My main goal* was to build an investment and cash portfolio of $1,120,000* ($1,000,000 to retire on and $120,000 to pay off the house) in 1500 days**, starting from 1/1/2013 and ending in February of 2017. I made my goal in 2016, my 1500 Days are over, and I’ve left my job. In the interest of openness, I’ll continue to share my numbers.
Bidet Face Spray
Wooooow weee! I’ve been keeping busy lately!
I’m not a fan of grass here in arid Colorado, so I got rid of it all in favor of rocks. We’ll plant some water friendly plants soon, but for now, the yard looks like the surface of the moon:
I also gutted our master bath and rebuilt it. This was how it looked a couple of weeks ago:
And here we are now:
One nice thing about my bathroom design is that the throne now gets dedicated space complete with a pocket door:
But that’s not all! Have a gander:
Attentive readers will notice that my crapper is now equipped with an ass fountain; bidet to the layperson. I have never used one, but the device came highly recommended by a couple of friends (yes, this is what we talk about while hanging out). So I figured I’d give it a shot. A shot in the keister.
And I swear this conversation happened today between Mindy and me earlier today (Important note: Mindy is very, very suspicious of the bidet):
- Mindy (shouting): I NEED TOILET PAPER! IS ANYONE HOME?
- Me: I’m here and I’ll bring you some, but you know that I just installed the bidet. You should give it a try!
- Mindy: I’m NOT using that thing!!!
Moving on…
The bidet has a dial with that goes from something like 0 to Old Faithful Geyser. After installing it, I tentatively twisted the knob to the first level and a little water dribbled out.
Queue the ominous music…
I turned the knob to the next level and got sprayed in the face with the force of a garden house on the Jet setting. Sigh…
March Portfolio Performance
March was a great month. Our investments went from $3,716,852 to $3,861,599 for a gain of $144,747. Add in our $230,000 in home equity and we arrive at the Quadruple Comma Club:
2023 (as of 4/1/2023)
- Days elapsed: 89
- Investment gains: $748,778
Since the Start of The Experiment (1/1/2013)
- Days elapsed: 3,711
- Investment gains: $3,275,556
For Real This Time!
I quit me Real Job back in April of 2017 (6 years ago!). Then I signed on for more work by buying another house to fix up. And then I signed on for even more work by buying yet another house. I’m done! I won’t say that I won’t buy another place to work on at some point, but not anytime soon.
I overreacted to early retirement by not retiring at all. Now I need some Me Time.
No more projects!
More 1500 Days!!!
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*My goal wasn’t to have $1,120,000 at the end of 1500 days, but at any time before the day count was up. Why? It all goes back to the 4% Rule. Remember that our little friend, Mr. 4%, is nothing more than the most conservative safe withdrawal rate. Since my investment portfolio now sits at $1,550,000, I can spend about $62,000 in my first year of retirement.
**My original goal was $1,000,000 and no debt, I later raised the goal by $120,000 to $1,120,000 because I will have debt in the form of a mortgage and I firmly believe in not paying it off (LOOK at the MONEY I’m MAKING!). My compromise was to have enough money put away to cover the mortgage at the time of retirement.
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Maybe I am misunderstanding the term “Quadruple Comma Club”.
Three comma club is a billion dollars, four would be in the trillions am I missing something?
I know your remodeling adds value to your home, but unless you hit oil or gold redoing the landscaping I can’t see how you made it into the Quadruple Comma Club.
P.S Great work on the landscaping and bathroom remodeling looking good. I heard a lot of people starting getting bidets during the great toilet paper shortage of 2020 and will never go back.
Yes, the bidet is pure gold. Errr brown?!?? Ewe! I will never go back to using paper on my back.
I should have come up with a better term to express $4,000,000. 4x Double Comma Club?
I seen people call two million “Double membership in the double comma club” . Quadruple membership in the double comma club might be a workable term for four million.
Here’s the thing I don’t get about (most) bidets…I am not gonna drip dry.
Ya still need TP to dry off, don’t you? How much TP are we saving??
Yes, yes, I know there are some fancy bidets that will also blow dry, but not most standard ones…
Yep, you can’t drip dry unless you wanna stay in for an extra-long reading session. However I’ve found that if I hit the target, my TP needs for from 4-5 wipes to 1. Yay trees!
It’s so funny how in other countries, they use bidets and think Americans are gross for wiping when poo needs to be washed off, but most Americans are very particular about their toilet paper. Curious to find out how you guys warm up to it!
Gary!
Now that I’ve used one, I’m in agreement that TP is indeed gross! After all, you wouldn’t just wipe your hand with paper if you touched poop.
I LOVE the bidet! So much that I bought a second one for another toilet.
Very impressive! How much per year were you investing to reaching these numbers?
Bidets are awesome. Put one in last year and it has been close to life changing. I recently visited family at their place and I had to use TP like a prole; totally amazoning them a bidet and will install it myself.
I almost got the face spray once, but I dodged it matrix-style and it instead got my shirt, pants, and the shower curtain behind it. And this was AFTER the install instructions had a really funny “watch out for face spray” comic included. Derp!
Like the yard man.
Am I the only one now thinking of the TP bidet South Park episode? It was quite funny.
Haha, just saw that too! The struggle is real.