Let’s go back in time 12 years to the year 2001. I was at one of my first real jobs out of college. At work one morning, my boss announced that she had purchased a new, $40,000 german luxury car. She was clearly excited and thought that I should have one too:
Boss: Mr. 1500, I LOVE my car; you should get one too!
Me (trying to politely deflect): The car I have works just fine and it’s paid off. I just don’t need a new car.
Boss: Don’t you want to get married someday?
Me (not liking the direction this was going at all): Ummmmmmmmmmmm, sure?!?
Boss: How are you going to get married if you don’t have a nice car?
Me: What do you mean?
Boss: This car projects financial success. Women love it! If you want to get married, you need to get one.
The conversation made me angry, but more than that, it made me sad. I wasn’t sad for myself, but for her and her pathetic view of the world. From this conversation and others, it was clear that she wasn’t going to consider any guy who didn’t look like he was off the cover of GQ and had all of the expensive accoutrements that go along.
In a very small way, I could see her point. Finding a life partner who has financial stability is important. However, I’ve come to learn that most folks driving fancy cars are far from financial stability (see this book for an awesome study on the subject). Often, the car is financed for 5 or maybe 7 years to keep the payment down. They tend to have a lot of other debt and live paycheck to paycheck. Even if they make a lot of money, they have found ways to spend every single, last, friggin’ dollar.
A nice car may very well have helped me meet someone, but that person would have been incompatible with my value system. That person may well have been materialistic and a spendaholic. It gives me shivers just thinking about it: I could have been dragged to the mall (uggggg) for hours while she bought $500 purses on credit. My 401(k) would have been sacrificed for new wardrobes every year. I would have been driven nuts. Divorce would have been quick and she probably would have gone after every cent I had. No thanks.
I never bought the luxury car, but I did find a wife who is perfect for me. When I met her, I had an old used car and she had an even older one. Even better, she liked to bike, rollerblade, spend time outside and even tolerated my lengthy discussions about computers (and cars). We just celebrated our 11th anniversary.
I later found out that my old boss was going through a divorce when we had the “car” conversation. No surprise there.
Stay true to your beliefs, and don’t let anyone sway you. If you don’t think you need it, you don’t. One of the biggest causes of consumerism is peer pressure. Is it worth working until you are 70, just so your co-workers approve of your car?
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
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The boss is right. You would have met lots more ladies if you drove a flash car. Most people do judge a book by the cover. Men want a nice looking woman and woman want a big wallet. The problem is that most people don’t look beyond the cover of the book before they make a decision to commit.
How many dates should you have with a person before you ask them to show you their FICO score?
Yeah, good point in that it goes both ways.
“How many dates should you have with a person before you ask them to show you their FICO score?”
Ha, I wonder if any dating sites have this as a parameter? I doubt it, but it would be awesome if they did!
It’s becoming pretty common to ask a date what their credit score is. According to this article in the NYT, “credit scores have become the dating equivalent of the STD check.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/26/business/even-cupid-wants-to-know-your-credit-score.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0
To answer your last question, the NYT article even states that a few dating sites have popped up in response to people who value financial responsibility in their partner.
Wow, nice article. I don’t like this though:
“And while eight states, including California, Illinois and Maryland, have passed laws limiting employers ability to use credit checks when assessing job candidates”
Why not? I think a credit score is a good reflection of character. A potential employer can check a million other facets regarding a candidate; why not their financial responsibility?
Because credit scores are very imperfect.
1) The top reason for bankruptcy is medical bills (62%). The top 5 causes in total are: medical bills, job loss, divorce/separation, unexpected expenses (loss of uninsured property to earthquake, floods, tornadoes, etc.) and poor use of credit. So you would be discriminating against most of those people for the sins of a few.
2) someone with no credit history may be the most fiscally savvy.
3) people born into poverty have a harder time creating a credit history – so denying them a job because they don’t have a great credit score is discriminatory and no reflection on their ability to do the job.
4) many people are like me – I haven’t always been frugal, but I’ve always been an outstanding employee.
5) punishing someone who may have made financial mistakes in the past by denying the opportunity to correct those mistakes is cruel and particularly unfair. Say someone dug themselves into a hole, how are they supposed to fix it if they can’t find a job?
There are many types of responsibility, of which financial is only one. I’d hate for someone to judge my worth as an employee solely by a number showing credit history.
Hi Cee-
You make a compelling case. Credit score should not be the sole determining factor, just one signal in the process. I would hope that an employer would always give someone a chance to explain blips in their past and weigh them against the positives, especially if they are more recent.
how funny that she was going through a divorce when she made that comment! not surprised, though.
We own a 7 year old acura sedan (wealthy Dr. Mom talked my husband into that one. It’s great but we shoulda gotten the honda accord.) We scraped the side of it on the pillar of our condo parking space the morning we moved in years ago. We never bothered to fix it. We’re lucky in the friends we have because nobody makes fun of the huge scratch but instead they laugh at the story.
I walk to work, much to the bafflement of my coworkers. Leaves me lots of free time to do things like read your blog, which I’m loving!
Zoe @ I don’t hoard recently posted…It’s been a long time since I did one of these…decluttered item #187!
You make an awesome point here! 🙂
I’m sort of torn cause there is a part of me that feels frugality can lead to the compromise of having a relationship however having said this, it’s also important to stay true to yourself, as long as no others are being hurt or compromised..
Good rant though 🙂