Last week, Mrs. 1500 asked if you’re judgmental of others. I am super judgmental, more on that in a moment. First, Mrs. 1500 is here to discuss last week’s answers.
OK, so now for my part – last week’s answers to the question, “Do you ever feel judgmental about money?”
A little backstory, The 1500’s went camping and I was hit with a major flashback to our Douglas County days – where everybody spends all the money they have like there’s some unspoken neighborhood contest.
It was obvious that many of our fellow campers knew each other, and were trying to impress each other with their campground decorations. Reader Chris questioned the strength of this story, and I guess anyone who didn’t live in this neighborhood may not fully understand it. It doesn’t seem all that big a deal if people want to spend hundreds of dollars decorating a campsite.
I was judging them based on my Douglas County experiences. And I was SUPER judgmental when I lived there.
I read a lot of good answers. Kate from Cashville Skyline said she was called out by her sister for doing this recently. She continued, “It’s none of my business if other people don’t want to save for their future.”
The control freak in me disagrees, but the teeny smidge that’s rational agrees with this completely.
Jon from Be Net Worthy comments, “That’s one of the downsides of running a personal finance blog, the judgement! I am definitely more aware of what other people are doing and how they are spending their money.”
I think I was always conscious that other people spent more money than I did, even before this blog. Maybe I’m just super judge-y. I can’t change other people, I can only change myself. (Who am I kidding, I can’t even change myself…)
Mrs. Picky Pincher starts her reply with “Ayuuup” which reminds me of the Stephen King book Pet Sematary (and this is the second time that book has come up…) She continues, “I really try to mind my own business, but it’s hard not to be judgmental when you see people making spendy choices. My issue is that it appears they don’t know another way–I have an internal struggle debating whether I should let them know there’s another way or if I should keep my mouth shut.”
How many of us had any sort of personal finance education in our younger lives? 0%? 1%? I just want to share what I know. Of course, I am not so receptive when I’m on the other end, and I’m a terrible teacher, so it comes out all preachy and judge-y…
But there were a few completely different arguments that resonated the most with me. First was from Full Time Finance, who said, “I remind myself that I don’t know their circumstances.” I really can’t add anything to that.
Financial Panther said, “I’m big on the concept that personal finance is personal. What I value isn’t at all what someone else might value, so I try not to pass any value judgments based solely on what people choose to buy.”
Amanda from PassionatelySimpleLife said, “Yes, sometimes I just need to get off my high horse and realize that a lot of people have made money related mistakes, including me.” I’ve made quite a few stupid money choices in my life…
And Done by Forty feels that it should be fair game… “I’m super judgmental with some of my friends’ decisions with money — but often, it’s justified. Like, not in a subjective, this is my opinion way…objectively justified. So whatever: judge away, right?
Everything else in life is free game for judgment: political views, whether an action’s moral or not, the way people dress, whether this movie or song is cool or not. I mean, with so much at stake with our finances, why not subject that area of our lives to the same critiques?”
And Joe from Retire by 40 threw it back at me… “Even when I’m judgmental, I keep it to myself…mostly… *cough* lake house *cough*” Touché, Joe.
Back to Mr. 1500 for this week’s question.
Ask the Readers: Do Others Judge You?
I am really judgmental. I keep it all to myself, but I can’t help but think bad thoughts occasionally. I started thinking about why and I came up with two reasons:
Short term memory annoys me: Remember when the Great Recession happened back at the end of the last decade? I knew no shortage of people who spent like there was no tomorrow and then lost their jobs when the bottom fell out of the economy. Some of them ended up in a world of hurt very quickly. These same folks were always quick to point their finger at someone else, but never at the $60,000 Eurosedan in the soon to be foreclosed garage.
I find it interesting (but not surprising) that when most of these folks landed back on their feet, they went back to their old spendy ways. New house, new cars, on and on. These same people are going to need the government to bail them out when the next recession rolls around.
Others have judged me: Despite what I mentioned about my judgmental ways, I keep my thoughts to myself. I go out of my way not to criticize (except here!). I think it’s better to guide others to a better financial state by setting a positive example. I’m not blatant about it, but if someone were to ask what new car to buy, I would throw out some numbers that explain why keeping the old car is a financially savvy idea.
Even though I hold back, this hasn’t stopped others from telling me what to do:
- Cheapass!: In a hotel, I want clean and quiet. The only thing I’m doing there is sleeping. A friend likes to stay in luxury hotels and used to chide me for my preference for the Comfort Inn.
- Mr. Cheapo!: My sisters used to call me Mr. Cheapo. They’d suggest I buy something like a new stereo and when I balked, they’d sing a chorus of “Mr. Cheapo! Mr. Cheapo!! Mr. Cheapo!!!”
- No Wife for You!: An old boss once told me that if I didn’t get a BMW, I’d never get married. Her thought was that I had to ‘demonstrate my financial prowess’ to a potential mate.
If I was cheap, then I deserve a little ribbing. I’m not cheap though; I’m frugal. And there is a difference. Here is what Google had to say:
I like that definition. I’ll spend a lot of money on stuff that is important to me like:
Really good beer! Thank you Kyle! Electronics: I buy good phones and computers and then keep them for years.
- Travel: I want to see the world. I don’t care how much it costs.
- Tools: There is no place in my life for bad tools.
- Motor oil: My old cars get only synthetic. I change my own oil, so that keeps the cost down.
- Beer: If I’m going to contaminate my body with alcohol, it should taste good.
- Air conditioning: I hate being hot and have no tolerance for it. I love cold. I can wear shorts and a t-shirt outside when it’s 56 and be fine. When it’s hot, the AC goes on.
And then, there is the stuff that just doesn’t move me:
- Fashion: I couldn’t care less about style. A white t-shirt in the summer and black one in the winter is as fashionable as it gets for me.
- TV (actual TVs and the programming): 4K? OLED?? Movie channels??? Zzzzzzzzzzzzz….
- Professional sports: Meh. I watch the Superbowl, but I’m in it for the beer and camaraderie.
- Hotel rooms: They all look the same when the lights are off.
I don’t appreciate the negative remarks from family and friends. I’m never cheap with other people, always paying my fair share and then some. Why do people criticize me for being frugal?
Anyway, I shouldn’t judge others just because I feel bad about being judged. This is small and pithy, but there you have it. I never said that I was perfect.
How about you? Have you ever felt judged for being frugal?
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Yeah I’ve definitely been judged publicly, and probably privately too, for being frugal. Right out of college I probably fell into the cheap bucket, but that was justified since I still didn’t have much money. Now my wife and I are firmly in the frugal bucket, willing to spend on things we enjoy, but prioritizing them and still keeping costs down.
It has done wonders for us as our incomes have risen, are net worth has grown quickly. They can judge my now and I’m fine with that…once I hit FIRE I think I’ll have the last laugh!
The Green Swan recently posted…Time to Sell Investments and Hoard Cash?
“Why do people criticize me for being frugal?” Because most people don’t understand the difference between cheap and frugal (for them it’s all cheap). I’ve been cheap on occasion, which backfired a couple of time. You learn when you get older 🙂
We (especially me in this case) are often being looked at as cheap, whereas we are trying to be frugal. It’s a fine line I guess. But the judgement from friends and family has generally been limited to eye-rolling mostly, perhaps because they did not want to offend. Ah well, we are now better off then most people we know. “Revenge” is (bitter)sweet 😉
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Yes, yes and yes. I haven’t been blessed with a spouse or kids (yet!) so I get a combination of “you work so hard, you deserve to treat yourself” (translation: you’re cheap if you don’t buy/do x) and “Must be nice to have all that disposable income to spend on yourself” (translation: you’re selfish, even if you’re spending on needs).
I find the latter especially hurtful because being single at my age wasn’t something I chose. Not everyone 1) meets the love of their life and lives happily ever after, or 2) can safely carry and give birth to their own, healthy children. So while I don’t stress about buying a new coat if I need it, I stress about other things my friends don’t have to worry about.
At the end of the day, there are advantages and disadvantages to being single or married, having kids or not. We can waste our time with “must be nice…” and “if only I had…” but ultimately it’s up to us to do the best we can for our own situations.
Though if I do start making questionable decisions like buying a McMansion, I hope a good friend will smack me upside the head and say “what the hell are you doing?” So perhaps a little judgement is healthy?
“Treat yourself!”
I hate it when people say that! Maybe because “treating yourself” usually involves buying something stupid.
“I find the latter especially hurtful because being single at my age wasn’t something I chose. Not everyone 1) meets the love of their life and lives happily ever after, or 2) can safely carry and give birth to their own, healthy children. So while I don’t stress about buying a new coat if I need it, I stress about other things my friends don’t have to worry about.”
Ack, this makes me hurt. I have no idea where you are in life, but I didn’t meet Mrs. Wife until we were both close to 30. Don’t give up; you sound like a nice and thoughtful person.
Thank you, Mr. 1500 🙂 One thing I’ve learned is that you can’t predict when and how people will come into your life. You just have to be open to the possibilities. Heck, I’m even making “dating” a line item in my budget again (after a hiatus).
We all have advantages and disadvantages that others don’t. If we’re smart, we learn from people who are in a better position than we are and we try to raise up people who aren’t. It’s certainly not easy though!
“Heck, I’m even making “dating” a line item in my budget again (after a hiatus).”
Best of luck on your journey and I’d love to see how much you budget for that one!
If I was dating now, I wouldn’t let on about my money quirks right away, but I’d be watching the other person like a hawk: “What was that? You want to spend $100 on that restaurant? What do you think about a walk in the woods?”
I could come up with a couple litmus tests for you if you’d like! Example:
“What is a roboadvisor?”
A) A service like Betterment that invests money and often uses strategies like tax loss harvesting.
B) Something to do with investing?
C) That robot thing that waves it’s arms on Lost in Space? Danger Will Robinson!
D) Is that like one of those robots that vacuums? I could totally use one because chores interfere with TV time!
Yes, I remember about 15 years ago, shortly after reading the (awesome) Tightwad Gazette, I was all fired up to implement the great ideas that Amy Dacyczyn wrote about. I told my husband excitedly about washing out Ziploc bags and aluminum foil to reuse them. He looked at me like I was a crazy person and said “we’re not that poor!” I slunk away, only to wash and reuse my bags and foil in secret. My thought was, if a bag was just holding some pretzels, why not reuse it? It’s better for the environment and better on the wallet! I never convinced him, though…
Ha, we reuse bags too. And same criteria; I won’t spend hours cleaning them, but it seems silly not to for non-messy stuff.
I love that you’re a closeted frugaler. I’ve met some folks who have spouses that have hid their money away, but never heard of people hiding their frugality!
#awesome!
+1 in the ziploc reusing team. I didn’t use ziploc as a student, so the first use of ziploc bags I really witnessed was my wife, and she washed them. So I always assumed this was “standard” practice. Only recently have I seen people throw them away after the first use. It feels completely unnatural and wasteful to me. Sure, when you’ve put some greasy soup or something that won’t wash away in there, but dry snacks, sandwiches, etc… no way we’re throwing away a ziploc after the first use.
At this level it’s really not even about the money, more about the environmental impact and the feeling that this is a big waste, imo.
A colleague recently scoffed at my brown bag lunch in a friendly enough way. But still quite annoying. Anyway, it got me thinking about his situation. He recently got a new garage as his old one was severely dilapidated and was in serious need of overhaul before it collapsed completely. I thought, OK, probably add some value to the home by doing this. Turns out he was doing it for one reason only – to house his newly purchased Maserati. Holy crap!! Now, I enjoy both brown bag lunches and being honest, the look of a Maserati also? But we know which one will get us the fastest to our goal, don’t we…?
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Sure, I’ve definitely been judged for being frugal. I’ve been called “cheap” or “stingy” way too often!
But it’s water off a duck’s back. I didn’t get to multiple millions because I cared much what other people thought.
“I didn’t get to multiple millions because I cared much what other people thought.”
Ding! Ding!! DING!!! We have a winner. Johnny, tell Mr. Tako what he’s won!
Mr. Tako has won a life where he’ll never have to sell another hour of his life again for money. He’s free to live life on his own terms. Mr. Tako is nothing less than free!
Yay! I’m a winner!
My mother is most critical of my lifestyle. To be fair, she’s always judged me, but when I became an aggressive saver she really got annoyed.. and annoying… it obviously got under her skin and made her hyper sensitive to her own life failings and uber nit-picky with my behavior. So many times when I brought along muffins for the kids (instead of buying prepackaged ones), I filled up my water bottle (instead of buying one), or rode my bike to work (instead of using the car) she’d react negatively. It’s like she just couldn’t handle her own emotions and simply had to throw them at me. It’s super crappy when the one judging you the most is mom.
I’m sorry to hear that. Like you said though, deep down she’s probably most angry at herself. Instead of being happy for your success, she’s miserable because of her failures.
Pet Sematary is one of my favorite movies. 😉
I agree with the frustration over spendy short term memory. The lesson there is that some people never learn their lesson.
And yes for setting a positive example! The only issue is that many people don’t see it as an example and dismiss it as “weirdness.”
But way to go for spending money on what matters to YOU. It’s all about pinching pennies in the right places.
I get judged all the time. In fact, it’s so bad that I can’t even tell my coworkers any details about my life, for fear of letting the frugal cat out of the bag. I was dumb enough to mention our renovation was financed with cash, and they looked like they’d been hit by a car. Once I accidentally said we’re paying off our student loans in a year, and the room actually went silent.
Oops.
The worst one was when I was telling my stepmom about the house we just purchased. She asked about the financing and whatnot. I said how much we bought it for, but that it didn’t really matter since it would be paid off in 5-7 years.
I’ve never had someone be so upset with me over personal finance. She interrogated me about how it was possible, and I told her that we live on less than 50% of our income. After I explained the math, she turned her back on me and didn’t say another word.
She was actually SEETHING over it! I couldn’t believe it!
Some people just don’t know there’s another way. When confronted with the information, they either are curious and explore it, or they become defensive. In my experience, they usually become defensive, so I have to be more secretive than I’d like.
Mrs. Picky Pincher recently posted…What a Frugal Weekend!
Wow that’s a pretty outsized reaction to something that’s none of her business!
The more I deal with people in the real world, the more I realize how different we all are. The thing is, it really isn’t that hard. Own a modest home, work hard and keep the old car. Save the rest. Not much to it at all.
The steps are simple, but the result is exceptional given enough time. Maybe that is why people are so surprised? They just see your success without considering the years of backstory.
“They just see your success without considering the years of backstory.”
YES!!! I once had a tow truck driver give me grief about being able to pay for an unexpected tire repair without even flinching. “Must be nice to have a car repair fund.” grumble grumble grumble.
I bit my tongue but was put off by his response. Why yes, it is nice to have a car repair fund. It didn’t fall out of the sky. I didn’t win the lottery. It was planning and money management. When you drive a 12 year old car, that’s just what you do.
But after the anger wore off, I was glad I bit my tongue. I don’t know his circumstances either.
Ha, I love stories like that! It really puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?
Maybe the expectation among most is a check to check lifestyle? I’d be absolutely terrified living like that.
I am sure we’re judged by friends and family for being too frugal, but they at least have the good sense to do it behind my back. (Maybe because they know what happens if they bring up money with me: a half hour conversation about the last taboo subject in our culture.)
LOL, that is awesome! With you were around in December…
One of these years, for sure. We’re planning our trip to Asia for winter 2017 already.
Should we plan on staying in AZ for the holidays? 😉
I am sure I get judged by others and friends. Heck my parents called me boring for not having a TV at home (http://www.tawcan.com/so-my-parents-called-me-boring/). Can you imagine your parents call you boring?
I have long learned not to care about what other people think about me. If I spend my time worrying what others think about me I’ll never get anything done! I’m perfectly happy wearing my 15 year old watch instead of that shiny new iWatch; I’m perfectly happy with that 2nd hand clothes I got instead of some brand name clothes; I’m perfectly happy with jeans from Costco instead of some brand name jeans that cost 10x the price; I’m perfectly happy bring lunch to work instead of buying lunch every day.
There’s nothing wrong with being frugal and practice stealth wealth. I’m pretty good at it and I have no desire to show off.
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That is hilarious that your parents called you boring. Maybe it’s the ultimate compliment too?
Yes, others judge me.
No, I do not care.
In the past I received judgment because I made a large income but lived modestly. I used to get comments on the house I lived in, the cars I bought, the vacations (or lack thereof I took), and so forth.
Then over the years I started buying rental properties and took a few cruises. The comments slowed down quite a bit and people began wondering what in the world I was up to.
Then I retired and the “cheapskate” comments stopped completely. Now they judge me as a “lazy bum” because I don’t work, though I know they are jealous.
And I don’t care anyway. 🙂
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This is GREAT:
“Then I retired and the “cheapskate” comments stopped completely.”
The Mrs. was criticized by one of her close friends for our decision to sell the big house and move in to our rental. Yeah our mortgage went from over $2,500.00 a month down to $500.00, but we had to lose two bathrooms in the process. “I could never live with only one bathroom”, this “friend” said very loudly at a girls night out gathering. At first Laura was very hurt. Soon she rounded the corner and just stopped caring what our friends thought. It’s one thing to be judged by strangers. It’s a whole new ballgame when your close friends judge you.
As therapy, Laura blogged about the incident. Yes, this friend reads the blog. Needless to say she was outraged and insisted the post come down. It’s still there and Laura still has her friend. It’s been a few years and now this friend sees the fruits of our sacrifice. I bet she would change places with us in a heartbeat.
That’s awesome that Mrs. Nickels rose above the nonsense. I sure as hell would live with one toilet is someone paid me $2,000/month. I’d just setup some of those orange Home Depot buckets in a corner! 🙂
Nice job Laura for writing the post and standing by it too.
You both are killing it in life and most would trade places with you. #hardwork
Not often, but right up until I retired young, sure. Then that stopped.
But now I get teased for not having a job sometimes?
People just like to tease, it’s usually a form of harmless bonding and so why not? If it isn’t harmless than it de facto says more about the other person than the receiver at which point you immediately don’t have to care (that rule is like magic!). So why not indeed.
True excellence in any endeavor (FIRE or profession or sport or etc) requires large set of behaviors that are different from the norm (or they would generate mediocrity) so pursuing excellence will always make you different, eventually you won’t be able to hide it, and differences get teased. C’est la vie
“Not often, but right up until I retired young, sure. Then that stopped.”
Someone said something similar a couple comments up. I think it’s great and hilarious. And also a big FU to the criticizers.
Love this:
“True excellence in any endeavor (FIRE or profession or sport or etc) requires large set of behaviors that are different from the norm (or they would generate mediocrity) so pursuing excellence will always make you different, eventually you won’t be able to hide it, and differences get teased.”
I love the “there is no place in my life for cheap tools” !!! One year Mr. Mt and I did a financial game, well, I called it a game so he would play along. Anyways, we listed all the things in our life that make us feel rich. One of his was having the right tools for the job. So I roll with it. After our last reno, I also vetoed cheap paint. 4 coats and 20 hours later the kitchen and living room still looked like crap and I almost had a meltdown. We donated every bucket of that stuff. I no longer care if it’s $25 a gallon vs $15. Never again.
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Ha ha, we’ve done the cheap paint route too. Our red wall fought the new color like an angry, rabid badger.
That sounds about right! =)
I’ve totally been judged, a lot, for my (former) coupon clipping and penny-pinching ways. Whatever. It’s saved me money and that’s all that matters in a run off between Other People’s Opinions and decisions I make for my life.
I’m positive that it would annoy me more to be judged as having a lot of money than as a frugal penny pincher, so basically three friends and PF bloggers know that we have any. The rest of the world doesn’t need to know whether we’re $10 over the average American net worth or 100x over.
I did have a moment of “hah, our facade works!” when we were hit with a huge unexpected expense recently and a family member commented they’d be happy to give us a loan since they “knew” that we couldn’t take that kind of hit. This coming from someone up to their eyeballs in consumer debt. We politely declined without saying why, of course.
Oddly enough, I don’t really feel like I’ve been actively judged for being frugal. Sure, I don’t spend as much as some people, but to others, I spend way more than them. So frugalness is all pretty relative.
I have been judged though for all the weird side hustles I do. People seem to think that some work is just “beneath” them. So when I’m grabbing trash I find on the street or in the dumpster and reselling it, some people think that’s low class to do and that I shouldn’t spend my time doing it. I see myself as helping out the world a little bit.
The same is true for my dog sitting side hustle, or doing Airbnb, or doing bike messenger deliveries. These are things lawyers simply shouldn’t do. Even though they don’t take me very much time to do and I have fun doing them, I really shouldn’t be spending my time doing such low level work.
The way I see it, money is money, no matter where it’s coming from. I don’t need the money, but I have fun doing these things, so why wouldn’t I try to make a bit of cash as well.
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My roommates use to call me out for driving hoopty back in the day. I always drove a car that was 10 years or older while the drove brand new BMWs and Lexus’. I decided to use the money that I would spend towards paying off my mortgage as quickly as possible Now my house is paid off and they’re still renting with the hopes of buying in the future.
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I wonder, though. Are you always fair with other people? In their eyes? I certainly appreciate how ‘frugal’ my husband is, and how we are able to retire if we want to. BUT… he does not have any idea how terrible he comes across. He NEVER appears generous. He is always calculating, and checking how much the bill was. I know that is how he functions, but it embarrasses me. If we are out with friends for dinner, there is NO NEED to examine the bill so carefully. If that one night we got overcharged for $2, I am FINE WITH THAT! I would rather enjoy the time with our friends. But my husband can never do that. (Our solution is to discuss this AGAIN right before we go out, AND I grab the bill. But even then it is hard for him to not peek over my shoulder.)
I do think that I’m fair. I always buy a round when it’s my turn. I’ve bought dinners for many or cooked them dinner at my place (including many strangers that I’ve met through the blog). I think I’m especially generous with small things (sharing the occasional world class beers I get my hands on) and some day, I’ll be really generous with wealth. I don’t believe in inheritances, so it will go to charity.
Regarding your husband, maybe he needs to see the bigger picture?
First of all, thanks for the shout out Mrs. 1500! Second of all, Mr. 1500, it’s not just you, NOBODY has room in their lives for bad tools!
I remember 12-13 years ago when our office first went to casual Fridays. Everyone used to bust my chops for the cheap CostCo jeans I used to wear. I didn’t care. Most everyone else wore designer jeans that were $100 and up. So silly…
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I love those Costco jeans. They are ugly, but whatever. Maybe some day, the hipsters will adopt them and all we’ll have to do is drink a PBR to really fit in?
Can’t even imagine paying $100 for jeans. My brain won’t go there.
I buy all my jeans at a charity thrift shop. Sometimes they still have the original store’s tags on them. They wear just as comfortably — and at my age I’m built for comfort, not for speed — and the cost is unbeatable. The most I’ve paid was $7; the least, $1.50 (and that was one of the pairs with the store tags still on).
It helps that I work from home, and thus don’t have to buy a work wardrobe, but the fact is I can (and do!) go years without buying new clothes. Dressing up just doesn’t interest me. I have a couple of “nice” outfits that I wear to the symphony or to conferences, and the rest of the time it’s jeans and T-shirts.
Have I been judged for frugality? Oh, heavens, yes, especially when I was writing the Smart Spending and Frugal Nation blogs for MSN Money. While many readers cheered my money-saving tips, some seemed personally affronted. Not sure why anyone else should care if you pack a lunch and do your own home improvements, but cranky folks always weighed in.
My own advice to anyone experiencing this: Enjoy the fruits of your frugality, and if people challenge you personally don’t let them get under your skin. In fact, saying something mild like, “I can’t imagine why what I do is upsetting YOU so much.”
Or do the Ask Amy comeback when someone says something rude: “Gosh, what an incredibly unkind thing to say! What on earth made you say it?!?”
Keep calm, and frugal on.
Donna Freedman recently posted…Three things about me.
“While many readers cheered my money-saving tips, some seemed personally affronted.”
I encounter this too! Why, oh why? The thing is that I’m not preachy or telling others what to do, so why do you give a shit what I do? It always cracks me up…
New reader here! Mr. 1500, I just recently discovered your blog, and I have to say, I am very impressed.
On to the content of the post though. I have to say that since coming out guns-a-blazing earlier this year with my website and Financial Independence plans, along with revelation and discussion of my lifestyle choice, I haven’t had any kind of negative reaction or judgement. Au contraire, my choice–and the discussion–have been received with open arms by family, friends, and others. I’ve even been asked for advice on financial decisions and predicaments! Maybe I’m one of the lucky ones.
I’ve made poor financial decisions in my past though, so I don’t feel as though I can ridicule or judge people for their financial situations. Sometimes people are happier having more things, like a nice car or a boat. I can only try to give them information and tools to make the best decisions possible with their money. I’ve changed my viewpoint on this since starting my website, so I’ll have to make a podcast episode or a post outlining my new non-judgmental position. Financial Independence is about happiness!
@Ann, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I sometimes tend to get that way as well when something is purchased. I’ve definitely gotten better though. Sometimes you just have to relax and spend $5 on a craft beer every once in a while 🙂
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“Financial Independence is about happiness!”
Yeah! It’s never about money. It’s about figuring out what makes you truly happy and then finding the quickest way to get there.
Exactly! That’s my thought. Everyone is in a certain financial situation. The important part is figuring out what makes you happy, and then focusing your finances, time, and energy on that, and eliminating waste from your life to get you where you want to be.
Looking forward to the next post, Mr. 1500! Keep up the good work.
Thanks Don!
Given how many people admitted to being Judgy McJudgerson’s on your post last week, I think it’s a fair assumption that I am judged by others. If that starts to bother me, I try and remind myself of one of my favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quotes: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And I don’t consent, so I shouldn’t worry about it.
Most of the time it works. Every once in a while it doesn’t, and then life is harder. =P
Mrs PoP recently posted…Lessons Learned From Bed…
Yes, we have been judged out loud, but only by the super spendy people. They probably realize I am silently judging their wastefulness so they mock my holey jeans or our simple lifestyle. A judgment tit for tat, if you will.
Way to go for keeping your mouth shut! Some day, these folks will wake up and realize you were on to something all along…
I have always been called cheap. Which is odd since i didn’t think i was. i just would splurge on products i felt needed the higher spend and would spend less on products that didn’t. (i.e. buying a more expensive tv that would last longer vs buying the 100 throw away tv from wally-world)
It got worse once i found MMM and J. Money (which just means i tumbled down the rabbit hole finding: 1500, retireby40, etc)
Then my parents and in-laws started calling my wife and i cheap on a daily basis.
I guess i expect it from my in-law who spend their money like it is going out of style but i expect better from my parents. Coming from a poor farming family they didn’t have anything. Growing up we had hand-me-downs and my dad would find toys in the garbage or side of the road, clean them up and give them to us. (i still remember having a sick Tonka truck collection all thanks to a throw away family). As soon as the family business started taking off they would buy more and now they have so much they don’t know what to do with it (that happens when you have a successful biz, no child expenses, a paid off house, and pay cash for cars)….other than buy crap and oh so many toys for their grandchildren…which is why they call me cheap. We already have way more toys than one 19 month old needs.
I think they expect me to have the same financial attitude as them since we make almost the same income.
“I have always been called cheap. ”
This is interesting, especially the word “always.” I’ve always been a saver and hard worker for as long as I can remember. I was the kid knocking on doors during a snowstorm offering to shovel your driveway for $2. From my observations, it seems that many of us are the same way; we were born with it.
I have only recently made the switch from being spendy to…..I don’t know, less spendy. I am not sure I qualify for frugal just yet but I have already noticed changes in attitudes towards me, most recently with my parents. My parents have been very spendy all their lives, and a lot of their spending has been on other people, they are more generous than they should be. The last few times they’ve visited me they have arrived with at least two suitcases filled with clothes for Toddler BITA and maybe half a suitcase of stuff for me. This last visit I was quite firm about the fact that neither she nor I needed anything other than time with them. They were very good and bought her just three sweaters. Their attitude towards me was an odd mixture of pride (not so much pride at being frugal on their behalf, but pride that I was satisfied with my lot, I think) and teasing. When I took my parents out shopping during their visit here they told me I had become “boring” to shop with because I steadfastly refused to show any interest in acquiring anything.
Mrs. BITA recently posted…The Indian Stash and my Stomach Ulcer
My mom calls me cheap all the time. My parents are immigrants and had to struggle and work hard for their current success. I think they want a life of abundance for me so they have a hard time when I “deprive” myself of things for the sake of saving.
I didn’t comment on the other post but I have to admit I judge people all the time. Most of the time it’s the speedy folk but I judge cheap people too. My definition of cheap is taking advantage of others to save yourself money.
I know people who eat at home before coming out with us and then asking for the leftovers that I was planning to take for lunch the next day. Or not putting in tax or tip if we split the bill. Once I was not invited to a wedding 20 mins from my house so they could save money on the guest list but was questioned why I didn’t come to their second reception halfway across the country (where they had moved to for work).
I also hate reading about personal finance bloggers who are millionaires but refuse to give time or money to any charity or person in need. Or how proud they are to not give friends and family gifts. Maybe your family is resentful of you because to achieve financial independence you have been cheap with your time and money towards them. Devil’s advocate.
My nickname is “Biscuit” from one friend. I wont go into the exact meaning of that nickname, but it has roots in my frugal nature(Why can’t someone give me a cool nickname – old coworker nicknamed me “Bender”, much cooler). I laugh at it these days as that friend seems more frugal and makes more money than I. As far as judging, maybe a little. I don’t think people judge me for buying a cheaper home or driving a $5000 car. Or if they do judge, they judge that I don’t make much money and I’m perfectly happy with that. I like to think people just assume that’s what I can afford and leave it at that. I think when people judge it’s in social interactions (at lease in Wisconsin). It’s not too difficult for me to splurge since going out with friends is somewhat rare.
How is the King Sue? I’ll be trying some of those beers you gave me tomorrow, sharing among other beer lovers. I’ll have to come out to Colorado sometime soon where I’m sure the bars in Longmont have a better selection of beers.