Our 6 year old is different. She is cautious, introspective and loves to read (she’s working on a 400 page book right now). I like the way she thinks. I’ll call her C in this post.
On Christmas, we met up with relatives to open presents. When the children first spied the gifts under the tree, they went wild. They quickly gathered the ones with their names on them and sat waiting eagerly for us to give them the go-ahead to proceed. It was at this point that C said something that I’ll never forget:
I want to wait to open my presents and when I do start, I want to open them slowly so that I can enjoy it longer.
Grandma overheard C and almost fell out of her chair. She said, “C, that is called delay of gratification and thoughts like that will take you far in life.” I couldn’t agree more.
The thought that immediately came to mind was the famous Stanford marshmallow experiment. In this experiment, children were offered a reward now or a bigger reward if they waited. One marshmallow now or two in 15 minutes. Children who chose to wait for the bigger reward were proven to be more successful in life.
Experiment Day 1
I explained the Stanford marshmallows to C and proposed that we do an experiment on her 4 year old sister, D. We had a box of chocolate covered pretzels that we had received as a gift. The pretzels would stand in for the marshmallows. C eagerly agreed that we should experiment on kid sister. Here is how it went down:
- Me: D, I have an offer for you.
- D: OK dad.
- Me: You have a choice. You can either have one chocolate covered pretzel now or…
***D interrupted me at this point***
- D: Yes, I WANT ONE NOW!!
- Me: Let me finish. You can either have one now or if you wait until after lunch, you may have two.
- D: I want one now. Now!
I made the same offer to big sister C who chose to wait until after lunch. D got her pretzel now and C would wait for two.
The girls ate lunch and I gave C her two pretzels. D immediately had a meltdown; screaming that she wanted another pretzel. We explained to her that we had offered her a choice and she chose to have one pretzel before lunch instead of two after. Would the lesson sink in?
Experiment Day 2
The next day, I was eager to repeat the experiment to see if D could overcome her impulsiveness and hold out for the greater reward. I didn’t think she’d learn the lesson. She is very different from her sister and also, 2 years younger.
However, she proved me wrong. I made the same offer and was pleasantly surprised when she chose the bigger reward after lunch. Put a check in the delayed gratification win column!
Thoughts
There are many things that I’d like to teach my children and delay of gratification is near the top of the list. Delaying gratification is a very powerful trait. If you can convince a 22 year old college graduate to save money like mad, they’re going to do very well later in life.
How do you instill these values though? It may be easy to teach a child to wait 20 minutes for a bigger treat. How do you teach them to wait 20 years for an even bigger treat? Not easy, but here is what I’ll do:
- I’ll lead my example: If we’re on the road and girls howl that they’re hungry for fast food, I’ll tell them that a better meal is waiting for them at home.
- I’ll encourage them to save: When they get birthday money, I’ll encourage them to save it: “You can buy something small now or something bigger later if you save it.”
- I’ll show them the numbers: Just this weekend, I showed C the interest she was getting on the 25$ she has in her Internet bank account. Her eyes lit up when she saw the bank was giving her $.02/month just for letting them keep her money.
Hopefully, all of these small lessons add up and lead to a life of saving and holding out for the really good stuff. Even if it has to start with a chocolate covered pretzel (or two).
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Great work over there 1500! Those lessons will serve them well, as they have served me. I’m quite impressed children so young are beginning to get concepts like passive income and delayed gratification. I would like to recommend a book by Jim Rogers that is along similar lines. It’s called A Gift To My Children. It’s more philosophical than investing oriented and a great read. Just a warning though, some people are turned off by the author’s arrogance. It doesn’t bother me though. Check it out
-Bryan
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I cruised on over to Amazon and the book looks great. I’m going to request it from my library this week. Thanks so much for the recommendation!
Great. Let me know what you think about it. I really enjoyed it, and included it on the recommended book list on my site.
-Bryan
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Delayed gratification is crucial! Well done on figuring out ways to pass that along to your daughters! I’m sure it will be fun and very rewarding to see how they grow with those lessons!
Dave @ The New York Budget recently posted…Cheap Eats: Great Tacos, But More Than I Wanted To Pay
Yeah, I can’t wait to see how they progress. Stay tuned…
Fantastic story, and something I’m totally going to steal for our future kiddos. I wonder if a series of progressively longer periods of delay might get you to the concepts of really long periods of delayed gratification (e.g. – saving for college, a home, retirement, etc.). Start with delay until lunch, then until the end of the day, the week, the month, etc. Maybe progressively larger payoffs, too, to illustrate the concept of compounding. At the end of the month, instead of 2 pretzels, it’s like, I don’t know, a bike or a field trip somewhere cool.
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Yes, I think that making the periods of time longer as time goes on is a good idea. The idea for trading up to something big is a good one too.
I’m also going to show them their bank accounts monthly so they can see how things build up.
You have your own psychology experiment going on inside your house – I love it! I’m also impressed that it took D only one time to get it. It’s hard to get over the “current loss” for the “future extra gain”. Great lessons for your children to already realize.
“You have your own psychology experiment going on inside your house – I love it!”
Oh, and it doesn’t stop there. I’ll save the other ones for another time…
Can we set up an arranged marriage between our oldest kids? Just kidding 🙂
It’s great that they’re learning these values from a young age–it’s much more difficult to learn the hard way as an adult.
“Can we set up an arranged marriage between our oldest kids?”
Ha, I’m not a fan of arranged marriages, but I think I’ll make an exception here! 🙂
We have a local toy store and often we go to look and not buy. My kids are 7 and4 so it can be difficult to leave the store. I want to teach them that a store doesn’t always equate to buying. Saying no to myself and waiting on purchases has saved me a lot of money and I hope they can do the same. Great post!
Thank you Sue for the kind compliment. Much appreciated.
Also, I think that your toy store strategy is a good one. I’m going to give this a try myself.
Haha, now just to teach them how compound interest works and they’ll be set for life!
Ironically, my older brother was always the slowest to open his presents Christmas morning, and he’s the one of us that has “failed to launch” so to speak. So past performance may not always be indicative of future results. =)
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“So past performance may not always be indicative of future results. =)”
Ha, don’t say that! The way I look at it, C is 6. I am 1/3 of the way done. Of course, it will only get harder. Much harder.
Great stuff! I tried this experiment on my older daughter a few years ago, and she was able to hold out for the larger treat. She sounds a lot like C in every respect — even down to the present opening!
I’ll be interested so see when my younger daughter gets older if she’ll be able to hold out; she’s definitely wilder than the older one, but we’ll see…
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Our kids sound similar. D runs around like a maniac while her old sister tries to wrangle her with little or no success.
Haha fantastic! It never ceases to amaze me the ability to appropriately educate children is more often than not the product of a simple investment of time and thought. Unfortunately, parenting decisions like teaching delayed gratification are important yet so overlooked as many parents don’t value these things themselves. The sad cycle continues as a result.
On a less serious note, and of the utmost importance, I’m assuming you garnished a surcharge of five pretzels for yourself for each running of the experiment!
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And it doesn’t take that much time to instill good values. There are lessons everywhere.
Those pretzels are awesome and I assure you that there was a big tax. Sorry kids, in this home, pretzels are taxed like billionaires in France.
This is so cool, I can’t wait to have kids so I can do some psychological experiments on them… ha ha.
We have my sisters kids over next weekend so I might try it out on them, I predict the same results with a “delay” from the elder and a “NOW NOW NOW” from the younger.
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Ahhh yes, the experiments are a lot of fun and it doesn’t stop with pretzels. Someday, I’ll tell you about the fake dog poop experiment…
Wow, C sounds wise beyond her years! That must have been such a proud papa moment when D learned the second time around – a lot of people would take much longer than that! Great learning lessons that will be really important later on life!
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Yeah, C is doing well and I’m really happy. She takes after me in a lot of ways, but she is way ahead the 6 year-old Mr. 1500.
Sounds like a fun household 🙂
I’m impressed that D learnt so quickly, that’s a great sign. Although she may be impulsive, she is a quick learner and learns from her mistakes. Thanks for sharing!
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I know, I can’t believe how fast she learned. 4 year old D probably lags 4 year old C by a year, Things like this give me hope though.
Nice post! I like that your teaching them lessons at such a young age. Although our 1 year old would rather slobber or pound on the keyboard of my laptop I have him in my lap when we put money in his college fund or pay a bill. If he falls down we usually let him work it out. Although my generation of 2o-something’s is seen as spoiled and pampered, watching others my age pamper their babies with everything makes me sick. My #1 goal is to make sure this little dude is self-sufficient when he graduates college. If chooses not to go so be it but no lounging on my couch!! Sure is easy to say at this juncture, hopefully mrs. Grump and I stay committed. Delayed gratification is going to be 1 of the lessons we try and teach our son. Along with not nose diving off the bed…
The pretzel experiment is great. In a few years baby grump will have it done to him.
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“My #1 goal is to make sure this little dude is self-sufficient when he graduates college.”
I think this is lost on a lot of parents. They would rather be their child’s friend instead of their parent. They have no idea how much harm they’re doing.
I’m very encouraged to see that young D was able to adopt delayed gratification so quickly! What a great lesson you are teaching your children. Your example will of course reinforce that lesson, and hopefully it will be applied by them in many areas of life as they grow up. Great food for thought. Thanks.
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I’m not sure if the lesson will stick, but there will be many, many more lessons.
I’m a fan. Society and maybe more marketing for companies every commercial is a “Gotta Have It Now” 30 second promo. Big Mac, Lexus, Weight Loss, you name it get it today right now! I wonder how many commercials are for delayed gratification, my guess is about 0. Retirement is a Standford Marshmallow test, you want to retire , well you have to sacrifice and then you can have a Marshmallow.
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I love this post!! I like to instill in my kids the things that nobody taught me and the ones I ignored. I’m definitely going to try the Stanford marshmallow thing tonight!
Thanks Sheba! I love doing these little experiments on the kids. It gives you a little window into their minds!
I can’t wait to try this experiment on my son! haha He’s only 6 months though so I’ll have to wait a while. I heard about this study, and I definitely find validity in it. I think many people who fall into the trap of spending too much cannot delay gratification. Fortunately, it has been ingrained in my head by my frugal parents. I definitely agree that leading by example is the best way to teach and show your kids these financial lessons. I have a friend who constantly lectures her daughter that she doesn’t need all the gadgets/clothes/accessories that her friends have. This falls on deaf ears as he doesn’t follow his own advice. Children can see hypocrisy.
“Fortunately, it has been ingrained in my head by my frugal parents. I definitely agree that leading by example is the best way to teach and show your kids these financial lessons.”
You were very fortunate to have wise parents and I applaud you for following in their footsteps.
Kids can grasp these basic financial concepts super early – far earlier than many parents give them credit for. Kudos for starting early!
BTW, my favorite book for parents on teaching kids good money habits is The First National Bank of Dad by David Owen (great for moms too!)
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Yes, I’m completely guilty of underestimating my children all the time. Their brains are amazing.
Thank you for the book recommendation. I’ll add that to the list.