So, I just got back from Chautauqua in Greece. I had previously gone to the Ecuador edition of Chautauqua as an attendee. This time, I went as a speaker which turned out to be even been more fun.
Part of my responsibility as a speaker is to give a talk. At the end of it, someone asked me what I hoped to get out of Chautauqua. Visiting Greece was part of it. So was hanging out with a spectacular group of people. However, all of that is obvious. At a lower level, I was working on expanding my comfort zone.
Chautauqua Invite
When Jim Collins invited me to speak at Chautauqua almost one year ago, my first thought was this:
Did he send the email to the right person?
I had a couple of reasons for thinking this:
- Jim had never seen me speak in public. Neither had any of the other organizers of the event. Why would they take a chance on an unproven entity? I had seen most of the other attendees speak and knew that they were a lot better than me.
- I lacked in people skills. Relating to other humans has always been a weak point. I’m a recovering introvert. The whole point of this event is to spend time with cool people, so maybe I wasn’t the best choice.
I was so excited to be invited though that I readily agreed. But then, the scary voice in the back of my head started speaking louder:
What if your presentation is terrible?
What if the attendees don’t want to talk to you?
What if you make a fool of yourself?
What had I done? I sent Jim an email with subtle suggestions of other more qualified speakers. Maybe Jim would take the hint and boot me in favor of one of them? But he didn’t…
Comfort Zones
All of us have a comfort zone. Inside the comfort zone, life is safe and easy:
Things get a little scarier when we move outside our zones:
One of the primary goals of any human is to always be stepping outside the comfort zone. You don’t grow if you never challenge yourself. The best example in my own life is public speaking.
Freaking Over Public Speaking
I used to be absolutely terrified to speak in public. As a child, I had speech impediments that turned me into a deep introvert and also made me terrified to open my mouth. After a public speaking class in college, I told myself that I’d never speak in public again. Two decades later at Ecuador Chautauqua, I met Alan Donegan who inspired me to give it another try.
The first speaking gig came in early 2017. I was completely terrified, but pushed through it. It went OK and I soon volunteered for another talk. And then another and another. Each time, it got easier and I improved.
The primary positive effect of this exercise is easy to see:
I’m a better public speaker.
The secondary effects are more interesting:
I’m more confident. I’m better around people. I’m less of an introvert. I’m not as awkward.
The secondary effects are far more important than the public speaking skill. I may give a presentation four times per year, but I interact with other humans daily.
Another recent example of getting out of my comfort zone was fixing a clothes dryer. The wayward appliance would stop heating a couple of minutes after starting. I had never fixed a dryer before, but emboldened by YouTube videos, I tore into it. I soon learned that the dryer had a broken thermostat. I ordered the part, installed it and the dryer is back to normal.
Again, the primary positive effect of fixing the machine is easy to discern:
I now know how to diagnose and fix broken dryers.
Just like the previous public speaking example, the secondary effects are much more important:
I’m now more confident with mechanical devices. I won’t freak as much the next time something breaks.
Pushing your zones
The purpose of stepping outside your comfort zone is nothing short of becoming a better person. When we do something uncomfortable, we become more adaptable, more resilient, stronger and more confident. If pushing your comfort zones involves exercise, you’ll be healthier.
In short, discomfort expands your comfort zone.
Discomfort leads to growth which is what we must consistently strive for.
I have realized; it is during the times I am far outside my element that I experience myself the most. That I see and feel who I really am, the most!
Chautauqua Again
When Jim invited me to speak at Chautauqua, I knew that I wasn’t qualified. So, I figured out what I needed to do to become that person and did it:
- I accepted every speaking invitation I was offered.
- I made an effort around town to chat random strangers up.
- I talked to other parents while waiting to pick my children up at school.
It worked. While my talk at Chautauqua wasn’t perfect, it was the best I’ve ever done. I’m a different and better version of myself.
I’m not sure if I’ll be giving another talk at Chautauqua, but if I do, it will be a little bit better.
Too many times we let fear keep us inside our comfort zone. Face your fear head-on and conquer. Life is too short to live any other way.
We are so accustomed to the comforts of “I cannot”, “I do not want to” and “it is too difficult” that we forget to realize when we stop doing things for ourselves and expect others to dance around us, we are not achieving greatness. We have made ourselves weak.
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Nice dude, get uncomfortable. You can only live in the cushy world of toilet humor for so long 🙂
Toilet humor! I’m thinking about expanding into urinal humor!
Thanks for talking through your efforts! It’s inspiring. I just started running again this morning after a year off and I noticed all KINDS of side benefits, like smiling at more folks around the neighborhood and the scent of the coffee roastery opening their doors and a gorgeous sunrise on a crisp autumn day. If I end up regaining last year’s fitness that’s just a bonus.
Incidentally: if I were wearing a shirt like that, I’m pretty sure I could TAKE ON THE WORLD. Prime choice.
Thanks Adam!
And yeah, there is nothing like a good fall fun. Keep at it!
I’m glad you like the shirt. My wife and children do not!
Your talk was FANTASTIC! I for one am very grateful that you decided to say yes and expand your comfort zone!! PS That pic looks vaguely familiar. 😉
Thanks so much Amanda for the kind comment!
And also thank you for letting me borrow your picture. I owe you and Dan a couple adult beverages letting me use it!
We will definitely take you up on that!
Good job expanding outside your comfort zone Carl!
As a real life card-carrying introvert I know exactly how hard public speaking is, and how hard it is to push yourself to do it.
So congrats! 🙂
Mr. Tako recently posted…Avoiding Stock Market Whiplash
Thanks Mr. T!
I’ve seen you speak a few times to a group and although internally you may not be comfortable, you come across great externally. We would have never known.
I’m the same. I love public speaking for how powerful it is, but it makes me nervous every time.
Thanks Doc G! This means a ton.
Wow – congratulations on expanding your comfort zone. Public speaking is out of my zone as well and I recently turned down an opportunity to do it actually. I kept thinking “I would rather pay $300 than do this” so I said no. You’re making me rethink that. I am super comfy in my little zone and should break out of it and see what happens. *Deep breaths* Though if I pass out on stage I know who to blame! 😉
I’d love to help you out. When I gave that first talk back in 2017 after my two-decade furlough, I was so nervous that I was shaking. I’m sure I could help you.
Woot! Way to expand your zone! Next thing you know, you’ll be trying out the squat toilets
I like your simple circle visual, going to have to try that… often we ignore the scary things outside our comfort zone (closes eyes, sings lalala) instead of going after them as opportunities to explore and grow. I’ve gotten complacent, need to scare myself a little…
This is why we get kids at our school to do an oral presentation twice a year, to get them used to speaking in front of a room full of eyes.
Some kids are so scared by it that they cop out – getting their Mums to write notes excusing them from doing it, or getting the student managers to say that they can just do their presentation in front of me during lunchtime etc.
It’s so shortsighted. These kids need to learn the skill of being comfortable (or at least competent) in moving to the front of a room and getting their points across to an audience. There are very few careers where you don’t have to do some sort of presentation every now and then.
As for me, being a teacher, I do it every day of my life. Visualise doing a presentation in front of a room full of hormonally-challenged teens. Now THERE’S an audience that keeps you on your toes!!!
“Visualise doing a presentation in front of a room full of hormonally-challenged teens. Now THERE’S an audience that keeps you on your toes!!!”
Now that thought is truly terrifying!
I am SO adding these conferences to my list of things to do next year..
And I am SOOOO out of my comfort zone with my current endeavor, but after signing and handwriting so many thank you notes and addresses this evening, I feel better.
You are an inspiration, sir! Keep up the great work…
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Good on y0u for pushing your comfort zones. I attended my first MeetUp from the MeetUp app this week and am going to try to learn Salsa dancing. Both involve strangers and talking with “randos”.
I hope to make it to a Chataqua..maybe 2019.
“Talking with randos!” Hilarious!
Really though, nice work on pushing yourself. You may be surprised as to what you discover about yourself!
This was one of my biggest takeaways from Popup business school. Hope to see you presenting at Chautauqua next year!
Well if you’re going, then I have to go! 🙂
Nice job getting out of your comfort zone and doing the public speaking, it is something I do not enjoy to do. Going to Greece on the other hand sounds very nice!
An exceptional talk with a truly memorable T-shirt! I still need your notes (NOT the photos) for my FI flowchart evangelism. WIP…
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Thank you Mrs. Chaos! I’ll get you the presentation shortly…
Haha – I have no idea how that link got there – it looks like shameless self-promotion, which was totally not my intention!
Mr 1500, your talk was awesome – which to be fair, it had to be to take the attention of your shirt. Next time we hang out I need some lessons!
Also confirming that there will be NO pictures in the presentation you send to Mrs Chaos!
Your talk was amazing and truly inspirational. You have an ability to touch people. Please continue to speak your experience. B
Barbara, thanks so much for the kind comment. I have to say it’s strange (but good!) for me to even read your comment because I used to be such a poor public speaker and a person who severely lacked in confidence. Thanks again and I hope our paths cross again soon.
Mr.1500, I aspire to have your speaking skills and we loved your presentation.
I also think you should add “negotiation tactics” to your comfort zone- using reverse psychology to help us keep our dog!
Thanks so much for the kind comment FW!
Do you have an update on the dog situation? I hope it turns out OK…