I don’t wanna change the world,
I don’t want the world to change me,
I don’t wanna change the world,
I don’t want the world to change me. –Ozzy Osbourne, I Don’t Want To Change The WorldThere is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means. –Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle is the Way
I lived in an interesting place growing up. And by interesting, I mean that sometimes the scene was bad. There was a lot of poverty in some parts of the neighborhood that brought problems. There were gangs, drugs, and broken families.
One evening when I was 7 or 8, I remember lights from a police car shining through the front window of our home. I peeked out and saw the father across the street being taken away in a straitjacket. Never saw him again.
My mother was a school bus driver. Students weren’t allowed to wear gang paraphernalia on the bus, so she’d make gang members remove any violating pieces of clothing. They’d retaliate by calling our home and making threats.
Not fun.
Some of my childhood friends didn’t do so well. Two have died from alcohol abuse. Another overdosed on heroin. A couple weeks ago, I found out that another childhood acquaintance became a gang leader. He went on to torture and murder two people and now resides in a Supermax prison.
It’s Not The Shit Life Throws At Us
Sometimes I wonder if my life could have taken a different path. I’m in a great place now; I have a good family and we don’t struggle. If conditions were just a little different, could I have gone down a bad path? I started thinking and I came to this:
It’s not the shit that life throws at us, but how we react to it.
My acquaintance who now calls the Supermax his home was a smart kid, but somewhere along the way, he got caught up with the wrong people. If conditions and his reactions to them were just a little different, maybe he would have graduated from college and done great things.
Think about the following:
When you get knocked down, do you wallow in pity or do you get back up and try twice as hard?
Do you see mistakes as failures or learning experiences and opportunity?
Do you focus on the bad in people or try to find the good?
Are you mostly angry or mostly happy? Which wolf do you feed?
Do you seek to solve problems or would you rather watch the world burn?
What do you do to maintain happiness?
I Don’t Want The World To Change Me
While I escaped the problems that surrounded me as a child, I’m in no way a unicorn. If anything, my weakness was my strength. I occasionally saw my parents struggling with money and that instilled a huge fear. Money insecurity propelled me to study something worthwhile (computers), get a good job and invest wisely. If I had been a confident person, maybe my life wouldn’t have turned out so well.
As for the rest, I’m still figuring it out. Too often, I let myself get dragged down by silly nonsense.
Define Your World (not the other way around!)
It’s work to maintain the right attitude.
It’s work to be constantly mindful of reactions to negative people and stimuli.
However, if you can control your emotions, I believe that something wonderful will happen:
Instead of letting the world define you, you’ll define your world.
When life tosses a grenade your way, you’ll find a way to turn it into an opportunity. If someone says something nasty about you, maybe you’ll realize it’s just a reflection on them and an issue they’re going through. Instead of lashing out, you’ll help them.
Learning to react positively to the struggles of life is nothing less than changing the lens through which you experience the world.
Life is too short to let yourself be upset by someone having a bad day or an insecure boss. Don’t let the world drag you down to a level beneath you. Instead, seek to pull it up to yours.
We forget: In life, it doesn’t matter what happens to you or where you came from. It matters what you do with what happens and what you’ve been given.-Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle is the Way
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Accidental FIRE says
Nice Carl. This reminds me of the internal locus of control versus external mindset. Life happens to us all, but it’s how we react and what we do about it that matter in the end.
Mr. 1500 Days says
“Life happens to us all, but it’s how we react and what we do about it that matter in the end.”
Yep. Prior to recent reading, I thought happiness was mostly external. Now, I realize that it’s the opposite.
James Noyes says
In a bowl, place equal parts Seneca the Younger, Viktor Frankl, David Foster Wallace, and Steven Covy. Mix thoroughly…
That’s the nice thing about life: As absolutely crappy and unfair as it can be some times, we always get the chance to decide how we react.
Mr. 1500 Days says
“…we always get the chance to decide how we react.”
And as Robert Frost may have said: “And that has made all the difference.”
FullTimeFinance says
We don’t get to choose what life throws at us , only how we react to it. Thankfully in most cases, though of course not all, I’ve found your reaction drives at least half the outcome.
Mr. 1500 Days says
” I’ve found your reaction drives at least half the outcome.”
Yep. I wish it wouldn’t have taken me 40+ years to realize this!
Cubert says
Good $hit, Carl. I had a similar but maybe a little less rough exposure to this scene growing up in a rust belt town, Michigan.
I got caught up a few times with a certain crowd, right around Junior High. I think that’s when many go to the dark side, or emerge from it. I made a conscious decision to break off friendships after a while, when I realized this didn’t have long term benefits for me.
Mainly, I wanted to avoid getting in trouble with my parents. But I also knew it wasn’t the “right thing to do” – so I must’ve had good impulse control and judgement. Thank God.
Mr. 1500 Days says
Course corrections in life are powerful. You have to start by acknowledging your wrong and some don’t even get to that point. Nice work in life Mr. Cubert!
Brian says
Great words Carl. I couldn’t agree more. All about our attitude and how we react to the world around us.
Brian recently posted…Interview Series: FI Me Outta Here
financialfreedomsloth says
One of the best life wisdoms I ever heard in a movie (and in a very suprising place at that) is the motivational speech from rocky Balboa to his son. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_Vg4uyYwEk&t=130s
More or less the same message (but sorry Carl, Stallone’s delivery is better 😉
financialfreedomsloth recently posted…The health report – May
Mr. 1500 Days says
Haha, that was pretty great! Maybe I’ll have one too many one evening and attempt to replicate it! That would not be pretty. Nevermind.
wendy says
Good stuff Carl… most of us are walking on a balance beam – have to pay attention to what’s really important to not slip off.
Mr. 1500 Days says
“paying attention!” Do that and you’re probably more than halfway there…
Joe says
You came a long way. Good job. Your old neighborhood sounds rough.
When you’re in the moment, it’s hard to see how your reaction will turn out. A series of minor bad choices can turn into big consequences. Life is unpredictable. Make good choices over the long haul and you’ll probably be okay. Just like you and me. Keep at it!
freddy smidlap says
confidence surely cuts both ways. i had it in spades and it allowed me to take some risks or postpone some things that were for the best thinking that i’ll get to those things when i’m good and ready. controlling emotions is an interesting thing. if you can let go of almost anything you are free. it’s like when you ask something that in your mind is an automatic yes you still have to be able to accept a no and move on.
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Mr. 1500 Days says
“if you can let go of almost anything you are free.”
Yep. Hard to do. Most of us build walls and filters through which we interact with the world. Once you don’t care, all of that stuff falls away and life is better.
ZenTheFrenzy says
Love the last paragraph. The world might change you, but it will have to go through the filter of the context you build around you. On the other hand, reacting from a positive, mindful place will for sure change the world. Your Ozzy quote may be a bit misleading… 🙂
Ms. Fiology says
Beautiful post and really nice work on embracing a growth mindset.
I believe our weakenesses can become our greatest strength. The hard work to maintain the mindshift & gird our emotions is so worth it!
Jacq says
I’m not sure where my positive perspective comes from (probably my parents) but it has been around long enough, I don’t feel like it is an effort. An adverse event will happen, and in my mind there’s no option but to find a way over, around, through, because ya just gotta keep moving forward. I’ve realized others might get stuck, as I’ve talked to friends and acquaintances.
In 2013 there was a fire in my apartment building, and I had water damage. My reaction was, ok I need to call my insurance company, the apartment complex set us up in an extended stay for a few nights, which let insurance find me another. I went to the store for pj’s and clothes for the next few days, and went to work, and checked out apartment options on my lunch breaks. I had to get rid of some old text books that got moldy, but I hadn’t referenced them for years. I just got on with replacing what could be replaced, and was thankful / grateful that no one was hurt, all pets were safe, insurance was in place and paid out. Why me? Because I could handle it. *shrug* I am financially in a good place I had $ for a deposit on a new apartment if needed, and I had plenty of available credit to buy items and be reimbursed by insurance.
Here’s to positivity!
Mr. 1500 Days says
I like the way you think and live.
Dave says
Damn you and your beautiful writing! Excellent post.
As someone who’s about 10 months away from FI and retiring to side hustles, I’ve been working on my mental game. This post resonated quite strongly with me, so thank you for that. We have some much control over our happiness. My aunt died of brain aneurism at the age of 40 and I watched my uncle grieve but then ultimately transform over the following years into one of the happiest, peaceful, deep sense of joy people that I know. I think he’s realized and put into practice much of what you wrote about.
Thanks again!
Mr. 1500 Days says
Dave!
Thanks for the kind comment!
I can’t imagine how hard that must have been on your uncle. Good on him for coming out of a very dark place to become a good person.
Owen @ PlanEasy.ca says
Sometimes it’s the little choices that have a big impact on our lives. They seem innocent at the time but they can have a profound impact. Sometimes it’s not even the choices we expect to be important that end up being the ones that shape our lives.
I can look back and pinpoint a few seemingly meaningless choices that have had a huge impact on my life in a positive way. I can also look back and pinpoint a few terrible choices that could have easily been much, much worse. It’s weird how things work. All you can do is have the right attitude and keep making the best choices you can.
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Thuy says
“Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth ! Thank you very much.
Here is my article: https://www.taobaodanang.com/tin-tuc/kinh-doanh/linh-kien-dien-thoai-trung-quoc-2122.html I hope everyone will read it. Thanks very much.”
WTK says
Hi all,
This shows that life is short and fragile. Cherish life and live in the present moment.
WTK