“We can’t really live until we die a little.” –Deadpool 2
Hurt Shoulder, Lumpy Ball
I went to the doctor last Thursday for a physical and to have my shoulder checked out. Everything was going fine until the doctor said:
I usually do a testicle exam. Is that OK?
My doctor is a female, but I don’t have hangups about these things, so I said:
Go for it. I do have a cyst on one of them though.
Backstory: Some years ago, I discovered a growth on one of my boy-bits. I went to the doctor who checked it out with an ultrasound. He said it was OK and sent me on my way. Phew. He also said it would go away, but that never happened.
Anyway, the doctor examined the lump and with a slight look of concern said:
Has this changed at all?
I didn’t think so and told her as much. But she kept asking me questions:
Who was the doctor that originally inspected this thing and when was it?
What kind of growth did he say it was?
Are you sure it hasn’t changed?
At some point, she mumbled the word “cancer,” but assured me that I was most likely fine. She was just being cautious and wanted me to go for an ultrasound just to be sure.
The C-Word
The c-word strikes fear in the hearts of most mortals and I’m no different. My mind immediately raced to bad places:
Shit. What if I have to have my testicle removed!?
And then, darker places:
Shit! What if it has metastasized!!?
And then even darker places:
Shit! What if I have 6 months to live!!!???
And then the next thought I had was:
Shut up fool. It’s nothing. The doctor is just being cautious.
But the positivity was short-lived. As I was driving home, the thought I had was this:
If you only had six months to live, how would you reflect back on your life?
Giving Thanks
First and foremost, if I knew that I was going to die soon, I would not be happy. Perhaps my greatest fear is dying before I see my children on their way. Knowing that I was going to exit their lives before I saw them grow into adults would make me very sad. It’s probably a selfish though as Mrs. 1500 is a fine mother, but there it is.
Children aside, I’m pretty happy with the way life has turned out. I’ve made some stupid decisions, but I took chances that paid off:
I left pharmacy school for a career in computers. Pharmacists make a lot of money, but I wouldn’t have been happy with the career. While programming could be stressful, I enjoyed the work and am thankful for a great career.
Despite having little experience with home improvement, the Mrs. and I flipped houses. At times, we didn’t quite grasp what we were getting into and they weren’t all winners, but overall it worked out well. The money we made accelerated our journey to FIRE by at least a decade.
Early in my computer career, I left a safe corporate job for a consulting gig. Consulting was risky, but paid a lot more which allowed me to plow money away. At the time, I didn’t know what I was saving for, but hey look; I left formal work at the ripe young age of 43.
I’ve lived life on terms that I’m happy with. I’ve been to almost every one of the states and have seen some pretty great parts of the world. I’ve made good friends and have had a mostly happy, stress-free life.
So, if I bought the dirt-farm tomorrow, I’m happy with how I lived. No regrets.
We Can’t Really Live Until We’ve Died A Little
Later this week, I’ll have the ultrasound. The doctor will tell me everything is fine. I won’t dwell on my wayward ball anymore. Life will go on.
However, there is value in contemplating your mortality every once in a while. There is nothing like getting close to death to make you really appreciate life. The sad fact is that most humans don’t really think too much about how great life is until it’s almost over. That’s why we see articles like this one.
So, how about you? Have you lived the life that you wanted to live? If not, what are you doing to change it?
Life is too short to let fear hold you back.
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.
Little known fact: Kansas was originally going to name their famous song “Carry On Wayward Ball” but decided to modify it to “Son” for “artistic reasons.” Shoulda stayed with the original
Haha!
This post reminds me of something I once heard: Why not do your 10 year plan in 6 months?
I actually already think in 6 month intervals. I use this question all the time to push myself to find ways to get things done more efficiently. So, by the end of this year, I will have written more blog posts and done more work in 3 months than I did in the last 2 years. After reading a blog post, it inspired me to go from saving $150 a month to $1100 a month within 10 months. I have done more than I ever dreamed in the last 18 months. When I write I try to encourage and motivate people and plant the seed that makes people feel good about themselves. Like that blogger who wrote a post that inspired me to act did for me.
But in answer to this question, I would take $25k and go around the world 80 days. I want to hit up all the spots Alvin mentioned in that film A Chipmunk Adventure, that I used to enjoy watching as a kid, but hey you know, that’s just me and my $0.02.
Best,
Miriam
Alvin and the Chipmunks! I wonder if the list still holds up? 🙂
Hope everything goes well with that! I had two different biopsies and lumpectomy about six weeks ago and had many similar thoughts during the process. I thought about dying of cancer and realized that I was really happy with where I am in life, I’m not missing out on any unrealized passions or goals. I would just miss spending time with my husband and family. The rest is all generally fluff. When my results came back as benign, I was incredibly relieved to not have cancer (naturally), but I was also relieved to know that my life was really good. I also found out that my lump was the size of a golf ball, so now I know I can hide golf balls in my boobs if I really need to. FORE!
“I also found out that my lump was the size of a golf ball, so now I know I can hide golf balls in my boobs if I really need to. FORE!”
OMG, hilarious! You have a great outlook and I’m glad everything turned out OK for you.
…hide golf balls in my boobs…
Do it!!! It drives the TSA people **insane**!
I’m sure it will be nothing, and we’re all looking forward to the continued jokes in your next post about it 🙂
Oh man, I’ve never written about the disaster that was the first ultrasound. Next time I see you, remind me to tell you the story…
That was actually me in 2006. I was 29 years old fresh out of the police academy when I found out I had testicular cancer. My son was only 9 months old at the time.Since then my God Jesus Christ blessed us with another boy and we are living life one year at a time. Ps 4 years away to FI. Blessings Ted.
Whoah, 29 years old with a 9-month-old. Horrible! I’m glad you made it through and congratulations on your upcoming date with FI!
Oh wow – Good luck with your ultrasound. It’s good you took the opportunity to reflect based on the worst case scenario. It doesn’t seem like people do that enough and are surprised when their life doesn’t amount to what they expected. I’ve been trying to live more in the “now” myself instead of waiting to be free to do everything I want. I’ve been seeing family and friends a lot more and trying to be present and cherish the time I have left with the people I love.
Being present is totally underrated.
Two items regarding this topic.
One. Reminds me of a French expression (I am paraphrasing): “Nothing focuses the mind like the prospect of being hung in the morning.”
Two. Check out this blog, Ronnie (female) describes her life and impending demise:
http://www.timegoesby.net/
Thanks for the blog recommendation!
Scary stuff, but hopefully nothing. My wife had a biopsy on a lump in her neck in June of 2017. We went through the same thoughts about mortality, even though doctors (and our brains) assured us it would be fine. As expected, it was all benign. We took a 6-month RV road trip pretty much after that. Drove 20,000 miles and saw 22 states. The best part was skipping midwest winter. Life is more “normal” now.
Unfortunately for my wife, her biopsy was botched; she had a nerve cut in her neck – causing her to lose mobility in her shoulder. It’s still not back, and may never return to normal. So she/we get a constant reminder of the mortality scare and do our best to live without regrets.
Wow, I’m sorry about the shoulder nerve, but glad that the scare turned out to be nothing.
And there is a lot of value to skipping the Midwest in January!
Thanks a lot!! Now I will never be able to look at donut holes with out thinking of your naughty bits!!
Regardless, it’s probably nothing. These things just work out that way.
In the mean time check out the stoics, they have a principle called “Momento Mori”. Or remember death. It happens to us all so if you look at it daily you live each day to its fullest.
http://theconversation.com/want-to-be-happy-then-live-like-a-stoic-for-a-week-103117
Regardless… enjoy the vasoline.
OMG that is so scary. I had a similar scare a year ago and it really puts things in perspective. It’s hard to appreciate what you have until you see how very, very quickly it can be taken away.
It’s good to be reminded of our mortality, but I don’t know how many of us could live looking into the abyss every day…
Good luck with the ultrasound – we’ll be holding your naughty bits in our hearts and thoughts
Yikes. Hope your balls (and you) are going to be OK!
Sometimes facing our mortality is a great way to give us a kick in the pants that we need to get living. Not that I think you really needed a kick in the pants….
Well, maybe you had one too many kicks in the pants…. food for thought I guess.
Mr. Tako recently posted…Value Traps and How to Avoid Them
I am not ready to go. My son is too young and I have too many things left to do. I want to do these things at my own pace, not 6 months. This age really is tough. Mrs. RB40 has a lump for the 3rd time. The previous occasions were negatives, but who knows. It’s stressful.
Best wishes on the ultrasound.
Joe recently posted…How to Avoid the Black Friday Frenzy & Enjoy Thanksgiving!
Been thinking a lot about the topic you wrote especially this week.
Oh, No! Hope the results go well- at least right now you can just loudly exclaim while sitting or doing other tasks “my balls!”. My husband just got results back from a biopsy of his skin samples…negative on the big C. Of course I had to do an Arnold voice “It’s not a TUMAH”.
As to wondering what you would do if you only had 6 months to live- it certainly puts things in perspective (a morbid one, yes, but makes you appreciate life more). Same with when you are sick…you appreciate being healthy more. I feel that people that appreciate life probably spend less money than those that are not- no void to fill with spending money.
Hey! We’re balltrasound buddies now! So happy yours worked out well! Life, man. Sheesh.
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Only you could go nuts over your…. eh…… nuts. But glad to see your tweet that you are fine! Means you can keep us entertained with more nuttiness.!