The rule of the gym lockers: This rule states that if even if your locker room has 10,000 lockers and even there is only 1 other person at the gym, somehow you’ll pick the locker right next to him or her. It further states that your workouts will end at the exact same time.
Our old gym was right next to a delicious donut shop. I LOVE donuts. Nothing like coming out of the gym only to have this delicious donut smell waft over you. It seemed that no matter what time you exited the gym, the smell was pouring out. Grrrrrrrrrr!
Our gym has a childwatch where we drop the children off while we work out. Our little one has a very irregular bathroom schedule, often going days between #2s (I cannot relate to this one bit). However, she seems to think a good time to do it is right in the middle of our workouts. Gym intercom: “Mr. 1500, please report to child watch. Now!”
The rule of the exercise machine: This rule states that if even if there is only 1 other person at the gym, he or she will be on your favorite machine. All similar machines will have an out of order sign on them.
I have a list on my phone of the items that I need when I go to the gym. Despite this, I always forget something and most of the time, it’s clean underwear. When this happens, there are 2 choices: wear the old nasty sweaty ones or go sans underwear (unfurnished basement). I choose the latter.
(Mrs. 1500 taking over with her own gym rants) Dear Mr. Juicehead. While it is uber-impressive that you can lift 46,000 lbs at once, I am far less impressed by the fact that you “forget” to remove them after you are done with the machine. While you may be able to lift every 45-lb plate in the gym to put onto the machine, my far smaller arms are not.
And let’s not forget the ladies in the gym. Please please PLEASE put a towel between your naked cheeks and the bench when you are changing.
You guys are hilarious. 🙂 I agree with your rules though, except for me it seems like the person who’s on the machine I want to access isn’t actually using it, they are simply sitting there talking to the person one machine over, reserving their spot for when they are ready to quit blabbing and get to work. ::sigh::
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Haha fantastic! I think the naked cheeks rule needs to be applied to the men’s side of the facility as well. For some reason old age and comfort while nude go hand in hand. Love the folks who “snipe” equipment from halfway across the gym. “Oh I called nextttt!”
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Too funny! My favorite rule is that there will be someone using every inconceivable space in the gym for their quasi-crossfit workout. Walkway between the machines and freeweights? Yep, that is where a few people should be doing a 100 foot line of lunges back and forth for the next 20 minutes, making everyone walk around them. Area behind the workout machines where the people will unknowingly step off the machines and right into you? Yes, this is the perfect space for you to do side lunges with free weights.
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Inconsistency of the air pressure in the sit-up balls! So frustrating.
Floaters in my pool lane. Sorry – if there are other pool lanes available, why are you floating in mine and forcing me to go around you every lap?
RE the donuts – I think that’s a tactic. Our gym shares a parking lot with a McDonald’s, a Dublin donuts and a local Mexican restaurant. Soooo healthy. =)
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The locker rule also applies to public bathroom stall. It can be an empty bathroom with 80 stalls and the person coming in right behind chooses the one right next to yours. I call it stall stalking.
heh… stall-king
LOL loved these!! The locker situation happens to me ALL the time – and not only that, but sometimes the person doesn’t even say “excuse me” but shuts my locker as I’m using it. Whaaa?? I also don’t like it when juiceheads don’t return the plates, and don’t understand when people don’t wear flip flops in the shower area. P.S. nice poop reference, btw, wouldn’t be a 1500 post without one. 🙂
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The weights thing was the last straw for me. I quit regular gyms and joined a yoga center that does spinning. People walk around barefoot, so the place is always spotless. And everyone is really nice; no “juiceheads” allowed.
This made me laugh, so true. I hate it when someone hogs a machine that I need: they start texting between reps and then have a long conversation with someone while just sitting there. There are other people waiting to use the machine!
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I’d have to say my biggest issue being in a gym is the older gentlemen not covering themselves up in a locker room. You might be comfortable with yourself at that age but that doesn’t mean I’m comfortable seeing everything all hang out. At least wrap a towel around yourself.
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Ya know what I miss about the gym? I miss Dream Theater. I had a a nice recording of Awake and Dreams and Images that kept my pace up on each apparatus. I never used the locker rooms and so glad now that I learn about this bare cheeks on the locker room benches phenomenon. Cripes.
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We once had a subscription at a gym that gave away free pizza on Mondays. How insidious is that?
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1. I broke my doughnut habit by working in a doughnut shop during college. After a while you just don’t want doughnuts anymore.
2. Do you go to a Globo Gym or more of an Average Joe’s type? The gym we used to go to was amazing. Equipment was always open when you needed it and the staff was amazing! It was more of an Average Joe’s type gym, so it was pretty low frills.
Also why is it in most gyms there is always an old guy just wondering around the locker room naked trying to talk to everyone? I swear that guy needs a new hobby
Oh man, I miss having a gym. In NYC a non-skeevy gym is way out of my price range but I love doing weight training work. When I move, I will relish having a person next to my locker, lol!
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