The 5 Stocks You Must Buy NOW!

A couple people have asked me what happened to the Thursday Rant. It isn’t gone! Tune in next week. Or maybe not; this is sort of a rant…

How did you like that title? Pathetic, swarmy clickbait, right? Absolutely. I threw up in my mouth a little just typing it. This is the nonsense that the mainstream media publishes every day to trick your lizard brain. And some very smart people fall for it.

Don't let the media trick your lizard brain...

Don’t let the media trick your lizard brain…

About a decade ago*, I was talking to a friend about investments. Let’s call him “David.” David is no dummy. He works as a consultant in the computer field and makes huge amounts of money. Really huge; like someone has to come to his home with a dump truck full of greenbacks in the back every week to pay him.

Anyway, he started talking about investments when this gem exited his mouth:

I like the screaming bald investment guy! I watch him on TV every night and I’m going to base my investment decisions on his advice.

Back then, I didn’t have the knowledge that I do now, but deep down I knew that this was a bad idea. I have no idea if he ever followed through with this plan. I’m too afraid to ask.

The 5 Stocks You Must Buy NOW!

One thing I’ve realized is that most investment advice is bad. Really bad. Think about it. The goal of the money media isn’t to make you rich, but to sell ads or products. Here are some statements that get viewers:

  • “Your portfolio will double next year!”
  • “By the end of the decade, you’ll be living in a refrigerator box!!”
  • “The 5 stocks you must buy RIGHT NOW!”
  • “Why your portfolio will make your wife sleep with your boss and give you a rash on your posterior!”

Here is something you will NEVER see:


All hope is not lost. Some people do offer great advice. My friend Jim Collins is one. Another is billionaire Warren Buffett. Buffett’s advice is timeless and applicable to everyone from basketball stars to the Average Joe. Please click over to InvestmentZen to read some of my favorite Buffett quotes and how they apply to You!


*I’m fascinated with the way people use/abuse money and my brain has a special storage area for all of this information. It provides a never ending source of material for this blog.

Join the 10s who have signed up already!

Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.

*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.

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42 Responses to The 5 Stocks You Must Buy NOW!

  1. Nice click bait my friend! I thought you figured out something I didn’t…haha.

    You’re right though, the majority of media is completely set on selling you something – instant gratification.

    Stay consistent, stay strong. 🙂
    Michael @ Financially Alert recently posted…Financial Update – January 2016My Profile

    • 1500 says:

      I have figured out something! I finally figured out that I haven’t figured out much of anything!

      Dum da da da dum dum dumb!

  2. Hahaha well done on the clickbait. Keeping that lizard brain in check is hard work and needs constant checks.
    Listening to the screaming bald guy on tv is the worst possible way to invest. I think somebody replicated his buy and sell calls and found that 3/4 of them were on the wrong side of the trade.

    Roadmap2Retire recently posted…Is Chevron Dividend Safe?My Profile

    • 1500 says:

      I know, right? Lizard Brain is always trying to make me do stupid stuff.
      Bad brain, bad brain!

      Screaming bald guy is nuts. I think he is a smart person, but his advice is terrible.

  3. Kapitalust says:

    Aw I thought I would get a list of 5 stocks I could buy right meow that would make me $100 per hour or more by working from home????

    Also, is that the Geico gecko? 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on your next 5 stocks you must buy now…
    Kapitalust recently posted…Case Study: Apple Stock 101 for the Apple Store EmployeeMy Profile

  4. I used to love infomercials as a kid… you know the rotisserie chicken one? Luckily that hobby faded at 13 before I could get sucked into the BUY GOLD NOW and INVEST IN THIS GUARANTEED RETURN REAL ESTATE. It’s a shame people fall for that stuff, but as Forrest’s Momma said “stupid is, as stupid does.”
    Fervent Finance recently posted…The Land of Wonky Tax DeductionsMy Profile

  5. G-dog says:

    BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! If you act now we will send you, absolutely free of charge, raving bald guy’s guide to the commodity market. This is a one time offer and you must act now!

    Lucky me was too scared to try to pick stocks – so funds it was all the way (in my first 403b and then 401k).

    • 1500 says:

      Nice work G-$$$!

      • G-dog says:

        Never underestimate the power of stupidity and laziness – too stupid to try to pick stocks and too lazy to try to time the market (even with index funds) – ignorance is bli$$!

        • 1500 says:

          This is awesome. You should be the writer, not me!

          Sometimes in life, the easiest, laziest, simplest answer is the right one. You are exactly correct.

  6. OnlyKetchup says:

    Umm, I was expecting a list of 5 stocks…where is the list?

    • 1500 says:

      Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Let me list them now. Hold on, I can’t find my list. Oh wait, here it is. No, that is just so me old toilet paper on my desk. As soon as I find it…

  7. Way to dial-in the clickbait Mr. 1500. I shall learn from your example. 😉
    Mr. Tako @ Mr. Tako Escapes recently posted…Investing in Preferred Shares FTWMy Profile

  8. Mortimer says:

    And here I was hoping for a list of your favorite index funds! Nevertheless, an all too timely reminder about the great rewards of dollar cost averaging through the down times and reaping the rewards in the up times. Good stuff!
    Mortimer recently posted…How to Shave for $4 Per YearMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      That one is easy! VOO (S&P 500), VTI (total market), VGT (tech) and VWO (emerging markets).

      I must admit that I love watching the screaming bald guy. It like watching the cartoon Tom and Jerry; I know that I’ll get absolutely nothing out of it and it may actually cause me to commit a violent act, but I’m entertained. Just kidding on the violence. Maybe.

  9. ambertree says:

    You got me with the title… Funny… In the Bach if my head there was a small warning, but still, I thought, why not?

    I like the finance TV a lot. It is a good reminder to stick to my index plan. Sut back, relax and life!

  10. I had a friend who would watch Kramer and make internet transactions based on his (pay for I think) group which talked about the stocks he would pick on the show. He’d get a nice bump once the show went live. Super risky and required a lot of work.
    Chris @ Flipping A Dollar recently posted…January 2016 Profits – Building MomentumMy Profile

  11. Whoa – I thought I was actually going to get stock tips that were going to make me rich without working for it! What a disappointment. Guess I’ll go spend the money on cigarettes and booze. Thanks Mr. 1500…
    Thias @It Pays Dividends recently posted…How Do You Become Financially Fit?My Profile

  12. Brian says:

    I’m still waiting for my 5 great stocks to invest it.

    Maybe next time you should have a slideshow?

    I did used to like watching the screaming bald guy… then I talked my wife into ditching cable. Now I just have to read his “advice” and pretend he is screaming at me.

  13. Daniel says:

    But where are the 5 stocks you speak of? I was ready to pull the trigger!! 😉

    Putting aside the probability of beating the market, there is a cost to the time, stress and distraction it takes. That was a big part of me moving over everything to index funds.

    I wrote a bit about my journey from picking stocks to investing in trackers here – Warren Buffett features in it too 😉

  14. Tawcan says:

    What a teaser! :p
    Tawcan recently posted…Using Google Spreadsheet for ETF investingMy Profile

  15. Kyle says:

    How did you lose your leg?
    Well, I heard the words “5 stocks you must buy now”, I tried to run, but it was too late. Others weren’t so lucky and lost their arm too.

  16. Steven says:

    So I missed it, what 5 stocks must I buy now? Click bait you got me:) I’m just going to buy Vanguard Total Stock Market that will show you!

  17. Ben says:

    “Like Warren, I had a considerable passion to get rich, not because I wanted Ferraris – I wanted the independence. I desperately wanted it.” -Charlie Munger

    Pretty much sums it up. Charlie and Warren are legends.

    • 1500 says:

      Absolutely. That quote is pure gold.

      Along the same lines, I’ve always loved Buffett and Munger because they’re not greedy a-holes like much of Wall Street.

      • Ben says:

        No one on Wall Street can do what Buffett and Munger have done, and they’ve done it from Omaha! Don’t need to be in a high rise to apply common sense. In fact, being in Omaha was probably a big reason for their success.

  18. Edif says:

    “Lizard brain” vs. “logic brain” sounds a lot like “Thinking Fast & Slow.” People can follow the causal relationships of Mad Money, but can’t intuit the greater statistical realities driving the whole thing. Math is great! Trust the math!

    Buffett is a true investor. He buys enough of a company that, when the fundamentals improve, his investment realizes real return. He also owns enough that he can direct strategy for material change.

  19. jlcollinsnh says:

    Thanks for the link!

    Now I have to get busy on my next post:

    Five Stocks You Must SELL RIGHT NOW!!!!
    jlcollinsnh recently posted…Mr. Market’s Wild RideMy Profile

    • 1500 says:

      And this reminds me that I have to get started on my next post; “Jim Collins, just like Jim Cramer, but with more hair!”

  20. Wait…people actually listen to the investment “pros” on tv and follow their advice? Sad.

  21. For every article I have read indicating to buy, there is another article indicating to sell for the same investments. These “experts’ dont know diddily squat!

    Ive never been one to fall prey to such advice but I do like building my thoughts and theories on what the next “big” money making scheme is. 🙂
    Alexander @ Cash Flow Diaries recently posted…Blog Income Report and Traffic Stats – January 2016My Profile

  22. If Warren Buffett is telling me to buy index funds, then I’m definitely going to buy index funds. I did chuckle when someone I met through work recently said he has been “picking shares” [stocks] for two years now. I don’t know how much money he has made but I’m positive it won’t last forever.

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