Today’s guest post comes from The Graying Saver who discovered the FI movement in his mid-40s. Something I’ve always enjoyed about the FIRE community is the diversity in ages of those involved. I discovered the movement at the age of 43. Since then, I’ve met FIRE fanatics as young as 17 and as old as 70.
Another aspect of the FIRE community that I enjoy is that we tend to be a thoughtful bunch. This shines through in the Graying Saver’s post today. I won’t spoil it, but the Graying Saver has a pretty great story to tell…
How I Conquered Grumpiness With Gratitude
I’m 47 and only discovered the idea of financial independence and early retirement about 15 months ago, so I’m a little older than many in this community and I’m off to a late start. As such, I often get impatient with my progress and that can make me grumpy. Being grumpy gets in the way of being grateful. This is not good because as numerous studies have shown, there is a very strong connection between feelings of gratitude and feelings of happiness. Of course, I want to be happy so I am trying to ditch the grumpitude and develop the gratitude.
Fortunately, I discovered the 1500 Days blog, which has helped advance my study of both gratitude and scatological humor – two things with a direct link to happiness as demonstrated by this scientifical diagram:
Indeed, it was a 1500 Days post on Focus that made me realize that I was neglecting to be grateful to my past self who had taken some bold steps on my behalf that I was now taking for granted. In fact, I came to realize that my past self had given me a significant leg up in my pursuit of FI even before I knew it existed. No, my past self-did not bequeath to me a huge pile of cash – that would’ve been too easy – instead, my past self took some big risks on my behalf related to where I live and where I work. As a result, when I finally got wind of the FIRE movement and decided to pursue financial independence I already had a couple of things working in my favor.
The 1500 days post on focus included a picture of tail lights in traffic taken through a rain-spattered windshield. You remember this one:
That picture took me back to my seven-plus years of a 40-mile round trip car commute to a stressful job that was going nowhere. Looking at that picture, it hit me that I could very easily be back in that traffic now. I probably would be there now if it had not been for my past self who took the bold and risky steps of trying to buy property through a tax foreclosure auction and hiring a career coaching firm to help me get out of that job.
Yep, I could be right back in that traffic, but I’m not. I’m not in that traffic because seventeen years ago, my wife and I were the winning bidders at that auction. And I’m not in that traffic because twelve years ago I decided to invest in myself and got help finding a job that’s 4.5 miles from my house.
So when I finally did catch on to the FIRE movement in August of 2016 I didn’t have to figure my way out of a costly car commute. Buying property in town enabled us to buck the trend of moving further out to buy a bigger house. Since I was already commuting 20 miles one way it would’ve been very easy to rationalize moving another 10 or 15 miles out to keep up with the lifestyle inflation around us. We are certainly not immune to lifestyle inflation, but this was one instance in which we were able to resist it.
Likewise with my job. When we decided to pursue financial independence I didn’t need to try and find a job within biking distance – I already had one.
So Why So Grumpy?
At this point, you might be asking yourself:
What the hell is this guy’s problem?
I’m kind of asking myself the same question. Hell, I live on three acres just outside of downtown Raleigh and have a job I can get to by bike. Why have I been letting the grumps get in the way of gratitude?
What’s happened is that many years have gone by since my past self took those steps on my behalf and in that time I have forgotten all the apprehension, uncertainty and outright fear I went through at the time.
As with so many things in life – good and bad – I have simply become used to the results of the steps my past self took on my behalf. After 10+ years of living on our little mini-farm oasis and being able to bike to work it’s all become completely normal. I’m not dissatisfied with my current state of normal, I just haven’t been thinking of it as anything unusual. You know, ho hum, this is just how it is, doot dee dooty doo, nothing out of the ordinary.
But Hold on a Sec, Stop the Music.
(This is where my past self starts to get a little indignant.)
Dear ungrateful present self:
Um, yeah, the circumstances you now find yourself in – rural setting at home but only 3 miles from downtown and a commute that you can do by bike – those things actually aren’t that normal and they didn’t just happen on their own. I put in a lot of work to make all that happen. Work that at the time did not have a clear pay off. There were no guarantees that any of this would work out. Allow me to remind you of the big risks I took for your sake.
A Day at the Auction
When I think back to the year 2000 and the scene of the tax foreclosure auction I can dip right back into feelings of uncertainty, vulnerability and the sense that we were out of our element. To begin with, the auction didn’t look or feel at all like what I expected. There was no auctioneer – just a county employee running the auction. There was no room with rows of seated bidders holding their numbered bid paddles.
Instead, we were all just standing around in the front lobby of the county courthouse. The county employee didn’t drive the bidding like an auctioneer would, she just said the bidding would start at $12,000 – presumably, the amount of back taxes owed – and then it was up to each bidder to call out their bids until no one took the price any higher.
The group of bidders gathered in the lobby consisted mostly of developer or builder types. Middle-aged men in jeans and work boots but with tucked-in shirts and clipboards in hand. Their Nextel push-to-talk phones chirping away (remember those?). There was also a pleasant-looking younger man there who turned out to be a City of Raleigh employee. And then there was us: a young, wide-eyed couple with the husband on crutches due to a recent knee surgery. We stood out like a pair of sore thumbs and were nervously fidgeting like of a couple of squirrels.
In the end, we were the highest bidder that day at $30,000. The pleasant looking City of Raleigh employee turned out to be our main competition. He and I went back and forth in $1,000 increments until I said, “$30,000” and he pleasantly stopped bidding.
Once the bidding was over I realized that my heart was racing and my palms were damp. My mind see-sawed back and forth between excitement and anxiety over how we were going to pay for this newly purchased land. We certainly didn’t have $30k sitting in the bank.
But my past self figured out a way to do it. And as I write this I remind myself of how grateful I am.
Investing in Myself
In January of 2005, my wife was two months pregnant with our son. During that month I had worked 10 to 12 hour days for 19 days straight as I managed a team finishing up a large project. On my wife’s birthday, I came home, ate dinner with her, and then drove to DC to deliver the project. So it was, “Hi, happy birthday, bye.” That evening was my first inkling that something needed to change.
By the time my son was a year old, the inkling that change was needed had grown into an imperative. I wanted our son to be raised by two parents and I wanted my marriage to continue to grow and thrive throughout our lives together and not be relegated to the back burner behind the demands of my job.
I knew I needed to find a different job, but I continued to let two obstacles stand in my way: 1) I had no job-seeking experience or skills, and 2) I believed that any new job I took would require me to take a pay cut. I thought no other job would ever pay me what I was making at the time.
Obstacle #1 was real. I had essentially fallen into the job I was now trying to leave. I started with the company as a temp and worked my way up to an eventual full-time permanent position. As a result, I had never had to interview, network, or write a tailored resume or cover letter. Obstacle #2 turned out to be psychological B.S. I was using as an excuse for not taking action.
In order to deal with obstacle #1, I took the risky and controversial step of shelling out $5,000 on a career counseling firm. Honestly, it’s rather embarrassing to admit that now. At the time I had a lot of self-doubt around that decision:
What if this doesn’t work? $5,000 is a lot of money and I’m going to feel like a complete fool if it turns out I’ve wasted it. What if I’m their first client who they just have to let go? “Sorry, we can’t spend any more time on you, you sure are a hard one to employ! Maybe you should just stick with your old job?”
But it did work out. I learned job-seeking techniques, I had accountability to my coach, and I developed my interviewing and resume writing skills through a lot of practice. I landed a new job that is much closer to home, has lower stress, and that came with a nice raise. As I said, obstacle #2 was B.S. Don’t let yourself succumb to the idea that you can’t do any better than you’re doing now.
Would I hire a career counseling firm again? Probably not. Once was enough to learn the skills and techniques I needed. And besides, everything I learned in 2006 is now probably on YouTube. But at the time it was the right decision. I made an investment in myself, which Mr. Buffett says is the most important type to make, and over time I’ve seen an excellent ROI.
Thanks Again
And so today, I am not sitting in that traffic on my way to and from a dead-end job and I am grateful for that. I’ve become used to my situation, but I’ve reminded myself that it is not typical and it didn’t happen by accident.
Yes, I am still a few years away from reaching FI, and I’m sure there will be periods of impatience along the way, but I am grateful to my past self for taking the action that laid the groundwork for getting to FI faster than I otherwise would have.
As you encounter new opportunity or contemplate taking action to improve your own life, you will no doubt be grappling with feelings of risk that come along with change. It won’t be easy – change can be scary – but remember when you take those risks on your own behalf that your future self will be there to thank you.
Thanks so much for the great post Graying Saver!
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Congrats on making those changes towards a better life, that’s great stuff! Your garden looks sweet, I would be spending a lot of time out there, hammock and beer included.
And as a fellow bike commuter it’s very true – the folks on the long car commute hampster wheel don’t know what they’re missing. And how much additional stress they have in their lives.
Thanks AF. We get in a lot of hammock time out there and probably a little more beer time than needed. But you know everything in moderation, including moderation.
My bike commute takes me up and over the dreaded interstate 40 and every time I ride over it I look down and see all the car commuters and the rows upon rows of tail lights out to the horizon. I wonder to myself, do they know they have options?
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
Fantastic Post Graying Saver. I think the lesson here is about investing in yourself way more than your grumpy ness. If you ever run into old you again, make sure to thank him for the investment!
Thanks Jason! Investing in yourself pays off bigly! But the returns aren’t always obvious or immediate. You have to stick with it and know that there will be a reward. I remember going through some super awkward interviews during the job search process and thinking, “what the hell am I doing here?” But eventually my investment paid off and I now look back on those awkward interviews and laugh.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
Nice post! Enjoyed it. And you’re correct, magic does happen when gratitude and fart jokes find each other.
I could also resonate with your lesson learned about feelings of risk that come along with change. It can be uncomfortable, but it often pays off.
Thanks again for the post. – Mike
Mike @ Balanced Dividends recently posted…3 Lessons Why “Assumption Is The Mother of All F*ck Ups”
Thanks Mike. Magic is happening more and more around our place now that gratitude is showing up more regularly. The fart jokes have always been here.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
i’m in that older age group (almost fiddy) and have seen this same phenomenon. i’ll liken it to the last dog i rescued who had a touch of the fear aggression. he must have had some experiences “imprinted” in his brain that told him how to react in certain situations. it took awhile but he unlearned those behaviors when we replaced the imprint with positive experiences. for us humans it seems like to become un-grumpy depends on the level and time we were whipped upon by our jobs, some circumstances out of our control, or even of our own making. it takes some time when you’ve been a crusty curmudgeon to bust all that up. glad you wrote this.
freddy smidlap recently posted…I Made a Model Bulletproof Portfolio
Hey Freddy – our rescue dog has fear aggression too. It’s a tough thing to deal with. As you know, replacing the imprint with positive experiences is easier said than done. It’s essentially facing the fear and being open to the idea that maybe it’s not as bad as you think, which feels really risky. I think as we humans get older we can’t help but establish our comfort zones – often without even thinking about it – and then if we want change in our lives we have to get out of those comfort zones to make it happen. Again, easier said than done.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
One thing I can totally relate to is the age thing, and feeling “late to the game.” We are the same age. I think when things are going along swimmingly, a sense of “I should be doing something better/different/more.” Its hard to shake that what really should be happening if you set yourself up right is really nothing. Enjoy the ride. But we crave novelty! Unless you did deep like you did and find something to take your mind off the doldrums of the process. Kudos! And that bike commute looks pretty!
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…Frugal Diaries Episode 1: Classpass
Tonya – thanks for the comment. Since we’re the same age I’m guessing you grew up with a similar idea about how the arc of one’s life is supposed to play out. Something like this: birth, school, college, work for 40 years, retire, die. Then you discover FIRE later in life and think, “I want that now!”
We’re pretty much in that stage where all the dials on the “FIRE machine” are set and now we just wait. Yes, I get impatient but I try to remind myself that we only live in the present and that there is happiness to be found every day.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
What a great reminder! We’re all at different stages of our FIRE journey, but we need to remember the roads that led us here. )
Mrs. Picky Pincher recently posted…How I’m living my retirement already
Exactly! No I won’t be reaching FIRE in my 30s or 40s, but once I got on that path I wasn’t starting from scratch!
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
It sounds like you’re well on the way to FI. It doesn’t happen overnight.
Keep at it. Your lifestyle is great now so don’t forget to enjoy the journey. Great home. Nice job on the auction. I’ve looked at a few listings, but never seen anything really good locally.
Joe recently posted…How to Grow Readership for Your New Blog
Thanks Joe. I’m working on a new post that goes into more detail on the tax foreclosure auction and how they work in our county. There were some features of our property that made it less appealing to builders/developers so that worked in our favor.
Appreciate your latest post on how to grow blog readership. I have some work to do.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
Thanks for sharing this guest post. I checked out The Graying Saver’s blog and love it – I’m psyched to add it to my rotation.
Thank you Mrs. LSF – the check’s in the mail.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
It sounds like your past self did wonders for you.
Sometimes, I wish my very resourceful and very ambitious past self would come back. Right now the present self is a little too content 🙂
Ms99to1percent recently posted…Our New Year Resolutions And Stretch Goals
Yeah, that’s why I’m giving my past self all this credit. Hoping he shows up to help me get my butt in gear.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
You know, in 2014 my wife had me sell our house and buy a new one four miles from work down back roads. The other day my wife commented on how glad she was that we no longer have a 30min to 1 hr commute each day to deal with. But as we thought about that I pointed out how many people have worse commutes even then what we started with. It was a real eye opener to be thankful for what we have
With the new job closer to home I got a raise, lowered my stress level, and found I had about an hour more of free time each day since I wasn’t commuting so far. It was as if a genie popped out of a lamp and said, “here, have some more life.”
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
Hi Brian, thanks for the nice post.
I am also 47 and late to the party… my ‘frugalversary’ is 25FEB16… I had found MMM on 1JAN but it took binge reading of multiple blogs and lots of hemming and hawing and kicking myself for my past self’s stupid mistakes to finally take action almost two months later, but I’ve been on a tear ever since…
And partway through that journey I did stop and realize that whilst my past self made stupid mistakes, she also did some damn fine work….
So you’re right, we have to remind ourselves to be mindful and give our previous selves a break… the FIRE community is welcoming to people at all different points along their journey – we should treat our previous selves the same way.
I’ll head over to check out your blog, cheers!
Wendy
Hi Wendy – “Frugalversary” that’s awesome. Instead of past “stupid mistakes” I prefer to call them “past decisions that are not consistent with my present-day goals.” Rolls off the tongue doesn’t it.
When I first got wind of the idea of FIRE I beat myself up over and over about our decision to build our cabin in 2010 and I repeatedly reminded myself that we’d be FIRE’d by now if we hadn’t done that!
But I slowly came around to the realization that what’s done is done and that a dead horse can only be beaten so much before it gets tiring. And I finally allowed myself to acknowledge that I’d be even deeper in the hole if the, back then, not-so-graying saver hadn’t taken some chances on my behalf that worked out pretty well.
Keep up the damn fine work my friend. We will get there!
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
This was such a good article and a success, because I found myself clicking away on both your blog and on 1500 Days. Ironically, it all started by clicking on “Focus” and I completely lost focus. So funny.
I quit my job at 51 and my husband 3 years later at 56. He waited because he had the “golden handcuffs” of a pension (although he left a lot on the table not waiting to the regular age of 65). We have found that everyone we know thinks this is weird that we retired early. It’s only in this cool FI community that you might seem old. Gotta love it.
Hey Susan – nice to see you here.
Don’t feel bad about losing focus – it happens to people of our vintage. Presbyopia anyone?
My wife is holding out for a pension too, though I wouldn’t call the handcuffs golden. Silver-plated might be more accurate. That’s ok, we’re not fancy people.
You’re right though, it’s only in this awesome FI crowd that I might be a little older. I’m looking forward to answering all the “what are you going to do with yourself?” questions at work when I retire at well below the traditional age.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
What a great journey! Is your Wife on board for the FIRE movement?
Evan @ MyJourneytoMillions recently posted…3 Risky Investments that Can Ruin Your Small Business
Evan – what can I say, my wife was born frugal. Me, not so much. I didn’t know it at the time but marrying my wife was probably my greatest financial decision ever. No, she didn’t come with a trust fund, she simply taught me that you could actually save some of your income. What a concept. When we had “the talk” about pursuing FI she was all in.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…We Have Turned a Corner
Nice article Brian! Yes it seems it just has to click in your brain, sometimes like a lightning bolt, and then it’s just a matter of planting the tree. You have to start in order to finish and you have to plant the tree to eventually enjoy the shade!
Thanks Bob. “You have to start in order to finish and you have to plant the tree to eventually enjoy the shade!” So true. And when you’re mid-way there like me you need to stop every once in a while to look around and just enjoy the scenery.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…Avoiding a Problem That Afflicts Nearly 20% of Smartphones
Dear Gray, this is an insightful piece because you showed that you mastered your mind.
The brain is a stubborn depression machine and we sometimes fail to see the good when it’s right in front of us.
You looked for alternatives and that’s more than a lot of people do. Some people, wait, lots of people make a sport of wallowing in their misery. It gives them something to talk about, I guess.
I, too, have found peace with my work situation and, compared to my previous worklife, it feels like paid retirement.
Thank you Dora. Failing to see the good when it’s right in front of us reminds me of another thing I’m working on: learning to want what I already have.
Brian @ The Graying Saver recently posted…Avoiding a Problem That Afflicts Nearly 20% of Smartphones