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WMD (Weapon Of Marital Destruction) In The 1500 Household?

March 28, 2019 by Mr. 1500 Days 21 Comments

I like my body pretty much the way it is. If I had to nitpick, I wish that I wasn’t so scrawny and it would be nice to have just a little cardio endurance, but I’m pretty healthy, so nothing to rightfully complain about.

My better half, Mrs. 1500, likes to decorate her body with piercings and tattoos. I knew this going into the deal (marriage) and was kinda indifferent. But now, I think of stuff like this in terms of money. So, when Mrs. 1500 says something like this:

I want another tattoo.

My first question is usually this:

Are you finally going to get some of my awesome dinosaur art tattooed on you?

Just kidding. Mrs. 1500 will never get a Pooposaurus Rex tattoo. #Sad.

So, my first question is really this:

How much will it cost?

If you’re a good tattoo artist, you can earn loads of money. And when I say loads, I mean a couple hundred an hour. Oof. For frugal people, this is difficult to swallow.

Another Solution

At dinner tonight, the topic of tattoos came up again. I jokingly said this:

Let’s see if Amazon has a home tattoo kit!

I didn’t really expect Amazon to sell such a thing, I assumed you’d have to get a license or jump through some regulatory hoops.

Nope. None of that! Here you go:

For only $21.99, you too can be a tattoo artist! What could possibly go wrong? Just look at this pic from the listing:

Wow, I’ll have to practice a little to get that good, but this is why butts were invented!

And there is even online support:

A teaching video! Yes!

Of course, there are some subtle warnings. but I’m a Man of Adventure and Mrs. 1500 is a Woman of Danger:

WMD (Weapon Of Marital Destruction)?

I ran this idea by Mrs. 1500 and I’m pretty sure she’s 100% behind it:

F*** NO!!! I’M NOT LETTING YOU GET ANYWHERE NEAR ME WITH THAT THING!!

Well, maybe not 100%, but she’ll come around.

One minor issue (probably the only one) may be that I’m a terrible artist. I can’t even draw a stick figure. My 9-year-old can draw better than me. Much better. But that’s OK, right? If Mrs. 1500 wants a big dragon and I botch it up, I’ll just turn it into an even bigger amoeba. This is what the pros do, right?

And good news for you too! The kit looks small enough too that I can pack it for the road. Who wants a tattoo at Camp FI or FinCon? Line forms to the right.

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Filed Under: Something Completely Different Tagged With: tattoo

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Mr. Tako says

    March 28, 2019 at 11:06 pm

    Maybe practice drawing your web comic for a few years and she’ll come around. 🙂

    This makes me wonder how tattoo artists get started in their craft. Do they just pick up the needle and ‘go at it’ on a customer for the very first time?

    Or do they get a home kit and practice on themselves? Hmm… me thinks this is going to be new side-hustle for you Carl.
    Mr. Tako recently posted…Defensive Stocks: A Investing Strategy For Mr. Market’s Bad MoodMy Profile

    Reply
    • Mrs. 1500 says

      March 29, 2019 at 7:34 am

      I ask the tattoo artist how they got started, when I am sitting in the chair. (It’s hours long, so what else do you have to talk about?) Many of them practiced on themselves or friends. One guy said Grapefruit, because it’s got the same feel as skin. IDK if he was pulling my leg or if that’s for real…
      Mrs. 1500 recently posted…WMD (Weapon Of Marital Destruction) In The 1500 Household?My Profile

      Reply
      • nadir says

        March 29, 2019 at 3:27 pm

        The fruit thing is real from what I’ve been told as well.
        Tattoos fade pretty quickly on certain areas of your body (bottom of your feet for example) and some people are willing to get a free amateur tattoo to help someone out.

        Do we get any info on what you’re looking to get?

        Reply
  2. Adam says

    March 29, 2019 at 6:52 am

    Tell you what: practice your bold fonts, and if you’re ever in DC I’ll buy you a beer to tattoo “VTSAX” on my —

    wait, no. I’ll buy you a beer NOT to do that.

    Reply
    • Mrs. 1500 says

      March 29, 2019 at 7:35 am

      A beer before the tat? What could possibly go wrong?

      Reply
    • Mr. 1500 Days says

      March 29, 2019 at 9:07 am

      It’s a done deal! No beer required! See you at FinCon!

      Reply
  3. freddy smidlap says

    March 29, 2019 at 7:01 am

    if i had a nickel for every time i heard “i’m not letting you anywhere near me with that thing….” i would be even richer. i got a question mark tattoo that came with a free bumper sticker that says “jeffrey dahmer says mike’s tattoos taste best.”
    freddy smidlap recently posted…How in the Hell Did I End Up Living in a Boarding House?My Profile

    Reply
    • Mr. 1500 Days says

      March 29, 2019 at 9:08 am

      Oh man, no comment!

      Reply
    • JRobi says

      March 29, 2019 at 7:08 pm

      you stole my line, hahahahahahaha…..

      Reply
    • Quique says

      April 6, 2019 at 7:52 pm

      Maybe I’m a total idiot, but I think I’d certainly let you give me my first tattoo….not even kidding.

      Reply
  4. Mr. Bo Dangles says

    March 29, 2019 at 7:09 am

    An amoeba tattoo 😂 Tattooing is probably a DIY thing that most people should skip over…
    Mr. Bo Dangles recently posted…Book Report: The 4-Hour Work WeekMy Profile

    Reply
    • Mr. 1500 Days says

      March 29, 2019 at 9:08 am

      Where is your sense of adventure?!??
      Mr. 1500 Days recently posted…WMD (Weapon Of Marital Destruction) In The 1500 Household?My Profile

      Reply
  5. Cathleen Cooks Stuff says

    March 29, 2019 at 11:44 am

    Well…finding alternatives is definitely a way to save money! Maybe when the “semipermanent” tattoo is finally approved by the FDA, thats a better (and probably safer and santi-tarier? …more sanitary way?).
    Tat’s cost alot, I have heard. I prefer to show off my awesomeness by just getting bruises every couple weeks. Used to be from martial arts…now its inflicted by a toddler. Then again, maybe tats are cheaper than a toddler.

    Reply
  6. Lisa Duke says

    March 29, 2019 at 1:56 pm

    My husband said, “China has a lot to answer for” and now is browsing Amazon’s collection of tattoo equipment.

    Reply
    • Mr. 1500 Days says

      March 29, 2019 at 3:20 pm

      Haha, but true!

      Reply
  7. wendy says

    March 29, 2019 at 3:56 pm

    Mindy, run away NOW – do not let that man anywhere near you with amateur sharp needles – we’ve seen the comic art that he’s been teasing for the next website.
    In the grand scheme of things, a tattoo is not even close to breaking your bank or noticeable in your budget so go for it and buy the Mr. some good beer to distract him
    🙂

    Reply
  8. John Massie says

    March 30, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    I think Dirty Harry said it best. A good man always knows his limitations!

    Reply
  9. Buckeyecub says

    March 30, 2019 at 8:44 pm

    Did you see Superstore this week? They kept adding to the tattoo to fix the mistake. It took up the whole back. I keep imagining you giving that type of tattoo to Mindy.

    Reply
  10. Pribi says

    April 1, 2019 at 7:47 am

    How do they really practice: https://ww3.foundshit.com/pictures/animals/pig-tattoos-04.jpg

    Reply
  11. Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life says

    April 2, 2019 at 6:50 pm

    You do the tattoos, I’m going to sit over here and watch.

    https://somethingpositive.net/sp10042018.shtml
    https://somethingpositive.net/sp10082018.shtml
    Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life recently posted…Money & Life Report: March 2019My Profile

    Reply
    • Mr. 1500 Days says

      April 2, 2019 at 9:49 pm

      Haha, what could possibly go wrong?!???

      Reply

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My goal was to build a portfolio of $1,000,000 by February of 2017; 1500 days from the birth of this blog (January 1, 2013). And hey look, I’ve since retired!

Investments only (primary home excluded)
1/1/13 (The Start): $586,043
1/1/14 (1 Yr Later): $869,635
1/1/15 (2 Yrs Later): $987,351
1/1/16 (3 Yrs Later): $1,057,961
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1/1/21 (8 Yrs Later): $3,379,746**
1/1/22 (9 Yrs Later): $4,762,642
1/1/23 (10 Yrs Later): $3,112,821

2023: Investments only
1/1: $3,112,821

Overall
2023 investment gains: $0
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Net worth***: $3,342,821

* The big jump between 2019 and 2020 was partly because we bought another home, but kept the previous (much more expensive) one as a rental. We have since sold it.

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*** Includes our primary home equity in addition to our investment portfolio.

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