1500 Days to Freedom

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Thursday Rant: Shortest Books Ever Written

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We’ve been raked over the coals lately. We had to fire a builder who was helping us, but did shoddy work. Both of our girls got a nasty virus. Then the cold spell hit and froze our pipes.

However, out of bad can always come good. We found a builder who does excellent work and is helping me with carpentry (more on that later). Regarding the pipes, I now know how to plumb a house with PEX. It’s really easy and I highly suggest you try it. Do you know what a plumber costs?

Anyway, I stayed up late last night fixing the pipes and wasn’t going to post at all today, but then I sat down with the wife. I said, “Let’s see if we can spit out a quick post, how about the shortest books ever written.” Before long, we were laughing and bouncing ideas off of each other. Super fun! So, here is our list of shortest books ever written. Please chip in with some of yours!

Note: author in parentheses where applicable

 

SproutbookPeaceful Eating in Restaurants (1500 children)

NBA Pros share their best Money Tips

How to get Rich with Beanie Babies*

Peaceful, fight-free Car Trips (1500 children)

How I got rich taking Stock Advice from the TV

Corn!

Big Book of Good Contractors that I’ve Hired

Quantum Physics for Dummies

My Favorite Gas Stations to fill up at (Mrs. 1500)**

Keys I haven’t lost, a Pictorial (Mr. 1500)

Toys that we’ve voluntarily put away (1500 children)

People we have lent Money To (1500s)

What I learned about Money in School

Plants Mrs. 1500 hasn’t killed yet

Getting rich by selling Amway or overpriced Candles***

Exciting road trips through Kansas and Nebraska

The Best Episodes of Small Wonder

The wit and wisdom of Paris Hilton

Adorable Spiders, a Picture Book

Best Recipes for Black Licorice****

Toilet seats Mr. 1500 has put down

 

Your turn! Leave your shortest books in the comments.

 

*This is the gift that keeps on giving WYOR.

**Mrs. 1500 hates fueling the car. She has a superpower where the low-gas light never comes on when she is driving.

***Few things are more painful than the family member or friend that gets caught up in an MLM and then aggressively tries to recruit you. Grrrrrr.

****I am one of the 3 people on earth who actually enjoys this.

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Comments

  1. You two are seriously hilarious! I can only imagine how much fun you must have had coming up with those…

    It’s sad that most of mine revolve around the insanity that is our life post-children. I’m not nearly as witty as you, but here it goes:

    Quiet Mornings Spent Reading the Newspaper: A How-to Guide

    Stress-free Drives from Virginia to Long Island

    Evening Baths that Don’t Flood the Bathroom (RS Children)

    Family Meals Where Everyone Eats the Same Food
    Brad @ RichmondSavers.com recently posted…Lending Club Update December 2013My Profile

    • Brad, we did have quite a good time, and even came up with more this morning. Look for Round Two at a future date.

      Apparently we live in the same house.

  2. I love the titles! Very funny! Here are a few of mine:

    The Big Book of Honest Politicians

    The Motor Vehicle Commission’s Guide of Express Services

    Umbrellas I Haven’t Lost, a Pictorial

    My Auto Repair Itemized List of Undercharges

    The Art of Rush Hour Commute Serenity

    The New York City Cab Drivers’ Guide of Driving Etiquette

  4. Construction Projects I have finished 100%.

    PEX is the bees knees. I broke down and bought the expensive crimp tool. But I only had to sweat 2 adapters instead of 7-8 (or more than likely, I was going to use sharkbite).
    Elroy recently posted…Getting $*@% DoneMy Profile

    • Yes, PEX is the best thing ever. Almost as good as those Girl Scout cookies with caramel.

      The last time I hired a plumber, it was like $1000 for a day’s work. Holy *&^%*#@^ **$^! I swore from that point on that I’d do it all myself if I could. And I have.

    • We had a friend recently drive through Kansas. They had a transmission leak in below-zero temperatures, then as soon as he had thawed from fixing the transmission, they blew a tire. In below-zero temperatures, that rips off the bumper, quarter panel, back panel, etc.

  6. Polite Chicago Drivers

    Celebrating the World Series victories of San Diego, Texas, Houston, Milwaukee, Washington (Nationals), Seattle, Tampa Bay and Colorado

    Also I’m with the others who have mentioned the exciting road trips through Kansas and Nebraska, that brought a tear of joy to my eye to read

  8. I wish I could be a fly on the wall at your house…can flies laugh?!?!?!

    My favorite is: Adorable Spiders, a Picture Book. I HATE spiders…let’s face it, anything with eight legs is evil! Okay here’s my attempt at a good title.

    – Drama-free Family Gatherings
    – What I’ll do with my Inheritance
    – Tips for saving money with LivingSocial
    – Bilingual Pets – A Documentary

    If I think of more…I’ll come back! Thanks for the Thursday smile 🙂
    Ree Klein recently posted…No One Can Make You Feel SexyMy Profile

    • Drama-Free Family Gatherings! I am on the floor right now!!! We are going to BOTH sides this year, and I can count on at least 3 fights right off the bat. The most wonderful time of the year, indeed.

  9. Guess I’m going to have scratch the road trip through the Great Plains I had planned with the toddler + wife and a bunch of black twizzlers. Thanks for killing the dream you guys 😉

    • Ha ha!

      I really like black licorice, but when I tell people that, they look at me like I have a cat glued to my face. I’m surprised the stuff is even sold.

  10. Free-Flowing Roads of Northern VA/DC/Maryland
    Pot-Hole Free Roads of Pennsylvania
    Foods that Dad Won’t Eat

    And I totally agree on Exciting Road Trips through Kansas and Nebraska

    Sorry to hear your pipes burst, but happy to hear that you were able to repair them! I love Black Licorice….
    Mom @ Three is Plenty recently posted…Freezing Cold Weather and No PowerMy Profile

  12. LOL at The Wit and Wisdom of Paris Hilton! Aww, you don’t have *any* fave episodes of “Small Wonder”? Not even when the adorable Harriet would put the moves on Jamie (okay, so that was like every episode).

    For your consideration:

    -How to make your Costco trip in ten minutes or less
    -How to get rock hard abs in only 2 minutes a day
    -How to never have a fight in a relationship

    Man, even those are stinkers… you and the Mrs. are quite witty, thanks for the laughs. 🙂
    anna recently posted…K.i.s.s.’ed my debt good-byeMy Profile

    • Micro, these are great! I like the drunk one. I’ll write the sequel: “Smart use of Social Median when Drunk”

  15. This list is TOP NOTCH!!! I would really like to co-author the Plants (We) Haven’t Killed with Mrs. 1500.

    Let’s see…how about…

    Days in My Adult Life Free of the F-Bomb
    Belts that Buckle After the Holidays
    Stores That Don’t Play Christmas Carols after Halloween
    Living Squirrels in the Middle of the Road (Photo Book)

    • Holy crap Tammy, these are brilliant!

      Because of my home repairs, I’ve been to Home Depot about 47 times since Thanksgiving. If I hear their crappy Christmas Carols one more time, I’m going to lose it!

  16. “Genuine acts of kindness that I have regreted “.
    ” Infomercials are all about value and amazing products”.
    “Time wasted in the company of children”.
    “Smart financial decisions before 30”.
    “Smart decisions made while under the influence”.

  17. Too funny! We actually own book written by Paris Hilton (yes, truly). We saw it on sale at a Borders for $1 years ago, and it is maybe my favorite book of all time. It’s called, “Your Heiress Diary…Confess it All to Me”. It’s a guided diary that asks it readers to consider, “I feel like an heiress today because:_____” and “My favorite things that are in my closet:______”

    I opened to a random page and here is what it says:

    “A real heiress dreams about: 1) Cute boys 2) A great wardrobe 3) Being a great beauty 4) Actually, none of the above, because she has all that. She sleeps really well, too.”

    Best book ever, right?
    Done by Forty recently posted…One Case of HomelessnessMy Profile

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    […] month, I had a lot of fun with a post called Shortest Books ever Written. The responses were great! So, I’ll be giving away two $10 gift cards for the best […]