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Rant: Horrible Gifts

December 15, 2016 by Mr. 1500 Days 43 Comments

I’ve been trying to cut down on the ranting, but sometimes, I can’t help myself. Today, I present you with the worst gift ideas that I could dredge up from the bowels of the internet. This post contains NO affiliate links!

 

Awful Sweatersaurus

I have some questions for you:

  • Have you ever dreamed of winning the local Ugly Sweater contest? Are you OK paying $695 to do so?
  • Do you enjoy dressing like a 4 year-old boy?

If you answered yes to either of the above, I have just the thing for you, Rexy the $695 ugly sweater:

screen-shot-2016-12-14-at-3-24-56-pm

Really Coach, $695? Maybe you could charge that if it was made out of real dinosaurs. It isn’t.

The steep price isn’t stopping Coach from selling a load of them though. Celebrities are falling over themselves to buy this thing.

Truth be told, I could totally see myself wearing this. I like dinosaurs. I also like ugly clothes. Maybe I’ll stumble on one at the thrift shop when they cease to be cool…

 

Cheese Straws!

What are cheese straws? I have no idea, but they look like a pile of yellow dog crap or a nasty type of parasitic worms:

screen-shot-2016-12-14-at-4-32-27-pm

For $79.95, you can enroll a loved (hated?) one in the Cheese Straw of the Month club. Mmmm mmmmm, the gift that keeps on giving. Except when it gives you constipation.

 

Nice P****!

I can’t say anything about these leggings without being excessively vulgar, so I’ll stop now:

screen-shot-2016-12-14-at-4-27-31-pm

 

Rock Bottom

What do you get for the person who has everything? Have you considered a rock? No, seriously. Here is one you can buy from Nordstrom for the princely price of $85:

screen-shot-2016-12-14-at-4-40-51-pm

 

I can’t make this stuff up. Nordstrom paid someone to gather rocks, put them in leather pockets, and then sold out of them. People actually bought these.

And if $85 is too much for you, Nordstrom also has a $65 dollar version.

And if $65 is too much for you, put on a jacket and step outside. There are free versions on the ground.

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Filed Under: Rants Tagged With: awful gifts, nordstrom rock, rant

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kate @ Cashville Skyline says

    December 15, 2016 at 4:07 am

    I can’t stop laughing about that rock. Especially since it sold out!

    Reply
  2. The Green Swan says

    December 15, 2016 at 4:29 am

    Haha that’s a hilarious list! I had cheese straws last week for the first time and must say they are pretty dang good! That may be a steep price for joining the club, but don’t hate ’em until you try ’em!

    Reply
  3. Physician on FIRE says

    December 15, 2016 at 4:55 am

    The $80 collard greens at Neiman Marcus are sold out. Again. http://www.neimanmarcus.com/Collard-Greens/prod191750156/p.prod

    I bought a sweater quite similar to the Rexy, but mine has a deer skeleton. $5 after Christmas at H & M. I saved $690, or over eight years worth of Cheese Straws!

    Merry Christmas,
    -PoF

    Reply
    • Stockbeard says

      December 15, 2016 at 3:24 pm

      PoF, with what you saved you could also buy 8 rocks, think about it! Too bad they’re out of stock
      Stockbeard recently posted…Can you retire on 1.5 million?My Profile

      Reply
      • RocDoc says

        December 15, 2016 at 9:39 pm

        Dear PoF,
        Please don’t buy Mr 1500’s recommended P….. leggings with all the money you’ve saved! I know you like to set the fashion world on fire and I’m concerned.

        Reply
  4. Full Time Finance says

    December 15, 2016 at 5:21 am

    So does that mean the pet rock thing from the 70s is making a revival? In all seriousness these items wouldn’t exist or be priced as such if not for people buying them. It really makes you wonder is advertising that effective or are some people just that dumb?

    Reply
    • SusieQ says

      December 15, 2016 at 10:33 am

      People REALLY ARE that dumb. Gah! :-/

      Reply
  5. Team CF says

    December 15, 2016 at 5:43 am

    Eww, those cheese straws should be out-lawed, they do look disgusting! As Dutch cheese connoisseurs we should know 😉
    Love the leather covered rock though, impressed with the marketing. Seriously curious to see the business plan that was developed for that one. 🙂
    Team CF recently posted…Wisdom comes with age, unfortunately……My Profile

    Reply
    • Bee says

      December 16, 2016 at 6:53 am

      The photo is unfortunate and I certainly wouldn’t want to be enrolled in a cheese-straw-of-the-month club. However, cheese straws are quite tasty. They are part of the traditional Southern food vernacular along with another baked favorite, the Benee wafer. Big at Kentucky Derby Parties or at a Savannah cocktail soirée, the cheese straw is the perfect balance for another Southern tradition, bourbon.

      Reply
      • Mr. 1500 Days says

        December 16, 2016 at 8:31 am

        Ooooh, bourbon and cheese straws! Perhaps I should reconsider my position!

        Reply
  6. Kyle says

    December 15, 2016 at 5:59 am

    Here in Wisconsin, one of the doctors at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin saw the Nordstrom rock and decided that he would send a rock to anyone who donated $85 to the MACC (Midwest Athletes Against Childhood Cancer) fund. Seems like a better deal than sending money to Nordstrom.

    http://www.chw.org/giving-and-volunteers/rocks-for-a-reason

    Reply
  7. Brian @ Debt Discipline says

    December 15, 2016 at 6:05 am

    I’d like to buy the stone and throw it at the people buying the $695 sweater. Happy holidays. 🙂
    Brian @ Debt Discipline recently posted…Interview Series: Living Rich CheaplyMy Profile

    Reply
  8. Mr. SSC says

    December 15, 2016 at 6:37 am

    You know, Mrs. BITA recently recommended an app idea called “Rockster” a Tinder style app where people that can’t keep plants alive can “swipe right” to find that perfect pet rock. 🙂 If $80 collard greens and rocks are selling out, I see a niche ready to be taken advantage of!

    Although, when I pitched it to colleagues as “Rockster” Tinder for geologists, it got WAY more traction and laughs. She could be on to something though if the pet rock is coming back en vogue.
    Mr. SSC recently posted…You’ll Never Know if You Don’t Try…My Profile

    Reply
  9. Mrs PoP says

    December 15, 2016 at 7:06 am

    When I see stuff like this, I just tell myself to look on the bright side – at least the economy is doing well enough that people have enough spare money to throw around on insanely overpriced ridiculous stuff like this! =)
    Mrs PoP recently posted…My Take On Visiting An AldiMy Profile

    Reply
    • Mark says

      December 15, 2016 at 9:06 pm

      My reaction was similar, except it makes me wonder if the economy has entered the euphoria bubble phase, to be followed by the “I wouldn’t have thrown my money away on a rock from Nordstrom’s if I’d known a recession was coming” phase.

      Reply
  10. Chris O @ goalsandmarks.com says

    December 15, 2016 at 7:09 am

    I don’t have any trouble imagining, say, Coach charging $695 for a sweater – heck, given that being expensive is a key part of their branding, I could see them charging that for a sweatshirt!

    The thing is, it’s so ugly. I mean, how does this product not degrade their brand of fashion iconery? Clearly, I’m not fashionable – or icony – enough to understand.

    However, I know exactly the circumstances in which those leggings are appropriate, but they involve a mother-in-law / daughter-in-law hatred so intense that until now it’s never been proven.*

    *Statement brought to you by scienceyness.

    Reply
  11. Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says

    December 15, 2016 at 7:15 am

    I can’t believe people would spend money on any of this. Although, those leggings are pretty funny, haha!

    Reply
  12. Andrew@LivingRichCheaply says

    December 15, 2016 at 8:02 am

    Why are ugly sweaters the new trend?? I don’t get it. My wife tells me I’m supposed to wear one for Christmas this year but I don’t have any ugly sweaters (my wife might think otherwise). I’m sure as heck not buying an ugly sweater for $695. If it were $6.95…I might consider it but probably still wouldn’t do it.

    Reply
  13. Mrs. Picky Pincher says

    December 15, 2016 at 8:14 am

    NOOOOO THAT SWEATER.

    Why. Just why. To all of these. Oh my god.

    I’m in the marketing industry and sometimes I think marketing goes way too far. Especially with $700 sweaters and $85 rock pouches. This is too much. Oh my god.

    In other news, if you’re trying to do Christmas shopping this year, consider doing DIY gifts. I did half of my gifts DIY this year and we have saved soooo much money.

    And we didn’t have to buy any rocks. 🙂
    Mrs. Picky Pincher recently posted…Easy Homemade Yeast Rolls RecipeMy Profile

    Reply
  14. Smart Money MD says

    December 15, 2016 at 8:54 am

    Hehe, you jest about the ugly sweater. Most of the people buying that one aren’t celebrities! I guess that I hang out with the wrong crowd too much, but these purchases are quite typical of holiday purchases by middle class and upper middle class folks with less net worth than you!

    Think $500 mini menorahs at Bloomingdales. $1200 heels at Saks. You can tell by the stash of expensive department store bags that person has in the hallway closet!
    Smart Money MD recently posted…On being ill as a doctorMy Profile

    Reply
  15. Tawcan says

    December 15, 2016 at 8:57 am

    Heard about the Nordstrom rock a few weeks ago and thought that was the most ridiculous thing ever. Who the hell spend over $50 for a rock? *Facepalm*

    I don’t understand ugly sweaters either. They are supposed to be sweaters that people give you that are ugly and/or you don’t like. Now people actually go out and buy ugly sweaters? WTF? I was at the Christmas market a few weeks ago and saw a shop selling xmas ugly sweaters for like $50 and the slogan was “so ugly they are affordable.” Oh my, what’s wrong with people nowadays?

    Reply
    • SusieQ says

      December 15, 2016 at 10:36 am

      We can only assume that “rocks” are the only thing they have between their ears.

      Reply
  16. Our next life says

    December 15, 2016 at 9:05 am

    Thanks for this is super helpful gift guide! Now I know what to buy for all those hard to shop for people in my life. 😉 Hahaha. But, seriously, if we all want our share prices keep going up, we should applaud even these wacky attempts to get people to shell out their hard-earned cash.

    Reply
  17. Roadmap2Retire says

    December 15, 2016 at 9:09 am

    Hahaa thats quite a list. I had heard that ppl spend a good chunk of money on ugly sweaters, but the cheese straws and p**** pants are just ridiculous. Nordstrom marketing dept is a genius — if they pulled off selling a rock for $85! Lol….people will buy anything. How do I get in on this scam?

    R2R

    Reply
  18. Gwen @ Fiery Millennials says

    December 15, 2016 at 9:12 am

    About the only way they could’ve made that sweater worse was throw in some shoulder pads circa 1994.
    Gwen @ Fiery Millennials recently posted…What Do I Do After A Raise?My Profile

    Reply
  19. Biglaw Investor says

    December 15, 2016 at 9:17 am

    “And if $65 is too much for you, put on a jacket and step outside. There are free versions on the ground.”

    Oh, Mr. 1500 you are so elitist! There are some of us that pay good money to live in steel cities with no rocks in sight. I can’t even think of the last time I had the misfortune of seeing nature. For that very reason, I’m sure many of my fellow city dwellers would be happy to pay $65 for such a smoothly polished specimen as the one Nordstrom has suggested.

    As we like to say:

    “NYC is the kind of place where you can make enough money to solve problems people in other places don’t have.”
    Biglaw Investor recently posted…In 100 Years All New PeopleMy Profile

    Reply
    • Mr. 1500 Days says

      December 15, 2016 at 10:05 am

      Awesome –>> “NYC is the kind of place where you can make enough money to solve problems people in other places don’t have.”

      Reply
      • Biglaw Investor says

        December 16, 2016 at 6:08 pm

        Glad you like my mantra!
        Biglaw Investor recently posted…We’re Abandoning PSLFMy Profile

        Reply
  20. Fervent Finance says

    December 15, 2016 at 9:43 am

    I actually like the sweater. If they moved the decimal place over two digits to the left, I’d for sure buy one.

    Reply
  21. Joe says

    December 15, 2016 at 12:54 pm

    Awesome man! Once again, we see that consumer will buy anything. The price is ridiculous. I guess the higher the price, the more prestigious the POS is. Ridiculous..

    Reply
  22. Mr. Tako @ Mr. Tako Escapes says

    December 15, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    It’s hard to believe that people would buy that crap.

    It was definitely good for a laugh though! Thanks Mr. 1500!

    Whenever I’m feeling down about my finances, I’ll just think of this list from now on. No matter how bad things get, I won’t have purchased any of this dumb stuff.

    Reply
  23. ChrisCD says

    December 15, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    If that sweater were much less, I would buy it. I love dinos too. So Mr. 1500 if you find a couple at the thrift store, think of me.

    cd :O)

    Reply
  24. SuzannaDanna says

    December 15, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    Maybe not quite as ridiculous, I suppose, for someone who lives in a big city with no access to the outdoors is this stump for $249.00:
    http://www.westelm.com/products/natural-tree-stump-side-table-f655/

    Reply
  25. canadianbudgetbinder says

    December 15, 2016 at 7:48 pm

    Haha this was great. I don’t mind the rants it’s a nice change in the blogging world.
    canadianbudgetbinder recently posted…What It Feels Like To Have No Debt When Others Struggle : November 2016 Net Worth Update (+1.58%)My Profile

    Reply
  26. Primal Prosperity says

    December 15, 2016 at 8:08 pm

    Wow, anyone who would buy these gifts needs to get more creative with their life. Even if these prices are a drop in the bucket for someone, why would someone want any of these? I mean there are so many cool experiences you can have for these costs. Instead of the sweater, I’d rather sky dive a few times, or get a couple of flying lessons. Instead of a rock for $65, I’d rather take one of my favorite influencers out to a fancy breakfast or lunch and pick their brains for an hour. For $80 a month for processed crap, I’d rather support my local farmers market and co-op. Geez.
    Primal Prosperity recently posted…Shut Up And CalculateMy Profile

    Reply
  27. Lazy Man and Money says

    December 15, 2016 at 9:39 pm

    At least the dinosaur sweater is cashmere. It’s not like they just used some cheap quality crap and put a high price on it.

    Reply
  28. Lizzy says

    December 16, 2016 at 6:30 am

    I wanted to thank you. You have saved me a bunch of money and a trip to the mall! I am going for a nice relaxing walk in the woods where I will pick up large rocks and wrap them up as Christmas gifts!

    My daughter found three large rocks the other day and placed them in her tortoise house.

    Reply
  29. Eric Bowlin says

    December 16, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    Meow.
    Eric Bowlin recently posted…How to Invest in Real Estate With Your 401k or IRAMy Profile

    Reply
    • Mr. 1500 Days says

      December 16, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      I never thought that a one word comment could make me laugh out loud…

      Reply
  30. moneycorgi says

    December 28, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    That rock idea could be a genius move by the website, I’ve seen it shown on several comedy websites during December which no doubt caused tons of people to click the link and visit the companies website.

    Hiring a PR crew to increase traffic – £100,000
    putting a rock in a bag and achieving the same thing – £1

    Reply
  31. Callum says

    January 11, 2021 at 7:32 pm

    Jesus Christ Marie. They’re minerals not rocks

    Reply
    • Mr. 1500 Days says

      January 11, 2021 at 7:44 pm

      Thanks!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Church of FI – Bah Humbug! And November Expense and Net Worth reports from the Blogosphere | The Jolly Ledger says:
    December 16, 2016 at 7:01 am

    […] 1500 days just published a rant on this same rock. I swear we are not in cahoots! I am just slow to […]

    Reply

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My goal was to build a portfolio of $1,000,000 by February of 2017; 1500 days from the birth of this blog (January 1, 2013). And hey look, I’ve since retired!

Investments only (primary home excluded)
1/1/13 (The Start): $586,043
1/1/14 (1 Yr Later): $869,635
1/1/15 (2 Yrs Later): $987,351
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1/1/22 (9 Yrs Later): $4,762,642
1/1/23 (10 Yrs Later): $3,112,821

2023: Investments only
1/1: $3,112,821

Overall
2023 investment gains: $0
Investment gains since 1/1/2013: $2,526,778
Net worth***: $3,342,821

* The big jump between 2019 and 2020 was partly because we bought another home, but kept the previous (much more expensive) one as a rental. We have since sold it.

** Tesla.

*** Includes our primary home equity in addition to our investment portfolio.

Finally, we still have about $290,000 in mortgage debt (which I love!). No regrets about the debts!

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