Two weeks ago, I asked you what you’re reading. Before I get to your answers, I have to tell you why I asked. Before that though, here are some cool pictures that I took on a brief jaunt to Utah last week:
Have you ever met someone who doesn’t know how to have a conversation? Instead of even acting interested in what you’re saying, they just wait to talk bleat. Here is how conversations are supposed to happen:
- Me: I went to Utah last week to learn how to take better photos.
- You: Cool! Where in Utah did you go?
- Me: Moab. It was great! Lots of rocks to photograph and the night sky was beautiful. I even saw a shooting star that briefly lit up the sky.
- You: Neat, I’d to see some of your pictures!
Here is how it goes down with someone who doesn’t know how to converse:
- Me: I went to Utah last week to learn how to take better photos.
- Bad talker: I love Utah. I went there a couple years ago with my cat and we went to Taco Bell and blah blah blah…
<10 minutes later…>
- Me: Wow, I didn’t know cats ate Cheesy Diahrittos. Sounds like a fun trip. I went to Moab, did you make it there on your travels?
- Bad talker: No, but let me tell you about what my cat and I are having for dinner…
Anyway, these Bad Talkers are all around us. I met one recently and he drove me crazy. But he also got me thinking which is a good thing. The thought I had was this:
There sure are a lot of people who lack basic conversation skills. This is scary because it isn’t difficult to learn how to properly communicate with others.
I wonder how many people really know how to use their brain? We are born with the most sophisticated computer in the world in our noggin, but no manual. Our brains come loaded with behavior, biases and evolutionary leftovers from caveman days. Even worse (for some) is that our thinking and reasoning skills are at least partially formed by those around us. This is wonderful if your mother or father happens to be an attentive genius. lt isn’t so great if you have the misfortune to be raised by an ignoramus.
And then I started thinking:
How much do I really know? I’m not stupid, but I catch myself falling victim to my own biases all the time.
So, my immediate mission is to study great thinkers to learn how to better myself. Off the top of my head, I came up with Richard Feynman, Benjamin Franklin, Charlie Munger, Mark Twain, John Locke, Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Aristotle, Socrates and Thomas Jefferson (who should I add?). I don’t have loads of time to give this pursuit the time it deserves now, so this will mostly be a project for retirement. However, I’ve started with Seeking Wisdom:
Anyway, I wanted to know what you are reading too. Here is what you had to say:
- Income Surfer: Son of the Wilderness and The Dhando Investor (Mr. Tako seconded this one). Oooh, both of these look pretty great.
- Reader Jeanne is reading Dark Money. This one looks good and I’m sure it will make me angry.
- Reader Bill mentioned The Millionaire Next Door. This is one of my all time favorites. This is the book that taught me that true wealth looks like pickup trucks and little ranch homes; not BMWs and mcmansions.
- Reader Paul mentioned Whirlwind. It’s about the Iranian Revolution of 1979. One of my good friends was a child living in Iran when this happened, so I really want to check this one out.
- My buddy Erin reread the Harry Potter series. I am a huge HP fan myself, having read each book at least three times.
- Reader K mentioned Born for This. This one really intrigues me because figuring out how to retire successfully is at the top of my list right now.
- Kalie from Pretend to Be Poor read Cubed: The Secret History of the Workplace. This is a Stephen King horror story about a group of folks who have to go to a cube farm every day. Just kidding, it’s not really King, but going to a cube every day sounds infinitely horrible.
On to this week’s question. Here is it in huge-ass, bold letters:
Are you in tune with your body?
And again, this question requires some backstory. I’m wordy as hell today. Sorry for that.
I’m a very good driver. In my 26 years of driving, I’ve had one car accident and it wasn’t my fault. I’m GEICO’s dream policy holder.
Many of my fellow humans aren’t so good at driving. When I was in Chicago recently, someone cut me off and I became infuriated. A little while later, someone sat there when the light turned green. My brain quickly filled with all kinds of naughty words.
I started thinking of all of the other traffic situations that make my blood boil. At the next stoplight, I grabbed a pen and a kleenex box that happened to be sitting next to me and furiously started taking notes. Here are some things that I scribbled down:
- Light turns green and you’re staring at your phone. Don’t get pissy when I lay on the horn.
- Are traffic circles really that hard? Humans have advanced brains that have achieved consciousness, can do calculus and send people to the moon. However, many of us can’t navigate a road shaped like a circle?
- The speed limit is 65, so why are you doing 50 in the left lane?
- The speed limit is 65, so why are you doing 90 in the right lane?
- Truck Nutz? Why does your truck need testicles? Never mind, I know why; it is because you are a tool.
After I got to work, I sat in the car for a moment. I was very angry and unhappy with myself for it. Then, I realized that this anger was caused by me being very tired.
Recently, I started noticing all kinds of other bad things happen when I’m tired:
- I have no willpower: Screw you carrots, where are the Doritos?
- My exercise suffers: If I even have the willpower to exercise, I get a poor workout because I have no stamina.
- My sleep suffers: This one sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. Sometimes, I’m so tired that I can’t fall asleep. Positive feedback loop in action.
- Naughty words: When driving, my use of colorful metaphors increases exponentially.
I feel like a fool because it took me 40+ years to start paying attention to how my body and mind work (or don’t work) together. Better late than never, right?
Anyway, let me know what you do to pay attention to your mental and physical state to be a better person. Do you have any great insights?
If that is too complicated, let me know what color Truck Nutz are your favorite.
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If we can improve our communication skills by 50%, we are guaranteed to double lifetime income. I got that wise idea from Buffett.
In a similar vein, your reading approach is the same one recommended by Charlie Munger when he refers to developing a Mental Latticework, but I’m sure you already know that. For the unitiatied, here’s a recap from Charlie demonstrating this approach in action: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqzcCfUglws
As for my body & mind, I feel it is important to see my brain as being one extra piece of meat within my body. In this sense, I am excited to eat healthy and work on fitness, because I know those activities will help my mind. In the past, I viewed my mind as being detached from my body which made it A LOT easier to eat junk food and turn into a lazy slug.
In the bigger picture, I do triathlons each year which gives me a good annual check up on where I’m at. I get lazy in the winter and start off each spring with that same aspect of having no vitality. I get winded in 30 seconds and want to quit. Having the goal at the end of the road, to be faster than last year, really helps.
Matt @ Distilled Dollar recently posted…Rush to Learn Patience
The speed limit is 65, so why are you doing 90 in the right lane?
Because you are doing 55 in the left lane! I’m trying to do 90 in the left lane but you are in my way!
I often think about the person with the good conversation skills vs the bad skills. I think you made a very key point that a person should ACT interested. They really aren’t interested but just pretend to be.
The person who makes one feel good is the person who acts interested when they actually don’t care.
The person we all don’t like is just as disinterested, so they change the topic onto something they care about and want you to act interested in that instead.
Reading this article makes me wonder… does anybody really care about what other people have to say?
I’m like you, I get annoyed at people easily over conversations. On the other hand, I get so excited about certain topics that I catch myself talking too much or acting too opinionated when I know other people don’t care (specifically about finances and real estate). I guess it’s about balancing it out.
Eric Bowlin recently posted…The 50% Rule – Why It’s No Good But You Should Still Use It
It can be very annoying having conversations with those who can’t have a good conversation, but that is also something I consciously try to do better with myself so I’m not the one people get annoyed with!
I wish I could do huge bold letters for my answer to your question, but I can’t in the comments! But here it is:
Yes, I am in tune with my body. It keeps telling me to take it easy. My bad elbow tells me that push-ups aren’t a good idea, my bad IT band says I should take it easy running, my bad shoulder says my basketball jump shot is dead and buried, but I like to think that I still have my brain! My wife questions that one sometimes though…
The Green Swan recently posted…Win at Money Guest Post
Great Post!
Loved the stuff on conversations. It’s something I come across too. I am mostly a good listener but sometimes critically evaluate myself and am sometimes surprised that maybe I’m not as good at listening as I sometimes assume (biased).
In terms of books, Seeking Wisdom is so good. One of the few I will revisit often.
Also, anything by Nasim Taleb. He is a dick on social media but his books are very good. Similar to Buffett in that he can explain deep concepts in a simple way.
Cheers
Dan
* Also, it’s just become apparent I like to say ‘sometimes’ a lot in blog post comments. 😉
A good conversation is like a good tennis match, it volleys and forth. I’m usually mindful of that. I’m not sure what’s worse, the person that over talks or the person that under talks. I’ve met a lot of girls that were interested in dating me that couldn’t hold any conversation because they respond without any questions, just asking them questions, guaranteeing quick ends to any conversation until I eventually give up on them.
Thinkers: Confucius, Elon Musk, DaVinci, Newton.
I just usually make myself stop and reflect. Does this annoying person have some decent reason behind what’s they’re doing. Does it really affect me long term, why does it really matter. I think many people you find annoying or mean have some traumatic past that helped make them that way. The more I peer into that belief, the more I find it true. I find that helps a lot to put things in perspective and not get so upset over little things.
As far as my body, I don’t push it. I’m here for the long haul. I’m mindful that running can destroy my knees and hip joints. Working out in general can mess up your joints. So I’m careful with what I do when I work out because I want a body free of pain in 20 years. I think stress more that anything affects sleep and bad eating habits, learn to let go of the things that stress you and the others should fall into place.
In another note (sorry for my usual long comments) I had a plumbing issue that took my one bathroom house out of a sink and shower. As long as I was fixing a couple issues and had things torn out, it’s turned into a near full bathroom remodel. I’ll have a post with pictures the long adventure soon. Been without a toilet all weekend, hopefully back today, highly annoying.
Kyle recently posted…Slave to the System
Nope, I’m probably not very in tune with my body. I know it tries to tell me I need more sleep, but my willpower is just a little stronger. I probably should listen better.
So these truck nuts, that’s actually a real thing? I’ve never heard of them before. Why would you waste good money on something like that? Completely stupid.
Mr. Tako @ Mr. Tako Escapes recently posted…Two Sides Of The Investing Coin
Considering it took me the better part of 2 years to realize eating gluten made me feel bad, I don’t think I’m very in tune. Good thing is, I’ve started paying attention to it more recently! Those shoes make my feet hurt, I shouldn’t wear them anymore. Stuff like that.
As for the color, the lovely shade of blue is my pick. If a truck has them, chances are the real ones on the driver are blue too!
Gwen recently posted…Rant n Rave: Credit Edition
My body and mind are not always in sink.
I get very very upset with people that take ages (5 seconds or so) to get started at the green light, or people that need upcoming traffic to be miles away before turning left. I then often use dutch slang word… My daughters picked it up now… bad stuff…
My mind also wants to do a lot, my bode tells me the last few weeks to sleep more. I kinda do so.
I have found out that going for a run can help me to slow down the bad stress…
And those nuts, are the compensating something? I will add it to the date check list for later when my daughters want to meet a guy 😉
amber tree recently posted…endless doubt on FIRE
Truck Nutz? WTF? That’s an actual product? Wow I’m speechless.
I think I can do better to be in tuned with my body. Having said that I’ve been improving quite a bit lately. When someone drives way over the speed limit and cuts off, I just laugh and guess that the person is in a big hurry. I try not to get angry with other drivers. Why? Because I’m the one suffering when I get angry at someone. The other person isn’t going to care. In fact, he/she most likely won’t know that you’re angry at him/her. So why waste your time & energy?
I have found that going to the gym during work and just work out for a bit really allows me to tune in with my body. Also doing yard work seems to help too. 🙂
Tawcan recently posted…Weekend Reading – Recovering from flu edition
I’ve noticed that I feel a lot crabbier when I don’t get enough exercise. This is complicated by the fact that I have 2 little kids and a weak lower back. But I am motivated to fit it in because of the mental benefits as well as physical reasons.
Kalie @ Pretend to Be Poor recently posted…Have You Planned For Your Funeral?
I think you’re giving too many fucks. http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck
Stop wasting your cares on things that are out of your control (someone cutting you off or driving poorly)! 😉
Sorry for the language but it’s perfect for this.
Chris @ Flipping A Dollar recently posted…Preparation – a little goes a long way
Wow…Im sorry to hear that your daughter went to a date with someone with a Truck Nutz. I hate those things and couldnt put it better – they are tools.
Its a common problem – where people have a verbal diarrhea — and usually are not self aware or are just plain narcissists. Its a part of development that seems to be missing from quite a bit of population and pains me to have a conversation with them. Some interesting books listed here – and the Seeking Wisdom sounds like an interesting one. I will have to add that to my wish list.
I am currently reading – “How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk”. My wife has owned this book before we met and talks about it often, so I already have the TL;DR version given to me, but it still seemed like an interesting book to read that I just started after staring at it on our bookshelf for years. It has some great reviews and the authors are very well respected in their fields. Another book by the same authors is “Siblings Without Rivalry” — again, recommended by my wife and sitting on our bookshelf, but havent read it yet.
Some of the points made are very on topic onto this post…where people do not listen and have no empathy and just go on a tangent and take a conversation. What I like about the book above is that it not only applies to children, but adults as well.
R2R
Roadmap2Retire recently posted…Recent Buy
Traffic circles?! They’re called roundabouts old chap! 🙂
I could name a few bad conversationalists I know! What’s worse is when they ask you a question which is only designed so they can instantly cut over your answer and start talking about the subject matter instead.
I’m not really in tune with my body I’m afraid. Always tired even though I try to eat healthy I don’t succeed (especially recently with 11 week old baby… convenience food wins out!). And again try to exercise but probably not regularly enough to keep me ticking over as well as i should be.
Sorry I couldn’t be much help on this one 🙂
I forgot to say we went to Moab once it was awesome! Didn’t take the cat though 😀
I came up with a great idea for this one. The Mutterboard (patent pending–not really I don’t have the technical skills). Essentially it is a digital marquee on your windshield that displays your mutterings to the other people on the road like these little gems,” nice blinkers, asshole.” And “get off my ads.” Apparently I use the word ads a lot when driving.
Anyway, your question. I am in tune with my body because it violently revolts against me whenever something is slightly off. So now I tiptoe around it as not to awake the beast.
Eww gross on ugly . Truck accessories.
Sometimes I’m in tune with it. I noticed when I was working night shift that I had a seriously short temper. So lack of sleep affects me.
But I’m sure I am not using my resources to the max.
The Roamer recently posted…Net worth update
I hate when I am too tired to sleep. Especially since I’m not a great sleeper anyway.
There was a girl in college who lost my friendship because she did not know how to have a conversation. I ran into her this weekend, and she has the exact same problem. I politely got out of her monologue. It bugs me when people don’t realize that other people are fascinating.
ZJ Thorne recently posted…Planning For a Graduate’s Future
Ha truck nutz! I’m thinking the baby Pooh brown on the right. Motivation for me comes from money. If I pay to sign up for a running race, bike race etc. Then I’m all in with motivation. The Leadville 100 running race is a good place to start 🙂
Tim and I are as bewildered by those truck nutz as you are. I didn’t know they had a name but I’ve seen them in PINK. That’s one sexy broad who can carry that, huh?
http://www.amazon.com/TruckNutzandBikerBallz-TN8PINK-Pink-Truck-Nutz/dp/B009RBVYR6
Your going 65 in the middle lane and the dusch bag infront of you is going like 55. You say fine, im going to pass them on the left. You speed up and notice they are also increasing their speed. You literally have to reach 90 before they finally give up. I never figured out if this was conscious behavior or unconscious. I sure as hell don’t do this. And the f’ing right lane is empty. MOVE OVER BEOTCH.
My biggest pet peeve on the road is when I’m going 5 mph over the speed limit in the left lane and a speed demon feels the need to tailgate me since they have to go 85 mph all the time. Must have somewhere important to be!
On another note, are you done with performance updates since you reached your goal? I’d still love to see them.
Hello Mr. and Mrs. 1500. It’s been a long time! First, I must say that one of those pictures looks like Dead Horse State Park which is so beautiful – a mini Grand Canyon. Oh, I bet you all hiked the heck out of the place. Wish we could swap stories. I would be a good listener/conversationalist!
Oh, and I love Thoreau’s Walden and Sam Harris’s Waking Up. Currently I am reading The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah Knight. Hysterical and helpful!
Being in tune with my body was never a priority until I was 34 and took an antibiotic that wrecked my body for a few years. Then I became seriously involved with feeling better and staying better. I do this by exercising daily and eating a plant-based diet. I am kind of a freak about it because I have been in a place that is very painful and never want to return. When CJ and I were hit by a car in March, I do feel that our exercise and healthy eating allowed us a faster recovery time. Had we still been the couch potato, burritos grandes eaters of our late 20s and early 30s, I fear we may not have healed in this way. Hope you’re all doing great!
Very pretty picture of Balanced Rock, has been a while since we been in that area (actually camped out in Arches and got some lunch in Moab). But it certainly left a lasting impression, very cool area to visit. By the way, your photography skills are pretty good!
As far as getting your body in tune with your head, just do it (or was that already patented?)
Team CF recently posted…Dutch Taxes – Part 6: Real Estate
My questions are: What are these Truck Nutz? Why do they exist? And why haven’t I seen them until now?
Elle @ New Graduate Finance recently posted…In A Funk
Beautiful photos! Makes me want to go out and explore the world, sometime sooner rather than later. But there are a lot of times I don’t listen to the hunger pangs of my body. It’s telling me that, no you don’t need half a gallon more of water, but actual nutritious food…
Amanda S @ Passionately Simple Life recently posted…When Temptation Strikes…
People, I am disappointed in the ideas here surrounding conversation. You seem to think is is a contest of some sort, and that your participation as a talker is critical to win. (Conversely, the other person’s listening skills are criticized; they fail to realize your brilliance as a speaker.)
Public speaking is a different matter, but conversation has only one goal–to learn from the other participant. (It is not to impart your wit or wisdom!) Even if the topic is cats eating at Taco Bell in Utah, just listen. Interact. Question the person. You might decide the conversation is not interesting to you, because of the topic or the person. But never think the conversation went poorly because the other person did not listen enough to you; that is 180 degrees wrong.