1500 Days to Freedom

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Soylent Update #2: The Mrs. Strikes Back

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Screen Shot 2014-10-14 at 8.32.32 PMThis week, the blog takes a slight diversion while I experiment with soylent, a liquid food substitute. At the end of each day, I’ll write a brief post telling you how it went. Here is my update for Tuesday.

Before we get to the tale of Mrs. 1500’s evil deeds, here are my stats:

Weight

  • Sunday before bed: 168.2
  • Monday morning: 166.8
  • Monday before bed: 168.0
  • Tuesday morning: 165.8
  • Tuesday before bed: 166.6

Toilet time

  • #1: My pee is still the crazy neon yellow color.
  • #2: No longer silent! This morning, things returned to normal. Then, things were normal again this afternoon. All that fiber made for very quick operations. My reading time suffered.

Other important information

  • Hungry?: No
  • Lust after real food?: See below.
  • Does it still taste disgusting?: Absolutely*.
  • Convinced Mrs. 1500 to try it?: Still HELL no. And she is now torturing me. Read on.

Mrs. 1500 Strikes Back

The Apple Crisp
The Apple Crisp**

It’s bad enough that I can’t get Mrs. 1500 to try even a drop of the concoction, but now I’m convinced she is out to get me. I have no idea what I did to deserve this treatment, but soylent may very well be the end of us.

It all started Sunday. Mrs. 1500, knowing that I was starting this diet Monday, made a huge batch of a delicious apple crisp dessert (thanks L for the recipe!). It didn’t end there. She then baked about 2 tons of banana bread. I love apple crisp. I love banana bread. Every time I go into the kitchen, I sob just a little. However, the real trouble started this afternoon.

Mrs. 1500 brings out the Death Star and then some

IMG_20141014_185459400Today, Mrs. 1500 took her assault to the next level when she brought out the big gun. No, she doesn’t have a space-based orb that destroys planets. She has the next best thing for someone on a nasty diet, a crock pot. Sometime in the early afternoon, I was sitting there minding my own business in the home office when I smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. “No, she couldn’t have!” you say. Yes. She. Did. The crock pot concoction drove me half crazy. And then, she found a way to take it up another notch:

Mrs. 1500: Let’s go out for frozen yogurt tonight.****

I can’t make this stuff up.

On the rocks

The soylent experiment has turned into something else entirely. Troubling new questions have arisen:

  • Will our marriage survive?
  • Will I lose the rest of my sanity and hurl the crock pot into the street?
  • Will I cram the entire apple crisp into my mouth in a mad frenzy?
  • Will our home descend into a Lord of the Flies scenario?

“the conch crock pot exploded into a thousand white fragments and ceased to exist.” -Lord of the Soylent

Tune in tomorrow for more insanity.

 

*I am using DIY soylent. Others have pointed out that the real thing is much better. It has to be. The Macbook that I’m typing this on would taste much better.

**Denver E: Your awesome banana pudding didn’t help things either, but since you were unaware of my upcoming experiment, you are innocent***.

***Unless you conspired with Mrs. 1500 ahead of time. I want the truth!

****Mrs. 1500 note: Our oldest had to get a shot today, and we always go out for ice cream after dinner when we get a shot. Sorry it fell on eat-nothing-but-ridiculously-disgusting-“food”-week. Also, I would like to remind Mr. 1500 that participation in this silly experiment is entirely voluntary, and I do not volunteer*****.

*****Mr. 1500 note: I can still smell the crock pot.

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Comments

  3. I am shocked you haven’t started playing on the offensive! My suggestion would be to hide all the cutlery in the house…. its hard to eat apple crisp with your hands! Or for an even more passive aggressive approach – all the mixing bowls – you can’t bake without mixing bowls!
    Mrs. SSC recently posted…WTF: I need HOW much to retire?My Profile

  4. Always keep in mind: toilet time does not determine reading time; reading time determines toilet time.

    • Oh man, this cracks me up. Also, I’m guilty of this all of the time:

      Wife: “What are you doing in there?? Are you still alive?”

    • The secret is out!
      I always new that this happened. Is this a guy thing? Do women do it to?

      Mr1500 good luck I’ve been reading and I just keep thinking yuck. I’m not a foodie but I do like good food. My challenge would be to someday be badass enough to fast.
      Also you should add a link to the blog post of the cherry crisp. I’m not a huge cherry fan but I do know I wanted to click over and review it but there was no link.
      The Roamer recently posted…A Wedding or A Marriage? Part 1My Profile

  5. If you want to toss that banana bread in the mail to get it out of the house, feel free to send it to FL! =)

    In reality, I think this is probably just one of those cases where you don’t realize how many goodies are around constantly until you start depriving yourself of them. I bet Mrs 1500’s food is always pretty fabulous, so you’d be drooling no matter what she prepared this week.
    Mrs. Pop @ Planting Our Pennies recently posted…When To DIY And When To OutsourceMy Profile

  7. Sounds amazing. I am generally trying to eat healthier as well. When I am not drinking Soylent, I am TRYING to do more whole foods – almonds, fruits, chicken, eggs – things that aren’t processed, baked, etc.

    Of course, I am woefully failing at doing that 100%, but even a little nudge in the right direction is probably beneficial to me!
    Dave @ The New York Budget.com recently posted…Monthly Update – September, 2014My Profile

  8. My Airplane reference may have been a bit dated but way to bring out the classics with LOTF!