This blog has taken a lot of twists and turns over the years. However, it has served one semi-secret, self-serving purpose. And that purpose is to help me.
The keyboard is where I go to sort out thoughts. Forcing myself to translate my thoughts into words forces my brain to slow down and think. I’ll often arrive at an unexpected place in my mind by the end of a keyboard session.
The keyboard is also where I go to sort out issues. Writing about something usually makes me feel better. It’s like a therapist, only cheaper.
This post is a therapy session.
Dad
I wrote about my father’s health issues recently. He had emergency surgery for an aortic dissection back in late April. A couple of weeks later, he had surgery again to repair another part of the aorta. Both were risky, but he pulled through. However, he isn’t going to make it.
While the surgeries were successful, he just isn’t improving. After 10 weeks, he can’t breathe on his own. His kidneys have failed. His mind seems to be slipping.
He is in his early 70s, so not that old. But he was weak going into the emergency. He had been struggling with mental illness which weakened him.
Lots of thoughts have been swirling around my head.
Growing up with him wasn’t always easy. He struggled with alcohol. He struggled with depression. Those are two, big demons that alone can be hard to shake. When those demons conspire against you, life can be hell. I have some shitty memories.
But at his core, he was a good person. My dad was kind to everyone. He helped struggling neighbors with home repairs. He helped strangers fix their cars. He made me work for everything, instilling a good work ethic. He would take me and my siblings on long bike rides. He taught me how to work with my hands. He was a great grandfather to my children. That last one is what I appreciate most.
Mindy and I will load the girls into the car and head west soon to where my parents live. My dad will be disconnected from the machines and the end will come soon after.
My job is to take the good memories and lessons and continually apply them to myself. I’ll teach the girls to build stuff. I’ll teach them to be kind and empathetic humans. And when we get back home, I’ll take a long bike ride with them.
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Sincere condolences.
My condolences Carl, stay strong my friend.
Dave @ Accidental FIRE recently posted…What Are The Fastest Growing Occupations In America?
I’m sorry to hear about your dad. Sending lots of positive thoughts to you and your family.
So sorry to hear this news. My thoughts are with you and your family.
FI for the People recently posted…The Carlmelsiddanjerry Guide to a Long, Active, and Happy Life
Wishing you well- how lucky that your girls can go to see him one more time. I remember when my grandfather had his last stroke- we all gathered to say goodbye, and then they disconnected the machines (it was in his living will). Hope you have a safe trip.
I’m absolutely wrecked for you Carl. Sending positive thoughts your way.
Really sorry to hear this Carl, sending positive thoughts your family’s way.
Sara and I send our sincerest condolences, Carl. Have a safe trip.
Sorry to hear about your Dad.
My condolences to you Carl and the family. I’m going to hug my own dad a little more tonight. Thanks for allowing us (your readers) into your life. We’re better people for it. Drive safe and let us know how we can help you! We’re here if you need us.
I’m sorry the turn this story has taken and wish you and your family lots of strength on this difficult trip.
My deepest condolences Carl. We had a similar situation with my father in December. Massive heart attack and my mother made the decision to let him go five days later. He also struggled with alcohol, but was the most generous person I ever met. He loved his grandchildren, children, and wife, but had a difficult time showing it. He was 74.
May you always keep the great memories of your dad alive for you and your family.
Godspeed.
Our family is thinking of you and yours. Sending positive thoughts and a big virtual hug to you and your family.
Sending my love over, brother.
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Wishing you and your family all the best during this difficult time.
Aw hell man, I’m so sorry to hear that. It takes a lot of reflection to see someone so close for all he is and carry on the best of his legacy; I’m glad you can do that, and have the opportunity to be there for him and your mom. I’ll be drinking to your pop this evening.
Our thoughts are with you, Carl.
As someone whose dad also struggled with alcohol (but combined with narcissism instead of depression), I empathize with you and the mixed feelings you’re probably experiencing. Grief is weird. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Thinking of you guys.
Christ be with you and your family in this time of need. I offer prayers with the certain knowledge I have exactly zero power over the Universe (I’m apparently just not that great after all.) But you have my heartfelt sympathies. Remember the good times forever, bro.
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I’m so sorry for your and your family’s loss, Carl.
I’m so sorry to hear, Carl. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the girls. Take care, brother.
Wow. That was a hard read.
Remember the good stuff during the tough times ahead.
“He was a great grandfather to my children. That last one is what I appreciate most.”
Keep yourself and the rest of your family healthy during this stressful period, much as you can.
Chris@TTL recently posted…Urban vs. Rural: Country Living With the Frugalwoods or the City
I’m so sorry to hear about this Carl. Wishing you and your family all the best during this difficult time.
I’m sorry to hear this Carl and I wish you the best. It’s a difficult time and from my experience, I hope all the good memories you have of your dad will be the lasting ones. Safe travels.
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May he be at peace. Thinking of you and the family.
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I’m so sorry man. Especially after my last grandparent died I think about that day coming a lot. More than is probably healthy. I feel much the same about my dad – my childhood wasn’t always easy, sub my dad’s unaddressed anger issues for alcoholism and it’s quite similar. Much of my adulthood relationship with him has been learning how to figure out the “what now,” in how we relate to each other. I worry about running out of time before we fully answer that question.
Wishing you strength, courage and all the best during these tough times.
BC | FrugalWheels recently posted…How a bike rack transforms your bicycle into a workhorse
This is beautifully written Carl, and I really like your plan on what to do in response to your Dad’s passing. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.
So sorry to hear Carl. I also struggled with both parents, and came to terms with what they did that negatively impacted me. Part of what helped was understanding their backgrounds and what lead them to what they did.
For Father’s Day one year I told my father that everything that I am is because of him and the things that went wrong were because I didn’t listen.
We both cried. I hope this is a contribution in some way.
Love Alison
“Part of what helped was understanding their backgrounds and what lead them to what they did.”
Yeah, I’ve had the same thoughts. My dad didn’t have the best childhood.
“For Father’s Day one year I told my father that everything that I am is because of him and the things that went wrong were because I didn’t listen.”
Wow, I wish that I would have been as brave as you. I don’t think my dad and I ever had a deep conversation and I regret it now.
I’m sorry to hear your sad news, many condolences. I glad you could get to a place where you could appreciate what your father had to give.
I’m sorry you’re dad and your family is going through this, especially during this time. I just recently lost my father and it’s been a tough transition. I hope you are able to gain strength for your surrounding family.
It is never too soon to be thinking about being 65 or 70 or 80.
I have 3 words. “It’s The Food”.
We have to eat better. The Standard American Diet is literally killing everyone we know. It is sad.
I am watching it happen. We gather for Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and eat platefuls of food that are killing everyone. It accumulates and in late 50s or 60s or early 70s it catches up. Never too late to eat better.
Yep. It did my dad in. High blood pressure was probably a contributing factor to his cardiac incident.
Eat little and eat mostly plants. Very simple.
Very sorry for your loss my friend. All best to you & the family.
I’m sorry to hear this Carl and I wish you the best
Just discovered your blog yesterday through the podcast of the MadFientist. I wish you and your family the best.
Hey S, thanks for stopping by! How is your 2021 so far?