I know what you’re thinking:
Wait, give me a minute! I put my version together in an easy, short format! It’s just a bunch of numbers, pictures and ShamWows!
Order now and I’ll throw in 5 Bonus ShamWows at no additional cost! And if you don’t like the post, I’ll give you a full refund and you get to keep the bonus ShamWows!
What the hell is a ShamWow anyway? Oh my, I googled the term. Whatever you do, don’t look at Urban Dictionary’s definitions. Of course, I linked to it because I want you to look at it. You always learn something new over on the good old UB. I use learn in very loose terms here…
Now I’m distracted. You will be too if you just clicked on that link. I’m sorry. Ugggh…
And wow (or should I say ShamWow), this post has really taken a turn for the worst. I’m soaring to new depths of stupidity. Hey, at least this isn’t a typical year-in-review write-up where I toot my horn about blog traffic, my favorite post, blog income or all of the amazing accomplishments of my children. Hell, if the younger one remembers to change her underwear daily, I put a big X in the win column. Set the bar low and you have nowhere to go but up. Or should I say butt.
Have I hit rock bottom yet? I think so.
You realize that the time you’ve spent reading this drivel are precious. You’ll never get it back. You’re also not getting even one ShamWow out of the deal.
It’s OK to click away and never return. If you think that I’ve really wronged you, leave a nasty comment. I’ll cry a little, but don’t worry about me. I’ll be OK. Probably…
Now that you’ve made it through the worst introduction in blog history, let’s get on with the show! It only gets better from here!
Without any more nonsense (until the next section), I give you my 2017 in numbers, pictures and an angry wife!
This blog is supposed to be about financial independence and you can’t have that without money, so here are the juicy stats:
Portfolio on 1/1/2017:
Portfolio on 12/31/2017:
Net worth on 1/1/2017:
Net worth on 12/31/2017:
If you told me 20 years ago that one day I’d be worth $1,992,701:
Amount we made from private lending and syndication deals:
Number of mobile-home parks we bought this year:
Cost to live in our current home:
$1,200 per month
Cost to live in a mobile-home park:
Weight on 1/1/2017:
Weight on 12/31/2017:
5k time at the beginning of the year:
5k time at the end of the year:
Estimated weight and 5k time if I had more willpower:
148 and 24 minutes
Estimated body if I had 50% less beer and 50% more motivation:
New states visited:
New countries visited:
3: Ireland, Scotland, England
Amount of money we spent on hotels and flights:
Less than $100. Thanks credit card points!
Number of hours we slept in a really dirty McDonald’s booth at an airport because we had been awake for 2 days straight because of airline debacles:
Dinosaur appearances on 1500 Days:
Number of formal complaints 1500 Days has received from the DAG (Dinosaur Actors Guild):
Who Could Forget Our Annual Thermostat Wars?
Average temperature in our home for the month of December:
Number of times Mrs. 1500 and I have sniped at each other over the thermostat:
What Mrs. 1500 looks like after she realized I’ve turned the thermostat down to a reasonable temperature:
Number of minutes Mrs. 1500 is going to yell at me because I posted that picture again:
Number of gangsta rap songs Mrs. 1500 performed on a podcast:
Number of times the Mad Fientist is going to allow us on his podcast again:
Number of times a celebrity trolled me:
Number of times that I’ve used crappy memes because I lack creativity and can’t come up with anything better:
I hope your 2018 kicks ass! Thank you for sticking around to read my silly words!
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
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