I swallow the golden pill,
My poop is incredible,
My feces are solid gold,
I flush my money down the bowl.
From the song, Thrift Shop (almost)
Occasionally, I bring you stories of insane consumerism. Previous stories included the $3,000 Steampunk Stroller, $260 lunch bag purse. My last one was about the $6,000 toilet. In today’s post, I offer a perfect companion to the costly crapper. First though, I must ask you some questions?
Have you ever questioned the hue of your poo?
When you look in the bowl, does brown get you down?
Do you want to change the species of your feces?
Is your stool just not that cool?
Do you wish your excrement was coated in the 79th element?
(Mrs. 1500 note: He could go on FOREVER but I stopped him. You’re welcome.)
If you answered “yes” to any of the above, or just want to hear about quite possibly the most ridiculous product ever made, I have just the thing.
For the princely sum of $425, you can now purchase a pill that that will turn your waste gold. Pop one or two of these babies and wait. Results depend on your eating habits. Between 8 hours and a couple days, your poop will have beautiful flecks of real gold (perhaps 4 hours if you dine at Taco Bell).
I hope you aren’t eating right now because this is a bit nasty. However, in the name of frugality and conquering crazy consumerism, I encourage you to forge ahead! Be strong reader. I promise that there won’t be any bad pictures.
What kind of demented person would buy such a thing? Perhaps a better question is; What do you do after you’ve used the golden pill?
Do you take pictures and post it them to Instagram? Do you Tweet it? Hey facebook friends, check this out!
What happens if you’re in stall #3 at work when the magic happens?
Jim: Hey Bob, is that you in the next stall? Get over here; I have something to show you!!
Bob: Whoah, that’s awesome dude! Your crap is golden! High five!!
I don’t have a clue if this thing is real or not. On the website, it has a status of Temporarily Unavailable. This could mean one of two things:
1) The whole thing is a joke and the joke is on me.
2) The poop pill is the real dung deal and is sold out.
Knowing the crazy stuff folks spend their money on these days, I’m guessing it’s #2*.
*Get it? #2? <insert Beavis and Butthead giggling> I crack myself up**.
some most days, I have the sense of humor/maturity level of a 6th grader.
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.