So never say never,
-Wax (Limousine)
The pain from the past makes the pleasure way better.
You gotta feel the lowest lows to get the highest highs,
Blow your nose, dry your eyes.
Open roads waiting and its time to drive,
Isn’t it scenic after?
7/17, 5:30am: I’m lying in bed thinking that I quit my job over 3 years ago and I completely missed the anniversary. My departure date was 4/13, so I blew it by more than three months. Usually, I remember milestones like this, but not this time. Oh well. Better I forget my Freedom Date than my wedding date:
Anyway, I like to reflect on life. Backtesting isn’t the right word, but I do like to contemplate big decisions.
FIRE Saved Our Asses
Folks like to talk about the upsides of FIRE:
- I’m going to Southeast Asia!
- We’re hiking the El Camino!!
- RV life!!!
But, FIRE’s underappreciated (and most important) value is realized when life throws some crap at you. 2020 has been an interesting year. And by interesting, I mean shitty.
Home School Hell
My routine was violently flogged when schools closed down. Mindy and I had never considered homeschooling our children. It isn’t for us. However, in late March, I became a teacher. It did not go well.
Our school provided no instruction, only assigning homework. It was up to the parent or parents to teach the material. Older Daughter did well. Younger Daughter fought us every step:
I’m at home! I’m not supposed to have school here!
I HATE Kahn Academy!
I want my real teacher!
It was one of the most tedious experiences of my life. On the worst day, it took 10 hours to complete 2 hours of work. Not good. While daughter’s attitude could have been better, I was most of the problem.
And, I can’t imagine how difficult the situation was when both parents worked.
Father Dies
In April, my father had a health issue that almost killed him. Earlier this month, it did. I took two spontaneous road trips to my family’s home in Las Vegas.
But I have nothing to complain about. Not having a job gave me the time to fight with teach (used in the loosest of terms) Younger Daughter. I also had the flexibility to support my family when my dad was ill.
When life is good, it’s great. But when it sucks, I’m thankful that I have the buffer of FIRE.
And hard times are part of life. People die, but we move on. A vaccine will come out eventually and the virus will be defeated. The shitty times make you appreciate the good ones that much more.
What Do You Do All Day?
-or-
Happiness
When I tell another person that I’m retired, they usually look at me with a confused look. And then the questions start. One of the most common ones is this:
What do you do all day?
That’s impossible to answer because every day is different.
I’m finishing up this deck now:
The Trex decking gets *&^%ing hot, so I’m building this fancy pergola for shade:
If the girls go back to school this fall, I’ll finish my basement finish which came to an abrupt end when COVID arrived.
What I’ve learned is that my happiness comes from building stuff and solving problems along the way. Some would refer to it by a foul, 4-letter word. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about:
work
Before I left my job, I loved building software (I just didn’t like all of the bureaucracy and time constraints around it). Now that I’m done, my challenges lie in the physical world:
- I’ve never built a deck before. Designing and building the fancy curved one was a lot of fun. Also, bending Trex for the curve was a PAIN IN THE ASS! But still rewarding. Except when I set the Trex on fire… FIRE >>> fire in most cases.
- The pergola I designed spans 25 feet. It was an excellent challenge.
- I’ve never finished a basement before. Loads of new skills to learn!
I have plenty more projects for our home to design and construct. And then I’ll be on to something else.
Happiness On FIRE
At the core, the premise of FIRE is the same for everyone:
Accumulate enough money so you can live life according to your own rules.
That may not be easy, but the mechanics are simple:
- Create a money surplus and invest it into index funds.
- When you can live off of 4% of your savings, you can leave your job.
The complicated part is figuring out what happens next. I call it Life 2.0. Money won’t solve happiness or fix much of what’s wrong in your life, but it can facilitate solutions. Successful Life 2.0 comes from a careful assessment of your values, experiments, and introspection to figure out what your meaningful work is.
And everyone is different. I’ve had a great time working on projects around the home. But a carpenter who wants to FIRE may hate what I’m doing:
That stuff was my job!
Finance is deeply personal. Mindy and I owned our home outright but took out a mortgage because we like to leverage debt. I find that most in the FIRE community hate this idea. I don’t think either stance is wrong. It just comes down to risk tolerance and living the life that allows you to sleep well.
FIRE is even more complicated than finance. The point of it is to live a better life than you would have had you stayed at your job. You’re trading money for time. But you better have something good to do with that new freedom.
Humans aren’t made to sit around all day. If I had the choice to go back to work or watch 8 hours of TV all day, I’d choose the former in a second. The core of my life now is work, but I choose my projects and execute them on my own schedule. Some of them will make money. Others won’t. When they make money, it’s a side benefit. The goal must be happiness.
Onward
So, the first 3 years (4/2017 – 4/2020) of FIRE were mostly great. The last couple of months have been shit*. Whatever. This is the rhythm of life above-ground; ups and downs. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Life goes on until it doesn’t.
Your goal should be to make the best use of your time. Plain and simple?
When you step off the normal path and start to forge your own path, there are some things you’ll have to figure out. Difficult and complicated.
But figuring it out is much of the fun.
I think my best days are still ahead though. I hope the same is true for you.
So never say never,
The pain from the past makes the pleasure way better.
*One more thing about my dad (I write this because maybe it can help you): My dad wasn’t always the easiest person to live with. As a child, I resented him because of his drinking. Living with someone who abuses alcohol is agonizing. But, he was a good person at the core. He taught me how to work with my hands and told me to treat the world right. But perhaps because of my resentment, I never felt like I had a close relationship with him. He wasn’t a touchy-feely kind of person either, so that didn’t help.
My dad was 72 when he died and I was 46. In 46 years of life, I never had a deep conversation with him and I regret that.
If that conversation would have happened, I would have asked him about some of the awful things he did. A simple apology would have gone a long way for both of us.
I would also have thanked him for the great things he did too. My life turned out pretty good and I owe much of that to him.
So long dad.
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*Only if your life is pretty bad to begin with.
” the buffer of FIRE” I love that term Carl! And thinking about my own situation being fully FIRE and semi-retired, it’s true that the bad times I’ve had in the past 3 years would have been way worse had I still been working full-time and not been financially independent. I have thought about that since COVID started and, man I’m grateful. Really sorry about your dad, but better times are coming!
Dave @ Accidental FIRE recently posted…Overconfident Teen Thinks Social Distancing Neighbor Just Playing Hard To Get
Thanks Dave.
And I’m sorry that I probably won’t see you this year. Stupid virus.
Great post!
Sorry about the loss of your dad.
Chris recently posted…Finding Your Ideal Retirement Location
Thanks Chris.
Sorry about your dad.
I found out this year I am a horrible teacher as well. We also found out more home schooling is in our future as schools are remote indefinitely. Bummer, time to suck it up.
Trex has been a wonderful investment. Along with POOL. I thought about buying both during to coronavirus dip, but no cash available.
sorry about your dad, carl. i had about that same kind of relationship and we just started to like each other when he died about 20 years ago.
i dig that trex decking and it has also been a helluva stock the past 5 years. i wouldn’t retire and do chemistry as a hobby but i would help people with anything financial because it was never paid drudgery called work. you’re got a positive attitude about all this and that should go a long ways. i hope your schools open back up.
freddy smidlap recently posted…2016 Review: Stock Reset – Taking Out the Trash
Trex! I had never looked at the stock. It is a pretty great product though.
I’m sorry your year has been so hard, and I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. A good friend of mine lost his dad last year somewhat unexpectedly, and part of the difficulty of dealing with the loss was due to the difficulty of the relationship. Grief is hard enough to deal with, but when you have regrets or past pain to deal with too, it just makes it harder. It sounds like you’ve been able to make at least some peace with the situation though.
When I “retired” from teaching to become a stay-at-home mom, people asked (and still ask) me what I do all the day, and I just laugh—I just tell them that if they spent their days with a 5-year-old, 2-year-old, and 8-month-old for a few days, they would figure out the answer to that pretty quick, and that it definitely doesn’t involve binge-watching Netflix and leisurely eating cake 🙂
Torrie, thank you for the kind note. Death sucks, but I wish we’d all talk about it more. It’s kind of like money, very taboo.
And full-time parenting! After doing it during COVID, I have all new respect for those who do it!
Reading this still stings, especially regarding that deep conversation. Thoughts with you and to your family.
My dad is still kicking, although also has been fighting increasing health issues for years (decades!). You gave me a little nudge to give him a ring today, thank you.
Keep fighting the good FIRE fight. Glad to see you out with a new post, too.
Chris@TTL recently posted…How Much Money Is Enough? Build the Life You Want, Then Save.
Thanks Chris for the nice comment.
Your description of life after FIRE makes it sound very attractive- not everyone will want to do what you do, but everyone would benefit from doing what they love to do. As for you dad, a friend of mine had been estranged from his dad for years, but reunited with him after having a sit-down talk right before his (my friend’s) wedding. About a year later, his dad passed away from cancer- so he was lucky to have that time back. They both knew they didn’t have much time, but sadly you probably didn’t, so missed your chance. This proves that time is the most precious resource.
It’s good to hear your friend had a chance to make peace.
And yeah, time is everything.
Sorry to hear about your dad. Similar situation here.
My condolences.
Thank you.
I used to think that Tin Ferriss was the ultimate time-hacker, but I now think it’s you, Carl. kepp up the great work.
Haha, I’m not Tim Ferriss! Thank you for the kind comment though!
Sorry to hear about your Dad’s passing away Carl.
I agree that FIRE doesn’t solve all problems but it at least provides us options to navigate life.
Financial Freedom Countdown recently posted…Stessa Review – Pros And Cons: How To Manage Rental Assets
Yep, options are what it’s all about.
Carl,
You sound resilient and you are figuring out Life 2.0. A level head and a support system go a long way and I think you have both. As others have said, financial independence sure helps.
The pace of your home remodel sounds natural and adaptive- work when you can, and take breaks when you must. I look forward to coming back to the front range and seeing the results of all your labor!
Medimentary recently posted…Health Care Disparities and the Social Determinants of Health: Part 1
Hey Medimentary! Colorado is lovely in the fall!
It’s hard closing the chapter of life with a parent when there are unresolved issues. I’ll always wonder what my mom thought about some things I’m encountering now and why she made some of the choices she did. I let go of some regrets but their ghosts linger because I’ll never resolve those issues with her. My condolences, again.
While FIRE is a ways off in the horizon for us, the goals I set ten years ago to be incredibly autonomous in my profession have been borne fruit and feel worth all those years of struggle to be able to manage our family through a pandemic in the best possible circumstances, all things considered. We couldn’t know the end results of a lot of our career moves but both of us are grateful that the choices we made let us be safe and home with our family and still working. Lots of luck and lots of deliberate moves, working in tandem. I’m grateful for that.
I wonder if those ghosts will ever go away? I’m thinking not. They’ll only die when I die.
Well, it certainly helped not having a job when school got canceled this spring. Being a teacher certainly wasn’t a job I wanted, but I’ll try my best.
I can’t imagine what parents with actual jobs must have had to live through. Tough times I’m sure.
While the hope of having a vaccine in the near future is definitely a good one, it may not be a simple on/off switch as many are indicating. For example, nobody knows if a variant of this thing will come back every year…. like the flu or the common cold.
That’s a scary thought. 🙁
Mr. Tako recently posted…Summer Is The Busy Season
I’m sorry for the loss of your Dad, but what a beautiful thing you did at the end of your post to attribute what you’ve become in part to him. That is a healthy and wonderful way of looking at our family relationships — we don’t choose family, and all of our experiences, good and bad, make us what we are. I have a large extended family and lived in a multi-generational household growing up, and it was noisy and plenty annoying, but having that connection was so formative, and I appreciate it even more now that sheltering in place means so much less connection.
PS. The deck looks amazing.
Caroline at Costa Rica FIRE recently posted…Using A HELOC For Investment Property
Thank you for the kind comment!
And I’ve always wanted to visit Costa Rica! Any chance you need a deck? 🙂
The deck is looking great! Excellent craftsmanship there sir
I’m with you too, when I can leave the job behind I love the problem solving and feeling of accomplishment I get from carpentry. Furniture, remodeling, decks, anything. bring it.
Bring it! Indeed.
Great post. Condolences on your Dad.
Thank you.
Sorry for your loss.
I’m closing in on 8 years of FIRE (last day chained to a desk was 5OCT2012). I’m more of the Peter Gibbons type than you. What would you do with a million dollars? Pfft. Nothing. I really do a lot of …. well, I’m sure it isn’t truly nothing but much of it is inconsequential. And I love it. Going with my father (who is still with me at 80 years young) to his dentist appointment this afternoon for second of two deep cleaning appointments. It’s good to go to dad’s appointments with him even if he drives me crazy (and his actual driving of the truck even more so). I don’t know how many years we will have left. Thanks for reminding me to cherish him.
Sorry about your dad, Carl.
I lost mine a little over four years ago, and my husband four years ago today. None of us are perfect and there are always things we could have done differently in hindsight. But, the good and the bad makes us who we are. Best to just accept and forgive.
Take care!
“But, the good and the bad makes us who we are. Best to just accept and forgive.”
Yep.
I think I mentioned it here before, but my relationship to my dad sounds very similar to yours, substitute a massive anger problem for alcoholism. My dad isn’t one for such conversations either. I don’t know if I want to have that conversation, but your comments about your regrets make me question that. Before my grandmother died I visited her in her nursing home and she gave me some insight into my dad’s childhood that helped explain a lot about why he was the way he was, and helped me empathize with him. I don’t think we bonded over the things he had wished we had as a kid, but good beer, bicycles and money (he was FIRE-ish most of his life and retired at 55) seemed to have become our bonding mechanisms. Maybe that’s enough.
Anyway, I appreciate you sharing this. It has made me think about my own situation too.
BC | FrugalWheels recently posted…The surprising benefits of embracing ignorance
Hey BC, I hope that we meet sometime soon to talk about all of this.
I don’t know much about my dad’s childhood, but I know that there were some bad things going on. Childhood trauma isn’t good.
Whatever you choose with your father, I hope you’re at peace with it.
Very tough to lose a loved one. Glad you were able to spend time with him before he passed.
Life is full of craziness and even more with a global pandemic, great to hear you are battling through. Cheers my friend!
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Glad to hear you are still hanging in there like the rest of us. I’m sorry for your loss. My parents divorced when I was 10. My father moved halfway around the world and my mother bitter from it all decided to stick it to him and cutoff all contact. I haven’t seen or spoken to my father in 15 years. Will I have regrets of not reaching out soon enough? He was a good father. I’m just afraid of reopening old wounds and getting hurt all over again. Just my 2 cents. I really enjoyed your journey to early retirement. Glad to hear you’ve made to 1500 days!
I hope My penny-pincher self can follow your footsteps. I’ve recently got into stocks. Not sure what I’m doing though!
Vivian! Wow, that’s a rough story. I’m sorry you went through it, but it sounds like you came out OK.
Stocks! Be careful there! I still have some, but almost all of my money goes to index funds these days. The Blogfather explains it all here: https://jlcollinsnh.com/stock-series/
The phrase “Your goal should be to make the best use of your time” hit me perfectly today. It’s been a crazy year this year (though nothing like yours) and I don’t think I’ve always made the best use of my time. That will provide good focus while the world stays crazy. Thanks.
“The Trex decking gets *&^%ing hot”! Having experienced the joy of Trex decking in the summer, my immediate thought when I saw your deck was, “Wow, he should’ve gone with the lightest color he could tolerate.”
On the serious side, like you, I was very fortunate to have FIRE’d the month before my mom wound up in the ICU after collapsing in her home in FL. My brothers were able to drive down from SC while I flew in from WA. She spent over 3 weeks in ICU and still needed to move to a long term care facility afterward (a long history of alcoholism, followed by an opioid addiction rendered her incapable of caring for herself). Neither brother could afford to take that much time off from work, though both of them would have. FIRE allowed me to not only help my mom, but also relieved the stress for my brothers. 3.5 years after I FIRE’d and this is still the one thing I’ve been most thankful for.
Trex! The pergola that I will almost finish today should take care of the heat.
“3.5 years after I FIRE’d and this is still the one thing I’ve been most thankful for.”
How great it was that you were able to be there for your mother.
I would love to learn how to build a desk someday. Both kids are currently at home and I am solely responsible for homeschooling them. My daughter is 4 and son is 8 years old. Homeschooling is HARD, in fact I think it is harder than working in a cubicle 9 hours a day. I have been doing it for almost half a year now and will probably continue doing so until the end of the year at least. My condolences to your dad.
ezdividends recently posted…Low growth vs High growth analogy
Oh, I’d much rather work in a cube than homeschool! I have an appreciation for teachers and stay-at-home parents that I never had before! Ugggh!!!
I’m sorry for the loss of your dad, & sorry for the loss of a chance to have a deep conversation with him. I’m sure he loved you in his own way, and you him. Not a touchy-feely guy – maybe you are breaking that by hugging Mindy & your girls every day, telling them that you love them. People really do need to hear that. So maybe you are getting a belated “gift” from him that you can pass on to your children & wife. Peace to you.
Thank you for your kind words. I have been breaking the trend by hugging the girls (not allowed at school drop-off by the way! 🙂 ).
Homeschooling kids is a tough job. I have had to do it for a few months now. What’s worse in my situation I have to keep doing in for the rest of this year.
ezdividends recently posted…Low growth vs High growth analogy
Sorry for your loss but great post