I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately. Today, I’d like to know what you think.
40,000 Steps
I’ve been walking like a maniac lately. It’s part of my effort to lose weight. As long as I have the time, I walk to any destination under 3 miles. When I was in San Diego, I had two consecutive days where I walked 40,000 steps.
For the past week, I’ve averaged a little over 20,000 steps per day:
I was talking about my walking addiction over the weekend and a friend responded with this:
Wooo tough guy, I’ll bet that I can beat you!
My competitive juices started flowing and the famous quote from Steve Prefontaine popped into my head:
I was about to say this:
Good luck with that. I could easily do 40,000 every day.
Instead, I caught myself and said this:
That’s wonderful, I hope you do beat me. Your body will be better for it!
And you know, I’m so happy about that I can do 40,000 steps in the first place. As a kid, my legs weren’t right and I had to wear Forrest Gump braces on my legs for two years. Besides being picked on temporarily (beat the crap out of one kid and the rest stop), some told me that I’d have issues with my legs for the rest of my life. At the age of 43, I have no issues with my legs or any other part of my body. I don’t have any aches and pains.
I recently lost a lot of weight and now weigh the same as I did in college (first time in two decades). My blood pressure went from 130/80 (August) to 115/68.
I’m so thankful for my health.
The Happy Philosopher
The Happy Philosopher is the one who got me thinking about gratitude. He wrote an excellent guest post earlier this year in which he mentioned just how important gratitude was to him:
Gratitude is the foundation of my happiness. It is a skill which is like no other. If it were a drug it would probably be illegal because of how good it makes you feel. Gratitude is the soil in which happiness grows.
Every moment we exist is a gift. Every moment is of infinite value. Having constant gratitude for each emerging moment is probably one definition of enlightenment, but this is easier said than done. When we are stuck in traffic or the anesthesiologist got our sedation a little too light during our colonoscopy gratitude is probably not at the top of our mind.
Much of the time though, we are simply not grateful enough for what we have. We take things for granted, and as a result we leave happiness on the table. I know this sounds kind of woo woo, but you really need to think of life this way. Every moment you do not have gratitude you are sacrificing your happiness. It is the equivalent of paying more income tax than you need to or leaving your windows open all summer with the air conditioning running.
Whatever your situation right now, you can instantly feel better by reframing and having gratitude. I’ve done this exercise so many times throughout my life and I’m still amazed at how well it works. Here is an example.
I’ve thought a lot about this post since the Happy Philosopher wrote it. I always considered myself a grateful person. I’m gracious when someone does something nice for me. I send thank you notes. I go out of my way to be thankful for all that is good in my life.
But, I was still missing something…
With What Lens Do You Choose To View Life?
See that heading? Read it again and tell me what the most important word in it is. I think that it’s this one:
choose
Our level of happiness is largely set by genetics (50% according to this guy). However, another 40% is in your control. So, you determine 40% of your happiness. This is huuuuuuge!
Out of that 40%, I’ve found that much of what sets my state is how I choose to react to what life throws my way. Gratitude is a way to deal with the good and more importantly, the bad. If you can be thankful, even in dark times, you’re going to be a better person for it.
And this is what I was missing. I was always grateful for the good stuff, but finding gratitude in the darkness is much more powerful. It’s also more difficult, but incredibly worthwhile.
And this is how I’ve been trying to set my mind. When negative thoughts creep in, I try to catch them and hurl them out. Here are some recent examples:
On Saturday, our oven started having issues in the middle of cooking pizzas for our younger child’s birthday party:
Old me:
This sucks! I hate you oven!!
New me:
No problem. We were able to make the pizzas, so the party went off OK. Even if the oven had totally failed, we could have picked up the phone and had food delivered in 30 minutes. Also, I’m thankful that the oven part will cost me only $25 and 60 minutes of time to fix (thanks YouTube!).
My blog migration did not go well last week. I moved to another host and the response time was much slower. I had no choice but to migrate back on Sunday:
Old me:
This sucks! I hate you new hosting company!!!
New me:
This is a pain in the ass, but I can just point the DNS back over to the old hosting company and be back in business in a couple hours. I’m thankful that I have at least three regular readers in the first place.
Of course, I also have the biggest, one-size, catch-all:
At 43, I’m done with formal work. I never have to earn another dime as long as I live. To go with my new freedom, I have two healthy girls and a (mostly) sane wife who I (mostly) get along with.
Gratitude changes the filter that we use to experience life. It’s a tool that allows us to reframe any situation. Try it the next time life throws you a ball of dung.
And if you still don’t believe me, consider examples of happy people from your own life. Here are a couple that I know (and who you’re probably familiar with too) that epitomize gratitude:
Frugalwoods: Do you know why Frugalwoods is such a great blog? Liz is an excellent writer, one of the best. But what really sets her apart is that the underlying current in her writing is gratitude. While the Frugalwoods live a fairy tale life in bucolic Vermont, Liz’s gracious writing is what makes it special.
Mad Fientist: The Mad Fientist has a phrase which always makes me smile. It’s this:
Soooooo goood.
He’ll say this when sampling a good beer or when out for a walk on a bright day. When Mrs. 1500 and I spent time with him in Edinburgh, one day I kept track of how many soooo gooods came out of his mouth. I got up to 11 and stopped counting. (Mrs. 1500 note: MadFI says this all the time, but I’m sure Mr. 1500 ‘stopped counting’ because we were drinking large quantities of high-octane Belgian beer.)
The Happy Philosopher: I know, I already mentioned him, but he’s the one who set me on this course, so he deserves another mention. I met HP for the first time at a conference and despite severe back pain, he was smiling almost perpetually.
You?
How about you? Are you a happy or sad person? Have you experimented with gratitude? Has it helped you? Have you ever fixed an oven?*
* (Mrs. 1500’s desperate plea: Seriously, do you know how to fix an oven? It’s the weirdest thing. Every time I open the door, the heat-producing part of the oven stops producing heat. The display that tells you the inside temp then gets stuck wherever it was. It was stuck at 370 for about 15 minutes during the party. Mr. 1500 saved the day by suggesting I turn it off and back on again, which I had to do every time I opened the oven. If you know what this is, please ping me. I’ll send you a very rare, custom t-shirt if you can diagnose and help us fix this issue.)
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I definitely practice gratitude. When I remember to. Which I often forget. 🙂
Seriously, whenever I’m having a difficult day, I remember I’m FIREd so I don’t have to get up and go to work. EVER! Then I feel lucky and better.
I also find that practicing mindfulness helps me overcome difficult days or even moment.s
Mr. Freaky Frugal recently posted…How much do you REALLY need to retire?
This is something I have been trying to focus on more recently. It is easy to fall into a “negativity trap” and miss out on so many amazing, beautiful aspects of life. Why miss out just because we can’t get through the crap in our own heads?!?
And that beer looks sooooo good!
Mrs. Adventure Rich recently posted…“Money Options”: The Ability to Choose Your Adventure
Thanks for the post and for sharing.
I find myself drifting at times, so I’m working to being more consistent in anything that I do: working out, being grateful, “going with the flow” or not getting stressed out, etc.
Your examples are encouraging. It’s very powerful that our mindset can have such a significant impact on how we feel – and arguably those around us.
And the beer does sound good. Pair it with tacos. Beer and tacos complement each other very well.
Mmmmmmmmm, tacos…
Oh man, I didn’t know about your childhood health struggles. Sorry to hear about that, but I’m very glad to hear that it hasn’t affected your adult health. That’s scary.
I ran for the first time yesterday. I’ve struggled with asthma and running has always made me collapse into a little non-breathing puddle. However, I can tell I’ve been putting on weight as I get older and I want to stop the trend before it’s a problem. I know running is great for the body and mind, so I went for a one-mile run with hubbins yesterday. He is built like a damn gazelle and can run 6 miles without a problem. I, on the other hand, wheezed for half the time, but I DID run! I’m very grateful that I was able to do that, and so proud. 🙂 I’ll keep taking it slow to try to build up my lung capacity.
Happiness has always been a struggle for me. I know my genetics are not in my favor when it comes to good mental health, and that’s something I really struggle with. But, like you said, a good component of happiness is your choices. I’m a work in progress, but I’m trying to integrate happiness into the nooks and crannies of my day (ie. watching the cat be silly, looking at a butterfly, taking a moment to breathe).
Mrs. Picky Pincher recently posted…What A Frugal Weekend! November 11
Hey Mrs. PP! I have asthma too. Running is terrible the first couple times, but stick with it. You’ll be surprised how much easier it is in a month or som.
And yeah, I think 90% of happiness is the little moments.
Loved your message on gratitude. I try to practice it daily, sometimes I fail. Regarding the oven, I had to replace a heating element one time. It fixed my problem but it never really heated the same. So we got rid of it and bought a new one. Different issue than yours the way it sounds. Just don’t open the oven door???? 😉
Mr Defined Sight recently posted…Face It: We All Micromanage
Nice article! Unbeknownst to me, this been on my mind even months after we met. How come everyone that day was extraordinarily happy? Sure, the FIRE part of the equation helps a lot, but it was something deeper than that. It was definitely the gratitude of the position everyone put themselves in.
I kind of experienced this yesterday. Taking a day off from my side hustle to walk a few miles to get some chores done and then spend the rest of the day relaxing with family definitely made me feel grateful of the position we’re in (and it keeps getting better 🙂 ).
Hey Danny!
“It was definitely the gratitude of the position everyone put themselves in.”
Yep. Did you talk to Mr. Crazy Kicks at all? While everyone was happy, that was one guy who is a notch above. He’s living right.
Actually got to speak to Mrs. CK for a while, and then Mr. CK later on. I completely agree, they were both a notch above, and it was a pleasure just to get the chance to listen to them both speak.
Mr. & Mrs. CK – If you’re reading this, you are both awesome and thank you!
I was recently lucky enough to hear Shawn Achor (of The Happiness Advantage fame) speak at an event, and the thing I took away was his research-founded advice on how to practice gratitude. I don’t remember the specific outcomes, but they measured happiness in people who practiced gratitude in varying ways over multi-month periods. Those who were grateful for the same things every day (family, health, job) didn’t see lasting results. But if you picked three new things every day, and explained why you were grateful for them (I’m grateful to have nice clothing that keeps me warm in the winter) then they saw lasting improvement in happiness months later.
So that’s what I’m doing now. And, seriously, very grateful to have found your blog as we’re copying so many of your approaches, and you’ve helped us refine the goal of financial independence. Let me know if you end up in Phoenix sometime: beers are on me.
Done by Forty recently posted…Budget Porn: October 2017
DbF, thanks for the kind comments! I shudder a little bit when I hear you’re copying my approaches though! I’m a work in progress and have a load of room for improvement in many areas.
I will be in Phoenix in 2018. I hope that our paths cross there. Be sure to look me up next time you’re in Colorado too.
“You may not like the choice, but you DO have a choice!” I can hear Michelle Pfeiffer’s voice in my mind from the good ol’ 90’s movie “Dangerous Minds.” Sooooooo good! I am there with you – it’s ‘easy’ to be grateful for the positive things in our lives and we ‘do good’ by taking our precious time to write a thank you card or make a phone call, but those bad times are much tougher. I find myself making the choice to take a few minutes out of my day to undo the things that get my blood going. I might take 3 shopping carts to the cart holder thinger instead of just my 1 (seriously people – it’s not that difficult to walk your cart out of the street!) It’s a work in progress, but I can say when I stop and do something like that, rather than getting more angry knowing I am doing the idiots work for them, somehow I find myself making excuses for them – maybe they had a puking kid, maybe they fell on the curb and smashed their head open and had to get to the hospital, maybe they were running late to their beer party.
I had my oven stop working completely on me once. I replaced the heating element and it was good to go. I’m guessing with your level of experience on fixing stuff, your oven problems are beyond this though. Good luck!
“I might take 3 shopping carts to the cart holder thinger…”
Ha ha, this drives me nuts too. Lazy-ass people!
And yeah, I think the heating element is the issue. I’ll find out shortly…
I think the possibility of FI for us is something I am very grateful about. I know it isn’t possible for lots of folks, especially in lesser developed countries. The average person today has a better life than did Rockefeller did – Warren Buffet cites often.
The possibility of FI has allowed me to look at things differently – I do not need a fancy job title, for one. I am less envious. There is a chance that I’ll build a good, meaningful life – there’s a lot to be grateful about.
Am I a happy person – hellll ya –
“The average person today has a better life than Rockefeller did…”
This is so true and so completely amazing: https://fee.org/articles/average-americans-today-are-richer-than-john-rockefeller-ever-was/
The scene: Last Saturday. Dinner at the BITA household. Mr. BITA and I were done eating, Toddler BITA was still working on her fruit. We had music on. I was dancing in the kitchen while clearing up. Mr. BITA and Toddler BITA were singing at the table, and then Toddler BITA got the giggles. I stood there in the kitchen, watching the two people I love the most in the world and did my best to capture the moment in my mind to warm me up when I am 90. In that moment I thought that I would simply drown in gratitude: we had love, laughter, health, full bellies, warm bodies and good music. My proverbial cup overfloweth.
Mrs. BITA recently posted…On the path to financial independence: October 2017
Beautiful.
Love your perspective on gratitude. I try to do this as much as possible, reflecting on how good I have it even when things aren’t going according to plan. Perspective is so key. Gratitude is one of my favorite topics, because it makes such a huge difference in our day to day lives, yet it’s something that we’ll never fully grasp. Love that meme of Mad Fientist haha, sooooo good!
Great post man.. Tim Ferriss had a guy on his podcast recently (can’t remember his name) but his advice was to take 5 minutes every day and just write down 10 things you are grateful for. I started doing this and I’ve found it somewhat helpful. The act of actual writing which is a lost art makes you kinda think a little more about them and when you feel yourself putting ink to paper the things you’re writing about that you are grateful for somehow seem more permanent.
I think the Happy Philosopher might have mentioned this too in one of his posts, I plan to keep doing it and to try to keep changing what I write each day
Trouble shooting the oven problem kinda sounds like a ground wire problem. Since the light comes on when you open the door, and all your problems happen at that moment.
Idea#1 take out the oven light. by removing this light bulb, that circuit will be open. An open circuit doesn’t let electricity pass (so the oven will not see a current draw to light the bulb when the door opens. If this fixes your problem, then you will either need to trace wires to ensure it is wired correctly internally to the oven or maybe the wall power was incorrectly done. OR just use a flash light
Thank you Chuck! I’m going to get on it this weekend.
The benefits of practicing gratitude are nearly endless. People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems. And gratitude doesn’t need to be reserved only for momentous occasions: Sure, you might express gratitude after receiving a promotion at work, but you can also be thankful for something as simple as a delicious piece of pie.
Lauren recently posted…Advanced Wilderness Navigation – Map Reading, GPS and Compass Use
Great reminder! We get so busy sometimes its easy to forget how good we have it.
Owen @ PlanEasy recently posted…TFSA vs RRSP? Picking The Right One Could Save You $100,000+ In Tax
It’s definitely easy to get down about things from time to time, but I try to not sweat the small stuff and also remember how fortunate we are. A couple months ago someone ran into Mrs. Freedom 40’s parked car, leaving a big mark on the door. They didn’t leave a note. We could have gotten all upset, but at the end of the day, this is no big deal. We can easily afford to fix it, or as the case has been so far, just continue to drive around with a less than pristine auto. The damage is just superficial and it still gets us where we need to go – so we try not to worry about it too much.
Freedom40Plan recently posted…What the New Proposed Tax Plan Could Mean for Us
Thanks for the kind comments Mr. Tako! And I like this a lot: “We truly live on the shoulders of giants, and we’re able to stand on those shoulders by holding the hands of others.”
Thanks for the shout out Carl. I totally agree. Gratitude is much harder to feel when life is not going perfectly, but also this is when we need it the most. If we practice when life is going smoothly, we are more skilled in using it when life is difficult.
TheHappyPhilosopher recently posted…The Happy Philosopher Visits the ChooseFI Podcast
We try and practice gratitude as much as possible. Its all in how you frame things.
Recently some one told me : you can either be angry the rose has thorns, or thankful the thorns have a rose.
Really stuck with me.
After last week, it was tough to stick with, but had to constantly keep reminding ourselves
Mrwow recently posted…Off the Eaten Path with Venice Bites
That is a great saying!
“After last week, it was tough to stick with, but had to constantly keep reminding ourselves.”
Everything OK over there?
Yeah. We’re alright. Just some bumps in the road… luckily nothing serious with us. Just stuff to make you take pause and appreciate what’s around!
“you determine 40% of your happiness”, that seems low to me. I would think you would have more control over it. I practice gratitude as much as possible, sometimes it is harder depending what life throws at you. But being grateful for what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t or what you lost is definitely key to a happy life.
….and I seriously don’t know how to fix an oven:)
You know, when I first heard people talking about practicing gratitude a few years ago, I thought it was just some hippy woo-woo nonsense. Needless to say, I wasn’t the happiest of people at the time and have since learned that it’s not nonsense and actually helps your mental well being. So, if anyone is reading this and thinking it’s woo-woo nonsense, just give it a try!
Shelley recently posted…Buying Guide: Find The Best Toilet For The Money (Small Bathrooms, Basements, Rental Property & More!)
It is interesting when you take a step back and look at what is making you upset. More times than not, it is something small and out of your control. When you take a step back and look around at all the things in your life to be grateful for, suddenly what was making you so upset is not so important.