This week, the blog takes a slight diversion while I experiment with soylent, a liquid food substitute. At the end of each day, I’ll write a brief post telling you how it went. Here is my update for Tuesday.
Before we get to the tale of Mrs. 1500’s evil deeds, here are my stats:
- Sunday before bed: 168.2
- Monday morning: 166.8
- Monday before bed: 168.0
- Tuesday morning: 165.8
- Tuesday before bed: 166.6
- #1: My pee is still the crazy neon yellow color.
- #2: No longer silent! This morning, things returned to normal. Then, things were normal again this afternoon. All that fiber made for very quick operations. My reading time suffered.
Other important information
- Hungry?: No
- Lust after real food?: See below.
- Does it still taste disgusting?: Absolutely*.
- Convinced Mrs. 1500 to try it?: Still HELL no. And she is now torturing me. Read on.
Mrs. 1500 Strikes Back
It’s bad enough that I can’t get Mrs. 1500 to try even a drop of the concoction, but now I’m convinced she is out to get me. I have no idea what I did to deserve this treatment, but soylent may very well be the end of us.
It all started Sunday. Mrs. 1500, knowing that I was starting this diet Monday, made a huge batch of a delicious apple crisp dessert (thanks L for the recipe!). It didn’t end there. She then baked about 2 tons of banana bread. I love apple crisp. I love banana bread. Every time I go into the kitchen, I sob just a little. However, the real trouble started this afternoon.
Mrs. 1500 brings out the Death Star and then some
Today, Mrs. 1500 took her assault to the next level when she brought out the big gun. No, she doesn’t have a space-based orb that destroys planets. She has the next best thing for someone on a nasty diet, a crock pot. Sometime in the early afternoon, I was sitting there minding my own business in the home office when I smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. “No, she couldn’t have!” you say. Yes. She. Did. The crock pot concoction drove me half crazy. And then, she found a way to take it up another notch:
Mrs. 1500: Let’s go out for frozen yogurt tonight.****
I can’t make this stuff up.
On the rocks
The soylent experiment has turned into something else entirely. Troubling new questions have arisen:
- Will our marriage survive?
- Will I lose the rest of my sanity and hurl the crock pot into the street?
- Will I cram the entire apple crisp into my mouth in a mad frenzy?
- Will our home descend into a Lord of the Flies scenario?
conchcrock pot exploded into a thousand white fragments and ceased to exist.” -Lord of the Soylent
Tune in tomorrow for more insanity.
*I am using DIY soylent. Others have pointed out that the real thing is much better. It has to be. The Macbook that I’m typing this on would taste much better.
**Denver E: Your awesome banana pudding didn’t help things either, but since you were unaware of my upcoming experiment, you are innocent***.
***Unless you conspired with Mrs. 1500 ahead of time. I want the truth!
****Mrs. 1500 note: Our oldest had to get a shot today, and we always go out for ice cream after dinner when we get a shot. Sorry it fell on eat-nothing-but-ridiculously-disgusting-“food”-week. Also, I would like to remind Mr. 1500 that participation in this silly experiment is entirely voluntary, and I do not volunteer*****.
*****Mr. 1500 note: I can still smell the crock pot.
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.