I hear people yap all the time about how they have issues with money. It comes in many forms: “I can’t make ends meet!” “I need a second job!!” “The car payments are overwhelming!!!” However, in almost every case, there aren’t really issues with money…
We really love our neighbor. She’s a great grandmother who I’ll call Julie. Unfortunately, she’s going to move soon, partly because of poor decisions by her granddaughter. The granddaughter is who today’s post is about.
Encounter #1
I first noticed the granddaughter shortly after we moved in last June. She dropped by Julie’s home to drop the great-grandchildren off. I immediately noted her car, a Nissan Armada (base price almost $40,000). It was jacked up and had a $2,000 set of wheels on it. The truck was outfitted with all kinds of other fancy stuff. It looked ready for a safari. She was either wealthy or a big spender. I hoped it was the former.
Encounter #2
Due to construction, we have no gutters on our home. This can be an absolute nightmare. We have a bunch of plastic bins that we deploy to catch water. This is important since water can be very destructive to a home. If a really big rain comes, we have to run out and empty the bins because they fill up quickly.
Anyway, this very thing happened a couple weeks ago. It rained and rained and then rained some more. Mrs. 1500 and I were soaked and covered with mud from this ridiculous chore when we noticed Julie and her granddaughter standing outside on the porch. We said ‘Hi’ to them and chatted with Julie a bit. At the same time, we noticed the granddaughter eye-balling us with a look of pity and disgust. It was clear that she would never sign on for our lives. No problem, most wouldn’t.
Encounter #3
A week or so ago, Julie announced that she’d be moving out. Oh no! We hate to lose a nice neighbor. She went on to explain that her granddaughter ‘was really struggling with money’. Julie would be moving into her granddaughter’s unfinished basement in her ‘newly built home’ to help her out. Sigh. So now, the picture was clear. Granddaughter doesn’t have her financial house in order.
It’s really bad decisions for most
I take issue with Julie’s statement about how her granddaughter is struggling with money. Granddaughter is not struggling with money; she’s struggling with incredibly poor decisions. She just had a new home built and drives around a massive SUV to shuttle 2 kids around.
Despite some of my angry rantings about ridiculous swimwear, cars and even toilets, I really don’t care what you buy if you have the means. If your bank account is fat and you can’t live without some fancy thing with 4 wheels or a crazy purse, go nuts!
The key phrase here is “bank account is fat.” Don’t do it unless you have enough money and investments to live for years without income. Struggling with money sucks. I haven’t struggled for a while now, but I still remember the times when like it was yesterday. It was terrible. I’ll choose financial security over a shiny SUV any day of the week.
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I really enjoy the rant series you got going…sometimes it just feels good to vent about people’s ridiculous choices. And I absolutely agree…the granddaughter is not struggling with money, she’s making poor choices and dragging her grandmother into it. An Armada…how many kids does she have? A soccer team?
Andrew@LivingRichCheaply recently posted…Is it REALLY Okay to Take Paternity Leave?
You know, it drives me nuts because the mistakes are so obvious and void of grey area. In most cases, it’s all there; black and white: Get rid of the SUV. Sell the 4000 square foot home. You don’t need a $30,000 camper for 3 weekends/year. On and on.
I feel bad for Julie, and am wondering how moving in with her granddaughter is supposed to make the situation better. Is she going to pay rent to live in the basement? Is granddaughter going to expect Julie to pay for everything for their family? Does Julie actually believe that her presence will “help” her granddaughter’s financial situation, and how?
I guess I just understand get why we involve ourselves in our family’s financial affairs, when their money problems are not ours.
Yep, she is going to pay rent to live in the unfinished, windowless basement. Sounds just great, right?
“Is granddaughter going to expect Julie to pay for everything for their family”
I was thinking the same thing. I’ll bet grandma is invited out to dinner and then the check gets sent her way. Sigh…
Agh! Now I’m angry! What a terrible thing to do to your grandmother AND I bet she doesn’t even REALIZE she is doing something terrible. If I had my way, she would be running out in the rain and dumping buckets for a straight month so she could get her head on straight.
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Ha, I’d make her sign up to go to some 3rd world country to help out for a year! This person needs a new perspective.
Poor grandmother. I have a similar family story that drives me crazy when I think about it.
Michelle recently posted…March Net Worth & Taxes Update
I think we all have these stories! Every family has it’s black sheep. Some families have just a couple; others have a sizable flock.
I couldn’t imagine changing my grandparents changing their retirement plans to bail me out. I would feel horrible, especially if I had a 40k+ car. That is one of my biggest motivations to get my finances in good order, so I never have to saddle anyone else with my poor mistakes.
Alicia @ Financial Diffraction recently posted…To Move Or Not To Move.
Yeah, and the grandmother drives around a jalopy! I’d be going off on them if I were her!
Julie is equally as foolish if not more than her granddaughter. Most likely she has been practising economic outpatient care (tm Thomas Stanley) and she has created the mentality in her granddaughter that Julie will always help and created a dependency there. I’ve seen this with my uncles and now my grandpa has passed away and my grandmother is elderly and not well. I’m sure it’s scary (to the extent they’ve ever thought of it) to contemplate not having their support to fall back on in the future, but they have to grow up sometime, even if it is in their sixties!
Yeah, I agree. I’ve seen how my parents enable my sisters’ horrible behavior and it accomplishes absolutely nothing. I don’t like confrontation either, but I’ll certainly lay down the law when the time comes.
I think you hit the nail on the head here: “Granddaughter is not struggling with money; she’s struggling with incredibly poor decisions.”
Quinn @ Wealth Out West recently posted…Worth It: Tim Ferriss, Heidi Roizen, Traveling the World
Yep, and there is no shortage of people with this mindset…
When I read, “She went on to explain that her granddaughter ‘was really struggling with money’.”, my eyes got big. I feel bad for Julie, not only because I’m sure she does really want to help and cares for her grand-daughter, but also that she hasn’t identified that her grand-daughter is financially dumb.
The power of compounding stupid decisions…
Big Guy Money recently posted…Compound Interest: What Albert Einstein, Warren Buffett, and Every Investor Have in Common
Ha, ‘financially dumb’ is an understatment! However, the words that are going through my head aren’t fit for this family blog!
It amazes me that parents and grandparents let themselves get guilted into these sort of things. I know I shouldn’t judge until I have at least adult children, but still…….
I do know one parent that handled this situation well. She told her deadbeat daughter and her family that they would always have food and shelter, but she wouldn’t give them a nickel. If they were on the street she’d take them in, but that hasn’t happened yet. She takes them groceries once a week and makes sure the grandkids have medical care. Beyond that, they are on their own. Sometimes love needs to be tough, in my opinion.
-Bryan
Income Surfer recently posted…Our Portfolio: You Asked
“I do know one parent that handled this situation well. She told her deadbeat daughter and her family that they would always have food and shelter, but she wouldn’t give them a nickel.”
This may even be going to far. Some of the kids I grew up with down the street still live with their parents (late 30s and 40s). My hope is that I raise my children in a way that makes them good, strong, hard working people. If not, I will sit them down and tell them that there comes a time when the baby birds must leave the nest…
I want to feel bad for Julie, but I also want to shake her and tell her, “You are not responsible for your granddaughter’s bad choices! Don’t let her ruin your peaceful retirement!”
Mrs. Pop @ Planting Our Pennies recently posted…PoP Balance Sheet – March 2014
Yep, I’ve seen what happens when people enable bad behavior. Not good at all.
“I’ll choose financial security over a shiny SUV any day of the week.”
Yes!
I always say the people who think money can’t buy happiness have never experienced financial security. There is nothing like the peace that comes with knowing you have everything you need.
Yes, I do remember Close Encounters! Odd, but fun, movie. And I also love the little reference in UHF when Weird Al forms a mountain out of mashed potatoes and says “This means something. This is important.”
“I always say the people who think money can’t buy happiness have never experienced financial security. There is nothing like the peace that comes with knowing you have everything you need.”
I have huge money security issues, to this really hits home with me. I can’t stand the thought of struggling with money. No thanks.
I still haven’t seen UHF, but that sounds hilarious!
That’s rough. I’ve very independent but know a lot of people who still depend on their parents. What’s funny is that sometimes I think my parents wish I still depended on them. Then they would feel like they had more control.
SavvyFinancialLatina recently posted…Iâm Automating Some of My Finances In My Life
Good for you! I am fiercely independent too. Extremely stubborn as well.
It is an unfortunate but common story that happens in many American families. The grandma is almost always too kind to help out. People tend to buy things on plastic or on a loan, thinking they can afford it, while they really can’t. My philosophy is if you can’t afford to pay it off on the spot, you can’t afford it so don’t buy it. Material things can’t buy you happiness.
Mrs Y recently posted…Saving money on trading fees
Financial struggles are almost always the symptom, not the disease. As you noted, it starts with the decisions…leading to actions…leading to habits…leading to the struggles.
I love the open mindedness about people’s purchases, so long as they have the means. There is ample room to criticize our own household’s financial decisions (probably too much travel, DirecTV, two scooters with desires for a third…) so I try to be accepting of other people’s decisions, so long as they don’t come to me asking for money. 🙂
Aye, aye, aye. Car-poor (and house-poor) are two things that make me cringe. I have friends who come to me asking for financial advice, so when I suggest they downsize their house, car or both, I get “That sounds good, but that wouldn’t work for us. Any other suggestions?”
Um, no. But have fun living your financially stressful life. 😉
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I love posers like the gal described above. She’ll no doubt squeeze granny for additional $ and put her to work as a babysitter so that expensive meals and nights on the town can occur early and often. Shameless…