Hi there, Mrs. 1500 today. (Boy, it’s been a while.)
I interviewed Chelsea Brennan on my podcast a few weeks ago, and the show airs today. (Check it out at www.biggerpockets.com/moneyshow145 or download Episode 145 of The BiggerPockets Money Podcast on your favorite podcast app.)
In the episode, we talk about Chelsea’s money story. (The premise of the show in general is that interactions with money in your early years shape your relationship with money as an adult.) Near the end of the show, she disussed Your Money Moment – your earliest memory of the concept of money that cemented your mindset about it.
My Money Moment
This really got me thinking, and my earliest memory of money interactions came at a garage sale. I wanted a giant pencil, and it had a price tag of $.25. I only had a quarter with me, and my dad tried to talk me out of that pencil, because I had to buy a gift for my mom after that garage sale.
The seller ended up giving me the pencil for free (I REALLY wanted this thing) and when we later went to buy the gift for my mom, I ended up having the exact amount of money I needed – which I would not have had if I had paid for the pencil.
The moral of this story is that I have huge guilt when I spend money, and more specifically, spend money on myself. I can buy food and clothes and things for the family all day long, but feel compelled to check in with Mr. 1500 before spending a dime on me. (Not that HE expects me to check in with him, this isn’t a he-controls-the-money-thing.)
I’m a real estate agent, and have been CRANKING out deals lately. I found a purse online that I really loved, but cost $290. (I know, I know!) I checked in with him, he did not care, but it was still really hard to click the purchase link.
It has since arrived, and I love it! Plus, the company is run by and employs military spouses, so I’m supporting something that is doing good. But even knowing all this, I still felt guilty.
I’m Not Alone
In Chelsea’s experience, asking women to think about their money moment generates a LOT of interesting responses, and can be fairly eye opening. One woman who has a similar-but-different outlook as I do grew up in a home where her father made all the money decisions for the family, and despite having a feminist approach to life, still checks in with the men in her life before spending money.
Once she thought about her money moment, she realized how her past experiences with money shaped her current relationship with it. She was able to address it and is now moving on with a different outlook about money.
Hearing Chelsea say this was pretty powerful. I’ve spoken several times about that stupid pencil, but never heard of this Money Moment idea, and did not equate that interaction with my own views of money. I just always thought I was being frugal.
This got me thinking. How many others haven’t heard of this concept yet? Have you ever considered your Money Moment?
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Chelsea is hosting a FREE online summit this week, called Mamas Talk Money. This 5-day virtual event has over 30 speakers on topics across family finance, investing, retirement and estate planning, career, business, and raising financially savvy kids.
Not only am I super excited about this event, but I’m also a speaker.
I hope to see you there!
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.
Clever! I haven’t heard of this at all — but sure enough, one moment really jumps out. When I was maybe… 10? 11? I was at McDonald’s and really wanted an apple pie. Dad gave me my allowance: a really worn-out $5 bill. So I went to the register and got my apple pie and received twenty eight cents in change. It was only when I got home that I realized the bill was so faded that the cashier assumed it was a $1 rather than a $5 and I was out four bucks on the deal.
I learned that it’s fine to want something, and great to be able to afford it, but keep track of your assets and don’t lose sight of the big picture. Best four bucks I ever spent!
If my wife ever pays $290 for a purse I hope she never mentions it to me, yikes! I don’t want to know. I started working in grade school, maybe I was 10? I remember the allowance from our parents ended the day my brother paid me for throwing newspapers from my bicycle, after that I was expected to earn my own money.
I will share – $290 for a high quality, well made purse is not that much, especially considering it supports a very worthwhile cause. It’ll last a very long time, perhaps an entire lifetime with some light maintenance. It’s something that carries everything you need every single day of your life. Could you buy one purse a year from discounter retailer for $40? Sure… but you’d supporting sweat shop labor and adding to the land fills.
Your “yikes” reaction seemed a tad bit judgy… Just offering that input.
Agreed, Kate! I bet Mr. 1500 has spent more than that on dinos!! Haha
I’m sorry, it wasn’t aimed at you but I see it looked like it. I was just into your post and it struck me as funny because it would be so out of character for my wife to buy that. She just isn’t big on handbags. We are rural outdoors people and tennis players, and we’ll spend on quality gear that would strike some people as excessive because it’s not their thing. What is “yikes” for us would be totally appropriate for others and vice versa.
The Mr. and I have an agreement- any spending over $200 is discussed between the two of us. If he thinks its ok, and I want it, I can buy it. Of course, I’d try to find the same thing secondhand or make it myself (esp for purses, you can find some very nice leather totes at goodwill, or make it myself). You could rationalize by a per-use cost. The more you use it, the lower the per use cost. As for my first money moment, I remember my mom complaining about having spent too much money when we were on a vacation in canada. This gives me anxiety of not having enough cash.
I paid $200 on a tote on discount that makes me happy and looks fabulous and was a revelation about what qualities a good bag should have (feet being one of them). Years of pleasure from this thing, every time I use it. Unfortunately the bag is discontinued but I would *gleefully* pay $290 for another one just to have a backup. Just putting it out there — when you get good quality there is real value, and it sounds like this bag (the one you struggled to let yourself buy) has other beneficial characteristics. Just because a bag isn’t your thing doesn’t mean that it isn’t someone else’s properly considered (and afforded) priority!
So after that praise for spending, I will also say that my first money moment was when I went to the mall with $14 saved up from allowance and birthday money (mind you, my allowance was $0.10 per week and my age was 8… I would have kicked ass on the marshmallow test) and didn’t spend a thing. But the POTENTIAL of all that money… hoo boy. That was also a revelation. I guess I was a saver before that, but I’ve definitely been a saver since. Despite my $200 bag… that goes under lessons I had to learn later that spending money is not inherently evil and buying quality can be worth it.
I love this question but I can’t think of what my *earliest* moment was. I remember having a long series of incidents in my late teens and 20s dealing with family issues (supporting my parents, paying off their debts, struggling to save while also bailing them out constantly) which cemented whatever my earliest moments were, though.
Wherever it came from, the longest time, like you, I felt tremendous guilt over spending on myself in any way. Even though I’m in charge of our money (and I’m totally controlling about it!), I also had trouble letting myself spend without justifying it to my husband. Meanwhile he’s sitting there pushing me to spend on myself because why shouldn’t I?? It’s been a weird journey but I’m doing better at it.
Everyone has their own comfort price points but $290 isn’t a bad price for a high quality bag at all. The Sam Vimes boots principle is always good to remember here! My cheap bags are fine, sure, but they also fade and fall apart at a much faster rate. It’s both a waste of money and environmentally unsound. Whereas the bags I paid $50-300 for are either in perfect shape after several years or were returnable if they didn’t perform to expectations. I wouldn’t spend money just to spend on a status bag but a well made one that serves my needs? Yes, definitely. PiC is the one who continually teaches me this lesson with anything we buy for me to use. He chooses things that cost 3x more than my internal price point and he’s pretty much always been right about it. I still balk instinctively, though. Of course. ?
I have a “money moment” story. I’ve known the moment for years and have told it many times but yet I never heard of the term “money moment” until today, so thank you for that.
When I turned 12 years old one of my aunts was desperately trying to get me into girly things. My family had a birthday party and I was very excited about all my gifts of books, some more books, some stationary and art supplies.
That one aunt gave me $25 cash.
I didn’t get an allowance and had never held money of my very own, mine to do whatever I wanted. (Buy more books probably). (Of course I’d get $2 a day lunch money for school but that doesn’t count.)
But then, I saw written on the card, her message happily and with many exclamation marks telling me this money was so I could buy myself a purse.
Soon my mom took me to JCPenney so we could look at purses. I thought I had to, like my gift was a purse and I had to pick it out or my aunt wouldn’t be happy. We looked at those purses for what felt like forever and I just couldn’t choose anything.
I couldn’t get over the idea that I had money in my pocket, right where I wanted it, but I was “supposed” to trade it for a purse I didn’t like and would probably just get in the way or lost somewhere. And a purse was to hold money, but then I’d have a purse but no money. … I cried in that store. Straight up sobbed in frustration.
My mom said, you don’t have to get a purse if you don’t want to. Just because your Aunt wants that for you doesn’t mean you have to accept it. You can keep your money and do whatever you want when you’re ready.
I am now 36 years old. I have never once spent money on a purse. I spend my money how I like (mostly savings and books). Everyday I am grateful for this money moment.
I like this little exercise down memory lane. My Mom always shopped the sale racks where ever we went. Although, this did instill that getting something at a discount or using coupons was alright to do, she always seemed to buy stuff just because it was on sale and not that she needed it. Now her house sits full of sale items. Some are truly a steal and others just another blouse or knickknacks in the closet. To this day, I still shop the sale rack first or even thrift stores, but try to buy with intention and not on impulse.
And being frugal is not the same as being cheap. An expensive pair of shoes or purse typically lasts much longer than a cheap pair from Target.
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This is a great topic and the answer for each of us is likely why we’re all on the financial paths we’ve chosen (that also led us to this blog). I developed a scarcity mindset early on in life that still wrecks havoc on every trip to a store of any kind. Just yesterday I was buying work socks at Wal-Mart and got hung up on the $3 difference between some Dickies and a cheaper version for a pack of 6. Common sense finally took over, but that little boy who was taught that there was never enough money for the things he wanted (or even needed sometimes) still came out of me for a few minutes.
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Money Moment – interesting to think about. I received $34 in First Communion money (age 8?) and remember opening a passbook savings account with the total amount. Every chance I had to go to the bank and make the number in that book bigger was a thrill. I continue to be a saver, but struggle with investing to make that money grow faster.
Every chance I had to go to the bank and make the number in that book bigger was a thrill.
I have a few specific money moments spring to mind.
From the ages of about 6 years old to 9 years old, my sister and I – she was 2 years older – jointly saved every single penny we obtained to jointly save up for a computer. This was in the 90’s. All cash we received, whether by doing yardwork for my mom in which we got paid by the penny (no allowance!) or receiving Christmas or birthday money, we put it all in a Pringles jar with great ceremony. We didn’t spend a single cent on ourselves for 4 years, which is quite a feat for kids our age. We were so proud of ourselves.
At the end of 4 years we only had about 50% of the amount needed, and my dad made us a deal: he’d pay for the other half, and the computer would be half ours. We agreed, but the desktop was set up in my parents’ room and we were limited to only an hour per day on it, and some days not even that.
We felt like all of our hard work and saving had been stolen. No part of that computer was ours. It was a pretty harsh lesson for a kid to learn.
Another moment stands out in my mind when I was about 11 years old. I had purchased an item that was less than a dollar, and had paid the cashier a dollar bill. When I later checked the receipt, I noticed the cashier had recorded the cash provided was 99 cents, and had cheated me out of a penny on the change. I don’t know what kind of sicko enjoys cheating a kid out of a penny just for kicks, but it definitely taught me to check my receipts and keep track of my own assets.
At 12 and early teens I did odd jobs around the neighborhood in exchange for very low wages, even had an ad in the local paper to increase my revenue. I had various adults take advantage of me, from cheating me out of payment (Oh no! I don’t have a pen to write your check! I’ll just pay you next time [there was no next time]) to unrealistic expectations of labor (care for two toddlers and a baby while simultaneously cleaning the entire house and playing secretary to all incoming calls).
I guess my early money moments taught me that I have to be fully responsible for my own money, even as a kid, that others will try to take advantage of you and the wrong decision could result in losing it all.
Wow, those last two stories were hard lessons. What kind of dickhead adults cheat children out of money? Sadly, I remember this happening to me more than once as well. Most humans are good, but the shitheads sure ruin it for everyone!
I hope you’re not too jaded. Another good lesson from your experiences is to treat everyone well, even assholes. After all, most assholes are probably assholes because they were mistreated. My thought is that most aren’t beyond redemption.
I hope life turned out well for you now!
Thanks for this post! It was thought provoking. I am trying to FIRE. I am stuck in the “one more year” problem and have been here for 3 years next June. We never got any allowance. My two earliest memories of money were crawling on the floor at the local supermarket every Saturday trying to find money and my brother stealing 50 cents from my mother’s purse for sweets and seeing her later that night when she thought we were not watching crying to Dad and saying she now could not afford the bread. I clearly learnt that money was very hard to come by and if you got any of it you had to hang on to it for dear life. So even though all my excel sheets tell me I have enough, I just cannot overcome my fears that it won’t be.
Holy crap, that image of your mother crying made me shiver. It was a great lesson for you though.
Mine wasn’t nearly as harsh. I remember getting a wagon for my 4th or 5th birthday, one of those little red ones. I didn’t even have it for 24 hours because that night, I left it outside and it was stolen. When I realized it was gone, I cried to my mother for a new one. She told me that it was my responsibility to put it away, so it was my fault it was stolen, so I would not be getting a new one. It was a tough lesson, but it sure as hell taught me something!
But back to you. Be careful about overstaying, especially if the pull from the other side is strong. I had deep reservations about leaving my job and some were the same reasons as yours. However, almost 4 years later, I’m completely certain I did the right thing. If you’re ever in Colorado, let’s talk about it.
It would be great to catch up! I have a list of 100 Journeys I will be taking as soon as the pandemic leaves and I muster the guts to retire. Hiking in Colorado is number 11. Thanks for the encouragement. I am determined it will be during 2021.