Society, you’re a crazy breed,
I hope you’re not lonely without me.
Society, crazy and deep,
I hope you’re not lonely without me.Society, have mercy on me,
I hope you’re not angry if I disagree.
Society, crazy and deep,
I hope you’re not lonely without me.–Society, Jack Hannah (later covered by Eddie Vedder)
Have you ever felt like checking out of society? Last week, I had a bad experience that made me want to move to a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Here’s the story:
Unablogger?
My daughters are in Girl Scouts and it’s cookie season. I volunteered to help manage a booth and was assigned to a Walmart in a poorer part of town. It was a sad scene.
At one point during the evening, a guy in his 30s stopped at the booth to buy some cookies. Then, he asked for change in a confusing manner. I later learned that he was pulling a scam called short-changing and had succeeded in stealing $20. What kind of asshole scams children? I felt terrible for not catching it.
Humans do far worse things to each other, but encountering a lowlife in person made me want to move to a cabin in the middle of 1000 acres and check out. Humans can suck sometimes. Readers have been telling me that I look like the Unabomber, so I already have the look. Maybe I can be the Unablogger? I’ll move out to a remote cabin and send vitriolic blog posts to the world. Oh wait, I already do the latter!
The Claw Machine
And then there was the Claw Machine Guy.
My shift lasted about 90 minutes and when I got there, I noticed that there was an older guy playing the claw machine. I thought it was strange for a 50-year-old guy to be pumping dollars into this waste of money, but didn’t think much more about it. But then I noticed he kept playing. And kept playing.
He fed dollars into the machine for 45 minutes. Finally, he was gone. “About time!” I thought. A moment later, he appeared at the cookie booth asking for change. And then he was back at the machine. He played for at least an hour. When he finally left, I took a look at the machine to see what he was trying to win:
He spent at least $50 trying to win some junk that he could have purchased in the store for less than $5.
Sigh…
Tunnel Vision
There was more thing I noticed; suffering. Lots of folks at Walmart looked like they were struggling financially or otherwise. The appearance of many told me that they were living a rough life. Some had dirty clothes. Many had physical disabilities. One woman had bruises on her face. I saw two cars that had broken down in the parking lot.
It’s easy to get tunnel vision, especially as we get older. We hang around with people similar to ourselves who help reinforce our biases. We get stuck in our ways. We lose perspective. I’m certainly guilty.
In my world, many of my friends are in this community. We don’t lack money. Most of us are in good health. We won the Geographic Lottery by being born in a good place and have made a good life for ourselves. Our struggles are few.
Standing in front of that Walmart, I had this thought:
I’ve had a good life as an adult. What can I do to help?
You’re probably thinking:
Don’t sell them $4 boxes of cookies Big Dummy!
OK, besides that. Here is what I came up with:
- Blog!: Can I help people with my writing? Probably not. While I occasionally get a nice email from a reader stating that I helped them turn things around, I’m not going to delude myself. My impact as a writer is minimal. And most of the people I’ve helped are much farther ahead. The poor aren’t reading this blog.
- Donate money: My giving has been limited to infrequent gifts of $50 to friends and family raising money for a cause. I’m not ready to give away big money yet like Physician on FIRE or Mr. Money Mustache. Here is why:
- Children: I’d like to see my kids off first. If I choose to pay for their college, it will come out of my portfolio. I also want to be prepared for expenses like braces and health care. Once the children are out of the house, my position will have more certainty.
- Investing: I’m not quite done investing yet. I want to keep money on hand for potential investments like real estate or small business.
- Donate time: This is something I can do, but what’s the best way? I could surely volunteer to deliver meals or file papers and wouldn’t mind doing that, but I have a valuable skill (software development) that earned me a six-figure income. I also enjoyed the work. I’m most valuable to an organization as a software developer. And I think I found a way to do just that. More in tomorrow’s post.
My Anger Was Wrong
I’ve thought a lot about the scammer that night at the cookie booth. I was right to be upset, but not right to cling to my anger. I need to be less emotional. I need to put stuff like this in perspective and be objective. You can let a bad experience fester and consume you or you can let it be a lesson. We have the power to choose our feelings and our response to a situation.
Humans can suck sometimes, but deep down, most are good.
I’m not going to get all preachy and say things like, ‘it’s our duty to give back’ even if that’s what I plan on doing. It’s a personal choice, but giving back sounds more rewarding than becoming the Unablogger.
You?
Do you volunteer time or money? How?
If not, do you plan to?
Do you need a software developer to code something up for your cause?
Also, do you want to buy some cookies? Just kidding. Maybe…
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.
Cubert says
Thought provoking stuff. Reminds me of an article that prompted a post not long ago, about the epidemic of despair in America’s middle-age white segment. Opioid addiction, loss of steady jobs, and disconnected communities (Facebook to blame?)
No answers – but I’ve seen what you’ve seen. WalMart is definitely a hub for catching a glimpse. You can volunteer and you can vote to change things, but sometimes a cabin in the woods doesn’t sound all that bad of an idea. Just leave the hoodies and shades behind before heading to the library…
Mr. 1500 Days says
“Just leave the hoodies and shades behind before heading to the library…”
I have to fly to Portland in a couple weeks. What do you think TSA would think of the look? 🙂
FullTimeFinance says
I watched a video not long ago talking about how the claw machine itself is programmed to change the strength of the claw to rate limit success based on owner parameters. Perhaps the man was doing some research?
I got nothing on the scammer, that’s pretty low.
Sorry already bought my four boxes a month ago. That’s my waste lines limit.
Finally I tend to volunteer money more lately. It use to be time but I never seem to have enough of it these days to give out.
FullTimeFinance recently posted…Perfect is the Enemy of the Good
Mr. 1500 Days says
The claw machines are just ridiculous. While I was observing the dude, I saw it drop the crap it picked up at least twice. I’m convinced that this particular one couldn’t pick up a cotton ball.
Budget On a Stick says
Most of our charity has been through donating stuff we no longer need/being more minimalist. My life is so wrapped up in my 3yr old and 9-month old that time is a scarce commodity in the BoaS household (I have 1 hour a week to pump out a post). Otherwise, we mainly donate money during the holiday season. I know we need to get better at contributing back to society.
When I worked at McDs we would get people trying to get more money back by using large denominations for a $5 or $10 meal. Anything 50+ we were supposed to call over a manager.
Sorry on the cookie front, I’m waiting on cookies from my niece.
Budget On a Stick recently posted…Our Walk With Cash Budgeting
Jeff From Jersey says
All I can think about following this post is a fake movie trailer with the movie guy voice over going,..
“In a world where financial independence brings more than just freedom, One man attempts to escape the dark underbelly of society..ONE BLOG POST AT A TIME! He is the hero financial blogger we deserve, but not the one who should be passing out grooming tips. He is our protector during times of flatulence and volatility. He is the voice of reason that plays with toy dinosaurs. He is the UNABLOGGER!”
As my father in law once said to me while we were standing in line at Wal-Mart, “There is a whole lot of ugly here tonight.” And I am pretty sure he was not commenting on the overall attractiveness of people.
In terms of a particular cause that my wife and I support, most of our annual giving goes towards Four Diamonds affiliated with Penn State Health Children’s Hospital. We got involved during college and have maintained an active role ever since. The organization’s mission is providing pediatric cancer support to children and their families. With a close friend recently passing away from cancer, it makes it that much more meaningful to be able to dedicate our resources in his name moving forward.
And NO, we don’t need anymore Girl Scout cookies. Good luck with the marathon training.
Mr. 1500 Days says
Hilarious! I can totally hear that voice!!!
It’s really sad place. I had to go again yesterday and heard screaming. I look up and there’s a kid who looked to be about 12 darting down the aisle with his father in pursuit. No idea what was going on there. Maybe it’s better not to know.
Nice work on the cancer charity. Cancer sucks. Breast cancer took out my aunt and maternal grandmother. It seems to me that most of it will be cured in the next couple of decades.
Andy says
Seems like the Frugalwoods have really found the good balance of moving to a place in the woods, but still engaging with society and giving back. I can really see me and my wife trying to follow their example in the future.
I think you’ve got some great insights here (per usual) and it is rough when you look around and notice that not everything is sunshine and puppy dog tails for the rest of humanity. We in this community have it so unbelievably good that it can be jarring to realize how abnormal that is.
Two ways that I’ve been thinking about giving back, that would also be well suited to your skills, are 1) Building houses for the less fortunate with Habitat for Humanity and 2) Getting involved in some sort of financial literacy classes either for kids still in school or for people that can’t afford to pay for professional advice. I haven’t done much research into #2, but I’ve got to figure these exist or I could create one.
Andy recently posted…How My Wife Crushed $17,000 of Debt
Mr. 1500 Days says
Holy crap, #2 is a wonderful idea. Hell, I’d like to do it for adults too. So many people could probably be helped with a 10-minute conversation or maybe even a sentence like: “Here is what will happen over 30 years if you invest that money instead of buying the new car…”
Mr. PoP says
We put 25k into a Donor Advised Fund at the end of last year-it should allow us to give about 1k annually in perpetuity. I could see this increasing in time…the question of how to give back to society is pretty related to what to do after FI.
Mr. PoP recently posted…He Said She Said: Why We Save
Mr. 1500 Days says
Nice work Penny Planters! I dig it!
freddy smidlap says
i sort of sponsor this homeless guy, mike, in my neighborhood. i only see him occasionally and i really like talking to him. i’ll give him a 10 or a 20 when times are good if he asks. i see a lot of down and out and mentally ill folks when i’m out walking the dog. i think they just appreciate someone treating them politely because they get a hard time all day every day…. and i’m really nice to the cleaning crew.
freddy smidlap recently posted…Financial Success With a Rock’n’Roll Lifestyle? Hell Yeah!
Mr. 1500 Days says
“and i’m really nice to the cleaning crew.”
Haha nice, but important. My dad was in construction and he worked in an uppity community for a while. He used to mention that some folks would talk down to them. That always stuck with me.
MrWow says
After our most recent trip, we discussed during our run, ive put a lot of thought into this.
There’s always something you can do. Even if it’s serve meals at the shelter, or something like that.
The most important thing though is to keep perspective, and not lose it. Remember that your problems are not bad comoaratively, and help out folks simply because you are blessed.
And yup, I’m a bachelor this week, as the Mrs is off doing her world changing stuff again. I think she did a guest post on some blog about it 😉
Mr. 1500 Days says
Man, your stories were intense. After we talked that day, I read some more about everything that went on there and looked at some of the pictures. Humans are mostly good, but holy hell, when they’re bad, they’re bad.
Don’t go nuts this week with Mrs. WoW out of town! I’m picturing the movie Risky Business or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off…
MrWow says
That’s pretty accurate. I’ve already got a bunch of empty beer cans in the garbage and the dishes are starting to pile up… Might be time to order a pizza!!!
Yeah, sobering and awful huh? Every time I complain about something, i have to remind myself to stop and think. My problems aren’t even first world problems, they’re like, the first world problems of the first world… It’s really crazy.
Mrs. LSF says
This is an area I struggle with big time. Similar to you I do the odd donation here and there. But right now, being in the wealth building phase of life, I’m working hard to optimize every penny I spend. It makes it difficult to want to donate any significant amount regularly – even though I know there are people out there who need it far more than I do, and that I will still live an extremely comfortable life without that money in my pocket. I know I know, cue the egg throwing and boos. I’m not proud of it. But it is something I want to work to get better at.
Mr. 1500 Days says
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that actually. Warren Buffett kinda has the same idea. I heard him say once that his job is to accumulate the most so he can give it away after he dies. Maybe it’s the same for you? You’ll give later, but in a bigger way?
Brian says
Most local libraries would be willing to host you for a class like this. As long as you are not selling any services they are game. I have done several. My next one is in April.
Brian recently posted…Interview Series: Bull In Captivity
nadir says
Hit your “number” and THEN decide if you want to keep doing your 9-5-er and donate the money you earn. I see no shame in making sure YOU provide for YOU. Because no one else is going to.
Personally my eventual goal is to do like Mr. PoP. Put money into a fund that earns specifically for donations. Much like the jelly of the month club, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Mr. 1500 Days says
Jelly of the Month! Hilarious Uncle Eddie!
Maybe you’re on to something though? What about a simple charity that’s the reverse of a “box of the month” thing. Every month, your $10 goes to a vetted charity. If you like them, you’ll have the opportunity to donate more or maybe even contribute in some other way?
The only requirement is that it’s all efficient. There shouldn’t be a CEO of Charity of the Month making $400,000/year…
nadir says
ha! I like it. Can we get that Trade Marked ?
Joe says
Sorry to hear about your experience. The Walmart in our area isn’t that bad. Most shoppers look a bit poorer, but I didn’t see that kind of warning signs. I’m sure it’d be a different story if I stand there for hours trying to sell cookies. Our Safeway is downtown and we see many homeless people around there. That’s a tough life to live. Most of them are probably stuck in that situation due to mental illness and/or addiction.
I’d like to improve the world someday, but not right now. Life is too busy with a crazy little boy around. There is a senior center nearby that feed seniors for free. They always need a cook and service volunteers. I’d go for that once our kid needs less time.
I’m looking forward to reading more about your effort to improve the world. Good luck.
Mr. 1500 Days says
Thanks Joe!
Elyse says
I used to donate more money before I got serious about FI. I plan to start a donor advised fund toward the end of my FI journey.
I do donate time monitoring sea turtle nesting on our public beaches in Clearwater, Florida, and I volunteer on the advisory board of my local library. I like to donate time rather than money because I don’t feel like it interferes with my path to FI as much as giving money, and it gets me out of the house, interacting with people, and making friends. Win Win!
Mr. 1500 Days says
“I do donate time monitoring sea turtle nesting on our public beaches in Clearwater, Florida, and I volunteer on the advisory board of my local library.”
Both of these things put a massive smile on my curmudgeon face! Baby turtles and books; that’s awesome!
I don’t have any sea turtle near me, but I LOVE my local library. I’m gonna haul my butt down there this week and find out what I can do for them. Thanks for the inspiration!
Candi @ minhus says
Do I ever want to check out of society? Only every other time I leave the house. Especially with the sharp political divide we’re experiencing, global warming, school shootings…these things get me down. Plus the much less extreme examples of people being rude. *sigh*
I volunteer with a no-kill animal shelter, it’s just an hour or so most weeks taking care of adoptable cats, but I like it. More and more I’m inspired to help animals over people because I feel like they aren’t jerks. And those that are its usually because being mistreated. I give a bit. I’m still accumulating too, so it feels like a lot to me sometimes, but it’s not. I give to a food bank, animal shelters, and cancer and Alzheimer’s research (not all every year, but I always give to the first two.), plus items I no longer need to charity.
I’m not a complete cynic, I know there are good people out there and I come across them daily, but sometimes it feels like society as a whole is going down hill. Maybe I’m just getting old?!
Candi @ minhus recently posted…Challenge Accepted: January Cure Week I
Mr. 1500 Days says
Candi-
I can relate. One of my favorite quotes of all time is this one, supposedly attributed to Abraham Lincoln:
“If You Want to Know What a Man’s Like, Look at How He Treats His Inferiors”
It’s bad enough to treat other humans poorly. When you treat animals poorly, there is something wrong with you. Anything that can feel pain should be treated well. The End.
I struggle with the same despair too. Wake up fellow humans. We have no right to trash our home. Tread lightly and thoughtfully. Sigh….
Linda says
I do plan to give back of my time when I check out of the full time RN thing. I’d like to use my medical knowledge to assist the elderly by taking them to Dr appointments. I could drive, provide companionship while waiting, inturpret confusing medical jargon to them and awaiting family members that might still be in the workforce or live in a different location. I’ve been watching on the sidelines and formulating my game plan of service.
Mr. 1500 Days says
Nice. It’s awesome that you’ve been thinking about how you’ll give back. Onward and upward!
PedalsforPennies says
I was robbed in a similar manner while working the register at Kmart in college, although they managed to make off with a lot more then 20$.
Don’t underestimate the impact of writing, I think it has a bigger reach then you realize and impacting a middle class individual to learn to save could be the skill that saves them from falling to the lower class should anything unexpected happen.
As for giving, I give to my church and some other organizations, but sometimes I struggle to see the impact.
Mr. 1500 Days says
Thank you for the kind words PfP!
This sounds so cliche, but just helping one person means so damn much. I’ve received more than one email and that’s BY FAR, the best part of this whole blog thing.
“As for giving, I give to my church and some other organizations, but sometimes I struggle to see the impact.”
Yep. How do you reconcile it? I think about this all the time too. For example, if I give a 30-minute talk and don’t see emotion from the audience, I feel like I failed, In the case of giving, sometimes we’re just sending money off into a void. I’m not sure what the answer is here.
PedalsforPennies says
I try to realize and remind myself, that just b/c I don’t see the impact first hand, doesn’t mean that an impact isn’t being made. Many of our interactions in life have a carry over effect beyond what we personally experience!
PedalsforPennies recently posted…Sometimes it’s just to impress a girl.
BC Kowalski says
This man’s claw machine obsession puzzles me. Even as a young child I recognized what a rip-off the claw machine was. It wasn’t a machine that created a nearly impossible skill challenge that could, theoretically, be mastered; it was a rigged device that gave only frustration. All the games of this sort were a “rip-off” in the sense that whatever prize one would win wouldn’t be nearly worth what one payed to play the game, but at least they were fun. A couple of weak claw grabs was enough to send little me running to another game. Not to armchair diagnose, but maybe he had a mental illness?
I think you’re right to be mad at the change scammer. Ripping off little kids is about as low as it gets.
I do think FIRE stuff can be useful to anyone. I don’t make anywhere near a software engineer’s salary, but FIRE techniques from FIRE bloggers have helped me tremendously. My “early retirement” won’t be as early as most of the bloggers I follow, but much earlier than it would be without them!
BC Kowalski recently posted…How I saved money with Trim
Mr. 1500 Days says
“Not to armchair diagnose, but maybe he had a mental illness?”
I think he may have. When he came to the booth asking for change, it was clear that he wasn’t all there. I wasn’t sure if he was low IQ or strung out on drugs, but he wasn’t playing with a full deck. Sad.
“I do think FIRE stuff can be useful to anyone. I don’t make anywhere near a software engineer’s salary, but FIRE techniques from FIRE bloggers have helped me tremendously.”
Totally true. The goal isn’t really money; it’s living a worthwhile/meaningful life. The big reveal is that a good life doesn’t require money. In fact, money often detracts from the goal..
Kayla says
I struggle with these issues a lot. I work in special education in an area with very low SES and high rates of substance abuse. In fact, in one of our elementary schools, it is estimated that over 50% of our students are born alcohol- or drug-affected. It took me a very long time to come to the conclusion that it is not my place to judge the parents; it IS my place to care about their kids and do all that I can to help them, and, hopefully, work to break the cycle.
I have actually been teaching myself to code in hopes of one day working to provide some free, open-source assistive technology for students (and adults) as many current programs are cost-prohibitive for our schools and adults with disabilities. The new(ish) Microsoft CEO is currently working to create awareness and support for AT programs and they just made a really great one called Seeing AI. I’m currently working on a simple switch-access program for one of my classrooms. If you’d be open to the idea, I almost guarantee that if you visit your local school’s low-incidence population classrooms, they would find some ways to use your skills.
Thanks for a great post and some great insight!
Mr. 1500 Days says
“….it is estimated that over 50% of our students are born alcohol- or drug-affected.”
Yikes. How horrible is that? Talk about not getting a head start in life…
“I have actually been teaching myself to code in hopes of one day working to provide some free, open-source assistive technology for students (and adults) as many current programs are cost-prohibitive for our schools and adults with disabilities”
Since this is what I do, let me know if you ever need help or want to work together on something. I’ve love to help.
Kayla says
That would be amazing! I’ve been following FI blogs for a long time now and your posts have had me snort-laughing a few times (the thermostat war post with you and your wife was particularly amazing for that). I’ve always appreciated that you have a skill that you can continue to use and that will, likely, only grow in demand as the years go on. It was actually one of the inspirations for me to learn the skill myself, as I have grand plans for becoming FI. I’ve got so, SO far to go in the programming world, but even creating a few (most ridiculously simple ever) programs for my students has been really rewarding. Even if I go no farther on my path towards learning to code, I’ve already felt like I made a difference for a few of my students, so thank you for that!
Mr. 1500 Days says
I’m curious to hear about what you’ve done. Let’s talk on Saturday!
Kayla says
That would be great! Thanks!
Danny the Pizza Guy says
Sorry to hear you had an interesting day selling cookies. As I was reading it reminded me of a lot of my co-workers at my side hustle. Not to say all of them are bad, but definitely a few stick out that would scam anyone, even family and friends, out of a few measly dollars if given the opportunity. Working there as given me a significant amount of perspective and appreciation for the people who matter in my life.
On a positive note, my wife volunteers a ton of her time. There’s a great group in the city that organizes all sorts of events on a daily basis. Soup kitchens, teaching English as a 2nd language, reading to little kids before school, and working as a nurse’s aid in a hospital to name a few. She usually has to go into the city to do this type of volunteer work as opportunities in our area are rare. Is there an organization like that in your area? In any case, I think you’d do really well teaching others about something your passionate about. Maybe it’s personal finance at a school/library/community center like you did a year ago. Or a class on carpentry. How about dinosaurs? The possibilities are endless 🙂
Mr. 1500 Days says
Isn’t it sad to see humans behaving badly? Sigh…
Most of us are good. The bad ones though sure make it hard. Of course, there are those who will bring a pizza to a group of total strangers in a city park which makes up for all of the shit! 🙂
Go Danny the Pizza Guys wife go!
And thank you for the encouragement. I’m going to get off of my ass and do something this year.
Jacq says
When work people are very stupid, plus bad traffic, I grow large apathy for the rest of humans, except friends and family, and if aliens vacuumed people I’ve never met off the surface of the earth, I’d be ok with that. Blogger friends get to stay too.
I am lucky to have such great people in my life that restore my belief that humans are ok.
Mr. 1500 Days says
“and if aliens vacuumed people I’ve never met off the surface of the earth, I’d be ok with that. Blogger friends get to stay too.”
Haha! Yeah… It’s not raccoons and squirrels f***ing up the planet. That’s for sure…
Please do reach out when you make it out to Colorado or we make it out to your corner of the world. It would be fun to chat in person.
wendy says
My parents raised my brother and I to be a part of our small town community and to help people around us – strangers and family alike. We regularly volunteered through girl/boy scouts, the local Auduban sanctuary, my parents’ Lions/Lioness club, our schools, etc. It was expected, normal, and no big fuss. We learned, had fun, and helped out. Some of my best childhood memories are of helping out at our harvest festival, the summer music festivals, etc.
Fast forward through crammed years of college and first jobs and there seemed to be no spare hours… so I spent years only donating some money, no time. I was doing something, but time is worth more to me than money, so it never felt like enough.
Now the best part of my week is the time I spend as a volunteer ESL tutor. I still donate money and hope to do more once I’ve finished my own accumulation stage, but the gift of time & attention is something that I know is making an impact in someone’s life. After a crappy day trading time for money at my job, it’s great to trade time for community, friendship, and laughter.
Mr. 1500 Days says
THIS! —>>> “After a crappy day trading time for money at my job, it’s great to trade time for community, friendship, and laughter..”
Jonathan says
I’ve wanted to check out of society many many times!!! however I find that I enjoy a bit of society from time to time. My best balance is to live out of town on a family farm but stay involved locally.
We give back in a variety of ways mainly through volunteering at our church but also helping rebuild a local playground and other special projects things as they come.
We also donate to 2 charities on a regular basis (Shameless plug for both) which provide housing a life skills to underprivileged humans.
https://asiashope.org/ – Runs orphanages throughout Asia
https://www.facebook.com/Place4Grace/ – Provides a home/life skills/job skills for single mothers trying to change a local community one family at a time
Petra says
It’s good to think of this.
I’m giving back by donating roughly 7% of my after-tax salary to several charities, while I’m also building my portfolio to reach FIRE. I’ve also started volunteering by helping refugees and foreigners who live in my country to learn my language, so that they can live here more easily and enjoy their life more.
I assume you have heard about effective altruism? Use your resources to help others the most. This could definitely include using your talents to be more effective.
I’m curious what you came up with.
Iquit2Travel says
I haven’t done much volunteering but I will start this April. I’ll be working with people who need help budgeting, opening a bank account, paying bills on time etc. While these things might seem simple to a lot of FIRE people, apparently it is not the easiest thing for many. I hope I can make a small difference in helping another person managing his/her finances.
Mr. 1500 Days says
That’s awesome and I like the way you think. Basic personal finance may sound obvious to us, but it’s not to many.