This blog has taken a lot of twists and turns over the years. However, it has served one semi-secret, self-serving purpose. And that purpose is to help me.
The keyboard is where I go to sort out thoughts. Forcing myself to translate my thoughts into words forces my brain to slow down and think. I’ll often arrive at an unexpected place in my mind by the end of a keyboard session.
The keyboard is also where I go to sort out issues. Writing about something usually makes me feel better. It’s like a therapist, only cheaper.
This post is a therapy session.
I wrote about my father’s health issues recently. He had emergency surgery for an aortic dissection back in late April. A couple of weeks later, he had surgery again to repair another part of the aorta. Both were risky, but he pulled through. However, he isn’t going to make it.
While the surgeries were successful, he just isn’t improving. After 10 weeks, he can’t breathe on his own. His kidneys have failed. His mind seems to be slipping.
He is in his early 70s, so not that old. But he was weak going into the emergency. He had been struggling with mental illness which weakened him.
Lots of thoughts have been swirling around my head.
Growing up with him wasn’t always easy. He struggled with alcohol. He struggled with depression. Those are two, big demons that alone can be hard to shake. When those demons conspire against you, life can be hell. I have some shitty memories.
But at his core, he was a good person. My dad was kind to everyone. He helped struggling neighbors with home repairs. He helped strangers fix their cars. He made me work for everything, instilling a good work ethic. He would take me and my siblings on long bike rides. He taught me how to work with my hands. He was a great grandfather to my children. That last one is what I appreciate most.
Mindy and I will load the girls into the car and head west soon to where my parents live. My dad will be disconnected from the machines and the end will come soon after.
My job is to take the good memories and lessons and continually apply them to myself. I’ll teach the girls to build stuff. I’ll teach them to be kind and empathetic humans. And when we get back home, I’ll take a long bike ride with them.
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