Performance Update (Day 1580): Chaos in FI (Flatulence Independence)

My main goal was to build an investment and cash portfolio of $1,120,000* in 1500 days**, starting from 1/1/2013 and ending in February of 2017. I made my goal last year and my 1500 Days are over, but in the interest of openness, I’ll continue to share my numbers.

Leaving formal work has been wonderful, great, super, fantastic and awesome. But there was a period of adjustment. I should have sat around for a week did nothing except for eat Cheetos and watch TV (Mmy fingers aren’t orange and the TV remains asleep, so I did neither).

I tried to do everything else though. And it didn’t go so well. First though, let’s start with some fart humor.


Flatulence Independence

I joined my daughter at a museum sleepover with her school. Right before bed, we watched the Fart Presentation. The Fart Presentation was a talk given by a scientist about farts and other disgusting body functions. The kids loved it (who am I kidding, so did I!):

Then came bedtime. We all camped out on the floor in front of the museum’s display cases:

Sleeping in front of the turkey exhibit

My stomach was grumbling with incredible gaseous distension, but my moment was about to arrive. As soon as the lights were turned off and I had the freedom of anonymity, I expelled gas with wild abandon:

Welcome everyone to Fart Presentation, Part 2!

The audience was receptive (giggles everywhere). There was even an outburst of:

Check your pants! I think you sharted!

The things I do to entertain children…


Here is What Else I Did

The cars fit!: I cleaned out the garage. After four years of living in the house, both cars now reside in the garage (the NSX hadn’t arrived yet):

Bonus points if you can find my childhood robot

Mr. Collins and Spotted Cows: I went to visit the Wealthy Accountant and Jim Collins in Wisconsin:

Dishwasher chaos: The dishwasher broke, this time for good. I tried to fix it and then gave up:

Bye-bye you pain in the ass

Berkshire meeting! Mrs. 1500 and I went to see the Penny Planters in Florida where we drove hot cars and watched Warren and Charlie lecture the masses:

Mrs. 1500 scopes out Mr. PoP’s fast car

Do as Warren and Charlie do…

I went back to Wisconsin to buy an Acura NSX (more on this next week):

I drove the NSX down to St. Louis where I stayed the night with a family member. I then drove home where I got pulled over two blocks from my home for a license plate cover infraction (slow day for the cops).

Friends came into town and we went hiking in Boulder:

We then went to Red Rocks to see a show:

Very bad cats: I then found out the NSX had no catalytic converters. The owner conveniently didn’t disclose this information. Meanwhile, I can’t register the car (taking these emission controls off isn’t legal).

This has led me on a wild goose cat chase. I ordered new catalytic converters and they just showed up:


Shoveling snow: If anything is certain here in Colorado, it’s that the weather is uncertain:

Moving: My friend up in Fort Collins moved last weekend and I helped him lug his stuff over to his new place. My biceps are still sore.

I organized my tools: My tools have been in disarray for years. There is nothing worse than a 20 minute job taking 40 minutes because you can’t find anything. I started with my sockets:

I can finally find the damn 15 millimeter without 10 minutes of runnaging

Wrenching on the Mazda: The family truckster (Mazda 5) needed new oil and spark plugs before our big trip. As is my modus operandi, I spilled most of the oil all over the driveway. At least the car is ready to go.

Birthday party: My incredibly talented friend L made this awesome cake:

And it tasted good too!

Fences: Building fences is popular lately, so I helped a neighbor repair hers:

Damn, I’ve been busy. It’s hard for me to sit still, but I’m overwhelmed.

I’m not complaining. Life has been great. I should have toned it down a bit though. And I probably shouldn’t have dined at Taco Bell before the museum trip.


Performance Update

April was a great month! I mentioned my stock holdings in the recent portfolio update, One of the biggest, Google, had great earnings. While I’m in it for the long-term, short-term gains like this don’t make be unhappy:

Google is my best investment. Accounting for the split, I bought it at $42.50 when it IPOd way back in August of 2004. Say it with me now:

20 bagger!

My investment portfolio/cash passed $1,400,000 for the first time.

Chart from Personal Capital***

When I add my house and dinosaurs into the mix, my net worth is just shy of $1,800,000. Life is good.

2017 (as of 4/30/2017)

  • Days elapsed: 120
  • 2017 gains: $160,332 (including 401(k) contributions of $30,220****)

Since the start (1/1/2013)

  • Days elapsed: 1580
  • Portfolio gains since 1/1/2013: $831,417
  • Needed to quit work ($1,120,000 in investments): Mission accomplished!
  • Net worth*****: $1,787,460


Updates on Everything Else

I haven’t been working out. I haven’t been keeping track of the budget or beer either. I’m going to resume all of that in my June update. Time for bed.

South Florida sunset



*My goal wasn’t to have $1,120,000 at the end of 1500 days, but at any time before the day count was up. Why? It all goes back to the 4% Rule. Remember that our little friend, Mr. 4%, is nothing more than the most conservative safe withdrawal rate. So, if I were to quit my job now, I could spend about $48,000 in my first year of retirement. I’d stick very close to that number too because market valuations are ambitious. Let’s say that Mr. Market caught a cold tomorrow and my portfolio dropped down to $800,000. No big deal. This would mean I’d be safer stretching my spending a little north of 4%.

**My original goal was $1,000,000 and no debt, I later raised the goal by $120,000 to $1,120,000 because I will have debt in the form of a mortgage and I firmly believe in not paying it off. My compromise is to have enough money put away to cover the mortgage at the time of retirement. So, to retire today, I would need about $1,120,000.

***This is an affiliate link. If you sign up, the blog (me) makes some cold, hard, beautiful, cash. Personal Capital is a totally free and awesome way to keep watch over your investments. It’s worth it for the fee analyzer alone. I would never recommend anything that I don’t personally use and completely believe in, so give it a try. If you’ve already signed up through the link, please know that you are a fine person of above-average intelligence.

****My 401(k) contributions include my own, Mrs. 15oo’s, and the contributions from my corporation. Self-employment with a solo 401(k) is a very powerful savings tool. I should have done this years ago.

*****The numbers on the right side of the page only reflect my investments and cash. Net worth includes, but is not limited to:

Join the 10s who have signed up already!

Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.

*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.

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34 Responses to Performance Update (Day 1580): Chaos in FI (Flatulence Independence)

  1. It’s 6 am where I am and I just busted out laughing while the rest of my house is sleeping when I read that you ripped one for presentation #2. Too funny!!!

    Sounds like you have been incredibly busy in retirement and definitely not having trouble filling up your days. That stinks though about the NSX definitely a downer that the previous owner didn’t disclose. Hopefully you can get it straightened out pretty quickly so you can take advantage of that sweet ride.
    Mustard Seed Money recently posted…The Upside of MovingMy Profile

  2. Team CF says:

    “probably shouldn’t have dined at Taco Bell before the museum trip”, I’m in favor for more beans in your meals. Makes for fun posts 😉

    But my gosh, you have been busy! Too bad about the (lack of) catalytic converters on the NSX, did you already to contact the seller and get some money/parts back?

    Oh, and what a pretty graph on you investment worth, that is one steep slope at the end! Wish our investments would show the same, but they don’t.
    Team CF recently posted…April 2017 Options Trading UpdateMy Profile

    • “But my gosh, you have been busy! Too bad about the (lack of) catalytic converters on the NSX, did you already to contact the seller and get some money/parts back?”

      The seller has conveniently disappeared.

      “Oh, and what a pretty graph on you investment worth, that is one steep slope at the end!”

      Something must have gone haywire with Personal Capital. I certainly didn’t have a $57,000 day!

  3. Sounds like a pretty hectic first month of retirement! Now you can give yourself permission to slow down and recharge 🙂
    Matt @ Optimize Your Life recently posted…Death and HappinessMy Profile

  4. OMG you are too funny. I just try to avoid Taco Bell no matter what. It’s just better for me and everyone around me!
    I’m so happy you bought your dream car! Why else would you consistently save huge amounts of money, if not to live out your childhood fantasies? Plus, it doesn’t look like you can even notice the dent that car made in your net worth. Yup, good choice!

    • “Plus, it doesn’t look like you can even notice the dent that car made in your net worth.”

      I hadn’t purchased the car as of May 1st, so it wasn’t accounted for in this update. If the owner has to buy it back because he sold it without federally mandated equipment, it won’t be in the next update either!

  5. How does your inspection for registration work? Here that car would probably be considered a classic due to age and exempt from testing.

  6. This whole retirement thing sure sounds like a lot of work. I sure hope your pants survived the Museum trip, sounds like it was a close call!

    Thanks for the mention, I appreciate it!
    My Sons Father recently posted…What Pokémon Taught Me About MinimalismMy Profile

  7. Mrs PoP says:

    That cake looks awesome! I think we all need one for the next Dia de los Muertos! =)

    We absolutely loved having you guys here – will need to have a repeat sometime soon!
    Mrs PoP recently posted…Cushy On Our Tushies!My Profile

  8. Brian says:

    I guess the good news about fart presentation #2, is that I assume you were already in your sleeping bag, so if any taco bell accident did occur it would have been self-contained.

    Nicely done sir. You’ve got to know your audience.

    Based on the schedule you’ve been on I hope the Mrs. will be driving the first leg of the road trip.

    Congrats a nice net worth bump!
    Brian recently posted…Book Review: Manifest $10,000My Profile

    • “I guess the good news about fart presentation #2, is that I assume you were already in your sleeping bag…”

      Yep, I almost gassed myself to death…

  9. Aw maaaan, now I want some peanut brittle and Cherry Coke. Mmmmm. Well hey, it sounds like you’ve been doing amazing things, Mr. 1500! I’ve noticed that early retirement is very much NOT eating Cheerios on the couch for 8 days straight. 😉 I really love that you’re using your newfound time to help other people out, too. That’s an amazing gift (and a good way to get a workout, from the looks of it).
    Mrs. Picky Pincher recently posted…How To Save Money On MeatMy Profile

  10. TinaP says:

    I’m reading this standing at my desk in my very open office space and laughing so hard at your flatulence story – thank you 🙂
    I won’t go into details, but I once snuck a container of flarp into bed with me on a vacation with my mom and daughter and the results were priceless; I was nearly taken to the ER to see what was wrong with me before my mom figured it out! You just can’t go wrong with good farts.

  11. Looks like a typical first month of retirement. Getting done all the stuff that you’ve put off forever.

    My wife lost her job last year and was on unemployment for 5 months. During that time, she kept very busy, and was often heard to say “I need to find a job, so I can relax a bit.”

    While I am looking forward to financial independence, I know I am going to keep busy even once I reach it (hopefully in less than 39 months)

  12. “I need to find a job, so I can relax a bit.”

    Funny how this works out, isn’t it?

  13. Mr. Tako says:

    Man, that’s a great idea — I should have cleaned out my garage the first month I early-retired… I’ll never get to it now!

    Congrats on your Google 20 bagger. That’s an impressive win. What percentage of you overall net-worth (including shares you might have sold) is because of that one stock?

    Just curious. Buffett & Munger have always said that most of their net worth came from just a few decisions. I think that might be true for more than just them.
    Mr. Tako recently posted…Investing In Avocado ToastMy Profile

  14. Looks like you’re having a lot of fun, Mr. 1500!

    Sorry about the NSX, but other than that, you’ve had quite an eventful month!

  15. If I were in the room in the time of Presentation #2 I would have giggled and said in the dark “Now we all know the reason why dinosaurs died”.

    Great post, Mr. 1500, as usual!
    Friendly Russian recently posted…Value of $100My Profile

  16. Tawcan says:

    Man I totally shouldn’t have sold those non-voting Google shares when the stock split. Arrrr. I feel that the stock will soon hit $1,000.
    Tawcan recently posted…The great debate: Index vs Dividend GrowthMy Profile

    • Google is a powerhouse. They not only control the information on the internet, but they control how we access it (Android, Chrome browser, Chromebooks).

  17. Jason says:

    Ah bathroom humor it works every time. And that is totally cool with the Google IPO I wish I had that foresight. Congrats on the continued success. I do have a question for you as you now gone into FI how long will it take you to sell these shares and move that stuff to your index funds. I know you won’t do it right away, but are you aiming for a certain percentage per year? Just curious.

    • Hey Jason! I’m thinking that I’ll only sell stock when I need to fund something else. This will change when the wife retires and we can sell without incurring capital gains.

  18. Mrs. S says:

    Am I looking at retirement all wrong? You seem to be much more busy than I am currently as I slog to FI.
    Also good job at ‘method training’ the kids with presentation#2

    • “Am I looking at retirement all wrong? You seem to be much more busy than I am currently as I slog to FI.”


      I need to step it down…

  19. Dr. Curious says:

    Just discovered your blog and wanted to extend my congrats on your accomplishments! I actually don’t mind my job, but your current life aptly encapsulates everything I’d like to do when I retire early in the future.

    Keep up the good work and enjoy your naps!

  20. Joe says:

    Are you going to get rid of a car so you can park the NSX inside? Or will the NSX be the 3rd car. We have a Mazda5 too and we love it. It’s just the right size for us, not too big.

    • Yeah, NSX will be a 3rd car for a while. The Mazda or Element will have to live outside.

      The NSX will probably be a temporary toy. I can see holding it for a couple years and then sending it on its way.

      And yeah, the Mazda5 is wonderful. My only complaint is the camber on the rear wheels. If you don’t rotate every 6,000 miles, the tires get bad wear. I think Mazda may have fixed this in the newer version (ours is 2010).

  21. Ha, I’ve spent the night in Chicago’s museums a few times and definitely missed the gas experiments you had. Glad the kids enjoyed it so much!

  22. It sounds like you need to schedule a couple of vacations to ease into retirement. But people like you are exactly why I laugh whenever people say “what would I do if I retired??”

    I don’t know a single person who retired early who didn’t have more to do, not one of them is sitting around being bored.

    Are you going to have trouble finding the seller if the car has to go back?
    Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life recently posted…Just a little (link) love: drunk and Thor’s hammer editionMy Profile

    • “Are you going to have trouble finding the seller if the car has to go back?”

      Hard to tell. The NSX was a great car; the best sports car when it was released. However, it doesn’t get the same respect as Ferrari and Porsche. However, prices on those marquees have gone nuts. The rising tide lifts all ships and the NSX is being dragged up. Worst case scenario: If we lost $10,000, I wouldn’t be happy, but it wouldn’t make a difference either to our bottom line. More on this silly purchase next week…

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