I’ve been thinking a lot about comfort zones lately. If you never stray from them, you’re not going to grow much and that’s no way to go through life.
But first, we must address the question from many weeks ago where I asked if financial independence could be a bad thing for your life, specifically your marriage.
Marriage On FIRE Or Fire?
Not having a job has allowed me to live truer to myself. Without having to answer to The Man for 40 hours a week, I’m a purer person. While most of this is good, some of it has caused marital strife.
I believe that one of our core tasks as humans is to continually evolve. We should be growing constantly. I’m not the same person I was 5 years ago. I’m not the same person I was 1 year ago. And, I’ve been married for 16 years!
With growth comes a risk of growing apart from others. This is why some marriages fail. No affairs and no money issues. One or both humans just aren’t who they were when they got married. If the divide is too great, the solution is to peacefully separate.
Mrs. 1500 and I are not separating. We made some adjustments, got through our rough patch. We’re now in a better place than we were at before. I’m happy and the Mrs. is too.
Here is what y’all had to say:
Revanche from A Gai Shan Life is wise:
Like any life transition, I expect that early retirement would require the same amount of effort to establish the new normal in our relationship while we adjust to our new circumstances and how we choose to spend our time. We play out this compromise in a micro sort of way with our nights and weekends but we’d have to extrapolate to that the larger scale of weeks and months.
Thanks Done by Forty for being open and sharing. I’m usually terrified to show the world these glimpses into my life, but when others share, it makes it a little better. That sounds kind of crappy though; like it’s easier for me to have pain because of your pain. I wish you didn’t have these issues in the first place, but I’m glad you recognize them and work through it. If you can do that, you’ve won most of the battle.
Mrs. Done by Forty and I spend 24/7 together now, as we both work from home. Throw in Baby AF and, yes, we too are seeing some issues with our relationship come to light.
We (okay, “I”) need to work on communicating (i.e. – fighting) better. For me, that means going to my therapist again and heading to meetings, too. :/ All good in the end but, yes, having a lot of time together seems to mean you can’t ‘fake it’ anymore.
Mr. PoP is on FIRE and happy:
FIRE also allows people to spend time on some pretty big questions…are they happy, are they fulfilled, do they still like who they are as a person.
It’s been good for us, mostly because I bring less stress home from my job, and hopefully even take a little work off of Mrs. PoP’s plate so she is more relaxed as well.
Interesting post for me as this is a near parallel of issues we’re dealing with in our relationship.
One final thought I have is this; I think that Mrs. 1500 and I have the right balance. Even though we occasionally argue, a relationship without conflict has issues too. If a couple never has a disagreement, one person is probably a pushover and that’s not good.
Straying out of our comfort zones is how we get better:
- Do you want to be a really good runner or cyclist? You’re going to have to sweat.
- Do you want to go to medical school? You better spend a lot of time at the library.
- Do you want to have a successful blog? You better put your time in.
It’s all good because as it turns out, meaningful work is the key to a good and happy life.
Tell me what you think. Answer one or more of the questions below. I’ll call out my favorite responses next week.
- How do you get out of your comfort zone?
- Tell me about a time you left your comfort zone and got to a better place.
- How do you get out of a rut?
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
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