1500 Days to Freedom

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WMD (Weapon Of Marital Destruction) In The 1500 Household?

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I like my body pretty much the way it is. If I had to nitpick, I wish that I wasn’t so scrawny and it would be nice to have just a little cardio endurance, but I’m pretty healthy, so nothing to rightfully complain about.

My better half, Mrs. 1500, likes to decorate her body with piercings and tattoos. I knew this going into the deal (marriage) and was kinda indifferent. But now, I think of stuff like this in terms of money. So, when Mrs. 1500 says something like this:

I want another tattoo.

My first question is usually this:

Are you finally going to get some of my awesome dinosaur art tattooed on you?

Just kidding. Mrs. 1500 will never get a Pooposaurus Rex tattoo. #Sad.

So, my first question is really this:

How much will it cost?

If you’re a good tattoo artist, you can earn loads of money. And when I say loads, I mean a couple hundred an hour. Oof. For frugal people, this is difficult to swallow.

Another Solution

At dinner tonight, the topic of tattoos came up again. I jokingly said this:

Let’s see if Amazon has a home tattoo kit!

I didn’t really expect Amazon to sell such a thing, I assumed you’d have to get a license or jump through some regulatory hoops.

Nope. None of that! Here you go:

For only $21.99, you too can be a tattoo artist! What could possibly go wrong? Just look at this pic from the listing:

Wow, I’ll have to practice a little to get that good, but this is why butts were invented!

And there is even online support:

A teaching video! Yes!

Of course, there are some subtle warnings. but I’m a Man of Adventure and Mrs. 1500 is a Woman of Danger:

WMD (Weapon Of Marital Destruction)?

I ran this idea by Mrs. 1500 and I’m pretty sure she’s 100% behind it:

F*** NO!!! I’M NOT LETTING YOU GET ANYWHERE NEAR ME WITH THAT THING!!

Well, maybe not 100%, but she’ll come around.

One minor issue (probably the only one) may be that I’m a terrible artist. I can’t even draw a stick figure. My 9-year-old can draw better than me. Much better. But that’s OK, right? If Mrs. 1500 wants a big dragon and I botch it up, I’ll just turn it into an even bigger amoeba. This is what the pros do, right?

And good news for you too! The kit looks small enough too that I can pack it for the road. Who wants a tattoo at Camp FI or FinCon? Line forms to the right.

Join the 10s who have signed up already!

Subscribing will improve your life in incredible ways*.

*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.

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Comments

  1. Maybe practice drawing your web comic for a few years and she’ll come around. 🙂

    This makes me wonder how tattoo artists get started in their craft. Do they just pick up the needle and ‘go at it’ on a customer for the very first time?

    Or do they get a home kit and practice on themselves? Hmm… me thinks this is going to be new side-hustle for you Carl.
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    Reply

      • The fruit thing is real from what I’ve been told as well.
        Tattoos fade pretty quickly on certain areas of your body (bottom of your feet for example) and some people are willing to get a free amateur tattoo to help someone out.

        Do we get any info on what you’re looking to get?

        Reply

  2. Tell you what: practice your bold fonts, and if you’re ever in DC I’ll buy you a beer to tattoo “VTSAX” on my —

    wait, no. I’ll buy you a beer NOT to do that.

    Reply

  5. Well…finding alternatives is definitely a way to save money! Maybe when the “semipermanent” tattoo is finally approved by the FDA, thats a better (and probably safer and santi-tarier? …more sanitary way?).
    Tat’s cost alot, I have heard. I prefer to show off my awesomeness by just getting bruises every couple weeks. Used to be from martial arts…now its inflicted by a toddler. Then again, maybe tats are cheaper than a toddler.

    Reply

  7. Mindy, run away NOW – do not let that man anywhere near you with amateur sharp needles – we’ve seen the comic art that he’s been teasing for the next website.
    In the grand scheme of things, a tattoo is not even close to breaking your bank or noticeable in your budget so go for it and buy the Mr. some good beer to distract him
    🙂

    Reply

  9. Did you see Superstore this week? They kept adding to the tattoo to fix the mistake. It took up the whole back. I keep imagining you giving that type of tattoo to Mindy.

    Reply

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