I’m glad I was born a guy, despite the shorter life. Males have defective DNA which results in a reduced lifespan relative to our female counterparts. Perhaps this is also what causes us guys to do ridiculous, futile and dangerous things like:
- keg stands
- root for the Chicago Cubs
- laugh hysterically at farts
- watch Jim Carrey films
- enjoy monster trucks
- play with fire
For me, it is a worthy tradeoff:
- I won’t ever have to give birth and I’m very thankful for that (shout-out to women everywhere!)
- I’ll never feel pressure to brush my hair or worry about shaving my legs because society is OK with me shaving my head and no other parts of my body
- I’ll never worry about makeup or feel the need to pluck my wild eyebrows
Above all, I’ll never get invited to an endless parade of “parties” thrown by “friends” hawking products sold through multi-level marketing (MLM) schemes.
MLM
If you’re not familiar with MLM schemes, here is the definition from Wikipedia:
In the life of Mrs. 1500, MLM manifests itself in parties that friends throw where they try to get you to buy stuff or become one of their minion, downline salespeople. Mrs. 1500 gets invited to these things at least a couple times per year. The most recent one was a fingernail “party.” Others have included:
- Candles: Why buy one from a store for $5 when you can spend $30 for the same thing!? Besides, we have lightbulbs now. No need for fire inside the home.
- Medicine: Most people know that you can’t cure disease with snake oil. Not all though.
- Food: Overpriced brownie mixes!
- Makeup
- Children’s toys
- Sex toys!: It is difficult to stop myself from saying anything vulgar here*, so I’ll just shut up.
- Jewelry: Ugggh.
I’ve never liked the concept of MLM. If your product is so great, why not just sell it through normal means like at a store or over the Internet? Why do you have to pit friends against each other. Here is what the last invitation to Mrs. 1500 looked like:
Hey, lets get together to drink wine and try on <company name redacted for fear of getting sued> fingernails!
If we were all being honest:
Come over dear friend so I can sell you some overpriced stuff and make money off of you! I’ll ply you with alcohol so you let your guard down. Want to be a downline seller?!? Fun!!
Dudes
For whatever reason, MLM hasn’t caught on with guys, although I’ve seen attempts at it. I vaguely remember seeing a stand at a fair a couple years ago for a “man cave” MLM where you invite your buddies over and try to get them to buy meat. Just thinking about it makes me a bit nauseous and I hope that I never get invited to such an event. Maybe I’ll start telling people I’m a Marshmallowtarian to nip it in the bud:
- Neighbor Bob: Hey bro! Come over and have some beers at my meat party**! It will be awesome!
- Me: Neighbor Bob, remember that I’m a strict Marshmallowtarian. My diet consists of marshmallows only.
I really do enjoy marshmallows, but my silly ways won’t do much to stop MLMs. If you can’t beat them, join them?
Hmmm, thinking…
I’ve got it!
Mr. Money Marshmallow!
Today, I’m super excited to announce my new MLM: Mr. Money Marshmallow***:
Mr. Money Marshmallow offers artisan, small batch, GMO free, organic, cage-free, all natural, pesticide free, locally sourced, hand-crafted**** marshmallows. Mr. Money Marshmallow offers delicious ‘mallows for any occasion. Here are just some of our offerings:
The American ($20/bag [each bag contains 2])
This ‘mallow is super-sized for big American appetites! Open a bag of these at the next campfire and you’ll be the envy of your fellow campers (please allow extra time to roast). Or at your next party, deep fry this guy, put it between two donuts and you’ve got yourself a Marshmallow Burger. Mmm mmm, good!
The Argentinian ($25/bag)
The nutty notes and smooth finish of this marshmallow will arouse your senses. The Argentinian pairs well with steak and red wine. Serve Argentinians on your next dinner date and she’ll be yours forever.
The Parisian ($50/bag, limited quantities)
Inspired by The City of Light, this delightful marshmallow looks innocent enough, but don’t be fooled. At first bite, a bouquet of flavors explodes in your mouth. Your life will never be the same. Suggested pairings include Camembert and croissants.
Fellow Marshmallowtarians, I hope that you’re as excited about my new MLM as I am! Contact me to hold a Mr. Money Marshmallow party at your home today!
Oh wow, stop me. I’ve gone off the deep end again.
Kubb party >>> MLM party
Our new town has really good people, but there are still MLMers lurking. I wish there wasn’t. Instead of inviting friends over to get them to buy stuff, why not have them over for board games or a potluck? This past Sunday, we did just that. At a friend’s home, we played Ticket to Ride and Kubb, a lawn game that I had never heard of before, but was lots of fun. We had a barbecue and peach cobbler for dessert. Perfect.
I don’t know why people insist on throwing MLM parties. Perhaps it is some kind of genetic disorder? Maybe one day, science will invent a gene therapy for this malady and MLMs will go away. Perhaps gene therapy will even fix my bad male tendencies and I won’t laugh uncontrollably at bodily functions?
Dare to dream.
Addendum: Check out Lazy Man and Money for a dude who really goes after the MLMs.
*OK, I can’t help myself. What goes on at a sex toy, MLM party? Do the ladies sit around and debate the merits of various vibrators? Can you try before you buy? Does someone do a demo? What is the return policy?
**Wow, this does not sound right. What is wrong with me?
***Hey MMM, thanks for letting me borrow your logo today! I read on one of your posts that you don’t like MLMs either, so I hope that you see the humor in this and don’t sue me!
****Hand Crafted is the most overused marketing term in the world right now. Hand crafted beer? Hand crafted tamales? Hand crafted, hand crafts made by hand. Of course, it’s hand crafted! Do I think your taco stand that employees three people also employees robots***** to help roll the burrito?
*****I’d actually prefer Robot Crafted to Hand Crafted. Robots are consistent. They don’t screw up. They wouldn’t leave bodily fluids or hair on your food.
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.
I was unwittingly roped into two MLM parties shortly after graduating college (jewelry and makeup – and it was easy to turn down since I wear so little of both), but have become much better at spotting them and avoiding them in the years since. One woman at my office had the nerve to have one in our conference room at lunch hour – let’s just say that was a day I left for lunch and it was well worth it. (Perhaps not surprisingly, she was fired not too long after that…)
Mrs. PoP recently posted…Cabinetry Confession
Nice, I was going to say surprised she didn’t get fired.. oh wait she did. Takes a certain level of desperation and determination I think to sell any of this stuff, especially at work! Even if they don’t realize their loosing money hand over fist.
I haven’t heard of any partys in over a year. pray for the good luck to continue.
Kyle recently posted…True Cost of Owning a Home-Part 2
lol, dog got me up early but this was a great read. Funny enough I’m selling marshmallow root. Lets team up!
I nearly got into Cutco Cutlery. I needed a job in college and they’re sneaky bastards. They act like it’s a real job. You go through interviews and everything. They “offered” me the job and then I politely declined and got pissed that they wasted my time.
I’ve fought MLM’s with the fiance over the years. She’s tried Avon… twice and Party Lite. I got pissed trying to tell her its designed for them to make money, not you. Since I’m a numbers guy I finally got her to keep track of a month and she realized she was loosing a good chunk of money after all the travel and all expenses. MLMs is for people who are bad at math. 95% won’t make any money. I think most people end up drinking too much of their own koolaid and loose big money buying their own products. Actually that’s where I think most MLMs make their money, their sales guys buying their products for “demo”.
She has one friend that used to “invite” us over to hang out, drive 30 minutes away and bam.. oh hey.. welcome to our 31 bag party.. walked into that one 2 or 3 times.
Why can’t you just throw a party and have a good time, why do you have to try and scam friends, family and neighbors. You’re alienating many of us.
Kyle recently posted…True Cost of Owning a Home-Part 2
“MLMs is for people who are bad at math. 95% won’t make any money.”
I’ve read it’s actually more like 98%! Everyone I know who does this loses significant money.
“She has one friend that used to “invite” us over to hang out, drive 30 minutes away and bam.. oh hey.. welcome to our 31 bag party.”
Whoah, that is sooooooo uncool. I’d be like, “Ooops, I left my phone in my car. I’ll be right back!” Can you hear the car peeling out of the driveway?
Ugh to MLMs parties. I’ve been to a few out of guilt… “My stay-at-home mom friend/relative is looking to earn some extra cash selling x. Let’s all come out and support her!”
If you find the stuff useful and reasonably priced or you find it’s a lucrative sales career, no judgment. It’s just not for me.
That is what I dislike, the pressure! It’s wrong to leverage friendship like this!
If you really like marshmallows… this company makes good ones https://www.240sweet.com/ They are really good… a little pricey… but really good.
Oh and I forgot to mention… I am pretty sure these are Hand Crafted… so you know they have to be good
Whoah, these look awesome! I’ll be in Indiana in 2 months. If it is on my way…
MLM has got to be my least favorite form of business, especially because it seems to me that the majority of friends who are sellers are not that good at training sales people.
My dad found some healthcare supplements that he’s really into as a result of MLM, but he’s the world’s worst MLM recruits. He just buys tons of product and then sells it to his friends below his acquisition costs. If they like the product, he makes them deal with a different sales person in the future. I’m guessing that he’s the only person in the world who has been a part of MLM for ten years and still has no sales people under him.
Uggh. If the products were worthwhile and normally priced, it wouldn’t be as big of an issue. They never are though.
I was approached for a phone service one in college. I didn’t know what it was, so I told the guy I’d hear him out. He had zero interest in selling me the phone service, only hounding me to become a distributor. That is when I knew it was all nonsense.
I went to an MLM meeting once a long time ago out of curiousity, I already had a year as a relatively successful sales engineer so I had a bit of a different perspective than most attendees, and far more training.
I walked away with two takeaway points. First of all the focus was mostly on how to recruit other people; very little time was spent on developing actual product sales skills, information, or training. This was a big warning flag for me.
Second the biggest sales success story was a guy who already had an established business (I forget if it was a retail store or restaurant), who met the sales goal in a single purchase where he met his initial quota/level so that he could receive a larger commission. This seemed to undermine their entire message about “developing your own business from nothing”.
I walked out of there with my curiosity satisfied, and that if I actually liked the products and wanted to sell them, I would go an entirely different route than MLM.
I should clarify, this was a “distributor” meeting to recruit more distributors rather than a MLM “party”.
This was similar to my very first experience too. They guy had no interest in selling my the product, only wanted me to become a seller. As you said, big warning flag.
I don’t see a link to add the marshmallow to my cart? 🙂 You forgot the handbag MLM parties. Beware of those.
Brian @DebtDiscipline recently posted…Teaching Teenagers about Money
We haven’t officially launched yet, so check back soon! 🙂
Handbags, arrrgh.
I think I know exactly what type of fingernail MLM party your wife has been invited to because I was suckered into one last year. It was my neighbor had one and I still have the $20 fingernail product sitting in a drawer.
Mrs. Budgets @MrandMrsBudgets recently posted…Jobs That Will Pay Back Your Student Loans
Yep.
Ugh these parties. Hate Hate Hate. My biggest peeve is that by having it in a home, people are more likely to lose sight of what things normally cost. The jewelry parties skew high so you think you’re getting a deal on this $40 necklace because its the cheapest thing on the table.
To address your curiosity, most of what is sold at sex toy parties aren’t sex toys. They sell all sorts of smelly lotions and shave creams (their biggest seller). On the sexual side, they sell a lot of lubes. Then at the end, the consultant passes around like 4 different vibes. You can turn them on and off, but there is no demo or try before you buy. No returns.. which is probably why the companies are successful. Get people out of their element to buy and then they can’t return anything.
Kate@GoodnightDebt recently posted…Focus on What you Can Control: Success is in the Inputs
Oh wow, I’m sorry that I asked. Yikes.
Do they play pass the potato, only with a vibrator? Now that would be funny!
I remember my mom going to a bunch of MLM parties. I don’t think she ever bought anything, we were broke. So poor friends trying to sell to other poor friends….not a great business plan.
At work I have been invited to a couple MLM parties (outside of work). I skip them. I don’t need to buy overpriced jewelry or makeup. Plus I don’t wear make up.
SavvyFinancialLatina recently posted…Year 2 of Home Ownership
Oh wow, that photo with the marshmallows in the tumbler makes me want to puke. I think brain assumes that the mashed potatoes are mashed marshmallows. Urp… I guess I won’t be a customer.
I think Margie has only been invited to one of those types of MLM parties and bought something. I’m not going to say which one…
Norm recently posted…Death Comes Slow or Quick
Oh, I should’ve mentioned that one of my all-time favorite episodes of This American Life is about a MLM scam called WakeUpNow. If you haven’t heard it, you have to.
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/543/wake-up-now
Norm recently posted…Death Comes Slow or Quick
Puke? Well, I guess you’re not signing up for Mr. Money Marshmallow. 🙂
“I think Margie has only been invited to one of those types of MLM parties and bought something. I’m not going to say which one…”
It was the sex toy one, wasn’t it.
As a disclaimer, I’ve never been invited to an MLM presentation, but I’m going to play Devil’s Advocate here and say that if people I knew were getting involved with an MLM, I’d probably congratulate and encourage them.
To me, the main reason for FI is to get yourself out of auto pilot, just blindly following the leader (which, in this case, is 9-5 until you’re 65). If someone is trying to take control of their financial future, whether it be from being self employed or through diligent investing (which, if you ask me, is just another form of being self employed), isn’t that all a form of escaping auto pilot?
Sure, MLMs are usually a scam, but I would encourage the motivation behind someone getting involved in it. I’d be no different if someone was trying to make some money on the side blogging, starting a YouTube channel, selling products on Amazon, free lancing, etc.
Keith recently posted…Update to Bill Split and Tip
I like your attitude, just not applied to MLMs. I read somewhere that only 1% or 2% of people involved in them actually make any serious money. From my own experience with family members, they put in much more money than they ever earn. If someone asked me my advice, I’d gently redirect them to one of the other ideas you threw out.
I’m with you, happy I’m a guy so I don’t have to give birth and I’ve never been invited to an MLM party. While I’m single I know plenty of my female friends who get roped into going to these things. Heck some even get roped into hosting them when they aren’t the one who is doing the selling. Talk about a complete train wreck. Come to my house while someone else sells you something at my party. No thank you.
Duncan’s Dividend’s recently posted…Monday Rant
Yeah, ugggh. Makes me cringe. No thanks. Ever.
What’s the return policy??? You’re too much 🙂 Luckily as a guy I have not been subject to these said parties, but have heard of them. Thanks but no thanks.
Fervent Finance recently posted…2015 Mid-Year Goals Review
If you can return, do they offer “gently used” dildos? 🙂
MLMs drive me crazy. I went to one once many, many, many years ago – in the attempt to meet some neighbors since I had just moved to the neighborhood. I didn’t buy anything, and was shocked that people spent so much money to put together homemade cards! Luckily, I don’t have a bunch of girlfriends and hanging out with a roomful of women drinking wine and talking about crap I don’t care about (clothes, jewelry, makeup) just seems like a nightmare to me!
Mrs SSC recently posted…Sunshine Blogger Award!
“Luckily, I don’t have a bunch of girlfriends and hanging out with a roomful of women drinking wine and talking about crap I don’t care about (clothes, jewelry, makeup) just seems like a nightmare to me!”
Love it!
It is a nightmare–I agree! But this Mr. Money Marshmallow sounds different and could be a really great opportunity–I bet it’ll be different than all other MLM schemes. 😉 This post had me laughing ’til I cried.
Thanks Claudia! I’m glad you’re on board!
More robot crafting!
Absolutely! They weld our cars and make our microchips. I fully trust Mr. Roboto to make my taco.
The big MLM that I see guys into involves exercising and videos. I’ve bought a few products from the popular cooking MLM – but only because I actually think they’re superior products. I don’t generally go to the “parties” though – I have more to do with my time than be marketed to – and even if I didn’t, I’d choose a better marketing presentation, like free vacations 🙂
Mom @ Three is Plenty recently posted…Credit Security Freezes – and why you might want to consider one
Ah, I know which one you’re talking about and Mrs. 1500 received some of their stuff as a wedding present. I agree that it is good. No idea of how the prices are though. Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway actually owns it.
MLMs are geared toward women because the unwritten psychological rules of women’s social groups enhance the traits they’re trying to exploit. Blending sales with a party is intentional, to blur the lines between business and socializing, and alcohol, of course, is a disinhibitor. And while the products are overpriced, they’re still usually cheap enough that anyone with disposable income can afford *something*, and the hostess gets the benefits. I’ve gone to a few to watch the behavior, and it’s appalling. Men’s social groups have different rules, so it doesn’t work so well with them.
The last one I went to was jewelry, and several women spent hundreds of dollars, and almost everything had to be returned for poor quality, caused rashes, etc. And of course, most of the returns weren’t honored, so they bought all this stuff, sent it back, and it got sold again. They didn’t get their money back.
Wow, excellent explanation. Makes perfect sense/
“rashes”
Whoah.
I’d also bet that the junk they’re selling for $100 costs about $2 to produce.
I am a professional at saying, “No, I can’t afford that right now.” This extends to sales people showing up at the door. I have done it so long and it’s so automatic that I’m sure I have passed up things I may like actually like.
I’m picturing you answering the door in a shirt with a bit “No!” printed across the front. 🙂
I’ve been able to avoid MLM parties. Luckily my friends tend not to be into that type of stuff and I’m able to say NO to co-workers. Perhaps it has affected my level of friendship with some female co-workers but I’m fine with that.
middle class recently posted…De-Clutter Project 2015 Continues
If people won’t be your friend because you won’t buy their junk, I say, “No big loss.”
When is Mr. Money Marshmallow going to be available in Houston?? I have a huge camping trip coming up and really want to impress my friends (and, of course, bring them in under me). Also, I like to catch my ‘mallow on-fire, and I’d be sure to be the life of the trip once one of those big American’s catches fire. Do you know how many people it takes to blow it out??
Steve@EscapeVelocity2020 recently posted…Personal Captial
Everything is bigger in Texas, so we’re working on an even bigger one. Think basketball.
The Texan will come with a warning though about fire (lawyers made me do it). Lighting it on fire could easily cause a nasty chain reaction in which you end up burning your hair off, setting your wife on fire or burning down a state park.
MLMs make me sad on a number of levels.
1. The fact that it is so rarely a gig for guys, to me speaks to the fact that it’s usually women that are in a place where they’re desperate enough to get suckered in–for legit family need, to try to even out the earnings, or for some who are stay-at-home parents to feel like they have a piece of money that they truly earned and can do what they want with it. The only one that I know of any number of guys in is Beachbody. To me, it’s a crappy symptom of a larger problem.
2. Multiple times recently I’ve been surprised to be “friended” by people from high school I wasn’t close to, only to find out that the reason is because they’re in a MLM scheme. Oh. Awesome.
3. I hate that under intense pressure and manipulation from their ‘upline’ people cave and use their friendships this way. It’s actually a bit fascinating/disturbing to read their marketing instructions.
4. I hate when people I know to be smart start with the robot drivel. I know an accomplished, driven woman who has taken a break from her career to stay home with their children. She has recently become a beauty product pusher. Her hashtag filled posts that are clearly directed by the company make me sadly shake my head.
5. I hate feeling like a jerk when I say no.
6. I hate that in the end, these companies end up simply exploiting people and taking their money when they’re at their weakest. It’s not like people who can afford to lose hundreds of dollars no big deal are the ones signing up.
Your comment about exploitation makes a lot of sense. The companies exploit ignorant people who in turn try to exploit their friends and relatives.
What it all comes down to for me is that you’re trying to leverage relationships to make money off subpar or overpriced products. Not cool.
Just like the “Do not Call” phone list, we need to “Do not MLM” list!
Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
MLM for dudes: Isagenix (fuel (!?) for lean high-performance body – now more expensive than actual food!?- been hit up twice, my penalty for being an endurance sports junkie despite being a dude) and Primerica (insurance – now with higher fees!? and more sales pressure!?)
I’m going to stick with my pastafarian diet personally – more variety than straight up marshamallassity 🙂
Pastafarian! Do I detect a subtle shout out to the FSM?
In a funny way, I sorda wish my butcher would hold Butcher and Beer parties, but in my scenario it would simply be me buying meat at the same prices, just that this guy decided to include beer in his selling strategy.
“I mean sure I’ll buy 10 lbs of the porter house steaks, I always wanted to go on all steak diet for a couple weeks, What’s that you include a 6 pack of robot crafted beer with a 12 pound purchase…….SOLD!”
Even Steven recently posted…Making Big Goals
Going thru the blog in chronological order. Just learned of it recently. This post is hilarious Cannot stop laughing. Great stuff
Thanks Rob, much appreciated!