This week, the blog takes a slight diversion while I experiment with soylent, a food substitute. At the end of each day, I’ll write a brief post telling you how it went. Here is my update for Monday.
Before we get into the non-meat of the post, here are my stats:
- Sunday before bed: 168.2
- Monday morning: 166.8
- Monday before bed: 168.0
- #1: My pee is now this amazing, neon yellow color. I’ve been drinking plenty of water, so it must be something in the ingredients.
- #2: Radio silence. It hasn’t happened since I started earlier today (Monday). Tomorrow should be a different story.
Other important information
- Hungry?: No
- Lust after real food?: Kind of. See below.
- Convinced Mrs. 1500 to try it?: HELL no. (Mrs. 1500 note: Mr. 1500 gave me the option of either changing the brakes on the car by myself, or trying this. I said “no thanks” to both options. Just because he is crazy enough to do this, doesn’t mean he can convince ME to drink the kool-aid. Or Soylent.)
I am not a foodie of any sort. I’m fine with simple food and not picky. I’ve even been known to dine at the Mexican (sorry to offend you Mexico) fast food establishment that rhymes with “hell.”
With that said, I was surprised by just how bad this stuff tastes. There are no words to describe it. I think wallpaper paste with broken glass would be an improvement. When I had my first gulp, I had to fight to keep it from making an immediate reappearance. Each time I ate some, I had to hold it in my mouth for a couple seconds before I worked up the resolve to swallow it.
My initial batch was room temperature. Once it cooled off in the refrigerator, it was slightly better. Very slightly. Like .0003% better. (Mrs. 1500 note: I was not the least bit tempted to try this before he took his first drink, and the look on his face when it hit his tongue did not sway me. I could almost read his mind: I have made a huge mistake…)
How did I feel?
The DIY soylent filled me up. I started the day eating/drinking (choking down) about 1/6 of the crapcoction. When the hunger pangs came, I’d wait about half an hour and then force down another 1/6. By dinner time, I had consumed about 2/3 of it.
Physically and mentally, I felt absolutely no different than I do on a normal day. I worked out with weights and did 200 push-ups; that didn’t feel any different either.
The soylent did satisfy my hunger. Because I felt filled up, I didn’t lust after normal food until the end of the day. Around dinner time, I was really hungry and the sweet and sour chicken that the Mrs. was cooking up nearly killed me. The way to avoid this problem is just to not let yourself get too hungry. Or, have your significant other cook liver.
Mrs. 1500 and the children
Mrs. 1500 thinks I’m nuts for trying this. Despite non-stop badgering, I have been unsuccessful in getting her to pass even a drop between her lips. I could offer her a month in a condo in Hawaii and she still wouldn’t budge. (Mrs. 1500 note: Nope. Not a chance. I smelled it. I watched him “drink” it. BOLD PREDICTION: 5 days will pass without me switching over.)
I presented soylent to my children as a vanilla shake, hoping they would try it. They figured out the score immediately and wouldn’t try any either. After sniffing it, the younger one’s expression wouldn’t have been more extreme if my head was replaced with a rat’s.
The kids are a lost cause, but I’m not giving up on Mrs. 1500. (Mrs. 1500 note: Go ahead. Give up.)
Tune in tomorrow evening for another update. (Mrs. 1500 BOLD PREDICTION #2: Tomorrow’s batch will taste just as bad, his urine will be just as yellow, and just as much will have been consumed by me tomorrow as today.)
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