Last week, I posted about my lack of food discipline. I’m pretty good at restraint. Except for food. And I use “food” in the loosest of terms:
One comment from The Graying Saver got me thinking:
Halloween and Thanksgiving will be back, but if you cultivate discipline you will forever be free from having to climb the 20 pound hill.
More on that in a moment.
To Gift Or Not To Gift…
First, let’s get to last week’s question. Mrs. 1500 asked about gift practices. We don’t need anything, but some folks around us are insistent on giving gifts. In some cases, the practice has devolved into a gift card exchange where the recipients name the stores they shop at. It’s hollow and forced. It makes me want to throw up. And I’ve been unable to avoid it.
Here is what you had to say:
Reader Wade’s sentiments echo mine exactly:
I cannot wrap my head around adults giving gifts to other adults. Sending each other lists. Specifying colors and exact items.
I am fine with gifts for kids. I get it. Once you hit 21, the gifts should end. I am not popular for my opinions. I even said if you have to get me something to make you feel better, make it edible or drinkable and under $10.
Reader Jacq:
I went to local distilleries and got things for friends. I figure if they want to keep the bottle, that’s fine, otherwise it’s a consumable gift.
I like the idea of consumable stuff. **cough, cough, beer**
You can also agree to make a group donation to a worthy cause.
This is what we’ve done. Anyone who wishes to give us a gift can donate to a charity.
I like Mr. Crazy Kicks’ idea:
Finally one year we decided everyone was spending too much and ending up with a lot of stuff to donate/return. We came together and made a rule that any gifts need to be homemade. Our gifts went from being $100 gift certificates to stuff like pickled peppers from our garden.
Finally, Reader Ann had a dissenting opinion:
This whole thread is hard for me to read. One of my ‘love languages’ is giving gifts. I want the recipient to see the gift and that will let them know two things — that I know who they are and that I love them. I show that I know who they are because I’ve been listening to them and know what their hobbies are, what interests them, what they’d like, what they don’t like.
Thinking more about gift giving, I don’t disagree with the practice completely. If I see something that I know will be appreciated or is needed, I buy it regardless of the day. However, we’re all so fortunate, I find this to be exceedingly difficult. If I want something, I just buy it. Same goes for most around me.
If I had it my way, we’d all throw in a certain amount of dollars and take a nice vacation together. The greatest gift you can give me is your time. Or a Tesla. I wouldn’t turn down a Model 3.
Cultivating Discipline
I have a difficult time when it comes to food. Especially stuff like this:
On Sunday, I went to Costco and made the mistake of putting this in the cart (yes, I’m one of those 4 strange people who actually like fruitcake):
I went home and googled the calories in this sucka. Do you want to chance a guess?
Wait for it…
Almost there…
Here it is:
6,240!!!
What the hell do I do with it now? Maybe I’ll leave it in a field for the buzzards. Do buzzards life fruitcake?
Anyway…
I was talking to Michael from Uncommon Dream recently about diet and weight. We had both listened to a Tim Ferriss podcast where Dr. Rhonda Patrick discussed the benefits of time restricted eating (TRE). TRE is only consuming calories in a time window of 6 to 8 hours. Potential benefits include:
- less inflammation
- reduction of cancer and metabolic diseases
- longer lifespan
Who the hell knows if any of that stuff is true, but other evidence strongly suggests that TRE is a great way to lose weight. For light reading, see the NY Times. If you’re a hardcore science nerd like me, see this on cell.com.
I decided to give it a try.
My Experience With Time Restricted Eating
I eat my first meal no earlier than 10 am and dinner at 6 pm for a 16-hour fasting window. On some days, I wait until noon to eat for an 18-hour window.
I wake up between 5 and 6 am and my first hunger pangs hit me at about 8 am. Most of the time, I can push through and the hunger eventually subsides. Often, my hunger doesn’t come back and I find myself having to force myself to eat at noon.
The experiment has mostly worked out. I’m down 20 pounds and consume fewer calories. I don’t always have time to exercise, but I always have time to eat less.
I’m not perfect though.
Sometimes It Doesn’t Work (Cultivating Discipline)
There are days when I’m hungry at 8 am and can’t push through. About a month ago, I fell off the bandwagon and landed hard on my ass. After I dropped the girls off at school, I came home and ate 3 bowls of Honey Smacks. Three big bowls. Good, but not good. Not good at all.
That canceled out walking to school. And walking back. And pretty much any other physical activity for the day. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Go directly to the bathroom with an upset stomach, sit on the throne and reflect on your bad deed. Arrrgh.
TMI. I know. And I’m sorry. All of this on a Monday morning. Back to business. Anyone still here?
I try to pay attention to what affects my willpower and came up with the following:
- Sleep: If I’m tired, it’s very hard to stay on the right path.
- Stress: You can only handle so much. If my day is extremely stressful, I just don’t have it in me to fight off the Honey Smacks or Halloween candy.
- Recent behavior: I find the willpower begets willpower. If I’ve been strong in the morning, I can usually fight off urges for the rest of the day.
How About You?
Discipline is probably one of the most important life skills you can acquire. It made me wealthy. When I was younger and didn’t have a lot going on (no family, girlfriend, an unhealthy social life, and a normal, 8-hour work schedule), I’d come home and study programming languages until I went to bed. After 6 months of this, I got a fat promotion and permanently escaped the world of mainframe programming. It was nice to know you COBOL.
I continued working hard, made more money and BOOM; I had permanently escaped the world of formal work.
And we’re finally here. If anyone is still here.
How do you cultivate discipline? What do you do to fight off bad urges? How do you become mentally strong?
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For me, having a near-term, skin in the game goal helps to motivate me and keep me disciplined. If I want to get in better shape, I sign up and pay for a race that will challenge me (run, bike, etc.). The money spend helps me to feel committed and I start to align my actions (eating, training, sleeping) towards that goal.
On another side, if I want to finish a book, I check it out from the library. The due date and knowing I can’t have the book lying on my bedside table all year is a great motivation factor.
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I cultivate discipline by routines. I know they don’t work for everyone as many people feel too robotic when they get into a routine, but for me it works. I eat certain things on certain days, and I have my cycling days, my running days, and my weights days. I make it so I don’t have to think about it, the ‘events’ are predetermined.
Of course there are special days and events that force me to break the routine, but they’re so ingrained in me now I don’t have too much trouble getting right back on track.
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I’m also a suckah for sweets. It’s my biggest vice. Ugh. I’ve found that I have ZERO discipline when there are sweets in the house. I’ve had to take extreme measures: if I want sweets, I have to go buy them and eat them immediately, and not keep any of them in the house. That, or if I want sweets, I have to make them from scratch. It’s mostly worked. 😛
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I discovered the hard way this year just how much I need discipline in my life for things that aren’t immediately rewarding. Saving? Sure, it’s been a blast to watch our net worth shoot up $80k this year. Eating right? I really enjoy a fresh salad, prefer water or an occasional beer over soda, and (to my wife’s annoyance) I usually skip dessert. But exercise…
After suffering a bruised rib while mountain biking in September, I ceased the every-other-day running routine I’d successfully established in May. A couple weeks later I jogged two or three times and then ran a planned 5K. And I haven’t laced up the shoes in now a month. The excuses are many — it’s cold, I got to bed late, the $#@&! sun won’t come up for another @$%! hour, but the truth is I fell off the boat and haven’t managed to climb back on. 🙁
“The excuses are many — it’s cold, I got to bed late, the $#@&! sun won’t come up for another @$%! hour, but the truth is I fell off the boat and haven’t managed to climb back on.”
It’s easy to fall out of a routine. I know from experience!
It doesn’t always work for me but I try to imagine either how good it feels to feel good, or how bad it feels to feel bad. I NEVER feel good after eating salty snacks that sit on the counter at work. I get sluggish, bloated, and just generally feel bad about myself. It’s not a perfect science but it doe help somewhat. On a side note when it comes to diet, I never practice anything that I can’t keep up long-term. I usually just cut back (or add better stuff) at a slow pace so the habit becomes permanent. Anything harsh and short term can make you turn to 3 bowls of sugary cereal. Just a thought! 🙂
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I’m pretty bad with discipline when it comes to food. My biggest success is to avoid putting crap in my shopping cart. If I buy chips, soda, and other junk food, then it will get eaten. The first line of defense is the best.
Thankfully, I don’t have a huge problem with sweets. Junior brings home chocolate and candy all the time. I leave them for him for the most part…
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“Thankfully, I don’t have a huge problem with sweets. Junior brings home chocolate and candy all the time. I leave them for him for the most part…”
Teach me your secrets!
Self-discipline is something I have to say I’m generally good at. And the biggest motivation for that discipline is shame and guilt (not very positive I know). Food is one area where I still struggle with sometimes. I can be on a diet but lose the momentum the moment I see delicious food, especially if it’s free.
However, I managed to lose 40 lbs over 7.5 months and was pretty happy about it. I set my goals and guilt myself into following it. That’s how I cultivate my discipline >_<
I tend to use redirection on myself. If I find myself hungry I go play a video game or find work to do. Same with other urges. Boredom is the scourge of self control.
Interesting ideas around the eating. For me, it’s important to get a really solid breakfast in as soon as I wake up in the morning. Ideally something high in protein. In fact, in the 4 hour body,, Tim Ferris talks a lot about the importance of eating a high protein meal as soon as you wake. Seems like some potential contradiction based on what you heard in the podcast (but I haven’t listened to it, so who knows…)
As for discipline, I think like most behaviors, it is developed through practice, training, and repetition. I think starting small and slow is probably the way to build up to greater and greater levels of discipline. Fortunately for me, I think I started with a pretty good amount of baseline for whatever reason. Maybe some people just naturally have a bit more discipline than others?
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I’ve read the 4 Hour Body and the protein thing too. I think they both are valid and can coexist, but with different benefits. The high-protein breakfast will help you eat less just like TRE, but the latter may have benefits beyond weight loss.
When I was at the most stressful part of my career, I weighed over 30 lbs more than I do now. Trying to limit my food intake did nothing except make me even hungrier and more frustrated with the situation. For me the problem wasn’t how much I ate, it was what I ate. We used to have frozen pizzas, chips, and hot dogs laying around for snacking. Right now the only things in the house are veggies from our garden, meats from the farmers market, and a few ingredients like olive oil, Greek yogurt, nuts, eggs.
If I want a snack, my only options are to heat up soup, make some eggs, or have some yogurt. I eat as much as I want, when I want, and haven’t put on weight like I did back then.
As far as motivation to exercise, a routine helps, but it isn’t always easy for me to getting moving. I just know I don’t want to be in the same shape I was in before, and that means sucking it up. Once I start moving, I usually enjoy it 🙂
This takes me back to my competitive golfing days. The way I became mentally strong was by practicing quality repetition. What I mean is being mindful of the thoughts/ideas in order to improve anything, and then repeating those thoughts over and over until it becomes ingrained. In golf, that would be focusing on one or two things in my golf swing to create muscle memory so I can hit the ball further and more accurately. The best part is that this can be applied to any subject. With food it could be staying away from certain foods, having a predetermined set of meals during the days, or eating only during certain hours during the day, as you suggest. For me with money it was cutting back on items/services that didn’t provide any additional benefit. Quality repetition, as difficult as it is, will cultivate discipline over time.
I’d love to get myself to a state where I’m just on autopilot. For example, if I manage to stick to my 6 hour eating window for 3 months, I’m hoping that the hunger pangs go away or it gets easier to squash them.
I would think so. Just like the money habits of the veterans of the FIRE community…this stuff is just on pure autopilot. I remember reading somewhere that a habit takes about 21 days to break. Although I would be more curious how much longer it takes for a habit to go onto autopilot. Maybe the same? This hasn’t been my personal experience as it still requires daily effort, to different degrees as time passes.
I’m going to pay close attention and see if it gets easier. Maybe the real measure is if I can get myself to a healthy place and stay there.
Hmmm. As for food, we try to head it off at the point of attack. We just don’t buy it. Its way easier to skip the aisle in the store than stare at candy for weeks on end. I know Halloween etc, but it works most times.
As for activity its about routine that can be good or bad.. But it takes about two weeks then we reset and that becomes the new normal.
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I agree, but this one is difficult. The girls have lots of activities where they make stuff and bring it home. Also, our neighbor across the street is a gourmet chef and is always bringing stuff over. It doesn’t help that she makes some of the best stuff I’ve ever put in my mouth. Perhaps it’s all just a test…
I find visualising consequences helps a lot.
The consequence of eating that chocolate would be that you need to do more exercise to counteract the calories. Maybe ask yourself the question “So what?” every time you are questioning the discipline.
For example
“I want to eat these 4 bowls of cereal.”
So what?
“So it will cure my hunger pains but at the price of me feeling sick all day.”
So what?
“So I will break my own schedule and won’t be able to enjoy the rest of the day.”
So what?
“So I will waste a day.”
When you get down to it, you need to decide if the consequence is worth breaking the discipline. I found that almost always the answer is no. The discipline around the action is there for a reason.
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I like the way you think. To further your example:
So what?
“Do you want to be at an unhealthy weight which will do damage to your body?”
So what?
“Do you want to have a stroke or heart attack?”
No.
Have you heard of BJ Fogg & Tiny Habits?
http://tinyhabits.com/
Kind of a neat, data driven approach. I think you’d dig it.
I haven’t had a ton of success in the weight loss area per se. But I attribute that to my own failings in implementing a program rather than a problem with any particular system itself.
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Food discipline is hard. We all love to eat and it’s one of those primal things we really can’t turn off.
One of the biggest secrets of course is to not buy the junk food. Buy alternative snacks instead like nuts or celery or something.
It’s tough when there’s other people buying food too. In that case, some good old fashioned shaming might work — put a sign on the Honey Smacks that says “Don’t eat me Carl, I make you fat. You’ll regret it later.”
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I can’t help you with the discipline thing–how can financial discipline come so easy and diet/exercise discipline be so hard?
But I will chime in on the gift exchange. We have a perfect gift policy–if I see something perfect for a friend, i buy it and give it to them then. I don’t wait for Christmas or a birthday and I don’t stress if one of those occasions is coming and I have no gift. It has made our holidays far less stressful. And if that perfect thing is consumable, all the better.
Oh and I love fruitcake too! And beer, and donuts . . .
“I can’t help you with the discipline thing–how can financial discipline come so easy and diet/exercise discipline be so hard?”
This is a great comment and it exposes a deep flaw in me: How come I care so much about my finances, but not my health? My priorities are clearly out of order as nothing else matters if you don’t have your health.
Eating discipline is a lot like financial discipline. A lot of it comes down to tracking data and then DOING something about it. Not buying the new fancy gadget so you can max out the retirement account is a lot like not eating the candy bar (or tortilla chips in my case, nom, nom, more plz) so you can max out the my-good-health account.
I use the MyFitnessPal app to track daily calories in and calories out. It’s free and it’ll sync with various fitness trackers and such. However, for MFP to be effective, you have to track the truth regardless of how crummy reality feels sometimes. For a while, I was also tracking how certain foods made my body feel (bloated, gross, too much potty-time, etc.), but then I started getting tired of tracking so much.
On a weekly perspective, for the last month or so, I’ve been taking a picture of the groceries we buy and tracking how much we’re spending on meat, dairy, fresh fruits & veggies, processed crap, etc. This is of course easier if you’re the one doing the grocery shopping. If you buy it, you’re probably gonna eat it, so this is a great way to take a step back to see what kind of food you’re bringing into the house to see if it’s at all worthwhile stuff.
I’ve been using the FitBit app which I find helpful. This is a great tip.
I laughed heartily about your fruitcake conundrum because I have a list of 20 answers for you. We had our outdoor themed white elephant gift exchange with my Colorado family on Saturday and I got a fruitcake. To make it outdoor themed, my cousin’s husband helpfully dreamed up a hilarious list of 20 ways to use a fruitcake outdoors. His list included such gems as:
– Drill a few holes in some slices, add some straps, and you have a new pair of sandals
– Have a boring walkway or sidewalk? Use as a substitute for sidewalk chalk.
– With a little bit of tinkering, you can replace lawnmower blades or make a grinding wheel.
The entire list was priceless. I’ll Tweet you a copy for your amusement.
Have you ever considered a starch based, whole food, plant based diet? Google Dr. McDougall. If you eat enough potatoes/rice/quinoa/legumes you don’t have room for junk. You’re just plain too full! The cravings subside. You lose weight. And did I mention, you can eat as much as you want. Honestly, I’ve NEVER felt better!
Before you brush it off, look at his website. And it’s definitely a frugal option!
You should read The Plant Paradox(Dr. Gundry) and research fat adaption. When you switch your body from burning glucose for fuel to burning fat you won’t get the hunger pangs. The author recommends eating in small window too, but once you adapt by eating the proper foods you just feel like your stomach is shriveled up when you haven’t eaten in a while instead of feeling like you’re dying;) He also talks about which healthy foods actually hurt our bodies. It’s a very interesting read.
Thanks! And yeah, I’ve heard of those diets before. I think Tim Ferriss calls them ketogenic diets. I may try it after the year turns over.
I think repetition is the thing for me. I need some scheduling. When I first started in my career I was extremely disciplined in my writing. I guarded my time and was extremely productive. However, it was a means for me to cope with some personal relationship issues. Now I am much more undisciplined with my writing, but I find that I am still productive. Part of it was because it made me pretty fast at what I do. I can pump something out pretty quickly. So I think repetition and guarding your time. Do it jealously.
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Maintaining discipline can be difficult. A few items you highlighted do work at times for me. But I’ve found I need to combine different efforts and benefits into a common goal/activity.
I joined Orangetheory Fitness for this reason because:
(1) the workouts are challenging and effective
(2) you’re automatically able to track calories, heart rate, and levels of intensity
(3) it’s not cheap so you’re motivated to go more often to reduce your cost per class
(4) if you cancel within 8 hours of a class or don’t show up to class, you’re charged $14 – another motivation to go.
Related:
https://www.balanceddividends.com/why-i-spend-2148-a-year-on-oranges/
Regarding food and drinks, this can often be challenging as well. The fight doesn’t begin at home though – it typically begins at the store. Don’t buy certain things in the first place. If you’re eating out, review the menu before you go. Not online? Think about what you’d like and be mindful of portion sizes.
The occasional splurge is fine, but think of you calories in a day as a bank account balance that you’re looking to maintain or target a specific balance. Worked out more today? Great, consume more calories. Skipped a workout? No problem, eat something with fewer calories.
There is no right or single answer. It’s all about finding your balance – and it’s never ending. It’s a lifestyle. Congrats on your continued progress.
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Good tips. I’ve thought about joining some kind of formal gym and may do that if I hit a wall. The main reason I work out at home now (including running around the neighborhood) is that I’m trying to keep things simple. I don’t need any more complication in my life at the moment.
First time poster, long time reader.
You should check out Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s work on nutritional science. Follow the G-BOMBS rule (greens, beans, onions, mushrooms, berries, seeds), keep animal products below 10% of daily calories, and avoid all oils (olive oil, sesame oil, etc). By significantly optimizing the quality of your nutrition, your body will stop having toxic hunger cravings, which will help you lose weight permanently. Additionally, you will reduce your chances of developing cancer, heart disease, autoimmune disease, etc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXMzWkzqkao
https://www.amazon.com/End-Dieting-How-Live-Life/dp/0062249339/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1512568681&sr=8-1&keywords=end+of+dieting
Other good doctors to look up are Dean Ornish, Neal Barnard, Caldwell Esselstyn, and Michael Greger.
I like this. It has always seemed me that vegetables and fruits are the way to go. It’s way less burden on the environment as well…
Sweet and salty foods are my weakness as well.
To cultivate discipline, the best technique I have found is to focus on what I can control (me is usually the answer). I know if I buy these snack foods or go to a place where there will be a lot of junk food, I’m probably going to have a breakdown and eat everything in sight. Therefore, I don’t do the grocery shopping and my wife knows not to buy my kryptonite foods (just writing this has me craving a big freaking bag of chips). Also, we try to keep social gatherings to one or two nights a week. They become our cheat days.
A book that helped to frame a lot of this for me was “The One Thing” by Gary Keller. It was one of the first reads I came across where the author stated that we all have a diminishing amount of discipline as the day goes on. Rather than fight this, realize it and use it to our advantage (get the hard things out of the way first).
Best of luck – In my experience t’s a never-ending battle especially during this time of year!
When he doesn’t want me to eat something TERRIBLE for me, my husband just cuts straight to the worst answer: Do you WANT to die young?
And then I point out I’m only going to have two bites which is 1/3 of a serving size so it’s totally fine. Then I have to eat only two bites because I can’t be a liar, now, can I?
I kid but generally I make it a habit of looking at things in many many small serving sizes, and then I set a hard limit on how many servings I can have. Those servings go with me, and the rest of them go back in the cabinet. This plays to my laziness – once I sit down to work, I don’t want to get back up again for another candy bar. I’ll eat what I have and stop there. Play to your strengths! 😉
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Hello Mr. 1500 Days.
I understand that forming a good and useful habit is a difficult thing for everyone. But for tried to form a good habit, very difficult but I tried a lot every day and gradually formed good habits. I eat healthy things with a diet high in vegetables and meat, running, cycling alternating on weekdays and it’s great I had an ideal body after 3 months of training.
However, I think you do not need to follow too mechanically, as it will cause your body to become stressed sometimes while breaking the habit a few times on important occasions as well.
I’m happy to say that I’m more on the healthy than unhealthy side of the lifestyle spectrum but can always improve! With all the various “diet” options out there, I try to stick with things that seem reasonable to maintain long term. I find that I usually change a habit or 2 with each “diet” and over time it has helped my cravings and desires change to maintain a more healthy view on nutrition (though I had a GINORMOUS piece of red velvet peppermint cake yesterday…..and it was delicious…..but you can refer to your Monday morning for the results of that choice!)
As a person who struggles going 90 minutes without consuming some kind of calories, I did some brief research on intermittent fasting, or TRE, specifically due to the natural liver detox it provides. I found that women often need supplements on this type of eating pattern simply because our hormones are different and while we have obviously evolved, there is still the old old basis of our set up to bring life into the world and how our bodies handle that and while you obviously wouldn’t ever suggest a pregnant woman go that amount of time without food, it can cause some weird changes in a non-prego body (just saying for women to do their research because there are obvious benefits to the style of eating too!)
Prayer is the first action step in building discipline in you again.
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This all sounds so familiar. If the day isn’t optimal, all I’m thinking is CANDY! Candy doesn’t solve my problems, most of which are self-induced. Argh!
I’ve been working hard on this lately and I think the best defense is to say I just don’t eat [fill in the blank] anymore, not even on cheat days. In fact, I don’t even have cheat days. I focus on doing the same thing, day in and day out. I’m not perfect, but I feel a whole lot better without refined carbs and that makes it worthwhile for me to stick with.