I’m incredibly happy with my life and it’s all because our family has found the right balance. We take nice vacations, eat good food and fool around with expensive gadgets like electric bicycles. However we also live in a modest home, drive old cars and cook for ourselves. We don’t subscribe to silly fashion or cable TV.
In most cases, I don’t think it’s my place to tell anyone how to spend their money. If you want to go nuts, it’s your problem. Just please don’t go on welfare or ask me for money because your priorities aren’t well.
However, sometimes I read about people wasting money in such ridiculous ways that I can’t stop myself. Brace yourselves gentle readers. I hope your stomach is strong and you aren’t eating cake.
Powerball goes for Powerbail
This lady won $88,000,000 (after taxes!) in the Powerball. Unfortunately, her boyfriend can’t stay out of trouble and she’s already put up $9,000,000 in bail to keep him free. Let me repeat:
$9,000,0000
If I were in her shoes, I’d keep the $9,000,000 and instead, pay a bodyguard to make sure that dude never got near me again.
And if you’re the boyfriend, I have a special message for you:
YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS ALMOST $90,000,000 DOLLARS! KNOCK IT OFF! DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS! YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN! DO YOU PREFER LVING IN JAIL TO MANSIONS? THIS IS THE EASIEST DECISION IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!
Gold watches for Fido
In Colorado, people love their dogs just as much as their family. Some love them even more. People take their dogs to Home Depot and restaurants. There are even dog bars.
Fellow Coloradans, I found a guy who has outdone you all. This crazy man bought his dog two Apple watches. The insanity doesn’t stop there. This lucky dog is wearing the gold ones that cost $14,000 each in the guy’s home country of China.
If you’re the dog, I have a special message for you:
Woof, woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof. Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof! Woof woof woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof woof woof .
Translation: I know those watches are annoying you. When your owner isn’t looking, chew them off and then pee on them! He’ll be a little mad, but I guarantee you that he won’t bother you with this silliness ever again.
Crazy Cake
And this next story takes the cake, literally. Some crazy-ass nutter spent $75,000,000 on a birthday cake. Where do I even start???
First of all, this thing is ugly. Did you ever wonder what a cake would look like if it combined the following elements:
- Alice in Wonderland
- a bad drug trip
- masturbation
Wait no longer, I have your answer:
Hey creeper in the blue dress with the sunglasses, stop touching yourself:
I wouldn’t want to be there either:
It gets worse. The cake is covered in 475 diamonds. I hate diamonds. If you know anything about them, you know that they’re a silly sham perpetrated by a monopoly.
I wonder if any of the people eating this thing swallowed a diamond? Stay with me as I descend further into junior-high humor. There’s just no way to be delicate.
Certain foods have bad side-effects. Spicy food doesn’t feel so good 8-12 hours later in the throne room. Can you imagine what a diamond would feel like on its way out? Imagine this conversation in the mall bathroom:
- Stall #1: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
- Stall #2: What the hell is going on in there? Are you giving birth? Do you need a doctor?
- Stall #1: No, I need a jeweler! I’m shitting diamonds!!
- Stall #2: I’m outta here.
How about you?
Have you seen any extreme examples of silly spending lately? Did your poor sibling just buy a new big screen TV? Did your broke cousin buy a new front-loader washer?
Whatever you do, if you’re invited to a party where the food is adorned with gemstones, do NOT eat them. They do not taste good and you’ll pay a steep price.
Epilogue
Hey Readers, if you need more example of ridiculous ways to flush money down the toilet, here are some other posts from days gone by:
- Would you pay $260 for a purse that looks like a lunch bag?
- How about $6,000 for a musical toilet?
- Would you spend $425 to make your poop golden? This would go great with diamond studded… oh never mind!
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.
Haha, nice rant 1500s. I saw the dog wearing the gold Iwatches in an article about the “new rich” in China. Our Lab is great, but she wouldn’t like to wear those any more than I would like to spend the money.
I hadn’t heard about the diamond encrusted cake, but it must be produced by the dental industry. Diamonds are about the hardest thing on earth, so biting one of them is sure to crack a few teeth. Seriously, not a good idea.
Thanks for making me laugh. Have a great day
-Bryan
Income Surfer recently posted…Planning a Trip?!
I officiated a wedding a while back where the bride and groom spent $100,000 for the wedding. Now they make decent money, but are not even close to being millionaires. It was their dream wedding, but this couple also has hardly any savings, rents an ungodly expensive apartment that is smaller than the one they (which was right on the waterfront), and go out to eat most nights. I try to talk to them….but they don’t listen. If they want to spend their money that way that is fine, but I just don’t want to support them later in life.
Jason recently posted…The Smartest and Best Financial Decisions I Have Made
Yikes. I wonder if most bride and grooms enjoy expensive weddings? It seems like you’re putting on a show for everyone else…
I would not have minded being invited to the party with the diamond encrusted cake. I would take my piece to go…strait to the jewelers to get those diamonds appraised and turned into cash.
I don’t know why, but I could totally see your kids making you a similar cake that cost about $1.99 and then integrating all your toy dinosaurs. In fact I would wager that it may have already happened and you LIKED it!
Oh, the world is so entertaining.
Cheers!
Dominic @ Gen Y Finance Guy recently posted…Year End Planning – Minding the $13,000 Tax Gap [One of My Oh Shit Moments]
Ha! All of my cakes have a dinosaur theme! Since there are kids involved, they usually include dinosaur poop too. I did like it!
Ha,Ha,Ha. Thanks for a good laugh. Where do you come up with this stuff??
You should do the future value calculations on all those expensive splurges just to show the real cost in 10, 20, and 30 years. They could retire a small country’s national debt with that rediculousness!
“Where do you come up with this stuff??”
I’m demented. I just hide it well in person.
One that I’ve seen lately is where a young couple decides to get hitched and start popping out babies right away. The wife/mother decides to stop working and stay home, even though the hubbies’ pay can barely pay the bills. Might want to do the math before jogging down this path.
Fervent Finance recently posted…Moved to Manhattan to Make More, Save More, and Speed Up FI
Wow. Some people have too much time and money on their hands. This reminds me of Arthur (the original and the remake). Those movies were hilarious. Really speaks to the distribution of wealth in the world. Some people spend $75 million on a cake, others live on less than a dollar a day (not by choice either). I’m all for capitalism but I think the world has gotten to the extreme end of the spectrum.
I know, right? How much good could $75,000,000 do? A whole lot.
Wow somehow I missed all of this ridiculousness. Maybe the lottery winner could just build her own jail for the boyfriend, might be cheaper than bail money. 🙂
I witnessed a friend who doesn’t have any money and always complaining about it recently buy and finance a new car. Like a $40K car. Dumb-ass.
Brian @DebtDiscipline recently posted…Do you consider Fantasy Sports Gambling?
Twenty eight grand worth of dog watches?!? The world has gone mad.
Financial Velociraptor recently posted…Write covered calls DCP Midstream Partners LP (DPM)
I’m liking the adding a link after the comment. That’s a good idea.
Don’t bother with my blog though, I don’t think most like it.
mike recently posted…My man, Dr Joel Fuhrman
The problem isn’t the $75M price tag its that the ruined perfectly good cake by covering it with fondant and diamonds.
Listen to the inside- “Madagascan vanilla bean with mascarpone cream and strawberry conserve,” while the runway was done in “triple Belgium chocolate with chocolate ganache and chocolate truffle cream.”
Why would you cover that in diamonds? Why?
Goodness!
Poor dog. I hope he can chew those shackles off. =/
That cake? Why?! How is that even an idea in a person’s mind? I’d say that that cake maker knows his customer. Imagine the possibilities with the right clientele!
Premature FIRE recently posted…The Present
Hahaha I was laughing so hard as I read this article. A combination of Alice in Wonderland, a bad drug trip, and masturbation? Boy you got it completely right.
I don’t understand people wasting money like this. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if they donate the money to help others?
Tawcan recently posted…What would you do with $10,000,000?
Thanks Tawcan!
Thank you for putting a great smile on our faces, we needed that, hilarious!
Team CF recently posted…How much do you need to become financially independent in the Netherlands?
Oh goodness. These really take the cake! (Sorry for the pun…). Remember the rich New Yorker from a few years ago who left a trust for her cat? I think there’s actually a specialty area of law now for estate planners to deal with trusts for pets…
I’m generally libertarian when it comes to things like how you want to live and spend your own money, but at some point I do think it is immoral to waste cash that could be spent to literally save and improve the lives of thousands – if not millions – of your fellow humans.
I am not super frugal and enjoy an overpriced meal/outfit/trip as much as the next person, but I also travel to the developing world every few years to remind myself how bullshit my life and desires generally are. It does wonders for increasing contentment and encouraging generosity – with an added bonus of keeping my expenditures in check.
Elizabeth recently posted…Financial Figures: Net Worth Matters Most
Lol first of all, I have no issues with slicy food! Milk though, keep me away from it.
This kind of shit blows my mind. I get mad at myself when I forget luch and end up having to go out. I don’t actively trying to waste my money!
Chris @ Flipping a Dollar recently posted…Interviewed by Holly Johnson of Club Thrifty
Hilarious rant… I am now happy to know what a $75mm cake looks like. I probably wouldn’t have gone with “make me a really expensive cake that looks like a fashion show” but I have eccentric tastes. Also makes those delicious Costco cakes look like a bargain. (ok, I get that the cake has $45mm in diamonds on it… but where’s the other $30mm???)
In all seriousness, I think it’s great that the super wealthy are blowing money like this. 🙂
Jim Wang recently posted…How to Create Your Financial Emergency Plan
Great, back to the drawing board for Christmas presents for my dog. I’m pretty proud of the cake maker not being afraid to drop a $75,000,000 invoice on someone. If people are willing to pay and you can contain your laughter while presenting the cake to them good for you.
Lance @ Healthy Wealthy Income recently posted…It is Okay to Break Up Over Money
Fun post. The amounts listed are outrageous, which makes them all-the-more absurd purchases.
I’m finding that as I recover from the highly-contagious state known as Affluenza my tolerance for spending absurdities keeps getting lower and lower. I now find that most purchases to fall into the “want” and not “need” category and that most “wants” are big fat wastes of money. They’re also far more a reflection of our insecurities than examples of our attempts to pursue this elusive state called happiness.
My wish for every person you’ve featured above is that they find out sooner than later that money doesn’t buy a shred of lasting happiness, no matter how much of it you throw at the problem. That said, if they want to throw any of it my way, I wouldn’t refuse it. 🙂
Free to Pursue recently posted…How Much Is “Enough” to Feel Free?
I just may be buying the new “masturbatory ” Apple TV…
And that must be some boyfriend to drop 10% of your 88 million f*cking dollar winnings on. Sorry for swearing, but holy sh*t, I bet 9 million dollars that within 5 years she is bankrupt.
Kapitalust recently posted…Resource: Investment Watchlist Template via Google Sheets Version 1.0
Excellent rant, well done! Witnessing how people waste money can be shocking, and appalling, given all the genuine need in the world. Love the dog-speak translation. I wonder if this could be added to Google translator?
Kurt recently posted…“Be Debt Free!” Excerpt
Sometimes a good rant can feel great and you have some wonderful examples that I had not heard of. I do sometimes shake my head when I see what people are spending their money on, especially when I know they can’t afford it. I am just glad I live in an area where lifestyle inflation is not as prevalent because I just saw lots of big ticket items while vacationing (for free) in the Vineyard. Of course maybe they can afford the super expensive purse they are lugging around in their luxury car to their gigantic mansion on the ocean but I prefer my modest, simple, and sometimes cheap way of life. After all, stuff doesn’t buy happiness, no matter how many diamonds there may be.
Mrs. SimplyFinanciallyFree recently posted…Our “Free” Long Weekend at Martha’s Vineyard
Most cringe-worthy post I think I’ve ever read. Eeeeek. But for all the right reasons. Stupid bail money.
Will @ Phroogal recently posted…9 Mistakes You’re Making When Preparing for a Job Interview
Ha ha, if that you made you cringe, just wait until…