Last week, a film crew came to our home to record our lives for an upcoming documentary:
The crew consisted of a director/producer, a cinematographer, a sound engineer, and Josh, a production assistant. Josh was the youngest and early in the day, he started asking me questions about my life and investing. I could tell that this was his first exposure to FIRE and probably investing too. He was enthusiastic, so I talked to him throughout the day about the importance of starting early, compound interest and index funds. When the shoot was done, I gave him a copy of The Simple Path To Wealth and encouraged him to read it. I also followed up with an email, encouraging him to attend a local meetup.
I Can’t Change The World, But…
I started a blog mostly to document my journey to financial independence. Writing gives me a way to hold myself publicly accountable and forces me to get my thoughts in order. It also gives me an outlet to do something that I’ve always loved, playing with words. But there’s been an even better, unexpected effect of the blog.
Once in a while, someone will tell me that my words changed their life. They’ll tell me how they discovered the blog and decided to get their finances in order and pursue financial independence. It feels incredibly awesome. I never thought anyone would read my stuff.
However, my reach is limited. People who found my blog most likely landed here because they had the disposition to pursue FIRE. My words were the tipping point. I was the teacher that happened to appear when the student was ready. I’m not magically changing the minds of haters or folks caught up in the throes of mindless materialism.
But, that doesn’t mean that my work isn’t worthwhile. Perhaps young Josh will remember his day with me. Maybe he’ll go home and read The Simple Path To Wealth and open an account with Vanguard. Maybe he’ll send me an email in 20 years thanking me. I can dare to dream…
Bag Of Books
If you see me out on the town, I’ll probably have a backpack. In that backpack will be at least one copy of The Simple Path to Wealth. I carry copies of this book in case I encounter someone like Josh.
I’m not going to stand a street corner yelling at passing humans about brimstone and fire like a crazy preacher, however, I will talk about FIRE when I hear someone open up about financial struggles or that needs help with investing. And I encourage you to do the same.
If you’re reading this blog, you’re already money savvy. You may not have $1,000,000 saved yet, but you have the knowledge to get there. And knowledge is power. And with power comes responsibility.
Just kidding. Maybe…
Don’t underestimate yourself. YOU have the ability to make a difference. A big one. Imagine this scenario:
A friend tells them that they’re struggling with money. Because you have stealth wealth, your friend doesn’t know that you drive the shitty, old pickup truck because you’re frugal. You open up a bit, show him that you can leave your job in less than two years because of the magic of compound interest.
You lay out all of the details; cut out cable, no more new cars, Airbnb the basement, open an account with Vanguard, VTSAX…
A decade later, your friend thanks you for changing his life…
Queue the unicorns, rainbow and beer waterfall. You changed a life.
How To Make A Difference
My assignment for you isn’t an easy one. Changing a life is serious business and requires tact. First of all, I’ll tell you what what you shouldn’t do.
Never Preach, Act Judgy, Or Talk Down
Telling someone that they are foolish for buying a new car or season tickets to their favorite sports team isn’t going to do any good. It will probably have the opposite effect; your friend will take offense and defend their position. Just don’t do it. I know from experience.
Do this instead:
Lead By Example
Show him how getting money right has made a difference in your life. Don’t brag, but it’s OK to drop subtle suggestions.
We saved a lot of money after cutting the cable bill.
Renting out our home when we’re away has generated some nice income.
My wife doesn’t like her job, so may leave. I’m thankful that our finances allow us to do this.
Wait for the other person to ask questions:
How are you able to only work part-time and make ends meet?
How are you able to take a 3-month sabbatical?
Wait, you’re going to be in Spain over winter? How?
Or, you may hear a friend say something that suggests something ominous:
We’re struggling right now.
There may be layoffs at Joe’s job and we’re concerned.
I have no idea how to get started investing.
And then pounce. Let your friend know that you’re there for them. Open the door. Show them your path. Don’t be too aggressive or they’ll think that you’re a nutter. Start by showing them some the basics of financial independence. Here are my favorite resources:
Playing With FIRE: Getting someone to read a book is a tall order. Invite them over and watch a 90-minute film instead.
Choose FI Local Groups: So much of what we do in life is motivated by our interactions with others and what we think they expect of us. Life is a lot more fun when you’re surrounded by motivated folks with the same goals. Join a local Choose FI group and start meeting people.
The Simple Path To Wealth: I haven’t read a better book on investing. VTSAX is the answer for most. This book explains why.
Who Will You Help?
We all know someone who struggles with money. I’d guess that most folks in my circle would be in a world of pain after just a couple of months of unemployment.
You know people like this too. We all do. When you sense an opening, invite them to a local meetup or show them Playing With FIRE. Be an inflection point for someone.
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.
It doesn’t feel natural to me to share the FIRE talk yet since I’m not far enough along that path to feel expert level yet. My thing for the past decade has been to teach women to negotiate effectively and grow their careers and I’ll probably keep on with that while my skills are still up to date. I learned those lessons from old timers in the PF world when I first started out and passed them on to non blogger friends who needed the advice. I’ll drop hints and share Work Optional as well ?
Another documentary Carl? I suppose if you get enough of them going, you will have outsourced / hacked your family movie making…Brilliant! And, in line with what you say here, any prospective suitors will have to sit through Playing With Fire, just to get to the embarrassing “me as a kid” videos. A twofer!
I am glad to see someone else who hands out books. I have used Your Money Ratios by Charles Farrell, which follows a traditional retirement trajectory, but The Simple Path to Wealth would work well, too. My wife hates the stack of them I maintain; any time I can catch a copy at a used book store or library sale, I snatch it up: reuse plus spreading the message!
I also find that group studies are a good next step. If I have handed out enough copies to people I know, we can get together to discuss it. While I still have a strong voice in the discussion, I think the fact that it goes beyond 1:1 helps some people be less intimidated, as they are still becoming comfortable with the material. I’ve done this at work twice, with discussion groups that were sustained for a couple of years. These were very informal: either brown bag sessions, or in the evenings; one was monthly, the other quarterly. I also heard once of one of the participants who copied the method and did their own discussion group, some time later.
The Simple Path To Wealth for the win – it worked for me!!
Dave @ Accidental FIRE recently posted…Why Financial Independence Is More Valuable To A Blue Collar Worker
We have extra dvd copies of a particular documentary that we give to people who talk to us and show an interest in something we did a while ago, and still try to live according to those values. We don’t preach, but if the other party is interested or curious, we’ll crack it open a little. Like FIRE, it is a very personal topic, and we don’t open up about this unless the other person brings it or something related up in conversation. We test the waters and see where that interest really is since it can get very judgmental very fast and that’s not what we’re looking for, to be judged. I like that you keep a backpack on you with extra book copies – you’ll never know who you will randomly meet that might have asked/begged the universe for a nudge in the ‘right’ direction, and then there’s you, ready to chat it up with anyone who asks. I think that is so lovely. 🙂
The other day I finally gave my opinion on a friends FB page regarding student loans. I never really do that, I keep my opinions to myself, but I was watching this pity party happen (right before she went out to the bar. again.) and I played devil’s advocate and got a “everyone’s situation is different, Jamie.” I’m like “Yeah! We’re saying the same thing, but look at it this way!” and no one liked that. It’s easier to just wallow and not take control of ones life I guess. *shrugs* Afterward, I thought about offering my time and what knowledge I do have [I’m no expert, by any means] if she just wanted some help looking over her finances, but I didn’t want to come off as judgy or anything, so I was real reluctant to reach out. Maybe I should just put the offer out there that I’m available to talk since the situation is perhaps not as dire as it seems..
I love sharing with folks, but I definitely agree that we need to tread carefully because money is an emotional topic so being pushy with it will just cause people to dig in and close their minds (just like vaccinations and politics and religion). One of the best ways I’ve found to broach the subject with folks is to invite ppl over to my house when they suggest meeting at a bar. I make a joke about how going out to bars regularly is not in my early retirement plans. The first time I did it, it felt awkward and silly but I suggest it every time I get invited somewhere and the consensus is that ppl have more fun when we aren’t in a loud bar, we spend less and the happy hour snacks tend to be a lot healthier. Ppl also get to see that I live like a normal person though I retired early and lean towards minimalism. If the friends have kids, it is even more fun because the kids are contained in my back yard and can be as loud and boisterous as they want.
Even more importantly, I’ve been given an opportunity to work with some 1st generation college students on some financial literacy subjects. Those sweet, soon to be college graduates’ college degree is transformational for their families. I feel like I’m getting an opportunity to inform them before financial professionals trying to sell them Roth IRAs (without encouraging them to max out their 401Ks) featuring the highest cost mutual funds get in front of them and have them start signing up for accounts that benefit the financial “professional” the most.
Work Optional is another fun book to give away and it’s less didactic and more inclusive than Simple Path to Wealth, though I’ve also given that one to more financially minded ppl. I gave my copy of Your Money or Your Life away recently as well. Now that I type that I realize how cult-y we really are when we are handing out books on our lifestyle choices.
Our kids can also be good conduits of FIRE – mine talks to others on a regular basis about walking to school and how it’s good for the planet. 🙂 The kids don’t make it seem so judge-y when they offer suggestions.
Very right. If someone asks, then you can tell them what you would do. Of course, even on the Choose FI FB groups, there’s some very….interesting….interpretations of what is a wise choice of spending. I mean, I told (maybe a bit sarcastically, but writing leaves off tone, from which something like 60% of language meaning is derived) that a person in a very low income bracket could learn to like their hands as is to save money on manicures (or DIY them). I got a bunch of blow back from other ladies for “daring to judge people for not liking themselves!”. I swore I wasn’t going to give it another thought, but like many people, I want every one to like me (I can’t be like Mr MM and just facepunch people). Or the guy that wanted the NFL super bowl tickets. Ooof.
But it does seem that those close to us, as with getting to know people, they also need time and repetition to get to know FI. And to understand that FI isn’t necessarily only for people that hate their jobs.
How do you deal with people (esp in the FI community) that poo-poo your particular ideas towards saving or investing money? I just had one that HATED my idea of always having a car payment (to yourself) and was all “you are misleading people! they should just invest the money! Not save it!”.
Cathleen Cooks Stuff recently posted…Cutting out subscriptions
i’ve had numerous people, some i know well and some just acquaintances, at my house. when they find out i write a little personal finance blog they say “i help with stuff like that!” we’re usually drinking heavily at the time and you can’t spell it all out in an hour anyhow, so i write down some information and my email and tell them i’ll help if they want it. i’ll always offer alternate resources that point to the same place, but i never hear from any of them. it reminds me of a having a child who wants some help with college or student loans. i’m not going to chase you down. show me something that indicates it won’t be a waste of my time/effort. put some skin in the game in the form of showing interest in bettering you situation.
freddy smidlap recently posted…I’m On a Podcast. How Did That Happen?
Man, I’ve been living wealthy under the radar for so long, it is almost impossible for me to open up about FI when I’m in person.
THEN…
when I do everyone thinks I’m crazy! I think I need to get a better pitch or start carrying a bank statement around.
I love the idea of carrying books around though. Maybe throwing books at people will be more convincing than my existing in-person pitch.
Fire Year FIRE escape recently posted…Gym daycare magic – A mom’s point of view
I love the title of the post – it’s why I went into teaching!
Regarding FI, I love the idea of carrying around that book. Friends and family have just started noticing us making some different choices, which opens up the conversation. Early on we realized that just jumping into it without the curiousity on the other side didn’t work well – it could come across as bragging or the preachy judgment you mention. Leading by example is definitely our preferred entry point.
PFI recently posted…15 FI Quotes from Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke
I just bought The Simple Path to Wealth for my best friend’s son. He is graduating high school. I’m going stick in a hundred dollar bill. On one side I am going to write, “1st Bookmark.” On the other, “2nd Invest me!” We will see if I get a call in ten years….
That’s an awesome idea. I’m gonna borrow it from you!
I’ve never really thought the blog would help anyone and, like you, I feel like its main purpose is to be an outlet to write: maybe keep me accountable to my very public goal.
But I guess I never really know who’s reading, or what they might get out of it.
I was thinking of putting a little library out front with just personal finance books, but apparently I’m an old curmudgeon because I want it to function like a normal library: like, I expect people to bring the dang thing back when they’re done reading it, not just keep it in their house on a bookshelf. How else are other people supposed to share the same book?
Mrs. Done by Forty says that’s not how they work but, I mean, isn’t that how all libraries work?
Helping people is hard.
Done by Forty recently posted…Battling Internet Addiction with a Time Lock Safe
Haha, go for the little library! We have them all over town and they’re a lot of fun.
Great and timely post! In 2010 my wife and I attending a Financial Peace course at our church. We weren’t in dire straights or anything, but we had no plan. Fast forward a few years and my wife gets an opportunity to apply to a job closer to home. I was a year into an internship and I didn’t really think she’d get it and then bam! a month later she got the job and we were planning our move. Being debt free and having a plan allowed us to get by with one income for a year and a half while I was a stay at home Dad/looking for work.
Since then, whenever we have a young couple in our family get married, we get them the Dave Ramsey book as a wedding gift. Fairly lame in the gift giving department, I know, but it really kept us out of financial peril and we hope that they get something from it, though we’ve yet to be told that it’s impacted anyone’s life.
My wife has a cousin who may not ever get married. He seems to have gotten himself a nice steady job and I found out he was trying to pre-pay his rent with the extra money he had. I decided to get him a package together with the following books: Davy Ramsey Financial Peace, Simple Guide to Wealth, Your Money or Your Life (New Edition) and The Richest Man in Babylon. I consider these the financial starter pack! LOL
I’ve yet to send the books, because well, the wife and I have been reading them! HaHa, I know, but anyways I’m going to work on getting them in the mail this week. I just need to work on my note I was going to include with it. Basically letting him know that we are proud of him for getting on his feet and that having money isn’t the most important thing in life, but he should read up on it and make it work for the things he wants in life. I just don’t want to be too preachy. We are by far the most successful people in my wife’s family. I certainly don’t want to come across the wrong way. Just want to point him in the right direction.
Thanks again for what you do!
Nice work on the books! You say lame gift, but one of those may just change a life. And that would officially make it the best gift in the world!
Carl, you’re such a down to earth guy. Most people would enjoy having a beer with you and talk about any topic.
I don’t talk to my friends and families about FIRE anymore. They just aren’t ready. They are doing fine financially, but couldn’t really see themselves retiring early or cutting back on spending. Most people aren’t willing to change.
I’m a book gifter. Dave Ramsey, Chris Hogan, JL Collins and John Hope Bryant are authors that most of my friends know well. The old saying “Folks don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care” is very true and a book says that better than my words, which oftentimes comes off as lecturing. I’ve also made an offer of matching funds up to $100 for me to show them how to open a brokerage account. One advantage I have is that I made every mistake in the book of financial illiteracy so I can empathize to some degree and start from a place of understanding on the thought pattern that can take someone to monetary destruction. Coming out the other side and achieving FI also gives me some cred as to being able to self-correct. But this is a great article with some new ideas to add to my basket of tricks, so thanks.
JRobi recently posted…Weekly Retrospective….
matching funds up to $100 for my son’s friends to open a brokerage account is what I meant to say…ugh…
Thank you so much for sharing an amazing article, i got so many points after reading this article.
Big thanks to you for sharing such great information.
“and then pounce.”
YES. This. 🙂
I often pounce before being asked. It can be so hard when you are excited about something and wan the whole world to know!
Financially Fit Mom recently posted…Me, Myself or I?
I work with a bunch of people all drowning in debt, and they are NOT INTERESTED in what I’ve been doing financially the past few years. Then, a few months back one of our new hires was complaining about how her 5% raise all disappeared in taxes, and she was bringing home the same amount she had before the raise.
I certainly could have told her she’d probably get it back in a tax refund, but instead I said, “Why don’t you increase your retirement contribution by 5% then? That way your take home will still stay the same, but you get to “keep” the 5%.” Surprisingly, she took my advice! Now she thinks I’m a financial genius. It is a great feeling.
Wanting to help others is the number one reason why I started my own personal finance blog.
I like some of your lead in statements. Make them come to you for advice vs. offering it to them without solicitation. Usually advice without a request will be rejected.
Sport of Money recently posted…Easy Math Trick To Crush Retirement Goals And Why People Have The Wrong View About It