I did some deep thinking about my life, goals and plans over the weekend. Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll be able to reconcile my workaholic personality with a life of freedom. More on that in a moment.
First, we must get to the answers from a couple weeks ago when I asked if you ad your partner/spouse/organism your share your life with are on the same page. Here are some
Reader TinaP may have had the best comment. She is very different from her husband, yet they have found compromise. Also, note how she wove farts into her answer:
My hubby and I are on two different hemispheres. He loves to buy things – he brings things in and I pack it out ? We were married later in life with kids and individual debts, so rather than combining everything we opened a joint “household” account and kept the rest of our finances separate which was one of the smartest decisions we have made. He 100% supports me, without any shaming, in my decision not to spend to desire to become FI and plans when I reach that point. I, on the other hand, am not near as supportive as I should be and am working hard on reminding myself that the FI life is not for everyone and that is ok. We do laugh about farts – and even let them go in public and outwardly blame our kids as we walk away, so we are definitely in the comfort area based on the above mentioned criteria. I just need to let go of the control and appreciate his love for things a little more. Work in progress.
Like so many other Mrs. and Mr. Picky Pincher fell under the spell of a certain mustache:
I think it’s so, so important to be on the same page with your spouse. Mr. Picky Pincher and I also started out reading the illustrious MMM, which really set a fire under our feet to retire early. We’re shooting to retire in our late thirties/early forties, and we never could have done it without being on the same page.
Reader Mary is married to a Wattage Waster as well:
Regarding lights, thermostat, reducing waste in general (order WATER for goodness sakes!), I harp on things a bit too much, I fear. I am the one who scours for a cheaper electric plan, better insurance, cheaper travel options, etc. So I’ve created a monster in some ways. All seems to rest on my shoulders, but I’m also reluctant to give up control. Not ideal in the partnership arena, but at least we don’t fight over competing viewpoints that much.
And Michelle from Making Sense of Cents has survived the ultimate relationship test (you are very brave):
Me and my husband RV full-time, so we are literally next to each other ALL THE TIME. We always get asked if we hate each other. If we did, we wouldn’t RV!
The Trouble with Ambition
The biggest problem with ambition is that nothing you achieve ever feels like enough. –Leap by
@tessvigelandA perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. –George Bernard Shaw
I want to buy a house near me that’s in poor condition. It needs a new roof, the weeds have conquered the yard and I suspect that the inside has devolved into an apocalyptic nightmare. Just my type of house! If I manage to get my hands on it, I’ll fix it up and then either Airbnb it, rent it or sell it.
I was talking to a friend recently about my plans for the house:
First, I’ll tear the roof off and put a metal one on. Then, I’ll do battle with the weeds. I’ll put a coat of paint on the outside and then I’ll start tearing up the inside.
Then, I had this thought:
What the hell am I thinking? My current house isn’t even done. I’m tired constantly from working tons of hours. The last TV show I watched was in 2010*. I barely have to time to exercise. What the hell is wrong with me?
So yeah, I already have the next house all planned out down to the colors I’ll paint it, but still need to do the following on my current house:
- paint various parts, inside and out
- finish landscaping
- fix a bunch of crap that has broken in the 3 years that we’ve lived there
- replace the nasty, evil garage door (The door and I have a bitter relationship. It works when it wants to work which is not frequently. It knows when I need it to work most and then refuses to comply. I hate it. It must die.)
So now, I need to be careful. I’ve been ambitious my whole life. I got straight As in college (I conquered you Organic Chemistry 331!). I’ve flipped five homes while having a full-time job. I’ve successfully grown my little writing experiment (you’re reading it now!). I like to be busy, but I wish that I was a little more lazy at times. (Mrs. 1500 note: Me, too.)
Ask the Readers: ???
I have no idea what I should ask now. Hmmmmmm. Come on brain, speak up! OK, chew on these:
- Can you relate; do you enjoy keeping yourself crazy busy?
- Are you happiest when you’re building or achieving something?
- If you’re on an FI path, are you terrified of filling the new 40-50 hour void post-work?
- Can I train myself to sit around and eat Cheetos and watch crappy reruns all day**?
*Unfortunately, it was the horrible, horrible ending to the show Lost.
**Just kidding, this sounds like a horrible way to live.
Join the 10s who have signed up already!
Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.
*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.
Haha, you are definitely a work-a-holic Mr 1500! I do have faith that you can restore balance once you step back from your (primary) day job, however. It will feel akward at first…..and like you’re being completely unproductive……but you’ll refocus on fewer but more meaningful things. Can I relate? Yes, to a point. My mind/body start to freak out with far fewer hours of work than yours…..but I have tended to take on too many projects and spread myself too thin. My life has become much more balanced over the last few years, but at times I am still tempted to take on too much.
You can do it! Life’s a journey, and we’re all still learning. Hope you guys have a great week!
-Bryan
Income Surfer recently posted…Ask The Readers-Is Tax Prep Assistance Worth The Money?
Left to my own devices, I am a workaholic – at home and at work. Luckily Mr PoP reins that in naturally with his (relatively speaking) more sloth-like tendencies. I just relax way more when he’s around and don’t feel the need to be constantly getting something done!
Mrs PoP recently posted…Real Estate Values Update – First, The Worst
Sloth! Ha! I don’t see him that way! But now, I’m gonna pay extra close attention when we’re in Florida!
I can’t help but wonder if I’ll have similar misgivings in early retirement. My switch has been On since high school, and I’ve been working hard towards one goal or another ever since. Get into a good college, get into a good medical school, get into a good residency. Start a family. Give your kids every advantage and opportunity to follow in your footsteps.
I haven’t slowed down yet, but I feel beyond ready to dial it back. Maybe not turn the switch Off, but turn the dial down from eleven to something more reasonable, like a 6 or a 7.
We’ve already got ambitious plans for the first 3 to 4 years of early retirement that will have us quite busy exploring the world and learning every day. Who knows, we might even watch a little TV. Or a big one.
Cheers!
-PoF
PhysicianOnFIRE recently posted…The Sunday Best (9/11/2016)
If I were you, I think the first thing I’d do would to spend more time on a comfortable chair with a stack of books sitting out by the water. Throw in a good brew too…
Just think how busy you could be taking that Advanced course in organic chemistry. If you need any tuition, please reach out to Mr and Mrs PIE. We offer great discounts for fellow bloggers. Or we could at least send you some good old textbooks?
I admire your ability to do so many house projects in face of work also. We will be so happy to start tackling house projects after the obligatory six YouTube videos and at least two trips to Home Depot because we bought the wrong tool(s)…..
Seriously I have no doubt we will be able to fill our time with all sorts of stuff at the pottering along pace. That will be the big difference and learning to move at that speed.
My chemistry days are over!
Wait until you do a plumbing project; you’ll be at Home Depot 5 times in a day. Been there, done that. More than once.
I hear ya. Similarly, I don’t see any issue with keeping myself busy after retirement. I went from full-time work and part time M.B.A. To throwing myself fully into my work to now starting a blog. I expect when retirement comes I’ll be throwing myself fully into my kids lives and activities. Can’t wait!
I don’t think I’ll have time filling my 40-50 hours a week once I quit my day job. But on the same hand I don’t have the same ambition outside my day job currently like you do. Maybe that’s me being lazy, but I find it hard to concentrate on making money outside my day job when I have so many hobbies that are fun and don’t make money 🙂
Fervent Finance recently posted…Everyday I’m (Not) Hustlin’
I will be honest I can have a penchant for laziness. When I was on sabbatical from my job I didn’t get everything done I wanted. I need the structure of something to fill my day or I will watch bad TV. That said I enjoy working. I don’t feel good about myself unless I am doing something. I feel like I am not being productive and it naws at me. That is why I always said RE is not good for me, but FI is.
I think you will be, in some respects, the same way. You will need to be busy. However, as your kids grow up, as you put new goals you will be busy just in different ways. You will be able to segment your time a bit better so you can hit things like fitness goals. It will just take a little adjusting.
Jason recently posted…Feeding the Financial Trolls
Fitness! That is it! Problem solved! Seriously! Kind of.. I’ll explain more next week…
I had similar questions to these before I FIREd.
Filling my days is no longer a problem. In retirement, I never been busier! But some days it doesn’t feel like I accomplished much. Too many things competing for time. It can be frustrating at times.
But I’m adapting to this ‘retired’ life. You will too.
I don’t think you’ll ever be the type that can sit down and watch TV all day. You’ll be the same person you are today after you retire…only you’ll spend *more* hours on remodeling projects. 🙂
Can I hire you to be my FIRE consultant? Just kidding. Not really.
Being FIREd, I have been busier than ever. Now instead of sitting in an office chair, I am doing more projects around the house, traveling, gardening, splitting firewood, reading, writing, going to the gym, visiting family and friends.
I’m honestly surprised at this point that there is so little time in the day even when not working 40 hours a week.
I am guessing that once Fired you will be busier than ever and exhausted from all that fulfilling work. There still won’t be time for TV, but you’re gonna love it 🙂
Mr Crazy Kicks recently posted…It’s the Local Life for Me in Nova Scotia
Stories like yours are good to hear and give me hope. And I’ll know if my FIRE life is successful if there is NEVER time for TV!
Mr. Mt looked a me the other day, and said, “I really didn’t think it was possible to do so much work by taking a year off of work.” He didn’t have a lot of joy in his voice in that moment. =)
It’s the rhythm of life we are used to. We take on more projects, and get them finished. We travel (which is like work when 5 kids come along!) We go out and have adventures. I write more. Mr. Mt started taking some classes that he is interested in. We could really use an extra 8 hours a day.
If you were retired, you might buy that house. And make a tidy profit, or some extra income. But the difference is, it wouldn’t make the rest of your life suck for 3 months while you work on it. Having done renos while holding full time jobs, and now with out one; it’s actually kind of nice if you don’t have another job. Who knew?
YES, THIS! —>>> “But the difference is, it wouldn’t make the rest of your life suck for 3 months while you work on it.”
I think you just found your post-retirement job.
Now that you reached your financial goals, why not pursue this?
You’ll work fewer hours, and can focus on investing.
Also, why do the work yourself? Just outsource it, earn a bit less, and be happy all around.
Eric Bowlin recently posted…Renting Vs Buying a House – Which is Better?
Man, the demand for construction workers is nuts here. It is impossible to find anyone to do anything. It took me 6 months to hire carpenters to help with my addition. I’ve been trying to get someone to pour a driveway for 2 months with no success (“We’re booked 4 months out.”). When you do find someone, often they gouge you because they know they can. I won’t mind the work so much when I’m no longer working full time though.
I think ambition is best when it’s girded by purpose. If you’re busy for a purpose that you care about, it doesn’t feel like a wasted busyness. It feels invigorating. And if family, friends, or whatever else is part of your purpose, it also leaves room for those values in the midst of accomplishment. That’s been my experience, at least.
Kalie @ Pretend to Be Poor recently posted…We Lived with Our Friends…And Stayed Friends
Yeah, great point! Maybe my ambition just needs guidance? I think you’re on to something…
Mr. Picky Pincher has the same problem! He has to be constantly busy or he feels guilty for vegging out. I, on the other hand, am all for vegging out. 😉
But I think you should do whatever you want! If you have the means and the motivation, why not fix up that other house just for funsies? It’s more of a hobby at that point; as long as it provides meaning and you won’t tire of it easily, it’ll be awesome.
It’s easy to feel bad if you’re a workaholic and you’re surrounded by people who feel otherwise. But at the end of the day it’s about feeling satisfied with your actions and your life.
As far as FI, I think Mr. Picky Pincher will find endless ways to stay busy–he loves building and tinkering. As for myself, I’m not sure I would completely quit my day job. I’d love to use my professional skills for a charity and work whenever I want. I have some thinking to do on this!
My father retired early over a decade ago. “Early” for a Boomer; perhaps not early for the modern FIRE crowd. After a year of being retired, he was busier than he had been when he was working.
“Dad, I just spoke to Mom, and she said that she wanted to pencil in a trip to see us now before you filled up the calendar.”
“That’s right, son. We’d love to come see you. We just need to work around a few things…”
“But Dad, you’re retired! I thought the whole point was to slow down some.”
“I thought so, too. But who wants to slow down when there’s nothing left you *have* to do and only things you *want* to do?”
And that one idea became my inspiration to FIRE.
“I thought so, too. But who wants to slow down when there’s nothing left you *have* to do and only things you *want* to do?”
And that one idea became my inspiration to FIRE.
Holy cow! This is sooooooo awesome!!!
I totally have an ambition problem! Your story about looking at the next rental property made me laugh. We totally have jobs that need to be done in our house, yet we bought an apartment complex (8 unit) that keeps us busy too – because we’re always looking forward, but not always in. Right now I am juggling a full-time job, 3 small part-time gigs, work on our rentals, and trying to keep up working on my blog. I was doing fine until the full-time job came up – and I said yes… I’m good when I’m busy, but I have totally put myself (exercising, etc.) on the back burner right now. Happy when building and achieving – but the pace is not good right now. Looking forward to the temporary job ending to get 40-50 hours back! No problem filling that void at all!
Vicki@MakeSmarterDecisions recently posted…Are Personal Finance Bloggers Rivals or Friends?
“Happy when building and achieving – but the pace is not good right now.”
Exactly!
And yikes, you are crazier than me!
I used to have your workaholic tendencies, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed that diminishing. However, I do share your concerns about the post-retirement world. I’m basically FI now, but I keep working. The job is sweet, 3 days a week, with the occasional international travel. I don’t really NEED the money, but padding the nest egg is nice and I’m afraid I’d end up shuffling around the house all day if I didn’t have to be somewhere. Definitely a 1st-world problem, but still a bit of stress.
I think there’s a real way could very possibly have all three options 1. finish your house 2. remodel the other house and 3. have more time for yourself.
Maybe this would sound like heresy, but what if you found a great contractor or two to help you with these projects?
You have the knowledge so you could definitely make sure they aren’t cutting corners and you can still keep a few items for you to work on, for fun, at a slower pace.
To me, that would check all the boxes of FI’s promises: an early retiree using his hard earned capital to go work him so he can have more time for himself 🙂
Nick – TheMoneyMine recently posted…Why I won’t open a 529 plan for my kids
I agree, but good help is so hard to find out here in Colorado. The economy is booming and workers are scarce. It took me 6 months to find carpenters for my addition a couple years ago. Since then, it has gotten worse.
I’ve actually considered recruiting someone from another city, paying them to fly out here and letting them stay in a spare bedroom. Dunno…
I feel like I keep myself crazy busy. It’s often with visiting friends and family though instead of working on the house. When I’m home it seems like a mix of 50% lazy and 50% making myself clean, cook, brew or work on something around the house. Most of the projects I really want to do will cost a lot of $$$, not to mention labor. My thought was to max out my retirement accounts at least and then maybe use what’s left over to work on the house. Right now there isn’t much left after I save. I’m also fighting against spreading myself too thin with projects. Just trying to chip away at projects that don’t cost very much in the mean time.
There’s a great feeling of accomplishment when I complete something, but I still feel happiest when I’m socializing. If I can combine the two more often that would be great, but doesn’t seem to happen. Right now it’s usually socialize OR work on the house alone.
I’m not scared of early retirement, I know I’ll still be busy and very likely to still make money in various forms. I expect to work contract jobs and do part time work essentially with the bonus of having much more time off.
Maybe it’s because I’ve had a crazy year, but whenever I see you guys near or at FIRE drive yourselves nuts with “worry” about what you’ll do after, I just want to bitch-slap you out of it 🙂
Before you go making all kinds of plans and overloading yourself before you’re even retired, why don’t you take a small period of a few months to just live with the transition and address personal things that have been neglected by the hectic life you’ve had. If it were me making this transition, I would take 6 months and make no plans whatsoever. I would read, reconnect with family and friends, declutter and simplify, exercise more and just overall allow my life to take a deep breath before jumping into anything. But hey that’s me.
Ha ha, I get your point, but I don’t think I was clear. The issue I have is that I plan too much. Even when I quit and have an extra 40 hours to fill, I worry that I won’t have enough time. First world problems, right? Rereading, I think you did get it.
I think this is great:
I would take 6 months and make no plans whatsoever. I would read, reconnect with family and friends, declutter and simplify, exercise more and just overall allow my life to take a deep breath before jumping into anything. But hey that’s me.
I had an early retirement preview at the beginning of 2015 when I was laid off for three months. I was so busy, I couldn’t get everything done that I wanted. It was fantastic!
So, no worries on my end. I will fill the time gladly with many activities and I’m sure I’ll still go to bed exhausted every night!
Jon @ Be Net Worthy recently posted…How Do Pensions Work?
Nice. This makes me smile! Here is a picture to prove it: 🙂
I am also a software developer and good ones still seem very scarce. I still have kids in college so I have a minimum of 7 years left till they are out and I could justify not going to work everyday. After those 7 years, my plan is to keep working but on my schedule. No punching a clock, take on real project work, not something that forces me to be onsite everyday. Because I do still enjoy my work not doing it is not something I look forward too…..but I would enjoy it more if I were golfing or hiking on sunny days, and programming on cold or rainy days……or some nights like tonight. Either way enjoy and keep blogging I can’t get enough of it.
I’m not scared of early retirement, I know I’ll still be busy and very likely to still make money in various forms. I expect to work contract jobs and do part time work essentially with the bonus of having much more time off.
My dad is on various committees and boards and volunteers . He bikes and runs more. He gardens and cooks more.
My plan is FI more than RE. Time to do things that don’t pay as well as my current job. We ziplined today, that would be fun, but being FI would mean setting my schedule. *shrug* we’ll see when I get there.
As a recovering (mostly) ((sorta)) workaholic, it can be done! You’ll have to master a new ebb and flow of your new projects but you can also add the task of “sit down and RELAX fortheloveofallthatisholy” to the list and make yourself do that one hour three times a week. It’ll only hurt a lot at first.
My question is: did you wear the sheep shirt all weekend? because I never once spotted you! I need people to wear billboards with their names on, the badges just didn’t do the trick.
Thanks for the advice Revanche!
I only had the shirt on for one day. Next time, just shoot me a text!
I find the most satisfaction when I’m able to complete the small steps on the way to achieving my goals. Those are the most rewarding moments for me.