individual. I have “enough” right now, and having 2x “enough” or 10x “enough” wouldn’t materially change my happiness level.
    Justin @ Root of Good recently posted…Road Tripping To Canada For a MonthMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      I’m always worried about not having enough money. However, the thing that also worries me lately is that I’ll die with too much money. If I die with $5,000,000 in the bank, I probably worked too long.

  33. Alain says:

    I love it! short, simple to the point.
    I work about 10 hours per week. I live very frugally. I value more having more time over having more money.
    Alain recently posted…Governments in violation of private property rightsMy Profile

  34. The Wallet Doctor says:

    You are absolutely right about the importance of identifying what your “enough” is. Material possessions are not the key to happiness, but many people perceive that it is. The goal should be to live in a reasonable and comfortable way, not in an own as much as I can sort of way. There are more important things than mere material possessions.
    The Wallet Doctor recently posted…How to reduce your food costsMy Profile

  35. Great post! It’s so important to keep life in perspective. It’s the little things in life that make us the most happy!

    all the best,
    Wes

  36. I feel like I have enough right now in my life. A raise at work wouldn’t change anything about how I live my live since I live far below my means. But I also know that I don’t always want to live with roommates and I won’t always want to travel in dirt cheap places for vacations. Right now that is just the quickest way for me to reach financial independence as quickly as possible.
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  41. ZJ Thorne says:

    I love my Enough. Time with my girlfriend. Work I find valuable. Sleep. Good beer. A small home that I barely need to maintain.
    ZJ Thorne recently posted…What Financial Health Means to Me – Fincon 2016My Profile

  42. Team CF says:

    Enough, we are slowly starting to figure out what that means to us. But it does changes over once lifetime as you mature and your (family) situation develops. For now, for us, it would look like something that includes slow travel, time to exercise, getting a K9 friend again and take time to cook. But unfortunately we don’t have sufficient $ to make it all happen.

  43. I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently. I mentioned in passing to my stepmom that we would have our new house paid off in 5-7 years. She actually became agitated as she tried to do the numbers, saying, “That’s… you’d have to overpay like a ridiculous amount. There’s no way.” And I said, “Well, that’s the plan and it’s doable for us.”

    Aiming for FIRE is completely possible for just about anyone, but when confronted with the realities of FIRE, some people get outright aggressive.

    For me, my “enough” is having just enough money to pay basic living expenses, in addition to a few fun treats every now and then. We would continue our small lifestyle and just have the time to quit our jobs and actually enjoy our lives. It won’t mean we’ll be “rich,” per se, but that’s enough for me. 🙂
    Mrs. Picky Pincher recently posted…What I Buy at the Dollar StoreMy Profile

  44. My enough is when have enough recurring income, along with a paid off house…I’m not sure it will happen soon but that’s what I’ll go with. I’ll always be on the look out to add to that recurring income, because that uses creativity, and without that you’re only living to pass time.

  45. BeSmartRich says:

    I totally agree with Buffett and you. More stuff would actually decrease my happiness. I can say that I will be happy not having to worry about work. As long as my expenses are covered, I will be early retiring. Financial independence is the key.
    BeSmartRich recently posted…Restructuring my portfolio and changing investing styleMy Profile

  46. Mark says:

    You just showed up in my LinkedIn feed via an article on CNBC.com. Apparently, employees of Liberty Mutual Insurance are sharing the article with one another.

  47. JG in HZ says:

    I didn’t really know we had enough, until we did a ‘temporary’ move to China, taking only a few suitcases of clothes and our favorite cooking utensils. This summer after eight years living abroad, I finally visited our ‘home’ in Maine (currently housing renters), that had all our old furniture, clothes, cribs, CDs, lamps, lawnmowers, computers, printers, tools, appliances, treadmill, etc. to look for some important documents in an old safe. It was funny to look at all the stuff, that we’ve been living just fine without. To be honest, I found I really didn’t want any of it except one painting (I gave it to my sister) and my old mountain bike (I gave it to my Dad).
    However, I do miss the ten minute bike rides to the ocean, but not the ice covered driveway in January…

  48. I like the saying :
    At this year’s Berkshire meeting, someone asked Buffett why he doesn’t have more stuff. Buffett’s answer was that ‘More stuff would not make me happier. It would actually decrease my happiness.’ Buffett hit the nail on the head with this wise lesson.

    life not only make money. more beautiful life

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  50. MrZero says:

    I realized a couple years ago that there just aren’t any more material possessions that would make me happier. The only thing I lack is time to do all the stuff that I really want to do before my journey on this little marble comes to an end.
    Here’s what I have:
    – amazing wife that I love beyond any words that my simpleton engineer-brain can muster. Thankfully, I am pretty sure she digs me too.
    – 3 great sons who are good souls with talents that I look forward to seeing express into adulthood. (Pretty sure I’ve got a mustachian type that will be most interested in keeping it simple, another that will likely be an entrepreneur that sets the world on fire or dies trying and an erudite scholar that will take great joy in knowing more about one subject than anyone else on earth!).
    – Financial security… not quite enough to never work again, but getting closer (<1000 days).

    The ole' bucket list:
    – Sailing adventure for a couple-few years before my sons leave the nest.
    – Personally teach my sons math, physics, chemistry and self actualization over the physical/mechanical world.
    – Solo sail an ocean.
    – Hike the appalachian trial – NOT solo. I am too scared of bears, I need my wife there to protect me!
    – Sail another ocean with my awesome wife.
    – Surf a remote reef in the south pacific. Don't stop until it gets old (not likely) or I incurr an injury that forces a stop (most likely).
    – etc….

    • Love it MrZero and you and I seem similar! We have science kits all over the house and a passion for adventure. The other day, I was telling my 9 year old about differential equations (that one fell on deaf ears).

      Like you said, I just don’t want anything else. This can lead to confusion from others: “What do you want for Christmas?” “Nothing. If you must spend money on me, donate it to a charity under my name.” “Huh, what?”

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