We all know that happiness isn’t about stuff. Big houses and fancy cars may make you temporarily happy, but then you get used to them and all you have left is a supersized payment and more to worry about. Most of us can agree on this. Let’s move on.
But Wait, What About Experiences?
It has become popular to say this:
It’s about experiences! That is what life and happiness is about!
Examples:
I’m going on a trip to Hawaii!
Here is our kid at Space Camp!!
Here we are hiking in Yosemite!!!
There are some problems with experiences:
The experience will end. Your trip to Hawaii or Space Camp can’t last forever. These experiences are only a small part of your existence. You have to come back home and get back to real life.
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. –George Bernard Shaw
Experiences get old too. It’s fun to see new things and be in a new place, but being on vacation gets old and tiring. The planning gets tedious. Hedonic adaptation applies here too.
Work makes us happy. At Greece Chautauqua, Jim Collins said this:
Work is part of the human soul.
I couldn’t agree more. And I’m not talking about a job with a micromanaging boss and a rigid schedule, but work optimized for happiness. This blog makes money, but not much. I made at least 8x more per year at the end of my career as a software developer, but I’m happier doing this. One of the great gifts of FI is that it allows you to pursue the work that’s close to your heart.
So, if happiness isn’t about stuff and it isn’t about experiences, what is it about?
It’s About Daily Life
A happy, fulfilling life comes from enjoying your daily routine. That’s where you’re going to spend most of your time, so that’s where you should focus on creating happiness.
Here are some ways that I strive for happiness in my daily routine.
Work
Work! Here it is again, that scary four-letter word. But it’s true, work is central to happy, well-adjusted people. Humans are happy when they’re accomplishing and building.
Creative work is fun. I’m not an artist. I can barely draw a stick figure. However, I still find creative work is the most fun. I spent many enjoyable hours creating this post you’re reading now. But my creative work isn’t limited to blogging.
Here are planter boxes I built over the summer. Instead of copying a design from the book or library, I made them unusual shapes and varying heights to fit the contour of our yard:
Instead of installing a boring railing system to protect the stairwell, I built a bookcase:
Why grow up and be a boring adult? In a past house, I built a dinosaur bathroom:
I’m not a creative person by nature, so all of these ideas took work. However, it was totally worth it. It’s incredibly gratifying to look back on something you not only built, but also designed knowing that no one else in the world has something exactly like it.
Know how to inspire creativity.
- Go for walks. Walking is underrated. I come up with my best ideas when I’m wandering around town or down by the river. Take a different way every time. Close your phone and open your eyes. Bring a pen and notebook to take notes. You never know where inspiration lies.
- Be bored. A bored brain is a creative brain. When you’re at the stoplight or in line somewhere, resist the urge to pick up your phone. Instead, have a look around.
Working on your own terms is the best. If you have to do something for money, often you have to answer to someone else. The need to earn money often informs your decisions too. Once you don’t have to perform a task for a paycheck, you often do your best work because you’re in it for all the right reasons. And when that happens, often the money starts flowing anyway.
Body
Without a healthy body, all of the money in the world doesn’t mean a damn.
Stay fit. A good workout has an amazing, positive effect on your short-term state of mind. Over the long-term, you’ll have better quality of life if your health is in order.
Get enough sleep. I’ve noticed that lack of sleep puts me in a state of depression. I thought that I was alone here, but then I read The Art of Happiness. In one passage, the author (a psychiatrist) mentioned that he was able to cure a significant amount of depression just by helping patients get healthy amounts of sleep.
Alcohol: I like beer, but I’m not much of a drinker. In a normal week (NOT FinCon!), I max out at around 3 or 4 drinks. As I’ve grown older, I’ve found that alcohol messes with my body more. If I go to bed soon after drinking, I’ll often wake up in the middle of the night overheated from vasodilation. Then, I can’t fall back to sleep.
Mind
Clean up the house. Messy environments make me depressed and anxious. I’m not alone here. While it may not have the same effect on you, clutter is a distraction and a time waster (Where is my wallet? Where are my keys? Where is the f***ing screwdriver?). Having a house in order bumps up my baseline mood by a couple points.
Put your phone in airplane mode. Every time you look at your phone, you’re pulled out of the present moment and into a land of meaningless crap that won’t matter a year from now. Hell, it probably won’t matter tomorrow. Don’t clutter your home with trash and don’t clutter your mind with it either. I find that when I put my phone on airplane mode, I look at it much less.
It’s OK to be sad. Life isn’t always dinosaurs, chocolate, and beer. Being sad is a part of life and it makes us better humans. Sadness allows us to relate to others and also appreciate the good times more. When bad things happen, embrace the sadness full-on and move on.
Money. The best part of having money is that it frees us from having to worry about money. Wealth allows us to be who we’re meant to be. I’m a better person because I’ve left my job. I’m healthier and have more time to figure myself out.
Life
Find meaning in every moment. My friend Brandon has a tagline on his blog which I quite like:
How true.
Sometimes, life is great. Sometimes, everything breaks at once. But when something breaks or a situation doesn’t work out how you expected, there is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Unplanned time. Having every minute of the day planned out is tedious and overwhelming. Leave time for spontaneity. This is important while on vacation too.
Let your true, authentic voice rise to the surface. I can usually tell when people are not real. I can quickly detect it in their voice and actions. I know because I used to be this way.
I’d act like who I thought others wanted me to be. Of course, this usually has the opposite of the intended effect; people see through it and distance themselves. This article from Wait But Why is one of the best things you can read on the topic. There are over 7,500,000,000 (!!!) people in the world. There is someone for everyone, even if you’re a bit of a nutter like me.
Live in the moment. Dwelling on mistakes of the past or planning for the future are both recipes for unhappiness. Learn from your past, but then forgive yourself and move on. If you plan too much for the future, you’ll neglect the present.
Big Picture
Good people are really important. I’m fortunate to live in Colorado where there are a lot of like-minded people. I call this the MMM-tractor-beam effect. FIREy people read the Mr. Money Mustache blog and then move here. Having a fun network of people that you can hang out with and depend on goes a long way to increased happiness. Not everyone can live here. so if you’re still looking for your tribe, the local Choose FI facebook groups are a great place to start.
Know that FIRE (or other external circumstances) probably won’t cure your problems. Reading something like this always makes me cringe:
I have just 384 more days until I quit work! I can’t wait!
Again, I know from experience why this is a bad idea. When I left work, I thought that I’d be instantly happier. And then it didn’t happen:
Life was certainly better. I had more time to spend with the kids. I finally had time to pursue personal projects. Everything was less hectic. However, my baseline happiness was about the same.
It was at this time that I figured out that it was up to me to create happiness. Relying on an external event to be happy was silly. Don’t wait to work on yourself.
Be thankful for where you are right now. I have my health. I have a fine family. I like where I live. I don’t need anything else. Someday, one or more of these things will go away. Appreciate what you have instead of lamenting what you don’t.
Be Here Now
Your daily life is where you’re going to be doing most of your living, so be there. Look around. Smile at other humans. Listen to your children. Watch the sunset. Life is probably pretty great for you right now, even if you don’t realize it.
It’s great to have things to look forward to, but don’t dwell on them. Instead, dwell in the now. The now is the only thing you can really depend on anyway, so why live elsewhere?
Epilogue: Joe over at Retire By 40 wrote a pretty great post on happiness recently too. Definitely worth a read.
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Wow, one of the best posts I’ve read from you! Lots of very simple truth bombs here.
I also don’t drink nearly as much as I used to because I’ve noticed the same, it messes with me in ways that just don’t make me feel good at all. And you are correct, FINCON was a one-off and I do not plan to do that anymore….
And great job on those projects man! The planters and the shelves, that’s really good stuff. I doubt I would be able to create anything like that
Thanks AF!
And you totally could create any of that stuff. Here is the recipe:
power tools + YouTube videos + willingness to try = cool shit!
I think you nailed it here. Great post.
Thank you!
Last Thursday I walked half a dozen blocks down to a college buddy’s house. We sat on his porch at 10pm (in lovely 67° weather) putting away an IPA or two and talking about life. His kids attended the school literally across the street from their house, his business was doing well, and he was thrilled to have discovered our little city where we can DO THIS SORT OF THING. We discussed the collective madness of folks who ‘want land’ and so move forty miles from the city to buy a 5000 square foot house on an acre and a half, then wonder why they don’t have any time to share beers with the neighbors they don’t know on the porches they don’t have.
Finding your ‘tribe’ and living in the now with them. You’re dead on, man. When you pull back and look at what so many people value through their actions, rather than just lip service, it becomes even more important to shape your life commensurate to this sort of thing.
I wish you were my neighbor.
If you’re ever around DC, the porch is always open!
FinCon 2019! I’m there!
You nailed it on the head. Happiness is mostly psychological. Once we optimized the external factors, we need to just be thankful and accept our life.
I used to think work caused my unhappiness, but now I realize that’s not true. It was mostly the corporate environment. Work is really good for you once you have the autonomy to do what you want. You’re right about people too. I find that meeting up with friends really helps even if I’m an introvert.
Thanks for the mention! I really appreciate it. I was hoping you read that one. You’ll keep getting happier as you get older. 🙂 -Joe
Joe! So much wisdom in this comment! My whole post could be condensed down to this line: “…we need to just be thankful and accept our life.”
Your post was pretty spectacular. And I swear, I didn’t read it before I wrote mine. I guess we’re on the same wavelength or something…
This post encompasses the FIRE mentality amazingly. FIRE isn’t just about the experiences but to me is about the freedom to be able to do experiences.
Thanks!
Fantastic post. Love everything about it!
Thank you! I appreciate your kind comment.
Doing nothing is doing something. It is hard work doing nothing.
I agree that the notion that experiences are better than stuff is also wrong. Experiences get old too. Air travel is just crazy, stupid no fun.
I like this post and it is on point!
“It is hard work doing nothing.”
Yep. It’s a lost art.
Totally agree with LazySod & Accidental FIRE here. Probably one of your best posts to date. Live is an ongoing journey to happiness with all kinds of road blocks thrown your way. Sticking to a few habit certainly will make it easier to maintain a high level of happiness and enjoy life.
Personally going to get a greyhound once again, helps me tick off a bunch of the items you touched upon!
Thanks for your kind words Team CF.
So can I first just join the chorus of saying that I love this post! Can’t think of much that I disagree with. However I would add one thing. And that is power of agency – or to put it in normal language the realisation that you have choices.
In my journey to become happy I have worked out that the single most important thing is to know that at any given moment I can choose how I feel. Put another way whether I am happy or not doesn’t depend on what has happened to me it depends on how I have feel about it. And the best bit about that is that my reaction is one of the few things that I actually have control over.
While FI is something I am working towards the more important part of that journey is choosing to put in the building blocks I need to become happier now and taking out those things that don’t make me happy. And also to unpick whether I need to let those things have an emotional impact on me anyway….most of the time I realise that I have an emotional reaction to things that really, REALLY, don;t matter.
Anyhoo, thanks again for this excellent post!
Caveman recently posted…Life moves pretty fast – take a breath
“Put another way whether I am happy or not doesn’t depend on what has happened to me; it depends on how I have feel about it”
Oh wow, so true. This isn’t easy, but I use this mind trick all the time. Examples:
Instead of getting mad when someone cuts me off or offends me in some way, I feel sorry for them because they must be going through a bad time.
Instead of getting upset when something breaks, I see it as an opportunity to learn.
Instead of complaining that I need to exercise, I give thanks that my bode is in working order and that I can exercise.
Thanks for the reminder Caveman!
Yes, yes, yessity yes! That’s the one. I think that it’s a version of what the Stoics do. And frankly if its good enough for the ancient Greeks it’s good enough for me!
Somehow I’m still always around my habitual mindset whether employed or FI?!?!?
Great article Mr.1500
You’re one of the happiest folks I know Casey! You’re doing it right.
Well said. And I hope you’re saving up your beer tickets!!
Very good article. Who ever thought you’d turn into a philosopher.
I’ll bring you a new book. You’ll like it I hope.
Thanks Mr. WoW. See you soon and I swear, my guest post for you is almost done. Really!!
This is one of the best posts you have written! I think it contains thoughts and ideas that we all already know deep down, but somehow we forget them as life wraps us up in its whirlwind. I found myself nodding as I read your words, and I think I might actually print this post out to have handy the next time I forget to focus on these basic truths about life. Thanks for all the work you put into this blog. I love reading the practical as well as the thoughtful things you have to say.
Have to disagree with you, Mr. 1500. All the things you mentioned to help lead to happiness ARE experiences! It’s a mix of different experiences that lead to happiness. And it’s different types of happinesses (is that even a real word?) that compose an interesting and fulfilling life: joy, elation, fulfillment, satisfaction, tired-happiness, excitement. They all fall on the spectrum of “good feelings”. Satisfaction from a creative job well done (or not so well done, but at least done); contentment from a gorgeous sunset accompanied by a beer (or your drink of choice); tired-happy from working late on a passion project; the endorphin fueled feelings after working out. All these are experiences. Just not the “go-go travel, see all the things” experiences touted on social media. I had a friend that asked “do you think “experiences are worth more than things” is a tagline for credit cards trying to encourage more spending?
Maybe- especially since everyone seems to think that experiences all need to cost money: travel, fine dining, luxe lessons in something (luxury car racing?!).
As you said, happiness doesn’t need to be derived from spending money. Experiences can be free, too.
(also, enjoyed your article!)
“Have to disagree with you, Mr. 1500. All the things you mentioned to help lead to happiness ARE experiences! It’s a mix of different experiences that lead to happiness.”
Well, if you put it that way, everything is an experience. The point I was trying to make was to focus on the experience of daily life.
Of course! I did get the point of your post (in case you were worried that it didn’t get across…or I was rather on the dim side, which is probably more likely). Was just being contrarian. Lots of people only count big major things as experiences. Could you imagine how life would be if it was only the big major things that counted?! “i’m sorry I said you were turning into your mother” flowers would have to be a sky-written apology along with a song and dance musical number! A combination of big and small experiences strung together is what makes a fulfilling life.
I really get tired of that “it’s about experiences” droll. Those experiences are often used as an excuse for excessive consumption.
Sure, you can go blow a few grand on a week long vacation, and you’ll probably remember it well. But that’s not your life.
I prefer to just enjoy my regular life. It’s not “bouncing off the walls” happiness, but I’m very content with my life these days (after FI). Content is good enough for me.
Mr. Tako recently posted…October 2018 Dividend Income And Expenses
Well said, and with heart! All the travel and experiences are awesome, and I wouldn’t give the memories up, but we have been slowing down quite a bit. Before it was more exciting, but after doing more of it, that hedonic adaptation kicks in and it no longer has the same appeal. Like you, I think were starting to appreciate a bit more of our local routine.
Lately, the most fun things for me have been working in my garden, and around the house. Getting out in the fresh air and breaking a sweat puts me in a better mood, and the sense of accomplishment keeps me there. I also relish my weekly mushrooms hikes, and mountain bike ride and beers after with good friends. Wish I could say I’ve been enjoying less brews, but that hasn’t exactly happened yet 🙂
“I have just 384 more days until I quit work! I can’t wait!”
I am definitely guilty of this. And you’re totally right: my life after retirement will still be my life. I tell myself that it will be SO different because I won’t be on the opposite coast of my family and I won’t feel trapped inside during most of my daylight hours (working), but I can do more now. I can increase the time I go home to see family. I can force myself to explore and experience more now instead of making excuses that I’m too tired after work. You’re totally right. Completely eye opening – thank you. Fantastic post.
Preach! I love all of this!
one time in life i decided where to live and figured out how to make that work. that place was new orleans and i really felt at home instantly and life was instantly better. i worked but just enough to get by serving drinks in a hotel bar. i like that picture of maggie siff in the betterment ads. i built a bar once as an outlet and here it is. i hope it doesn’t come out huge when i paste it. fingers crossed.https://i0.wp.com/freddysmidlap.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/P1040258-859580629-1537027511580.jpg?zoom=2&resize=2000%2C1200&ssl=1
freddy smidlap recently posted…Fun Death Facts on the Day of The Dead
My point about the whole experiences thing, and perhaps I’m jaded because I’ve been a caretaker longer than a young person, is that you will end up forgetting almost all of those experiences anyway! So why not have an even distribution of things, experiences, and just a dang good ole lived life? I LIKE my daily routine even if I would like it to be comprised of less work (and stupid people emails) and more hobbies. When it shifts, I’ll be ready to enjoy that new routine.
Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life recently posted…Money & Life Report: October 2018
My life instantly got better when I made a decision to notice the little things that happen each day. I’m a long-term thinker by nature, but when I realised that the big goals only happen occasionally, whereas the little things happen every day – I realised what an idiot I was to only focus on the large goals.
For the last 15 years or so? Contentment and joy. It’s pretty nice.
Thank you for the great and inspiring post Carl. My two cents on the subject of experiences – I generally prefer staycations to going away for a vacation, but our family vacations leave me with such great memories. Because they are so different than our every day life, I remember the good times when we were on vacation much more than I remember times from our regular life and staycations. However I find parts of travelling to be quite stressful so for me I need a balance of both in my life. Agree 100% that I would not want to travel or be on vacation full time – Our last trip was 3 weeks and honestly it was too long.
As I sit here recovering from shoulder surgery, unable to do much more than watch tutorial videos on how to create a website, this article really hit home for me. I’ve always been a busybody, which has resulted in a lot of wasted effort and frustration. And my constant state of DO SOMETHINGNESS results in the opposite of my goals, like incomplete projects and the frustration that come from half-ass, squirrel-watching efforts . This is some good stuff to put some deep work into as I convalesce, so thank you, sir…
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Great post.
Maybe it’s just the punchy cadence of the bullet point style, but about halfway through it, I started to imagine a funky beat playing as I read it. And then, my mind just had to go there, I half expected you to end with “But trust me on the sunscreen.”
“Messy environments make me depressed and anxious” – I could not agree more!
Love, love, love this post. It makes me think about why so many lottery winners are depressed or go broke. It’s because as humans we NEED to feel like we’ve created something at the end of the day. That we’ve made ourselves or others better through our actions. Without that we die, outside and in.
Experiences are talked about often, usually its related to travel etc, but one of my greatest experiences was becoming debt free (totally debt free, including no mortgage). That for me was a big lifestyle change because all of a sudden our family’s monthly cash outflow dropped dramatically and seemingly opened up a bunch of opportunities.
From that point on it was all about optimizing our daily life, figuring out exactly what we wanted to do with our time, where we wanted to live, who we wanted to be around etc. etc.
Owen @ PlanEasy.ca recently posted…8 Ways The TFSA Could Change In The Future
Oh my goodness! I often wake up in the middle of the night way overheated after drinking and didn’t know this was a thing! When I would drink more than 1 person probably should in a set amount of time, I didn’t question it much but when I’d wake up that way after a single beer or glass of wine I’d really start to question my sanity because I KNEW I didn’t drink THAT much! Thank you!
Work! I miss it. Moved to Japan and left my company behind. MY company! I want it back but there’s no way to have it and keep the wife so here I am, stuck in retirement.
Great post. Living in the now is definitely something I struggle with. In the FIRE movement, there is so much focus on the future, saving, investing, planning. I feel like I lost sight of living in the moment and enjoying it, too much looking forward to life after work.
I’m now starting to try to find Joy in life now. Any tips for finding the balance?
Well said, but on a bit of a tangent, I get tired of this whole “experiences” shtick that has grown over the years, and the holier-than-thou attitude some have about it. I get the anti-consumerism of it all, but sometimes stuff is nice too, the nice shoes, the car you enjoy, the speakers you listen to, etc. These experiences most tout is usually travel, and that in itself is a form of consumerism and creates its own issues. Overtourism, environmental degradation, etc. are real. Moreover, having lived in a well-touristed area, imo a lot of these “experiences” tourists are having (and yes they are tourists, not travelers or life experiencers) are superficial and not very realistic. Living like a local is bs, their 2wks visiting is nothing like local life and afterwards they still have no clue what life like a local is like or gained any true understanding or appreciation or an “experience” other than nice scenery/buildings and good food. Sorry for the rant, but completely agree, build and experience your every day life. That’s what’s going to matter most in the end, where you experience more meaningful and long lasting things. Stop chasing something else somewhere else, and be in the moment in the present where you are.
i am happy my family.because our happy family.