1500 Days to Freedom

Think different and escape the rat race.

Ask the Readers: How do you handle Christmas Gifts?

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Hi there, Mrs. 1500 once again, asking you how you handle Christmas gifts. But first, let’s go back to last week, and see if anyone would rent out their house or portion of their house on airbnb.com?

Chris from Big Day Coming has no doubts that he is not interested. “…I’d feel like I’d need to lock all my stuff up in storage…”

Writing2Reality would look into it more, but he is just about the only person who would.

Many of you feel your house is too small, Like Ree Klein from Escaping Dodge and FI Pilgrim. Yay for you for having a small house.

Fit is the New Poor, Savvy Financial Latina, Anna from Are Ya Gonna Eat That and Mrs. PoP from Planting our Pennies have all used it to rent a place and had good experiences, which is nice to know.

The Mister and I were talking about the responses we got, and it seemed like those who said no, didn’t really have a space that could be separated off from the rest of the house. Since we are doing an addition, we can dictate what goes where. We are adding a bedroom/bathroom and lofty-type area. The loft can be a living room for the guests, and the bed/bath is separated from the rest of the house, so it is almost like they aren’t even there. Once everything is all done, we will let you know how it works out.

Now to today’s question, How do you handle Christmas gifts? Here in America, gift giving has become ridiculous, with the average American spending $700 on gifts every year. What?!? Our list of people to buy gifts for includes 2 sets of parents, 3 single sisters and one brother who is married with 3 kids.

We have asked our families repeatedly not to purchase gifts for us, because we neither want nor need anything. Not only that, many of the people on our list have little to no discretionary funds, and go into debt to buy gifts.

Add to all of that, the gifts they do give us tend to be things we can’t use, or are skewed versions of things we want. A perfect example: I gave a suggestion to one of the grandparents that the little 1500 would love a copy of March of the Penguins, a brilliant documentary narrated by Morgan Freeman. What she received instead, was a copy of Happy Feet, an insipid cartoon about penguins.

I have received gift cards to stores I do not shop in, clothes that do not fit nor are my style, scrapbooking supplies, a hobby I do not enjoy and therefore do not participate in. My children have received clothes that don’t fit, toys they don’t want or worse, that they already have.

For the past 2 years, we have been in a state of flux, with our house on the market and not wanting to acquire anything else that we would then have to move. But now, we are in our forever house, and can no longer use this as an excuse. My sister called me the other day to encourage me to participate in gift-giving this year.

All of this makes me sound like a scrooge, which is not my intention. I want my children to appreciate a few gifts, rather than expect an enormous pile under the Christmas tree. I don’t want my family to go into debt to buy me a gift. On the other side, I have several relatives who don’t have room for anything else, so to add to their pile doesn’t seem right.

So, have you been successful in fending off the annual overspend, find-something-anything, gift-giving spree? If so, how? How do you handle the gift giving in your family?

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  1. Hi there,

    Got into Mustachian/early retirement lifestyle earlier this year.
    For the first time I actually budgeted Christmas presents (and birthday presents too) in order to set aside the needed money every month.

    Budgeting helped a lot in removing emotions in Christmas expenses.
    Just putting a limit made me try to find pleasant present for my family while looking for the best offer and not just saying “argh come one it is Christmas time, let’s not bother with numbers”.

    I think I can still improve being more creative but at least my 13th salary (welcome in Switzerland ;-)) won’t be eaten by that but directly put into my savings.

    • You know, I think I really needed to read this part, “Budgeting helped a lot in removing emotions in Christmas expenses.” I have been so anti-Christmas gifts for so long, that I don’t even want to think about them. If I budgeted for them in the beginning of the year, I would keep them in the back of my mind the whole year, and when I see something that would be great for this person or that, and it fits in the budget, it would be a whole lot easier to swallow. Thanks!

  2. Years ago, my husband and I decided to give our grandchildren experiences with us rather than another gift added to the many they receive on Christmas. Now we take both families to a water park and go down slides with the children as many times as they want. Or we go bowling, even though I go about it like a chicken on steroids. Some years we spend the night at a nearby hotel that has a large swimming pool and gathering area; we take in lots of snacks and get in the pool whenever our presence is requested. These excursions are remembered with laughter by everybody for many years, while most gifts are soon forgotten or discarded.

    • I love this idea. We have done this on my side with my parents footing the bill, but then the rest of the kids still want to exchange gifts. I think, with the recent Day-after-Thanksgiving sales, I am feeling grinchy…

  3. We set a budget of $100 per person in our immediate family, and the money is placed in a savings account at the beginning of the year (no debt for us!). We don’t buy toys and stuff throughout the year, with the exception of birthdays. I think very carefully about what I will get for my boys, and my husband and I both make lists for each other. We also buy for both sets of parents, and I try to do that as inexpensively (but thoughtfully) as possible. We no longer buy gifts for siblings or their kids.

    I do wish that people would refrain from giving us gifts because 1. I feel a little guilty about not reciprocating and 2. I agree that they are often desperate attempts to give *something* out of a feeling of requirement rather than a well-considered and thoughtful token. The frugalista in me can’t bear the thought of loved-ones wasting their money. I wish, if they really must give, that they would ask what we could really use.

    p.s. I have had great experiences with cardpool.com for trading in unwanted gift cards.

  4. Wow, $700 is ridiculous. This Christmas is the first that I’ll be living on my own, and as such, money is a bit tighter. I buy the most gifts for my parents and boyfriend, try to get my grandma one big present, and give my aunts and cousins something small. I never really find anything I want, either, and people end up buying me clothes that don’t fit as well. I always end up feeling guilty about it! I would rather get a gift card or something homemade (my aunts are crafty). Exchanging gifts on Christmas Eve has been a family tradition, though, so I don’t think I’ll escape it any time soon.
    E.M. recently posted…Luxuries Worth Spending OnMy Profile

      • I agree! I do like home-made gifts. Or even a picture framed for us (of the nieces/nephews). Something like this that touches the heart means the most to us! I started a little tradition with the nieces/nephews every year – we buy them Christmas pajamas, and have a “Christmas Kick-Off Slumber Party” at our house. We all get in our pajamas, watch a fun video, eat treats, then decorate cut-out cookies, that the kids take home. It’s more about making memories that giving them more crap. We much prefer to give money to go into their savings accounts. Just something small to open up (books are good!).

  5. I give lots of traditional family cookies to folks that we don’t really buy presents for. Charity gets a chunk in lieu of most family members, and we have asked that to happen in lieu of gifts for us with mixed results. This year there is one thing on my “list” – a gift card so I can buy a swim suit. That’s it!
    Mrs PoP @ Planting Our Pennies recently posted…PoP Income Statement – November 2013My Profile

    • I love to bake, so the gift of cookies for people who don’t bake is a great idea. And let me send you my address just in case you have leftovers.

  6. We setup a Christmas savings account and contribute money to it all year long. We don’t use credit cards and pay cash for all our presents. We have 3 parents, a sister, ourselves, and 3 children we buy for. We spend around $50-$100 per person. Our family is very open in their list making. It makes it very easy and fun to buy and receive presents. We even go so far as to circle items in catalogs so we always get exactly what we need. Our children get a few fun things, but they also understand that they get practical things they need like a new coat or winter jammies. My DH likes to buy me a “splurge” present. I’ve given up trying to convince him not to spend money on me. It’s his love language to give gifts, so I know it’s his way of saying I love you. I just budget for it now. Using cash makes it easy to budget. We used to do all sorts of other things that cost money. Now we’ve cut back and only do the things that are really traditions for us that mean a lot.

    • I wrote this post right after the horrid shopping day of Black Friday, and I think I was feeling a little grinchy. OK, a LOT grinchy. The stories of people fighting over towels at Wal-Mart makes me sad. At least no one died this year…
      I think next year we will budget for gifts, and shop throughout the year. There is always something you can find that would be a great gift for someone you know.

  7. Ah yes, the elusive and tough feat that is evading judgment around the holidays. As somewhat of a bah-humbug myself, I face this with annual regularity, and have accommodated in a few small ways by encouraging and structuring my gift exchanging accordingly.

    First, my immediate family consists of parents and two married brothers with wives. We, the children and significant others, combine to give the parents one big gift. Think theatre tickets or a night at a B&B. For the “kids”, we all get together one evening in December outside of Christmas Day/Eve, go out to dinner, and pass along the best gift, time spent together.

    For my fiancée’s family, two parents and two kids (including my fiancée), things are a bit tougher as her family is a gift-giving family. While her parents are extremely frugal, they are not shy about expecting everyone to have a mini-list so that they can actually get things people want. Thus, I am simply held to buying one item off each person’s list, all reasonably priced (less than $25 per person). The obvious exception is my fiancée with whom I’ll expand the price range to $50 or so, depending on what she actually wants/needs.

    So in summary, I fear no judgment and give the way I feel is acceptable without ever going overboard. I don’t believe in giving to cousins and those folks you only see a couple times a year. If you don’t like it, I don’t care. When, and if, I have children, they will get one or two items, preferably something durable that can inspire their imaginations regularly, as opposed to trips to the store for batteries and parts.
    writing2reality recently posted…Trades – INTC, OHI, TAL, CSCO, and ARCPMy Profile

  8. This is a tough time of year, because there’s so much excess it is ridiculous! Your statement, “We have asked our families repeatedly not to purchase gifts for us, because we neither want nor need anything” is exactly what we’ve done with my family because we simply don’t want or need anything.

    I invariably wind up giving away, donating or throwing out many of the items we get because I just don’t want the items and I don’t want the clutter in my house!

    We’ve asked them to just buy for our daughters, but even there we have to keep it reasonable, because people go overboard.
    Brad @ RichmondSavers.com recently posted…Stress-Free Cooking Installment 1: Soy Chicken RecipeMy Profile

    • Yes, Brad. With our new downsized house, it is going to be that much harder to receive numerous gifts. I could open a toy store in the girls’ bedroom…

  9. I love to spoil people. I really do. I’m a gift giver, for sure. Knowing this, I budget way in advance for the holidays by having a separate savings account just for the holidays. I put a bit of money in to it each month (usually about $100 a month). By the time Christmas rolls around, I’m not even thinking about how much everything is going to cost me.
    Michelle @fitisthenewpoor recently posted…December Goals: Professional FireMy Profile

    • “By the time Christmas rolls around, I’m not even thinking about how much everything is going to cost me.” Be careful, this kind of thinking gets the total up really fast…

  10. I’ve asked for my family not to give Christmas presents to me repeatedly, but had absolutely zero luck in making that happen. I have “skewed” gift-givers, too! The first year I spent Christmas with my in-laws, I got mountains of stuff and gadgets and tools all for the purpose of baking cupcakes. I was completely bewildered (not only because I was unaware they made that much stuff with which to create cupcakes; I thought you only needed a muffin pan) until my husband explained it was because at one point I said, “man, I LOVE cupcakes” – as in, I love to eat them! Admittedly, they have improved since then, but still. They go way overboard on gifts and it makes me so uncomfortable. I just don’t like receiving a ton of stuff, for one, and secondly, it just costs everyone so much money! Unfortunately, we are still victims of the giving sprees and we’re the suckers who spend $700 on Christmas gifts (for a total of 12 people). The best I’ve been able to do is convince my in-laws to do a Secret Santa on their side of the family, which has helped (but still caused a major meltdown with my sister-in-law, who is a little too enthusiastic about the holiday..). Part of me wants to move across the country for the sole purpose of escaping the insanity!
    Kali @ CommonSenseMillennial recently posted…Achieving Goals: Power of Positive ThinkingMy Profile

    • I had that same thing happen with my in-laws. They don’t know me very well, and saw that I had purchased a few undergarments from Victoria’s Secret, and have bought me a gift card from them several times. Nothing fits anymore…

  11. We started this family tradition when my grandfather was still alive because he wanted to buy everyone gifts, but couldn’t really afford it.

    On Thanksgiving, we all write 3 things we want under $25 on a piece of paper, and put it in a hat. Then we each draw a name from the hat (without saying anything unless it’s our own), and buy one under $25 gift for that person. The wish list is a guideline. The little kids (all two of them) get presents from pretty much everyone though. It’s been pretty nice the past few years, and for those Thanksgivings where we don’t go to my side of the family for Thanksgiving, my mom draws names for us by proxy.
    Mom @ Three is Plenty recently posted…Home Network Security Part 4 – Wireless NetworksMy Profile

  13. We don’t have a huge family but buying Christmas gifts for each and everyone still adds up. I think I’m going to be brave this year and propose we draw names instead.

      • I sent our aunt a text saying “what do you think about doing a secret santa this year?” I was a little nervous she didn’t reply right away. She called me the next day and proposed we don’t buy gifts for adults anymore and just focus on the kids! Yay! One less stress for me!
        H recently posted…5 Tips to Save Money on LaundryMy Profile

  14. We are just doing stocking stuffers between the boyfriend and I this Christmas, with an added date night or getaway that will be our gift to each other. His family is also doing a ski trip instead of gifts, which I really like. Although in the end it will cost more for the trip than gifts would have..
    This Life On Purpose recently posted…Podcast Interview: Top 10 Signs You Might Be Too FrugalMy Profile

    • The ski trip will give lasting memories, as Aunt Beulah pointed out above, they will last long after those gifts are broken or tossed. Have a safe trip!

  15. 1500,
    We try to make a mutual agreements to minimize our gift giving. My sister and I agreed to only give each others kids gifts. We give both of our parents photobooks of our children which take a ton of time but they love them. Then we try to do grab bags with extended family. My wife’s family is on the other coast, so we buy things on Amazon Prime and ship them directly. Saves us the hassle of going to the post office in December.
    -RBD
    Retire Before Dad recently posted…Investing Can Be A Time SuckMy Profile

  16. The gift giving tradition of the holidays is always tough for those living a more cost conscious, frugal lifestyle. We’ve pretty much managed to make an agreement with family that gifts are given to the kids but not exchanged between adults. This has worked pretty well, although my stepmother has a tough time sticking to it! In our immediate family it is just myself, husband, and young son. My husband and I might exchange one gift and of course my son gets a few. I don’t make it extravagent and he is still at the age where Craigslist works well for his desires.
    Green Money Stream recently posted…How I Overcame the Lure of Lifestyle InflationMy Profile

  17. I am lucky to have a family that is not into Christmas presents. We view the holidays as a great time to get together and to that end, many of the Christmas gifts are “events” that we hold: dinner planned and executed by one of us, a beer tasting organized by another, for instance.

    For friends, I am ALWAYS trying to give away books. I always get them as gifts and read them and try to pass them along to friends. Books you have already read make great add-on gifts, in my opinion.
    dolver recently posted…The Groupon TrapMy Profile

  18. I have subletted my apartment at least 10 times in the course of the last 5 years. As an actress, I have to travel for work and I’m not willing to eat the expense of paying rent while I’m not living there. I’ve NEVER had an issue renting my apartment. Typically I find subletters through facebook so there’s no more than two degrees of separation between me and the renter. I also live with roommates so my roommate is always around to make sure everything is alright. I’ve used air b n’ b twice with great success. They have a internal review system which seems to work, because my experiences have all been great.
    Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life recently posted…Avoiding the UpsellMy Profile

  19. One year, we tried to get out of participating by telling our family members we’d be giving to charity in their name and we asked that they not give us any gifts that year. We purchased animals to be given to families abroad (goats, 5 chickens, ducks, as well as medicine, mosquito nets, etc.). Instead of a gift, each family member got a card that showed the specific charity item that was being given in their name. We planned this out months in advance, and kept emphasizing that we really didn’t want any gifts that year, and wouldn’t be giving any.

    Well, on Christmas day, we got a ton of gifts from our family…and they hated the gifts we gave them. It was a point of contention all year. Later, we finally heard the real reason they were mad: they thought we were getting a tax deduction, and thus really giving a gift to ourselves. We tried explaining that we never itemized, and always took the standard deduction, but I think it went over their heads. Anyway, that was the last time we tried breaking with tradition.

    Now, we give them what they ask for: gift cards. Merry flipping Christmas.

    Man, I sound like a scrooge. Sorry!
    Done by Forty recently posted…November Net Worth UpdateMy Profile

    • Oh man DB40, that is a sad story. I think that is a wonderful gesture myself.

      I did something similar a couple years back. There was a charity where you would pay to have a tree planted and they would send you the GPS coordinates and a link for the location on Google Earth. My sisters both looked at me like I was nuts when they received it. Oh well.

      Your story is much worse though. I think what you did is a wonderful gesture and pretty much exemplifies what the holidays should be about. Sad.

  20. Having given up our well paid jobs and moved thousands of miles from home to adopt a new and far more frugal lifestyle we will be buying few presents this year. Instead we will be making personalised (and emailable) gifts for our friends and family. Our currently thinking is to design mini photo albums with photos from our collection we know they will love. Hopefully the gesture will speak far louder than money could. Any physical gifts for friends here in Greece we will buy from the second hand markets where we have been finding great bargains for 1-2 euros. My partner and I will not be buying each other anything as having made the life change and being here is more than enough of a present! The aim is to keep spend on presents at less than 20 euros which is a radical departure for the past!
    Felicity Swaffer recently posted…Goal 1: Live on significantly lessMy Profile

    • “Our currently thinking is to design mini photo albums with photos from our collection we know they will love.”

      I think that’s a great idea and I hope that your recipients appreciate the thoughtfulness and effort.

      Just read your About page. You’re killing it in life! Stories like yours are very inspirational.

  21. I just told my family if they felt the need to get me anything, cash was preferable. I explained I am not checking a bag so I can’t have anything taking up luggage space!

    As for my gift to them, I am taking my immediate family out to dinner. They get a free meal and I get my favorite parts of the holidays — eating and spending time with my loved ones 🙂
    Erin @ Red Debted Stepchild recently posted…November 2013 Recap & December 2013 GoalsMy Profile

  22. Years ago we sent a friendly message to the relatives, telling them that we had decided not to participate in exchanging gifts, so they could feel comfortable taking us off their lists. This was probably as much a relief to them as it was to us. The reality is that sometimes we receive small gifts anyway (usually something simple like cookies) and that is okay. Once in a while, if the spirit moves us, we give a gift. One year we gave Santa hats to everyone so that the whole extended family could be photographed together in the holiday spirit. It was a good thing, since, for a number of reasons, that turned out to be the last year everyone got together for Christmas. We and our across-the street neighbors ritually exchange inexpensive bottles of wine to thank each other for being quiet, congenial and problem-free all year. But nobody’s feelings would be hurt if that didn’t happen, or if it happened only one-sidedly. The pressure is off, and that is the best gift of all.
    Rosemary recently posted…Not Just for Married FolksMy Profile

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