Knuckle Shuffle Side Hustle

Side hustles are all the rage these days. Earning money from a hustle is not only a way to get to FIRE faster, but also a supplement to income in retirement.

At Camp FI Midwest, I was chatting with the Financial Panther about his side hustles. He’s a successful lawyer, but that doesn’t stop him from earning money on the side. In the course of the conversation, he mentioned two side hustles he was currently working; charging scooters and walking dogs. After the conversation, the thought I had was this:

I wouldn’t mind an extra dollar or two from a side hustle, especially if it fits into my daily routine.

Charging scooters was out since we don’t have them in Longmont. There aren’t many things in life I hate more than picking up sh*t, so walking dogs wasn’t an option either. However, Google must have sensed what I was thinking because the ultimate side hustle appeared in a Gmail ad a short time later…

Knuckle Shuffle Side Hustle

I was innocently catching up on email a couple weeks ago when I noticed an interesting ad. I usually never click on ads, but as you can see, I clicked on this one:

And the picture below appeared. Look at how happy those guys are! Of course they’re happy – they just got paid for playing tug-o-war with the cyclops!

I had to know more, so I clicked on Visit Site. The first thing I saw was this:

$1,500 per month for playing the knuckle shuffle? Wait, who’s paying who? I get paid? This sounds like a lot more fun than collecting scooters or dog poop!

I started reviewing the requirements…

No STDs! I’m clean as a whistle south of the border, so no problem here:

Time commitment: Only 2-3 times per week? Hey, no problem here either! I can probably do 8 days a week if duty calls. Bring on the investment banker hours! Or should I say, sperm banker…

Basic requirements: My salami slapping side-hustle dreams died here. I graduated at the top of my class from a 4-year college. I’m a hair short of 5′ 11″.  I’m healthy and can legally work in the United States. However, I’m older than 38.

So, there goes that. It was fun to think about, but I’ll just have to come up with something else. I should probably just stick to blogging.

In the meantime, I asked my friend Cubert if he had anything to contribute… …to this post!

Mr. 1500 reached out to me as he was investigating the idea of profitable snake charming, asking if I wanted to contribute.

Contribute? Who does this guy think he is, a sperm broker? I know I’ve got valuable goods, but… wait… what’s that? Oh, you wanted me to contribute a few wooooords… that, I can do.

I’ve given up dozens of pints of blood over the years. It’s a good thing to do, but a lousy side hustle as it takes the better part of an hour and pays in bottled water and Cheez-its. Maybe a tee shirt if you’re lucky.

Blood’s not the only body fluid I’ve donated, though. As a college student at The University of Minnesota, I furthered the cause of stem cell research by “donating” bone marrow at $50 a pop. That was good beer money, it took maybe 15 minutes, and I only had to drop my pants an inch or two. The downside was feeling the pain of negative pressure on the inside of my pelvic bones. It’s a unique, unpleasant sensation.

Now, for what Mr. 1500 is proposing, well, the sensation while donating should certainly be more pleasant and the money sounds better, too. But I’ve seen that Vince Vaughn movie where he’s got a hundred and some kids all over town. I realize that scenario is probably no more likely than that what happened in that dinosaur movie he was in. Nevertheless, if I were to donate some of my strong swimmers, I would have an unshakeable fascination with these potential children out there sharing my DNA. How many half-siblings would my kids have? Would they ever meet? Would they ever date (I hope not!)?

While I realize it’s a valuable service that helps families out, I have never been compelled to be a sperm donor myself. Every time I would see a pale, lanky kid with a big nose, I’d be wondering…

Ladies, Don’t Despair!

Just because you don’t have a dolphin to flog* doesn’t mean that you can’t make money too. The good news is that you can make a LOT more money:

Side Hustles?

Do any readers dare admit that they donated sperm for money?

What is the most unusual sides hustle you’ve ever done?

*Joking aside sperm and egg donors help others achieve their dreams of becoming parents. This is a good thing.