1500 Days to Freedom

Think different and escape the rat race.

Trading Places (Becoming Mr. Mom)

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Up until a couple years ago, I worked and Mrs. 1500 didn’t. Mrs. 1500 and I had agreed that she would leave her job when the first child arrived and wouldn’t go back.

We quickly found our rhythm when child one arrived on the scene. I worked 40-50 hours per week while the Mrs. cooked, cleaned and looked after our child. We were in the middle of a fix-and-flip, so I did most of the construction work. This all seemed like a fair division of labor that we were both happy with. Life was good.

Older Daughter, hours old

A couple of years later, child number two showed up.

Younger Daughter, hours on the scene

Shortly after, we moved to Colorado and began work on another fix-and-flip.

Before and after. Note: We’re still working on it, almost 6 years later…

We maintained the same routine, but it wasn’t always easy. Try fixing up a home with two children and a full-time job. Sometimes this would happen:

  1. <gets tools out of garage to do something on the house>
  2. Child: “Daddy, can you do this puzzle with me?”
  3. <put tools back in garage and begins work on the puzzle>

The 1 year flip turned into 6 years. And counting…

Life Takes A Couple Of Unexpected Turns

Unexpected Turn #1: In October of 2012, a bad day at work led to my discovery of the FIRE movement. I set a goal of accumulating $1,000,000 which would allow us to live on $40,000/year. Yey, 4% Rule! In about 1500 days, I would leave my job and bike into the Colorado sunset.

Unexpected Turn #2: Mrs. 1500 hadn’t really thought of going back to work. She probably would have done something when both girls were in school, but neither of us had thought much about it. Then, she was offered her dream job. While my FIRE experiment was now out the window (am I really retired or am I a stay-at-home dad?), Mrs. 1500 was now Mindy at BiggerPockets. At the same time I was leaving work, Mindy was going back.

Trading Places

Now that I wasn’t working and Mindy was, it was time to trade places. I get up with the girls. I make sure they eat breakfast and make their lunches. I walk them to school:

I do most of the volunteering:

After school, I help with homework:

After that I make dinner and do the dishes:

Peanut butter tofu in the air fryer

When school isn’t in session, I’m hanging out at a park:

Observations

New adventures: I’ve always liked Thai food. The eating part. Preparing meals has never been my thing. However, now I find myself checking out cookbooks from the library (shout out to America’s Test Kitchen) and conducting daily food experiments with the air fryer. It’s amazing when you figure out how to make something at home that tastes just as good as the restaurant.

On some days, I wish I was at work: Our girls love each other, but they don’t like each other. They are competitive and get into about 938 fights every day. And that’s on a good day.

WARNING!!!: DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN CLOSE TOGETHER IN AGE!

On a recent morning, the girls were going after each other mercilessly and Mrs. 1500 was like:

OK, I’m going up the office to start work.

I didn’t blame her at all. At least one parent needs to maintain sanity.

On the left, our children with 8 hours of sleep. On the right, our children with 7.

Parenting isn’t always easy. When the children:

  • Can’t find their underwear and have to be at school in 5 minutes.
  • Are throwing hard/ sharp objects at each other.
  • Don’t get enough sleep, which transforms them into demons.
  • Refuse to eat anything but chicken nuggets.
  • Can’t remember what 9 * 3 is, despite having reviewed it with them 27 times in the past 27 minutes.
  • Declare their intentions to move out after telling you they have “the worst lives ever.”

Sometimes you briefly consider relocating to a country with a non-extradition agreement, changing your name and subsiding on gummy bears and beer.

I’m so thankful: Despite the rough parts, the good times are great and make up for the bad stuff 1,000 times over. I get to see my daughters compete in spelling bees, hang out with them in exotic places and ride bikes all over town when on break. How great is it that I get to do this stuff?

However, I didn’t do it perfect either. Those who figure out FIRE before children have it made. You may not be able to quit work, but perhaps you’ll figure out a way to cut back. If I could do it differently, I would have gone part-time sooner. I wouldn’t have signed on for another home rehab. I also worked too long.

After you have your level of Enough, selling your time for more money is silly; it’s a diminishing return. More money won’t bring more happiness. The opposite is true with children. All they want it is your time and it never feels like enough.

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Comments

  1. i see how you worked two classic movies into one title there, carl. i think we would have been ok parents but we chose the kid-free path. i can certainly say that i feel lucky to have found this low stress, low impact job that pays enough. mrs. hasn’t worked much the past 2 years and it’s been great at home. your gig right now sound pretty rewarding, watching the offspring grow and progress in between fits of rage.
    freddy smidlap recently posted…Here’s to the Miracle of Consistency!My Profile

  2. “All they want it is your time and it never feels like enough.” Ain’t that the truth! Luckily for us the Personal Pan Pizza keeps us up most nights, so it definitely feels like enough Haha!

    Man…does this post hit me hard in the gut. Me and/or the Mrs, have been very lucky to collectively spend the first 5 months of the Personal Pan Pizza life together without work interfering too much. Alas, this will all change next week as both of us will be back at work together. It feels like we’ve talked about every option under the sun as what to do next (child care, grandparent(s), one of us leaves, get different job(s), both of us leave even though we’re nowhere near FIRE and live off side hustles, Rosie the Robot). Could make for an entertaining blog 😉

  3. Funny. I tell people TO have kids close together.
    I had 4 boys in 5 years. The first couple of years is hard work, because … babies… but then they all grow up together. They’re interested in roughly the same things, bedtimes are pretty much the same and on the weekends they can hang out together and entertain each other if they get bored.
    Then again – boys are simple creatures and mine all got along.

  4. In present condition, this sentence was very reassuring. “Despite the rough parts, the good times are great and make up for the bad stuff 1,000 times over.”

    And your girls are so great – you’re definitely doing something right over there. =)
    Mrs PoP recently posted…Mr. PoP on FIRE-9 month updateMy Profile

  5. “Can’t remember what 9 * 3 is, despite having reviewed it with them 27 times in the past 27 minutes.”

    Seriously, nobody else saw what you did there?

    Maybe it’s because you had wrong flash card!

  6. Your girls are fine intelligent young ones – learning and growing….and driving you nuts. That’s *their* job. You two are safe and secure parents that they can be natural around as they grow and develop a more in-depth understanding of life and why bashing each other may not be the best path forward…. 🙂
    Keep reminding yourself how much harder it would be if you were working full time and hang in there… as you said, there’s nothing better!

    • “Keep reminding yourself how much harder it would be if you were working full time and hang in there…”

      Haha, yes we did that for a short time and: It. Was. Miserable. Shout out to households with two working parents! #respect

  7. I never fought with my 5 yr younger brother. So when my kids would fight I had no patience for it.
    I can tell you this, it does get better. My kids are very close now with the youngest turning 18 soon, and have been for several years. Good luck, some days it does make you wish you had an meeting to go to right ?!

  8. What is the recipe for that peanut butter tofu. I need that in my life.

    also +1000 for the air fryer. they are amazing!

    • Oh man, it’s really good!

      1) Make this sauce first: https://www.foodinaminute.co.nz/Recipes/Easy-Peanut-Satay-Sauce
      2) Drain and press the tofu. Cut it into chunks and marinate in soy sauce.
      3) Coat heavily with the sauce from step one. Sprinkle with Panko bread crumbs.
      4) Cook in air fryer for 15-20 minutes, shaking them up about halfway through.

      Here are improvements:
      -> In step 1, I add coconut milk to the sauce.
      -> I like to serve over white rice which I also cook in coconut milk (and water).
      -> Make sure you make enough sauce so you have some to drizzle on the top of the tofu.
      -> In addition to the rice, I usually saute a bunch of cabbage and mung sprouts. So, the final thing is 3 layers: coconut rice on the bottom, cabbage/sprouts on top of that with the tofu on the top.
      Mr. 1500 Days recently posted…Trading Places (Becoming Mr. Mom)My Profile

  9. peanut butter with tofu?! really? That sounds….interesting?
    Husband does most of the child watching in the evenings while I cook…I also work longer hours than him, but work from home on a 4/10 schedule, he works at a hotel and has thursday and fridays off, so I get the kid saturday and sunday. Not sure what’s going to happen with our schedule when the next one shows up….but it should be “interesting” at least.
    As for experimenting with the airfryer, I need to start doing that- I got one of them fancy Breville air fryer + convection oven thingies on Craigslist a month or so ago…practically brand new! Have to play with it a bit.
    Cathleen Cooks Stuff recently posted…Budgeting travel timeMy Profile

  10. As a fellow Mr. Mom, I can relate to this post on about a thousand different levels.

    It sure isn’t easy, is it? It’s a struggle even on the best of days…. but damn if it isn’t worth it.

    If ever you feel frustrated or overwhelmed by the Mr. Mom job, just think about this — How many summers do you have left with your kids (before they move out)? 10? 12?

    Life is pretty short. Enjoy it while you can.
    Mr. Tako recently posted…The Obvious MistakesMy Profile

  11. My son is getting more independent already. He is only 8! Now, he wants to spend all his time with YouTube and games. I have to pry him away to go do fun stuff. In 5 more years, he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Kids grow up fast. I’m grateful we got to spend time together when he was small. I’ll appreciate this next 5 years. Then, I’ll switch to good riddance mode. 🙂

  12. I’ve become Mr. Mom since August of 2018. It was tough but fun at first. At some point along the way, it has become very rough. I think it’s partly the frigid winter here in Northern Illinois, but also that I’m not a “nurturer” by nature. And my wife, a teacher, is far better at giving the kids a more balanced life.

    We’ve debating switching roles, but that doesn’t feel quite right either given the lack of jobs for my skills and interests where we live – we’d need to live in more of a “money center” than rural Illinois.

    The other choice is her quitting work too so we can stay home for another year until the oldest starts school. And then reconsider our roles and income needs. We’ll be spending 6-8 weeks on the road this summer and hope to find the answers out there somewhere.

  13. And now I have the song “Mr.Mom” by Lonestar stuck in my head. If you know what I am talking about, then you know what I am talking about. If you don’t, go check it out. You can thank me later.

  14. Please share the peanut tofu recipe. It looks amazing.

    Also, feel free to just go by dad or stay at home dad. Mr. Mom sends the message that this is really women’s work and it’s a fluke that you’re doing it.

    • “Also, feel free to just go by dad or stay at home dad. Mr. Mom sends the message that this is really women’s work.”

      I agree. The title was a reference to two old movies and I thought I was being clever and didn’t think beyond it.

      I hate it when people gender stereotype jobs. There is no reason why men can’t change diapers or women can’t be engineers. As a father of two girls, I really dislike it when people “fit” others into gender roles. Why do boys get trucks to play with while girls get pink stuff? Thanks for reminding me!

      Here is the recipe:

      1) Make this sauce first: https://www.foodinaminute.co.nz/Recipes/Easy-Peanut-Satay-Sauce
      2) Drain and press the tofu. Cut it into chunks and marinate in soy sauce.
      3) Coat heavily with the sauce from step one. Sprinkle with Panko bread crumbs.
      4) Cook in air fryer for 15-20 minutes, shaking them up about halfway through.

      Here are improvements:
      -> In step 1, I add coconut milk to the sauce.
      -> I like to serve over white rice which I also cook in coconut milk (and water).
      -> Make sure you make enough sauce so you have some to drizzle on the top of the tofu.
      -> In addition to the rice, I usually saute a bunch of cabbage and mung sprouts. So, the final thing is 3 layers: coconut rice on the bottom, cabbage/sprouts on top of that with the tofu on the top.

      If you make it and like it, let me know what you think and how else I can improve!
      Mr. 1500 Days recently posted…Trading Places (Becoming Mr. Mom)My Profile

  15. Have you read the book “Siblings Without Rivalry” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish? It’s been pretty life-changing for us. Our two kids (4 and 7) are getting along so much better now and working out their differences on their own. It takes a little persistence, but it’s so worth it. Also, there are little comic strips in the book to illustrate points.

    • I have not heard of it, but thank you for the recommendation. As I type this, the girls are yelling at each other behind me. I can’t make this stuff up!

  16. Whenever I encounter a working mom and stay at home dad, I always have two questions for them: (1) To the mom – how did your husband pull it off? (2) To the dad – how did you pull this off?

    My goal is to one day accomplish that arrangement for myself.

    My wife and I both work. I’ve been slowly feeding the thought to her that I would like to be a stay at home dad. I hope to plant the seed now and, hopefully, when the time comes to leave Corporate America behind, my wife will be supportive.
    Sport of Money recently posted…Guidelines To Use When Buying An Expensive ItemMy Profile

    • “(1) To the mom – how did your husband pull it off? (2) To the dad – how did you pull this off?”

      “I’ve been slowly feeding the thought to her that I would like to be a stay at home dad.”

      Haha! For two well-adjusted people, I don’t think this should be an issue, especially after hitting your FIRE number. After that, all work is optional so if one party wants to work, that’s on them!