One of our neighbors who I’ll call “K” called us up the other day and was frantic:
Please help me! The water heater is busted and it’s leaking water everywhere!
Hearing the level of panic in her voice, I ran down the street. I arrived to find that K was hysterical. I told her I’d turn off the water to the heater first to stop the flooding. She told me to ‘forget about the water’ and instead help move some boxes that were getting soaked. As we were moving the boxes, she mumbled things like, “This is all I have left of her.” “I can’t lose the pictures!” “Please, please don’t let this stuff be ruined!!”
I later learned the reason for K’s panic. Her mother had died a short time ago of a horrible disease called Huntington’s chorea. The boxes contained all of the keepsakes K had from her mother. The good news is that we were able to save all of it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, this disease is an 11
Huntington’s isn’t a pleasant way to go. Unlike many diseases, it destroys your mind and body. It is degenerative and always fatal. Many people afflicted with it go out by way of suicide. However, there is one aspect of Huntington’s that is worse than all of this. If you get the disease, there is a 50% chance that any child you have will also get it. However, the symptoms usually begin when you’re in your late 30s, after you’ve already had children.
The good news is that there is a test now that can detect whether you have the genetic defect that causes the disease. Our good friend K explained that she had already tested negative. However, K went on to explain that all of her cousins are also in the 50% boat, but refuse to be tested. K said that they ‘just don’t want to know.’
Two Thoughts
My immediate thought this: I sure as hell would want to know! If I knew that my time was down to 10 years, I would start living my life a bit differently.
My second thought was that I had just discovered a huge flaw in my lifestyle. If I’m not living like I’m going to die in 10 years, why not? What would I do differently? Is my current life a compromise because I assume that I have at least 40 good years ahead of me?
It’s a romantic notion to live every day like it’s your last. However, this notion isn’t really practical since we must also plan to live to be 80 or 90 or even 100. Running all over the world when you’re 30 sounds great, but not if you’re going to run out of money when you’re 60.
The solution I’ve come up with is this: It’s important to figure out what matters to you as soon as possible. After that, figure out how you can maximize those important parts so you can spend the most time doing them. If sailing the world is your gig, figure out how to get on the boat in the shortest time possible in a manner you are comfortable with.
Start Now
Also remember that a job is just one part of life. Just because you have to work a 9-5 doesn’t mean you can’t hold back on other parts of your life. No matter what, keep in mind the following:
- Your children are only young once; enjoy them while you can. My oldest is almost 7. I look at her baby pictures and that time went by in a blink. Sometimes, I wish I could go back and revisit her when she was 2 or 3. No trade-backs though.
- Acknowledge that good people are the best part of life. We moved from a 4000 square foot luxury home to a 1400 square foot fixer upper. The neighbors that lived around our 4000 square foot home were in a battle to see who could have the nicest stuff. The people who live in our new ‘hood are down to earth, good people. We’re much happier. People move away and people die. Appreciate them whenever you can.
- Try to see the world in the best light. I’m a pessimist/worrier at heart. It’s difficult for me to look at Google News and not become angry or depressed at some event. I have to try to be happy, but when I do, I notice that life is better.
- Acknowledge that you don’t need money and fancy things to be happy. The thought that I’ve had recently is that you can’t be truly happy until you let go of most desire for stuff. Priorities.
Back to me. I like to think that I’m more appreciative of life than most. I haven’t always made the best choices and I still live life with compromises*. However I lose site sometimes. I think we all do. Nothing like a little dance with death every once in a while to make us really appreciate life.
*Cap’n Crunch, you aren’t healthy, but I love you dearly. (Mrs. 1500 note: Don’t forget that Diet Mt. Dew, dear…)
Love this post. So glad you were able to save your neighbor’s keepsakes from her mother. It is a balancing act to figure out how to make the most out of “right now” when we’re also trying to make sure we’ll have plenty to keeping making the most out of life well in the future. I think you made a great point – even though most of us are still working full-time jobs that take up a third of our days 5 days a week, we can still enthusiastically appreciate everything else life has to offer while we’re working toward our financial goals. The beauty here is that the best things in life don’t really cost much, so we CAN save and live well simultaneously!
Kali @CommonSenseMillennial recently posted…Millennials Who Break Negative GenY Stereotypes
“The beauty here is that the best things in life don’t really cost much, so we CAN save and live well simultaneously!”
Yes, exactly! The earlier you figure this out, the better your life will be. End. Of. Story.
What a sad yet wonderful article — I actually got choked up reading it…
It’s so hard to look past the day-to-day grind sometimes and really isolate how wonderful your life is and how important it is to find joy in each and every day.
I was in a horrible mood last night, as I lately have been more often than I’d care after getting home from work, and I moped my way through my evening with my lovely wife and two amazing children. The thought actually went through my mind that if somewhere were to happen tomorrow (today), was it really worth it to be in this bad mood for no reason?
Life is too short to work a job you detest, and it’s too short to get stuck in a rut and not do the things you enjoy and see the people you love. I’m really trying to make a positive change in all these aspects of life.
Thanks for writing this…
Brad @ RichmondSavers.com recently posted…Lending Club Update December 2013
Brad-
Thanks for the kind comments; much appreciated.
“The thought actually went through my mind that if somewhere were to happen tomorrow (today), was it really worth it to be in this bad mood for no reason?”
This is a great way to think about life. If I didn’t hate tattoos, I’d get this tattooed in reverse on my chest so I’d look in the mirror every morning and be reminded.
Great post, 1500. I have a similar one outlined in my drafts that has been out there since Robert Ebert’s death back in April. There’s something enlightening about hearing people’s thoughts and perspectives on life while on death’s door.
My favorite snippet: ” “Kindness” covers all of my political beliefs. No need to spell them out. I believe that if, at the end, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn’t always know this and am happy I lived long enough to find it out.”
Buck recently posted…How to be a one-percenter
Buck, that is really great.
I was pretty amazed after Ebert died. I didn’t know him beyond “two thumbs up.” Very interesting character.
Great post, and lots to think about. Obviously we have to plan and prepare for a long life, but there are plenty of things we should make sure we’re doing in the mean time. I don’t want to bog down your great post with religiosity, but as a Christian there is a difference between my version of “living well” and that of many others. However, showing kindness to others and trying to be a good role model to those we love is something that none of us will regret.
FI Pilgrim recently posted…Never Forget To Pay A Bill Again – A Manilla Review
“However, showing kindness to others and trying to be a good role model to those we love is something that none of us will regret.”
Yes, no matter what you believe or even if you don’t believe at all, that is something we all can and should get behind.
What depresses me most is the horrible things us humans do to each other. If nothing else, can’t we at least treat each other with decency? Nope. Can’t even do that.
Bad pessimist me. Stop it! Let’s turn it around.
I do think most people are good. Sometimes, you have to peel a couple layers off to see it, but I believe it.
I’m so glad that you were able to save your neighbor’s mementos. I’m sure that meant the world to her!
Huntington’s sounds truly horrible – there was a recent This American Life episode that had a segment that followed a young woman as she got the results of her genetic test to determine if she would get Huntington’s like her mother… http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/509/it-says-so-right-here The whole episode is great, but the Huntington’s part is what stuck with me.
Mrs PoP @ Planting Our Pennies recently posted…He Said She Said: How Big A Cash Buffer?
Thanks for the “American Life” link. I’ll definitely be checking that out. I can’t imaging waiting for that test to come back.
Captain Crunch correlates highly with happiness. Each bowl is a dollar-cost-averaging investment in your quality of life.
I similarly wonder whether taking an honest look at our mortality is needed to really live life properly. I personally suffer under the delusion that I will surely live for a long time, and thus procrastinate on the important work of deciding what I want to do with this life.
Done by Forty recently posted…Budget Porn
Cap’n Crunch is awesome, although I find it creepy that the Cap’n (why is it spelled like that) tucks his hate behind his eyeballs. I can hardly look at the box.
Beware the Cap’n… he’s been lying as long as we’ve known him!
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/06/20/193875243/hes-an-impostor-the-navy-says-about-capn-crunch
Mrs. Pop @ Planting Our Pennies recently posted…Thoughts On Art And Money – Art Basel 2013
This rocks my faith in the Cap’n.
Commander Crunch?
I need some time to come to terms with this, Mrs. Pop.
Done by Forty recently posted…Budget Porn
Great post and thoughts. My financial independence plan is chugging full speed ahead, but I am not sure what my passion is, with which I would fulfill my life if I were able to do so. I am still trying to figure it out! In the meantime, I try to spend my days as Buck said: increasing joy for myself and others. I avoid traffic and take back roads to plan the day rather than rage. Try to get in outdoor exercise or at least fresh air everyday. Try to cook nice meals for the Mr. more often than not. Give my dog unlimited ear scratches and belly rubs. Give my chickens hilarious treats. I will figure the rest out eventually…
Figuring out your passion is a hard thing and I can relate. Some days, I think maybe I have found it, but just don’t know it yet.
“Give my chickens hilarious treats.”
Cap’n Crunch?
I am glad that your neighbors keepsakes were safe! I would also want to know if I had the disease. I understand some people cope better living in denial like that, but it would be a shadow hanging over me until I found out. I am a pessimist/worrier as well, and I’ve been trying not to get caught up in it. I do believe it’s always good to try and live your life to the fullest and be content with what you have.
E.M. recently posted…Holiday Traditions
I can’t imagine living with that denial! Every time I forgot something or dropped a dish, I’d be like, “Oh crap, has the disease finally come for me?” No thanks.
Very good post – it is so great you are willing to help a neighbour. I am sure it meant a lot to her because she was in such a stress-filled, and emotional situation.
When I was a teenager, one of my good friends had Huntington’s disease, with even earlier onset than the normal age. He was 20, trying to determine whether he would risk getting tested and have a black cloud hanging over his head. It was an unbearable situation to watch as he dealt with his mother’s abilities degrade over time and he become her caregiver. I don’t know what I’d do in his situation honestly (in terms of getting tested or not).
Alicia @ Financial Diffraction recently posted…Simplified Finances.
Wow, just horrible. 20. I would go out of my mind.
I would get tested. The day I went in for the results would be the most stressful day ever. I want to talk to K more about it actually, but don’t want to pry too much.
I enjoyed reading your post 1500. Sadly, all too often we waste time and energy on daily trivial things when we should use our time and energy to share happiness with our loved ones. It’s a constant challenge to remember what our true priorities in life should be.
I’m very happy that you were able to save all of the keepsakes K had from her mother. I have a box of keepsakes from my own mother which I fondly cherish. They mean the world to me.
Richie @ Practical Cents recently posted…My Frugal Christmas Tree
Yeah, it was a close call with K. The bottom of one of the boxes had soaked through. Had she not happen to go down to her basement, she would have lost most of it.
Beautiful observations and thoughts, Mr. 1500! That was kind of you to help K out, and great news that all the items were saved! I’m sure they are very treasured. I agree with you that it’s all about loved ones and experiences. Stuff is mostly just noise.
anna recently posted…November Updates – Debt Repayment, Fitness/Running, and Wedding
“Stuff is mostly just noise.”
Ha, yup. Noisy distractions.
Maybe we should all live like we only have 10 or maybe 20 years left. It’s a long enough time that you won’t go out and spend everything you have within a few months but it is also a short enough timeline that may give you the motivation to achieve your grander personal goals.
Realistically even if you live until 100 years old you won’t have the physical or mental capability that you did when you were much younger, so don’t count on those years to make up the time you wasted when you were young and healthy.
This Life On Purpose recently posted…Unlocking the Value of Your Gift Cards
Yeah, good point about living to be 100 which makes me thing of something else. People seem to be obsessed with extending their lifespans. I think it should be about quality of life though. I’d rather buy the farm at 75 and be able to care for myself the whole time than live to be 95 and be mostly dependent on others.
I understand the whole time is short so live for now belief but there is something that kind of bugs me. Let’s just say you are being frugal and die early before you can enjoy the fruits of your labor. You led a boring life and didn’t enjoy your time on earth. Well, if an afterlife doesn’t exist, its not like you will have any regrets. You’re dead and no longer exist. If an afterlife does exist, it’s always said you are in a much better place. If it’s better than here, I don’t think you would have regrets. If you happend to find yourself in the not so good place, I’d be shocked at how you got there. After all, you supposedly lived a frugal and boring life.
Micro recently posted…Settle your debt for less than the full amount – The debt settlement process in detail
I’m not sure I follow, but I don’t think frugal needs to be boring. In my own life, I don’t have a Corvette or go to Fiji every year, but I don’t think I’m less happy.
For me, the peace of mind that comes with not having to worry about money outweighs all material stuff. However, I fully acknowledge that I’m a bit tweaked from never having money while growing up.
To answer the question: yes, I do believe we must dance with death a bit to appreciate life. Certainly anyone who has had a scare in life or brush with death will say that they have a completely different perspective on life afterwards (I speak from experience as my husband was in a tragic accident shortly after we were married – but thankfully he is healed and well now). That experience reminded us of what is important in life and the memory remains with us today. However, there is a balance as you mention. We couldn’t afford to stop working and travel through Europe as I would have liked. So we work. If we can “retire” at age 45, we will be able to spend the rest of our time doing what we really want to do. But I never forget that 45 may not happen, so we make time to spend with family (especially our young son) as much as possible. We all have our compromises.
Green Money Stream recently posted…Getting Into the Spirit – Tips for a Festive and Frugal Holiday
Whoah, thankfully your husband was OK. Yikes.
I once had a bicycle accident when I flipped over the handlebars at a high rate of speed. The front tire can off, fork hit the cement and I spun in the air before landing on my back. No helmet, not ever a shirt on and somehow I didn’t even break anything. I rolled out of it. If I would have landed a bit differently, I would have broken my neck. I don’t think about this every day, but almost.
Wow, that’s pretty scary for sure. I know my husband thinks about the accident way more often than he mentions or than I think about it, since he had the actual injury. The experience definitely brought us closer and I found strength I didn’t know I had. It’s cliché, but it absolutely changes your perspective on life.
Green Money Stream recently posted…Getting Into the Spirit – Tips for a Festive and Frugal Holiday
1500, you are a man of passion and decency. And that is all. I’ll always error on the side of risk when it comes to living. My worst fear is having behaved too well before I die…
cj recently posted…Our Holiday Gift to You
OK, this may be the best comment ever. Absolutely nothing to add.
What a beautifully written post. I agree with so much of what you’ve written. I do not know if I’d want to know if I’d have a horrible disease sometime in the future. Now that I’m living a much healthier lifestyle I figure I’m arming myself in the best way I know how against future health issues. If I had children, I might very well think differently though and cannot imagine having to have to tell them or worry that they might have something passed on to them. It’s a gamble when we love people, but loving people is what it’s all about.
PS – I too am heavily affected by news and am desperately trying to be an optimist/non-worrier! 🙂
Tammy R recently posted…Our Holiday Gift to You
Thank you Tammy!
Arming yourself is key. I hear people say, “My 27 year old cousin in perfect health died of cancer.” Sure, that stuff happens, but it’s not the norm. However, heart disease, strokes and high blood pressure are the norm if you let your body go to hell.
Please fill me in on your optimism strategies should you figure it out!!
I think you (or someone very close to you) needs to have a brush with death before you can really appreciate life. Until that happens, you’re still the invincible teen that does stupid stuff.
I can “opt-out” of genetic diseases to an extent because I was adopted as a baby, and I have no clue what my parents’ genetic history is – and it frustrates the heck out of doctors. I’m sure there’s something lurking in my family history, but I don’t know what it is, and I chose to believe that I have an average chance of basically everything rather than an elevated risk of anything.
You have to live life like it’s short, but plan for the very high probability of living until 70+ years. Enjoy what you can, don’t sweat the small stuff and enjoy the people you love. You might not have a lot of money when you retire, but you’ll have enjoyed life, and hopefully have gathered a large group of friends to go through life with.
Mom @ Three is Plenty recently posted…Freezing Cold Weather and No Power
It’s stories like this that remind me that my life is finite and I can’t keep wasting my time. It’s time to really start LIVING instead of being tied down to other things that really don’t matter in the long run.
Lisa E. @ Lisa Vs. The Loans recently posted…Use Credit Cards Wisely and Stay Away From Debt
Great post. I completely agree with: “you can’t be truly happy until you let go of most desire for stuff.”
Balancing between “live every day to the fullest” and “plan for the next ~80 years” is the ever constant battle and compromise!
Steve recently posted…Mortgage or Invest