I swallow the golden pill,
My poop is incredible,
My feces are solid gold,
I flush my money down the bowl.From the song, Thrift Shop (almost)
Occasionally, I bring you stories of insane consumerism. Previous stories included the $3,000 Steampunk Stroller, $260 lunch bag purse. My last one was about the $6,000 toilet. In today’s post, I offer a perfect companion to the costly crapper. First though, I must ask you some questions?
Have you ever questioned the hue of your poo?
When you look in the bowl, does brown get you down?
Do you want to change the species of your feces?
Is your stool just not that cool?
Do you wish your excrement was coated in the 79th element?
(Mrs. 1500 note: He could go on FOREVER but I stopped him. You’re welcome.)
If you answered “yes” to any of the above, or just want to hear about quite possibly the most ridiculous product ever made, I have just the thing.
For the princely sum of $425, you can now purchase a pill that that will turn your waste gold. Pop one or two of these babies and wait. Results depend on your eating habits. Between 8 hours and a couple days, your poop will have beautiful flecks of real gold (perhaps 4 hours if you dine at Taco Bell).
I hope you aren’t eating right now because this is a bit nasty. However, in the name of frugality and conquering crazy consumerism, I encourage you to forge ahead! Be strong reader. I promise that there won’t be any bad pictures.
What kind of demented person would buy such a thing? Perhaps a better question is; What do you do after you’ve used the golden pill?
Do you take pictures and post it them to Instagram? Do you Tweet it? Hey facebook friends, check this out!
What happens if you’re in stall #3 at work when the magic happens?
Jim: Hey Bob, is that you in the next stall? Get over here; I have something to show you!!
Bob: Whoah, that’s awesome dude! Your crap is golden! High five!!
I don’t have a clue if this thing is real or not. On the website, it has a status of Temporarily Unavailable. This could mean one of two things:
1) The whole thing is a joke and the joke is on me.
2) The poop pill is the real dung deal and is sold out.
Knowing the crazy stuff folks spend their money on these days, I’m guessing it’s #2*.
*Get it? #2? <insert Beavis and Butthead giggling> I crack myself up**.
**On some most days, I have the sense of humor/maturity level of a 6th grader.
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.
FI Pilgrim says
October 24, 2013 at 7:39 amHow do you find out about this stuff? It’s awesome! 🙂
FI Pilgrim recently posted…FI 101: Manage Expenses To Become Financially Independent
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:19 amNo idea. It just comes to me. Unfortunately.
Alicia @ Financial Diffraction says
October 24, 2013 at 7:30 amUnless there is about 9 g of Au in there, I think their $425 price tag is a bit steep 😉
Alicia @ Financial Diffraction recently posted…October bonus money update.
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:20 amThere is probably .001g of gold in that thing.
Justin @ RootofGood says
October 24, 2013 at 8:32 amThis post makes me want some Taco Bell. And looks like I’m in luck. I happen to have exactly $428 in my pocket. Ample funds for a belly full of rented low grade tacos and gold poop pills.
Justin @ RootofGood recently posted…Dear Technorati, Look Here! And other news for the week
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:17 amLOL! On some days, I crave Taco Bell. Holy cow though, it is like Drano for the human body. Volcano butt.
Holly@ClubThrifty says
October 24, 2013 at 8:43 amWow! I simply cannot imagine when a product like that would be necessary. I think I’ll pass =)
Holly@ClubThrifty recently posted…The Small House Experiment….in Pictures
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:16 am“I think I’ll pass =)”
Nice one!! 🙂 🙂
writing2reality says
October 24, 2013 at 8:48 amBahahaha!! Too funny! It really is amazing what people will spend their money on! And you nailed the crucial issue right on the head… at what point do you share your artistic, and expensive, masterpiece? I’m not really sure that is Instagram/Facebook worthy.
writing2reality recently posted…Investing with Prosper
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:16 amYou should have seen some of the other #2 related stuff I came across that they were passing off as art. I’m going to have nightmares now.
Jane Savers @ Solving The Money Puzzle says
October 24, 2013 at 8:13 amI bet the capsules have been purchased as gifts for the person who already has everything and is impossible to buy for.
My dog ate tin foil that had leftovers in it once and he had silver flecks in his poop for days.
Jane Savers @ Solving The Money Puzzle recently posted…Energy Costs Rise As The Temperature Drops, British Interest Rates And Money Quickies For October 23,2013
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:19 amI can see someone like Paris Hilton buying this. Anyone who does should be shipped off to Mars. Or maybe Uranus? Giggle, giggle!
Mrs PoP @ Planting Our Pennies says
October 24, 2013 at 9:43 amReminds me of when people got really into drinking Goldschlaeger a while back – as though it tasted better because of the gold flakes.
Mrs PoP @ Planting Our Pennies recently posted…Mr PoP’s Thoughts on Small Business Valuations – Part 2
JC @ Passive-Income-Pursuit says
October 24, 2013 at 11:17 amNever again on the Goldschlaeger.
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1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:15 amOh wow, that stuff is completely revolting. Bleh. Does anyone above college age buy that stuff? Ick!
Brian says
October 24, 2013 at 11:06 amTMI time, but I have thought about the first question you asked.
I guess with each of these posts I am learning something new and need to figure out a way to seperate the rubes from their money.
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:14 amLOL! TMI indeed. You should see what black licorice… Oh, never mind.
Jim says
October 24, 2013 at 1:41 pmSounds like something they would sell at Spencers? Anyone remember that place? Yea, you could get an array of whoopie cusions, fundies (underwear for two), lava lamps, fake barf and feces, just a few things you might want to pick up to liven things up!
Jim recently posted…From Humble Beginnings The Self-Directed IRA Is Born.
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:13 amOh yeah, they had all that crap there! I always enjoyed browsing their shelves as a kid. Hell, I’d probably still go in there now as an adult.
anna says
October 24, 2013 at 2:56 pmLOL at the #2 reference (we have several gross euphemisms that I will not post in public). That’s kind of gross, though, but I’m sure people have bought it for curiosity’s sake. Tosh.0 basically became famous with such curiosities.
anna recently posted…Wedding Update: Cupcakes and Coordinators
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:12 amAh yes, Tosh. That guy is hilarious! And come on, I want to hear the euphemisms!!
jlcollinsnh says
October 24, 2013 at 6:36 pmUsed to be, every time I picked up after our dog I wished he’d poop gold.
Wondered what we might feed him, other than gold which of course would defeat the purpose, that might make this happen.
But one day it occurred to me, if he ever did, I’d wish I had a much bigger dog…. 😉
jlcollinsnh recently posted…Case Study #3: Let’s get Tom to Latin America!
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:12 amIf this were true, there would be quite the market for St. Bernards and Burmese Mountain dogs. I also wouldn’t have to curse and shake my fist at the neighbors who don’t clean up the dog crap in my yard.
Micro says
October 24, 2013 at 7:01 pmI kind of want to see this turned into an infomercial commercial. You know the ones. Where they take the most mundane task and make it seem super complicated…like licking a stamp. Only to introduce their “revolutionary” new product which will change everying…like a sponge, but with a fancy name.
Micro recently posted…Ice pack vs Heating pad: Knowing the tools of the trade for injury maintanence
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:10 amOh man, now you have me thinking. You probably have a bunch of these ideas already! Let’s put our brains together and come up with some junk to pass on to the masses:
“It’s a cylinder that emits light from one end and it runs without a cord! How much would you pay? But wait, there’s more!”
cj says
October 24, 2013 at 8:32 pmYou’re supposed to high 5 before you wipe, right?
In college, this may have occasionally come in handy, but I had trouble going from Piels to Michelob Dark because it was 3 more bucks, so the $425 would have been prohibitive. Perhaps one pill at a time on the black/brown market would have been the ticket.
Have a refreshing one!
cj recently posted…I Love the NFL
1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 12:09 amOh man, I was hoping someone would come up with the high five/washing hands comment. I’m thrilled that the Hoombahs came through. Virtual high five*!
*My hands are clean!
Mrs. 1500 says
October 25, 2013 at 9:18 amI cannot believe you missed the black/brown market comment, Mr. 1500. Nice one, Hoombah!
Cash Cow Couple says
October 25, 2013 at 9:56 amThis is phenomenal!! I can appreciate a good idea when I see one. I mean, it’s solid gold!
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Done by Forty says
October 25, 2013 at 11:53 amI kind of love that this exists. The thought of elitists literally flushing wealth down the drain makes me smile.
Done by Forty recently posted…May Be Living In Peru for a While…
Michelle says
October 25, 2013 at 10:44 pmYou are beginning to frighten me. I’m wondering how you manage to find so many poo related issues. Then I think WTF!?? Who thinks of this stuff!
1500 says
October 26, 2013 at 7:02 amPerhaps it’s just a symptom of my life lately? Our plumbing has been clogged for the past couple of weeks. We finally got it resolved last night, but not before making a very, very foul mess. Oh wow, it was just horrible. I promise no more #2 related posts for a long, long, long time. I am scarred now.
Cash Rebel says
October 26, 2013 at 9:09 amBahahaha I bet it is real, or it’s a fake website that’s part if an elaborate plan to trick someone. Either way, nice find!
Cash Rebel recently posted…Getting past the hype of clean diesel – Is diesel worth it?
Simon @ Modest Money says
October 28, 2013 at 7:19 amAwesome way to start my week…a hearty dose of rib-aching laughter…this line sent me keeling over, “What happens if you’re in stall #3 at work when the magic happens?”
Anyways, you gotta love the freedom and innovativeness in this nation…whatever one can imagine can possibly be made somehow! However wacky…
To #goldenpoop! 🙂
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1500 says
October 28, 2013 at 7:56 amThanks Simon!
Since people will apparently buy anything, perhaps its time to start our own line of useless stuff? Diamond studded toothbrushes, monogrammed toilet paper… The sky is the limit.